What if?

My son has been reflecting on how life might have been different if... If we had moved to Roanoke, VA instead of Clayton, NC. If we had not begun piano lessons. If he wasn't involved in such a lifegiving, challenging, next generation loving church. If he wasn't part of the best high school band in the land. He's 15 going on 50!

I wonder sometimes about "what if." What if I my faith were stronger when I was a practicing attorney? Would victims of crime have been more impacted by me than just "getting justice"? What if we had not adopted our youngest? What would her life be like today? What if we did not have the opportunity to homeschool? Would our son, who has worked so hard to overcome some challenges, have been understood by the public school system?

Sometimes, I look at my "what if's" and am thankful that we made the choices we did, especially when it comes to our daughter's adoption and our son's homeschooling. Neither of these has been "easy." They involve(d) financial sacrifice, emotional sacrifice, and lots and lots of prayer as we walk(ed) by faith. I look back on other things, my years as a prosecutor, my mistakes as a parent, and my battles with depression in particular, and I regret missed opportunities and lost time. Not often, but sometimes.

Looking back, wondering "what if," is not how God wants us to live this life. Yesterday is done and gone. Today is here. Today is what matters. Paul writes in Phil. 3:13-14, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." To live the life God intends, I must let go of the past, and not waste today regretting yesterday. To live the life God intends, I should be thankful for the experiences He has brought me through, rejoice in the lessons learned (even through the school of hard knocks), and press on toward the goal - which is the life He has prepared for me to live.

My son's wondering about the past is, in part, his amazement at the life he gets to live. He has even thanked us for praying over where to live and where to go to church. When I find myself looking back and wondering "what if," I hope I'll land in that same place - amazed at the journey that God allows me to live.