Peace, from Mother Theresa

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Our home is filled with love and joy. But peace? Not so much. With three chidren, all who have different interests and unique personalities, our house is definitely not peaceful - at least, until they're all in bed.

Perhaps your home is filled with noise, "passionate discussions," chaos and craziness like ours. Or maybe your family is in chaos because you're going through a divorce. Or because you've just received a devastating medical diagnosis. Or simply because the people you work with seem to enjoy stirring up trouble. In these economic times, the stress can run high.

Yet, Jesus said, "my peace I give you." What is this peace? How can I have it? Really, when the kids fight, when the checkbook won't balance, when my coworkers drive me crazy - how can I have this kind of peace?

Mother Theresa, at the 1994 National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C. shared, "He came not to give the peace of the world which is only that we don't bother each other. He came to give the peace of heart which comes from loving - from doing good to others.

"And God loved the world so much that He gave His son - it was a giving... Jesus also died on the Cross to show that greater love. He died for you and for me, and for the leper and for that man dying of hunger and that naked person lying in the street, no only of Calcutta, but of Africa, and everywhere ... and He tells us that we also have to give whatever it takes to do good to one another. And in the Gospel Jesus says very clearly: 'Love as I have loved you.'


"It is not enough for us to say: "I love God," but I also have to love my neighbor. St. John says that you are a liar if you say you love God and you don't love your neighbor. How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so it is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise, there is not true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me." (emphasis mine)


Of course, Mother Theresa spoke of the orphans and unborn, to whom she had dedicated her entire life. But, her words apply equally to us all. When we love others as Jesus loves us, then His Peace, His Godly peace, dwells in us.


When the kids tear up each other and the house, do we respond in love? Or do we scream, responding in anger that they behave this way? Do we allow the interruption in our own lives, teaching them the right way to handle disputes or just pretend the noise isn't there?


Faced with a heartbreaking divorce or a devastating health report, what do we choose? To love anyway, in spite of horrible circumstances? To love others, in spite of ourselves. Or do we crawl under a rock and suffer. The first happens in God's strength and leads to peace, supernatural peace. Withdrawing from the world, not so much.


What about those obnoxious co-workers? Do we give in to the gossip? the game-playing? the ego? Or, do we live differently? We can guard our tongue, speaking only in honor and respect, never gossiping. We can apologize when we mess up and forgive quickly when others make mistakes.


Dear God, I crave your peace. Let my life be an extension of your love. Forgive me when I stumble. Help me get back up and live with love for you and this world you gave us. Amen.

Filled with Fruit... and Vegetables

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

I tend to consider the fruit of the spirit as a laundry list of traits I should have. How am I doing on love? Pretty good, I'm feeling loving toward the people in "my world" today. Have I been kind today? Sure. I let the lady with only two items go ahead of me in the grocery store line. Yea, ME!

In life we try to make good choices. We encourage our kids to share, use nice words, forgive, to respect and obey. As adults, we are put off by rudeness. Have you ever grumbled to your spouse or a close friend about the crazy driver you encountered on the highway? Have you ever complained about your unreasonable boss? (Of course, we never grumble about our families!)

Looking at this passage, though, I wonder if Paul wrote a list of traits to strive toward. Reading the entire section, Galatians 5:16-26, it seems he is asking us NOT to live by the flesh, but instead to live in the strength of the Holy Spirit.

The acts of the sinful nature (v. 19-21) are separate and distinct. Each one results from a choice we make in our own strength. These acts, sexual immorality, idolatry, hatred, envy, fits of rage, etc., can happen independently. We can give in to a fit of rage without envy. I know, I've raged at my kids without an ounce of envy on more than one occasion.

Verses 22 and 23, though, flow from love in the power of the Holy Spirit. One grows as the others do. The "fruit" of the spirit is not a menu from which we pick and choose. Rather, they are the distinct elements of love that come from our personal relationship with Jesus. As we grow in love for Him, the outward extension of that love IS the fruit of the spirit... all the traits, not just one or two.

This morning, my husband and I discovered that one of our children has been using the drawer in the kitchen table as a "doggie bag." If we had a dog, this child would have fed vegetables to him under the table whenever we weren't looking. We aren't sure how long this has been going on, but we found a few dried up, shriveled green beans in the mix. We discovered it only because, today, this child decided to pour milk into the drawer.

Clearly, this was a moment that could send me into a fit of rage! Yet, it didn't. I set the child down out of the way. We cleaned out the drawer - ICK! Gently, we explained that food does not get hidden in the drawer (without sarcasm). We doled out the discipline, calmly. We continued on our day.

What's different? Why did I stay calm in a situation that typically would make me, human me, so frustrated? Simply put, as my relationship with Jesus grows, so does the outward expression of that relationship. He fills me with His love. I am changing, not because of me, but because of his great love for me. The more I get to know God, the more His Spirit fills me. The more filled I am, the more that Spirit overflows into my relationships.

Verse 16 explains it: "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Live in relationship with God. Read His Word. Pray. Ask Him to smooth the rough edges. Trust. Love. His Spirit - love - grows inside you, and you have no choice. The fruit just oozes out.

The milk had no choice. It filled the drawer and oozed out the cracks. That milk revealed the rottenness hiding inside. Likewise, because I am walking close to God, the Spirit of patience, peace, love, kindness, gentleness, and self-control had no choice. This "fruit of the spirit" oozed out because of what is hiding inside - my love for my Savior and my desire to grow more like Him each and every day.

Each of us must choose. Will we walk in our own strength - oozing milk and rottenness? Or, will we fill our hearts with the love of God - oozing His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control?

Dear God, You are amazing! You knew we needed the Holy Spirit. Thank you for giving us Your Holy Spirit to guide us. Forgive me for all those times I ignore that nudging to live in love. Thank you for filling me with the fruit of your love. May your love overflow from my heart to touch others. Amen

How may I serve you?

Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Matthew 20:26-28

A southern restaurant chain trains its employees to ask, "How may I serve you?" Management is always present, coaching these employees to treat customers well. This respect from the higher ups to the lowest tier of staff reflects on the customer. For customers, it is truly worth the drive to be treated so well. It's definitely nicer than the grunt or glare often offered by other establishments.

What if we all chose to treat others this way? And when I say all, I mean all: husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, friends, employers and employees, students and teachers.

Last night, our family had another of those crazy nights. One son had to be here the exact same time the other one had to be there (both 20 minutes from home and in opposite directions). Our little one was ready for bed. We needed milk. And I had a meeting. To make it happen, my husband and I kept track by cell, adjusting on the fly.

I called him yet again (football practice might be canceled because of rain... adjustment number seventy-three, or so it seemed). He picked up on the second ring and asked lightly, "How may I serve you?"

In that moment, the schedule chaos melted away. I smiled. Then I filled him in on the football dilemma and we said our good-byes. But the feeling lingered all through the evening.

"How may I serve you?" What if we all carried this attitude? What if, when a meeting goes bad, rather than push our own agenda, we chose to inquire, "How can I make this happen for you?" What if, when our kids throw a tantrum, instead of growing frustrated, we asked, "How can I help you get through this?" What if we honored one another, putting their needs ahead of ours?

Today, dear God, help me to live like Jesus. Help me remember that just as He came to serve, I can serve. It's not about me!

Questions for Jesus

The kids and I have been talking about questions they'd like answered when they get to heaven.

1. Jesus, is your birthday really December 25th?

2. God, is Ellie's birthday really June 19th?

3. Why couldn't vegetables taste like chocolate and chocolate taste like vegetables? Then we wouldn't get in trouble for not eating our veggies! And we wouldn't want so much dessert.

4. Why couldn't the football team we cheer for (first the Cleveland Browns and then the Carolina Panthers) ever figure out how to win? (Not me... Ben)

5. Why black widows? They are the most terrifying creature on the planet!

What else should we ask when we get to heaven? Will we even care once we get there? :)

Purpose, Purpose, Purpose

Last year, my son learned the four types of sentences from this little chant:

Purpose, purpose, purpose. What is the purpose?

Declarative (.), Interrogative (?), Imperative (command), and Exclamatory (!).

It swirls through my head when I blog... not so I structure my sentences properly, but because every time I post, I wonder, "What's the purpose of this blog? Or, of this post?" I enjoy writing, but I can do that in a journal just as easily. In fact, I keep a journal... those are my thoughts for me. No one else has to read it. So, why blog?

I blog because:

• God gave me a passion to write.
• God gave me a passion to teach, build up, raise up and encourage.
• God gave me three very unique children... They represent every kind of kid imaginable. One is a "genius," so say his test scores (yet... he doesn't understand that dressers are for clothes and chairs are for sitting). One has difficulty with academics, due to a "learning difference." And one is outrageously typical, which to me is atypical!
• God gave me two boys and one girl, testosterone and estrogen, and the chaos they throw my way.
• God gave me biological kids and the child of our hearts, adopted from China.
• God gave me the opportunity to homeschool and the experiences of sending kids to public school - we do them both.
• God gave me an incredible husband, church, and friends to challenge me and hold me accountable. Yet, He has allowed me to experience loneliness and its pain.
• God gave me time. Time to teach, time to listen, time to share, and time to grow.

I hope when you read my blog that God gives you:

• passion: to grow, challenge yourself, and share your experiences, too. (We learn through each other so much quicker than when we go it alone).
• comfort: that you are not the only one who thinks this, wonders that, wishes the other!
• joy: life is too short to despair, no matter how difficult the circumstances!
• encouragement: to keep going no matter what obstacles you must overcome.
• clarity: His Word is my inspiration. I may not quote verses in every post, but when I share, the words come from my heart - shaped and molded by His Precious Word! I pray that YOU will find answers to your questions, hope in your despair, love in the darkness as the love of God flows through me to touch you.

I pray that God will be with each of us as we journey through this life together. Friend in person or friend by blog, I am thankful you are here. I pray that God will use this little bit of web space to make a difference, for us both. In the love of Christ, I pray. Amen

Discoveries

Homeschooling sometimes gets to me. There, I said it. Some days, I want to whine, "I don't wanna go to school today." Occasionally, I see the neighborhood kids getting on the school bus and I wonder what I would do with a whole day to myself. No kids underfoot, no squabbles, no frustrations, no complaints. Peace and quiet. I wonder...

Yesterday, Ben figured out how to spell discipline, without my help and without a dictionary. Discipline has a silent-c. The vowels all make the "soft vowel" sound, so it shouldn't end in silent-e. The spelling rule is clear: when a vowel says its name, add a silent-e. Yet, somehow, he figured it out.

Last night, while waiting on Nathan to finish rehearsal, Ellie managed to capture a ladybug that rode along with us. Just last week we read all about ladybugs. They have two sets of wings. The hard, protective outer wings that lift away, kind of like a convertible hardtop. The enormous underwings unfold so the bug can fly. As the bug crawled up her hand, she pointed out all the parts she could see. She studied its spots. She wondered about its scientific name. She is only five.

As I write this, the laundry sits in folded piles beside me, somehow never making it to dresser drawers last night. Beakers and glasses clutter the end of the kitchen counter, filled with liquid in several different hues (a "science experiment" the kids dreamed up to study color combinations with food coloring and water). The coffee table is stacked high with Latin, geography, science and a rough draft: all Ben's work I had to grade last night, now waiting for him this morning.

The school bus just pulled away, loaded up with the neighbor kids, but I think I'll choose to be content with what I have here. After all, I get the front row seat as my kids make new discoveries. Soon enough, they'll have families of their own. And then, I'll have more quiet time than I want.

Psalm 46

I'm not quick to choose a favorite Bible verse or book. I love the whole thing, Genesis to Revelation... Though I admit I still find the last pages a bit hard to read. One that really speaks to me, at least right now, is Psalm 46. This beautiful Psalm reminds me that no matter what I face, God is greater.

It starts: "God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore, I will not fear..." (Ps. 46:1-2, NKJV).

God is my strength, here to help when I'm in trouble. That means even the trivial trouble, like when I can't find the car keys and the dentist appointment is in ten minutes and I'm about to lose my cool. Stop. Pray. Ask for help. Listen. Car keys found.

God is my strength, and I will not fear. That means even when my son's fever jumps to 104 after already being sick for a week. Who better than the Great Physician (that's no slam on my husband the physician, either... he is a wonderful, compassionate, caring doctor. But he and I both know his skill is nothing compared to God's) to run to when I am afraid?

It ends: "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exhalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge." (Ps. 46:10-11, NKJV).

Be still and know that I am God. Stop. Pray. Ask for help. Listen.

I (God) will be exalted in the earth. Back to that strength again... Who else but God can be exalted over all the earth?

The God of Jacob is our refuge. Stop for a minute. Let that last one sink in. THE GOD, who is, was, and always will be. Jacob's God. Jonah's God. Paul's God. He never left them. He will never leave us. He alone is our refuge. No matter what.

Then there's the in between part, verses 3-9.

God is God, even when the waters are troubled.

God is God, even when the mountains shake.

God is God, even when the nations rage, and kingdoms move.

Sound a little familiar? Terrorist attacks, devastating floods, rampant forest fires, and yes, even wars between the nations, are nothing compared to God. Why be afraid? God is God. Our refuge. No matter what.

Thank you, God, for being You.

Anchors Aweigh

Last night, I spent some quality time with a friend. We talked, we laughed, we discovered... in no particular order.

Have you ever looked at your friendships as a boat? Me neither, until last night. As we were talking, I blurted out, "It's kind of like you're an anchor or a... a... a... motor!" At first, we laughed at how hard I struggled to come up with my masterful metaphor. Then it sank in. We realized it's true.

Ephesians 4:14-16 says, "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

In this life, we are either tethered to the bottom by an anchor, not growing or stretching, tossed about by everything that life throws at us OR we are the motor, pushing through the storm to get to where we are going.

"Anchors" don't grow. Stuck in place, the storms of life beat them down, and anyone anchored with them gets beaten up, too. They can't push forward in ministry, because they aren't moving anywhere. So instead, their anchored position sucks the momentum out of the whole team. They drag others down in their storm beaten boat. A ministry dies.

"Motors" grow. The whole purpose of the motor is to propel the boat forward - powering the boat and its passengers to their destination. Imagine motor living, your life filled with an energy that can't be stopped. The holy spirit filling you with a passion, a drive, to get where you're supposed to go. Imagine a motored ministry. All the people on the team, pushing forward, gaining momentum through serving God together in unity. A ministry constantly gaining ground for the cause of Christ.

So, what are we going to be? Anchors or motors?

Dear Lord, my prayer today is simple. Let me be a motor. Amen

It's not about whether you win or lose...

...It's how you play the game. So true.

We have one life to live. One opportunity to make a difference. One chance to impact the generation that follows.

Ben's football game this past weekend was a bit lopsided. Lopsided is an understatement. These kids did not play "on a level playing field" in any way. The final score, us 41 - them 0, reflected that imbalance. The game illustrated, all to clearly, how significantly one generation impacts the next.

Our coaches prepared our kids for the game, and it showed on the field. Yet, they prepared the boys for so much more. And that's what really stood out Saturday night.

The team, as always, respected the coaching staff and other players. Our coaches don't give them any other option. The starters, who didn't get much playing time, didn't complain. Our boys didn't celebrate repeated touchdowns, but just did what they were trained to do, with class and dignity. A couple times, they lined up off-sides, instructed by the coaches, just to give the other guys a break. They played hard, but they didn't play mean. After the game, they didn't revel in the big shutout (even though an opponent a couple weeks earlier went crazy after shutting our team out). Rather, they learned to be considerate, kind, and respectful - important values for any generation.

Our kids' experience contrasts so vividly with what the other team learned. Throughout the game, their coach yelled and screamed. Not encouragement or correction, either, but mean words to tear kids down. Partway through the third quarter, after another failed drive, the coach came onto the field and ordered his players to drop and give him 20 push ups. Right there, in the middle of the field with the clock ticking down. My stomach knotted in pain for their humiliation before their peers. The referees then addressed something with the coach, and he ran across the field, cussing them out. Again in front of both teams. He got ejected from the game, handling that poorly as well.

How could two groups of kids, playing the same game in the same league, have such different experiences? After all, coaching football involves the same three elements, no matter where you play: conditioning, learning plays, learning technique. Everyday life throws in the intangibles: character, perseverance, honor, and respect. It's up to each coach how much of that to teach.

My heart still breaks for the other team. They didn't get much coaching, and they certainly didn't learn how to live life, not a valuable one anyway. Where will those guys end up? Growing up is already so hard. Why does their "coach" insist on making it so much harder?

How about me? Or you? What obstacles do we put before kids without intending to?

Today, God, I ask that you show me when I am judgmental of my kids' efforts. Please remind me to have patience when I want to rush. Help me understand my children better, so that I can raise them the way You would if You were here. Help me remember how dangerous my words can be, and guard my tongue against them. God, please don't let me forget the illustration you provided at Saturday night's game, but instead, let me continue to learn from it. Thank you for Ben's football coaches and for all the great adults you have put in my children's lives. Let me be one too. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Grandma's Coming

Rob's mom is coming to visit today, driving in from Ohio just to see us. A decade ago, she would not have been able to make this trip - she doubted herself when she drove long distances. Just a couple years ago, she got her R.N. degree, fulfilling a lifelong dream. She's always learning, always growing and always stretching.

God, please help me live each day like my mother-in-law. Fill my heart with a desire to grow and know you more. When I grow weary, help me remember to press on toward the goal, so that others might know you. Thank you for the lovely example you put before me in my mother-in-law. Be with her as she drives today. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Faith in the Darkness

Walking through life, it's easy sometimes to forget about God. Not because we want to, it's just that sometimes we get so comfortable, that we forget that God is in control. Like cruise control living.

My son is still so sick, and his illness has thrown us all for a loop. Chicken soup, yogurt, applesauce, herbal tea, and antioxidant rich dark juices haven't made him well, though how I wish they would. Doctors can't cure mono. It must run its course, and it doesn't care what the schedule is. We could focus on this illness and the chaos surrounding it, or...

Our youth pastor, Josh Wright, recently shared from Psalm 23, not the part about "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death." (Nathan may wonder if he's there right now, but he's not...) Josh shared from verse 5: "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." We can look at life as a cup half empty, a cup half full, or a cup overflowing with the goodness of God.

I pray that Nathan will understand that even though he falling behind in school, he is blessed with teachers who care about him and are willing to work with him while he recovers. May he realize he is blessed with an amazing intellect that will help him bounce back quicker than he thinks. I pray he will appreciate that even though he has missed out on two weeks of band rehearsals and competitions, his directors respect and appreciate him and want him back on the "team" as soon as he's able, no matter how much time he's missed. I pray that he will understand in a new, special way, how intricate God's workmanship is: one little virus is "bringing him down," but one glorious God creating his body in such a way that he will overcome it. As he recovers, I pray his attitude will reflect his confidence in God.

And God, while you're at it, check my heart. Fill me with an overflowing gratitude for your love and care. Help me see You in every hurdle I must overcome. Be with me and help my light shine brighter than it ever has before so that others will know the transforming power of Your love. Don't let me go through life on cruise control, but instead, let me see you in every day. Amen.

Because I have to...

Dear friends,

Have you ever answered a question saying, "because I have to?"

Daddy, why do you go to work every day? Because I have to.

Mommy, why are we cleaning the house? Because we have to.

Why do I eat my vegetables? Because I have to (or at least I'm supposed to).

How sad. As a mom, I often find myself doing things "because I have to." I wash the clothes, cook dinner, buy groceries, and so much more "because I have to."

God didn't design life to be a "have to." He designed it to be a "get to."

What's the difference between "have to" and "get to" living? Have to living suggests an obligation. Because I am a mom, there are certain things I must do for my family. As I woman, I have to behave a particular way. I have to eat healthy and dress fashionably. This thought process suggests that life is a burden of must do's.

A "get to" mindset is so much greater. "I get to" suggests opportunity. What's the opportunity in parenting? To raise my children to love God. (Eph. 6:4) By serving them in love and humility, they learn to love God and serve him humbly. What's the opportunity in being a woman? To live wisely and fear the Lord. (Proverbs 31) Imagine the blessings that pour out on a family when a woman chooses to love the Lord in all that she does.

God has given me three wonderful children to raise, and "I get to" wash their clothes. He has provided me a beautiful, healthy family and "I get to" cook their dinner. He allows me to drive a reliable car to the convenient grocery store and "I get to" shop for food. In this life, God provides daily opportunities where I "get to" live, reflecting his love on others. A "get to" life is full of possibility.

Dear God, Thank you for the family you have given me. Thank you for opportunities to reflect your love, by caring for my family. Thank you for trusting me to lead my children to you. Let my life shine your love into their hearts. Amen

Fickle Faith

Last Friday, a friend of mine faced major abdominal surgery. While confident that God was in control, she was understandably a bit nervous about the whole thing. I called her Thursday evening and prayed with her over the phone, asking God to take charge, even asking him to heal her in advance so the surgery would not be needed.

Friday, I received this text, "Just heard from dr. Surgery went great with no problems found. God is the great healer... Going home today after recovery."

My reply, "Exactly what we prayed for. Hallelujah"

God answered our prayers (mine and so many others), healing her from a known medical condition, making surgical repair unnecessary.

Just a couple days later, as we caught up, I asked, "So now your doctor needs to figure out what's been causing the weight loss?" What am I saying?

I suffer from fickle faith. We had prayed for a miracle healing, knowing the medical condition. I know I believe in my head and heart that God could provide such a healing. As I prayed, I really wanted Him to do exactly what He did! Then, just a couple days later, I humanized the result, looking for other causes to the problem, minimizing God's supernatural response to prayer. How often do I try to "fit" his miracles into boxes, putting them in a context I can actually understand?

How despicable. I know I believe in a powerful, mighty, loving and strong God - beyond my comprehension. Ephesians 3:17-21 says, "I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

"The love of Christ...that surpasses knowledge," isn't that amazing? My knowledge is limited by my understanding. In this instance, I'm limited by my understanding of how the human body functions. God, though, is not so limited. Because of his great love for us, He sometimes chooses to do more than we can understand. "Immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." My friend and I could imagine God's healing (and her faith has never wavered), but to what extent? He has knit her back together. I can't imagine how... that's so far beyond my comprehension. He is God. He fixes. What more do I really need to understand? Isn't faith trusting in the unknowable?

Dear God, Thank You for being You. I praise your awesome power and abundant love. Thank You for healing my friend, for doing it your way, in your time, with your power. Please forgive me for making You less than You are, trying to fit You in my head. You deserve all the glory, honor and praise for Your mighty works in my friend's body. I pray my lips will praise You all my days. Grow in me an unwavering faith, one that reflects Your mighty Godliness. In Jesus' precious name I pray. Amen

The MVP

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Last night, Ellie and I worked the band invitational pizza stand. Rob traveled to South Granville High School to watch Ben play his best football game of the season. Nathan sent us all on with his assurances that if he felt worse, he'd text us. (He was fever free, watching Texas try to lose, and eating when I left. Frustrated that he couldn't go himself.)

About an hour later, the text arrived: "103.8 help." Nathan's illness continues to go the wrong direction. Many of our C3 Church family worked the band invitational with us. We prayed for Nathan, then Ellie and I hustled home.

His face had swollen. His fever persisted, even with ice packs and ice cold juice. I called Rob at the game, and insisted that we go to the emergency room. He reported that Ben was on the field and had the opportunity to play the entire second half. We debated a couple minutes, and ultimately, decided to pull Ben so Nathan could be treated. My heart broke for Ben, but Nathan needed medical attention.

While traveling home, Ben and I talked (I do love technology, especially our cell phones). He asked about Nathan. He never mentioned his disappointment. When they got home, he ran into the house to see his big brother and then ran to his room to change clothes.

Before taking Nathan to the hospital, we took Ben and Ellie to a neighbor's Ben helped Ellie through it all, taking care of her, so we could focus on his big brother.

Ben didn't finish the game last night, but in my eyes, he has won the MVP award. Just as Jesus instructs in John 15:13, Ben laid down his life by giving up the game he so enjoys, so that his brother, his best friend, could receive the medical care he needed. He loved without condition.

Dear God, Thank you for Ben. Thank you for creating in him such a generous, tender heart. Thank you for filling him with such an incredible capacity to love. Thank you for allowing me to be his mom. In Jesus' name, I praise you and thank you. Amen.

Remembering Disappointment

A friend loves at all times, and

a brother is born for adversity. Pro 17:17

In a lifetime long, long ago... Okay, when I was in seventh grade, which was a long time ago, I got the part of "Arrow," pointed pet dog (yes, dog) to the lead part "Oblio" in our junior high school musical. I didn't get the part because of any great acting skill, unfortunately, but because I was the smallest person who tried out. Much of the play found me on Oblio's shoulders as we wandered through the Pointless Forest.

To prepare for my role, as all great starlets do, my dad carried me around the house on his shoulders for hours. I remember him swooping, dipping, changing directions unannounced, just to help me feel comfortable onstage. He'd carry me through the house to change light bulbs. He'd crouch and stand up, over and over, emptying the dishwasher, while I "prepared."

Finally, opening night! And I was sick. Soooo sick! My head hurt. I had a fever. But the show must go on. My parents let me perform. After all, without Arrow, there was no show. No one else knew my part. No one else was small enough.

Within minutes, my stage makeup melted on my face. I was a streaky faced, black and white pointy pup. Every break I had, I would run to the back hall, drafty and cold, and lay down on the cool wrestling mats. They felt so cool on my hot face. GROSS! That's sick... sleeping on a wrestling mat!

Play finished. Cast party, but not for me. My parents asked if I wanted to get ice cream before we went home. "Can we just go home?" I asked.

Looking back, being sick when I so wanted to enjoy the moment, I still remember the disappointment of not experiencing that play to the fullest. Disappointed in myself (though it wasn't my fault) and disappointed in the experience. No one criticized what I am sure was a lackluster performance. But still... It wasn't what it should have been.

Today, my son lays in bed with the H1N1 virus. He rallied yesterday, no fever all day. And then, last night, it roared back again. Today is the West Marching Band Invitational. His band, the featured host. His friends, hanging out, working and joking for 12 hours, together. His band, performing without the pressure of competition, but for the pure joy of the show. And he won't be there. He will be home, in bed. Disappointed that he can't perform. Disappointed at missing out on a great day with his friends. Disappointed.

My dear son, I understand your disappointment and frustration. I love you.

Friends, please post a note of encouragement to Nathan. This week, he has learned how very much being a member of this band means to him. Not the easy way, either. Thank you.

Ellie, On Marriage

This week, Ellie announced that she is going to marry Ethan, a classmate, when she grows up.

I asked her why she picked Ethan. "Because he's my friend," she says, matter-of-factly.

Trying again, "What do you like about Ethan that makes you want to marry him?"

"Mom, he is my friend and that's what I like." Then, a long pause... after all, what more was there to say?

"Mom," she asks, "how long will it take to get babies after I marry Ethan?"

At this point, I had to bite my lip and I mean hard! Poor Ethan... We have told Ellie, apparently she's listening, that babies come AFTER marriage. So, she's working her plan: Marry her man, travel to China to get babies in as quick a time as possible... AND then, happily ever after.

Quiet Morning, Swirling Thoughts

What an amazing morning. It's cool (for NC, anyway). The sun is shining bright (of course, it's NC). Rob and Ellie left for the day and the boys slept in. Perfectly quiet - alone for 30 minutes. What did I do with that time?

I had a quiet cup of coffee. A rare, QUIET cup of coffee. No one asking for this. Needing that. Just quiet! And I talked with God, in the quiet.

Our conversation was not so quiet. I am filled with questions. I wonder what to do about this. I "need" to know that. So, God... can you tell me???

On this quiet morning, I am blessed by God, who wants to hear those swirling thoughts! He wants me to share what I wonder about. He wants me to lay my burdens (concerns, frustrations, confusion, and impatience) at his feet. He listens, quietly.

I share. Then I stop. Quiet. My mind, as quiet as my morning. For a moment, experiencing the perfect peace that comes when I choose to "Be still and know that (He alone is God)." (Ps. 46:10) He is, was and always will be.

The Small Gate and Narrow Road: Blog Brain and a GIVE AWAY!!!!!!

The Small Gate and Narrow Road: Blog Brain and a GIVE AWAY!!!!!!

If you visit this site, please let her know I sent you. This is another remarkable Christian woman, living the life God has given her - without shame or fear. Incredible testimony.

The Journey

Dear friends,

I have some exciting news to share. Last week, a homeschooling magazine found me through twitter (loving technology). They read my blog and asked me to write an article for their publication. As I write this, I am still astounded. (Pausing to find the words...)

My husband is so confident that his work is what God had planned for him to do in this life. He decided to become a doctor when he was only 11 years old. We married while he was still in med school, and his graduation ceremony is still the most emotional moment I have ever experienced. (I bawled - huge, uncontrollable tears as he walked across the stage to receive his degree. I was so happy for him). A few other moments (our wedding, our kids' births, the boys' baptisms, and the moment we first held Ellie in our arms) come close, but there was something so incredible as I watched his dream come true. He still loves being a doctor today - even with the H1N1 virus running rampant (ick!) and medical reform issues swirling around him.

I want that same passion in my life. I want to know, with absolute confidence, that I am doing what God wants me to do in this life. So, two years ago (and a few decades later than Rob), I asked God to set me on the path He has for me. I prayed day after day, faithfully claiming the joy, excitement and passion for whatever was to be.

God moved. He pulled me out of one ministry and into another. He refined me at home - that means He allowed me to face challenge after challenge after challenge, until I finally started to change, discovering patience, joy in the tedious, mercy and grace. I often say I'm not who I was eight years ago (when we moved to N.C. and joined a church that has challenged me to the core). Really, I am not who I was two years ago! I'm a completely different mom, and I love it! I am thrilled to be where I am.

And then came the request - to write. Over the past two years, I have known that I should be writing. I discovered a passion that only comes from God, parenting - Godly parenting. Our experiences as parents has prepared me for this. I keep thinking of Jer. 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I'm stepping out to write - about this journey I'm on. And I thank God, for hearing me, for answering my prayer (and continuing to answer it), and for this opportunity. I pray that my words will bring Him glory and honor and praise. I pray that my life will be the life He planned it to be - and that when the journey comes to an end, I will be able to say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Tim 4:7 NIV).

Dear God, Thank you so much for the opportunity you have laid before me. Thank you for this passion that now fills me. Please continue to guide me and use my life to make a difference on this earth. Please be with those who are still searching for purpose. Stir their hearts to move. Your way is not our way. It is so much better. In your Son's precious name I pray. Amen

What if?

My son has been reflecting on how life might have been different if... If we had moved to Roanoke, VA instead of Clayton, NC. If we had not begun piano lessons. If he wasn't involved in such a lifegiving, challenging, next generation loving church. If he wasn't part of the best high school band in the land. He's 15 going on 50!

I wonder sometimes about "what if." What if I my faith were stronger when I was a practicing attorney? Would victims of crime have been more impacted by me than just "getting justice"? What if we had not adopted our youngest? What would her life be like today? What if we did not have the opportunity to homeschool? Would our son, who has worked so hard to overcome some challenges, have been understood by the public school system?

Sometimes, I look at my "what if's" and am thankful that we made the choices we did, especially when it comes to our daughter's adoption and our son's homeschooling. Neither of these has been "easy." They involve(d) financial sacrifice, emotional sacrifice, and lots and lots of prayer as we walk(ed) by faith. I look back on other things, my years as a prosecutor, my mistakes as a parent, and my battles with depression in particular, and I regret missed opportunities and lost time. Not often, but sometimes.

Looking back, wondering "what if," is not how God wants us to live this life. Yesterday is done and gone. Today is here. Today is what matters. Paul writes in Phil. 3:13-14, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." To live the life God intends, I must let go of the past, and not waste today regretting yesterday. To live the life God intends, I should be thankful for the experiences He has brought me through, rejoice in the lessons learned (even through the school of hard knocks), and press on toward the goal - which is the life He has prepared for me to live.

My son's wondering about the past is, in part, his amazement at the life he gets to live. He has even thanked us for praying over where to live and where to go to church. When I find myself looking back and wondering "what if," I hope I'll land in that same place - amazed at the journey that God allows me to live.

Calling all Homeschoolers

Homeschooling friends, chime in!

Remember when you started homeschooling? High hopes for a great year? I remember feeling like an explorer, embarking on a journey to places yet undiscovered. On the flip side, I remember the first time I took my kids to the store in the middle of the school day, feeling strange that my kids were there with me when it was "officially" school time in the brick and mortar school buildings. Would anyone ask me why my kids weren't in school? How would I respond?

As I look back, there was so much I didn't know. Now, well into our eighth homeschool year, the doubts that arose throughout that first year (when reality kicked in and I learned perfection was not possible) are long gone. It's not any "easier" to homeschool, but I have grown more comfortable as a homeschooling mom.

What about you? What's the one thing you know now that you wish you had known when you first started homeschooling? What's the one piece of advice you would give to a new homeschooler?

I look forward to hearing from you!

How Interesting!

Yesterday, I wrote a blog post to encourage myself not to quit. Yes, I blog for me sometimes - actually, most of the time... though I am glad others are encouraged as well. Apparently, quitting - or wanting to quit - is something a lot of people I know have struggled with recently.

Dear friends, let's pray for strength to finish what God began. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Don't let distraction, laziness (Okay, that's me), schedules and obligations, or doubt pull you down. Trust in God. Ask Him for strength and soar like an eagle - taking in the beautiful life God has planned for you!

Joy in the Unenjoyable

"I quit!" Kids say it all the time.

One of my kids had a long string of Monopoly victories; it was almost a foregone conclusion that he would win. And then... his brother figured out his strategy, played against it, and the one used to winning stormed from the table, screaming "I quit!" at the top of his lungs. Our neighborhood football games seem end that way all too often. One kid, not happy with the score, essentially says, "I'm gonna take my ball and go home!" Quitters.

We're supposed to teach kids not to quit. Pause the game, explain why quitting is a bad choice, and nudge the frustrated one back to the table - or the field.

Same thing with school. Of course it's hard. School should stretch kids' minds, challenging them to think more broadly and deeply. School should develop academic skills, which include perseverance and the problem solving skills needed for everyday life. So, we coax them through the homework; we encourage them to try again. Sometimes we scream till we're blue in the face, "You'll finish your homework NOW!" (Or maybe that's just me).

So what happens if I want to quit? Am I allowed to withdraw from something because it's hard? Or frustrating? Or seems pointless? Seriously... Right now, I really want to quit! I'm involved in something that I don't enjoy, but yet, I committed to it. Every minute that I invest in it, I regret the time lost from things I enjoy more - like my family. As a "retired" attorney, I can certainly craft a strong argument for why I should quit (just ask my kids. I'm good at crafting persuasive arguments).

Instead, I will continue. I am no less frustrated than my kids get when life doesn't go their way or when school is really hard. I can't quit, in part, because I am their example. More importantly, I can't quit because it's just not right. No matter what excuses I come up with: school schedules, homework requirements, other personal obligations, need for rest, or using my time for more "God-worthy" pursuits, quitting is not an option.

Paul wrote, "Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people," (Col. 3:23 NET). Look at that, "Whatever you are doing," not whatever you want to do, but the work you are, in fact, doing. "Work at it with enthusiasm." I need to work on this part. If I had some enthusiasm, I wouldn't want to quit. I'm very enthusiastic about vacation, and work hard at that. I need enthusiasm for the things I don't enjoy. "As to the Lord and not for people." I don't work for people. I live for God. In all that I do, the things I find personally fulfilling and the things I don't, God should be my focus. What wouldn't I do for Him? If I put Him in the positions people hold, how differently would I act?

I have a serious lesson to learn here! I tend to avoid housecleaning. I am two weeks behind in coupon clipping, another thing I'm trying to avoid. I have baskets of laundry to put away (though at least the laundry is clean - some improvement). I really dread the days when my kids lack focus for school - battle after battle to get the work done! I realize as I write that there are lots of things I do that don't get done with enthusiasm for the Lord. The mundane and the frustrating, they are all here to here to help me grow.

Dear God, You are so patient with me. I know in my heart that I complain about so much, when I should be honoring you in all that I do. Help me to have a spirit of contentment with the mundane. Help me to have an attitude of joy in the unenjoyable. Help me grow in patience as I face frustrations. Thank you for always giving me another chance. I give you this day. Help me live for you in ALL that I do. In your Son's name I pray. Amen