Where are you Christmas?

We decorated the house, twinkling white lights decorate the front porch. Green wreaths with bright, Christmas red ribbons adorn the windows. There was some discussion of mounting red lights on the garage roof: "OH" "IO"... but I think we'll wait for a national championship season to do that. :)

Inside our home, the Christmas trees are up. Yes, plural. We have two, one in the front living room - fancy with white lights, gold and crimson and crystal ornaments. One in the family room, with white lights - for my sanity - and lots and lots of special ornaments we've collected and/or made through the years.

I even did some shopping on black Friday - which I never do. AND those gifts are wrapped, tucked away in the closet waiting for the big day to arrive... (Only because our sons babysit their little sister when we have to be away, and we hope that wrapping the gifts cuts the temptation to peek... not because I'm all that organized!)

And, of course, we've already watched some sappy Christmas movies and listened to carols - singing a few here and there - in the car. It seems, Christmas is on its way.

But, I don't really feel like it's Christmas yet. Not because it's sunny and 70 degrees outside (Love livin' in the south!!!!). We just haven't started focusing on what really matters yet. The part of Christmas that makes my heart sing - the real meaning of Christmas.

Our church has an angel tree ministry, each year providing gifts to school kids throughout our community when they might not otherwise have any Christmas at all. It kicked off this weekend, hundreds of angels placed lovingly on our church Christmas tree, representing wishes and needs of these special kids. Christmas begins when we do our angel tree shopping, the kids venturing into the store with me to pick out gifts for the child whose tag they carry.

I love watching my oldest son scrutinize clothing racks for clothes appropriate and cool enough to consider as a blessing. My heart melts each year when my younger son chooses, without fail, the boy whose tag says "football." He can't imagine a kid wanting a football and not having one. And my daughter, she's our spiritual warrior, insisting on bows and frilly socks to go with the girly girl outfit she always picks out AND that we pray for the little girl who will get those clothes.

When we walk into church next weekend with our special gifts, wrapped in colorful paper and finished with a prayer, Christmas will finally have come. After all, Christmas isn't about the gifts we receive, but about the love we share.

God gave us a special gift that first Christmas day, a gift of pure, unselfish love in His Son, Jesus. Angel tree allows our family the opportunity to offer a small bit of that love to someone who really needs it this year. We pray for the families our angels represent, that they will know that Jesus - the real meaning of Christmas - loves them.

Happy Thanksgiving

Here we are on Thanksgiving. It's 10:27 and our family is still lounging in jammies, watching the Macy's Parade (wish we could be there again this year!). It's so nice to relax together.

I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, filled with blessings. Enjoy the special moments, and overlook the little things!

Thanks be to God, who inspired our founding fathers to create this nation of ours. Please continue to guide us. Amen.

Student of the Game

Last time I wrote about Ben, I lamented that he did not get to play in the final game of the season. My sadness. Ben's attitude that day was so spot on - sometimes life happens.

Last Saturday (I'm so bummed I couldn't be there), Ben's team had their annual awards dinner. It's tradition to hand awards to each "graduating team member" to honor their special contribution to the team. There were the traditional awards like most improved player. There were some funny awards, such as the "smiley" award, given to the kid who smiled all the time - even when he landed flat on his back, trampled by the opponent.

Then there was this award:

Coach said initially they thought about calling it the sponge award, a cute name, but not deserving of the player. He went on to explain how one player stood out from the others for his understanding of the game. One kid stood out from the others because every single thing he was taught, he learned and executed perfectly.

Rob (my wonderful husband) told me after the banquet that as Coach spoke, the kids on the team knew he was talking about Ben. He shared that the kids pointed and and whispered "that's Ben."

Coach concluded his remarks saying, "This young man will grow up to coach football one day." And then he called Ben to the front of the room to receive the "Student of the Game" award.

Sometimes this season, especially that last game, my heart broke for Ben that he didn't get much playing time, though only once - very early in the season - did it bother him. After that early season game, I encouraged him to learn all he can about football and offer what he can to the team, even if it's from the sidelines.

And that is exactly what he did.

Congratulations, Ben, on a great season, on and off the field. Thank you for showing us all how it's supposed to be done.

Happy Family

Happy Family, a Chinese culinary recipe... YUM! Chicken, onions, peppers, stir fry vegetables, and a sauce made from sugar, starch and soy sauce. A little sweet. A little spicy.

Lately, I've been thinking about what it takes to have a happy family. What's the recipe for that?

1. Have an attitude of gratitude. Living together with the same people day in and day out can get predictable - and annoying. I certainly find myself grumping about little things from time to time. Instead, I think we should choose to be thankful for the blessings we do have. Take time to remember why we fell in love in the first place (It's fun to remember the early days). Take time to notice the little things done for each other and say thanks! It's easy, maybe even natural, to let things become annoying. With a little practice, though, it's just as easy to choose to recognize the good things.

2. Keep it simple. In today's world kids have so many options. Adults too. Our family has chosen to "keep it simple." Our kids have many interests, but they can lead to schedule conflicts. We only allow one at a time. While it's not easy to decide, in the long run, we all benefit. Nathan, our oldest, has participated in piano competitions for years. He really enjoys it. But, that schedule conflicts with the high school band competition schedule.

Last year, we tried both (the band excused him from the scheduling conflict, which helped). It was still crazy! This year, we made him choose one. He had to weigh the benefit of each, the overall experience and make a decision. Not an easy process, but one learned young that will help him as he ages.

At the same time, it helps our family maintain our sanity. We stay balanced. We enjoy life together.

3. Celebrate, often! We celebrate all sorts of stuff in our family. Whenever some part of our family travels, the first night home, we celebrate - nothing fancy. A special dessert or dinner out or a rental movie together. We celebrate little accomplishments. Ellie learned to tie her shoes. Picture time! Pause life to celebrate her accomplishment for a couple minutes.

Of course it's great to celebrate the holidays, but most of life happens during the in between time. We try not to miss the in between, but instead, to appreciate it.

4. Pay attention. A happy family knows each other. They listen over dinner. They pay attention to the little things, like stress at work or a tough day at school and extend a bit more grace to those who need it. They know what makes the other members of the family happy and try to provide it. It really is the little things that count, but without paying attention, we can't know what the little things are.

It's a simple recipe really, based on love and respect. Delicious!

You win some, you lose some

Last week, Nathan's band participated in grand nationals in Indianapolis, IN. Of the 91 bands in the competition, WJHS placed 19th overall. They placed third in class as well. All that while marching 68 first year members (of a total 177). Impressive to say the least.

Yet, the kids were disappointed that they didn't make finals (the top 12 bands). My son, a bit uncharacteristically, cried in frustration. For a moment, he believed that to get to semi's (again) and not make it to finals was a loss. I understand. We're driven to win!

I'm thankful for that moment. First, that he allowed me close enough to share his pain. Second, that God provided words of comfort, through me and his friends, to Nathan.

In this world, we win and we lose. Yet, when we give our very best, holding back nothing, REGARDLESS of the outcome, we are winners. God never promises that life is easy or fair or perfect (in fact, His Word says that we will face troubles of many kinds. John 16:33). God does promise to comfort those who need it. He promises that life - though unpredictable - will be full.

A few moments after our little pep talk from Jesus, Nathan was back to his usual self. His friends teased him a little, for taking it so seriously, then they picked him up and his joyful self returned.

And that's a win... good friends who share life's ups and downs in love!

The power of words

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire,

and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3:3-6 (NIV)

"Hurry up."

"Stop."

"Throw this away."

Life is full of words used to direct others to act - or not act.

This past week, I traveled with our high school band to Indianapolis, IN. We had a fantastic time, but traveling with 180 teenagers for 5 days provided many, many opportunities to use my words. Infrequently, I barked an order, with mixed results.

I noticed, not surprisingly, that when I added:

"Please."

"Thank you."

"I understand you're tired, but..."

I got a completely different result.

At the same time, when people barked at me (it only happened a few times, but...), I reacted far differently than when people asked respectfully of me (thanks guys!). I was there to help our kids achieve a goal, so whether people barked orders or asked respectfully, I got the work done. However, those barked orders wore me down. The respectful requests gave me a sense of being a valuable member of the team.

I'm not sharing anything new or earth-shattering here. I know that. But this trip provided the opportunity to see both sides in action. I got to "feel" both sides as well. I hope I remember the lessons learned on this trip for a long time - and act accordingly! :)

I want to be a blessing to others. I hope my words will be just that!

Vacation time!!!

Hey,

I wish I was on vacation. Really, I'm sowing seeds into the next generation... Well, at least I'm trying to keep up with them. And, except for a 15 hour bus ride, I think I'll make it!

Nathan and the WJHS Marching band - and some brave chaperones - will be leaving for Indianapolis, Indiana in a few short hours. Pray for our safe journey if you would. And keep Rob and the other kids in your prayers, too. They have a great week planned - thanks to all the friends who are helping make it happen!

Looking forward to an adventure, some fun, and some craziness.

See you next week :)

Blessed are the Meek. Really!

The football fiasco has a happy ending. Last night, when the team turned in uniforms, the coach pulled my son aside to apologize. He shared that his frustration with the way the game went got him so focused on trying to figure out what went wrong and fix it that he lost track of the players. And more.

Does that make it right? Of course not. Life, though, as my son displayed last weekend is not about right and wrong, but about love and kindness.

To forgive, my son overlooked his personal disappointment. As a result, he is free. He sleeps peacefully at night, not replaying the injustice done. He enjoys football - playing neighborhood pick-up games without replaying his lost moment in the spotlight. He moved on.

To ask forgiveness, his coach chose not to be prideful, but to recognize his mistake and the pain it caused (or would have caused if my son let it). He learned from his mistake, admitting as much to my son.

Yet, to forgive is not easy (neither is asking forgiveness, but that's a blog for another day). What if, instead of a coach forgetting to play you in the game, you deal with past abuse? Or you lose your job, and the person who keeps theirs is an underhanded schemer? What if you lose a loved one from the careless act of a driver who texts behind the wheel?

Extending forgiveness in those circumstances would lead to the same freedom that my son's choice provided him. When we forgive, we are freed from the pain through a miraculous transformation in our hearts.

Matthew 5:5 says, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." We tend to associate the word "meek" with being a pushover or doormat. Yet it derives from the Middle English word for courteous. Courteous I understand.

God places a high value on meekness. Psalm 22:26 says, “The meek shall eat and be satisfied; they shall praise the Lord that seek him; your heart shall live forever.” Sign me up for that!

Not naturally meek, how do I get there? My son definitely understands it better than I do. Titus 3:2 says, "to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men." Peaceable, considerate and humble.

Wasn’t that what Jesus did? He did not condemn the woman at the well, but gently pointed out that we all have sin, so who are we to judge? Rather than shun the dishonest tax collector, he chose to become his friend. In so doing, that tax collector became a believer and set out to right the wrongs he had committed in his lifetime.

So now I’m convinced that I need to work on it. I want to be more like Jesus! And I want to inherit the earth, eat and be satisfied, praise the Lord and have a heart that lives always. How do I get there?

1. I will learn what righteous anger is and work to apply that in my everyday life. (I expect I’ll be asking God for lots of forgiveness as I learn to let go). Ephesians 4:26 (NLT) says, “And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Only get angry over things that anger God and then, don’t hold a grudge.
2. I will read and apply God’s word, humbly and obediently. How can I know what angers God if I don’t read His Word? See number one above.
3. I will make peace with others. Obviously, if you’ve been following me the past couple days, you know this is a struggle! Yet God says, in Ephesians 4:2-3, that we should characterized by "lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Obviously, unforgivenness is not going to help me here.
4. I will be gentle in leading others. God's word, again challenging me: 2 Tim. 2:24-25 says, "The servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose him." I have to substitute here: “Be gentle, apt to teach, patient, in COURTEOUSNESS instruct those who oppose me.”

I have some serious work to do! Being meek does not mean I’m a doormat. Living in meekness means using my power with self-control. Meekness means I battle the same battles God would if He were here in person, and also that I choose not to fight about stuff He would instantly forgive (getting cut off in traffic or spilled milk).

The meek shall inherit the earth. And why shouldn’t they? The meek respect God’s creation and all who walk on it. They exhibit God’s love in a way the proud cannot.

Dear God, help me become meek. Amen

Setting the Standard

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Tim 4:12

I've started this entry in my head so many times, and I'm still struggling to find the words to share my heart. Rarely, am I filled with joy, pride, sadness, conviction and anger, all at the same time!

Saturday night, my younger son's football team played their first - and last - playoff game of the season. His team got blown away by their opponents. At halftime, we all knew how it would end. Our guys, good football players with lots of heart, weren't quite up to the challenge their opponent brought.

I'm okay with the outcome. It's part of life - in competition someone always loses. It's even okay - not fun - but okay, that we were blown out. Sometimes that happens.

Here's where it falls apart. The coach, somehow, lost track of who had played and who hadn't. My son, in his final game in this league (he ages out), never got in the game. Not one play. With that, I still am not okay. His coach blew it. He did not do his "job."

Yet, if I share this, focusing on my anger and disappointment, I would detract from the poignant life lesson that I learned (am still learning) from my incredible son.

After the game, our team met at the 50 yard line to debrief. As always, we parents gathered around behind the team to hear what the coaches had to share. I positioned myself in eyesight of my son, expecting to see hurt and disappointment. We made eye contact, and I mouthed, "Are you okay?" He held my gaze (which he wouldn't do if he was super-angry), smiled slightly and mouthed back, "yes." Not what I expected...

After the team meeting, my husband and the coach spoke briefly. The coach said he thought he had played all the second year players, kind of passing the blame to the defensive coaches for not letting him know. He apologized to my husband, and we asked him to apologize to our son.

My son, regardless of whether he receives an apology, will be fine. As we walked off the field Saturday night, we asked how he was doing. He replied, "You mean because I didn't play?" Of course, dear boy. "Coach made a mistake. Whether I played or not, we would have lost. I had a great season and that's what matters." Whoa.

"We saw you trying to keep your teammates in the game." (If I could insert video, you would see a young man walking the sidelines cheering on his teammates through the entire game. He got in everyone's face and did all he could to keep the fight going). His reply, "We knew we were going to lose. If we didn't give up, we could lose by less than we did last year."

He adjusted the goal for his team. I think, for the most part, it worked. They sure fought to the end. He really was fine.

As I tucked him in bed that night, I checked one more time. "Are you sure you're okay with how the game went?"

"Mom," he answered in the most calm, quiet, sincere voice you can imagine, "I made my first solo tackle this season. I learned how to read the offense. I learned how to lead my team on the field (he was always adjusting the defensive backfield based on the offensive lineup - and almost always correct in the call). I got to play football."

Tears in my eyes as I type this... My little boy has become a young man. He understands better than I do that life is not about the disappointments. It's about the opportunities.

He got to play football.

Enjoy the View

This afternoon, I made the fun choice. My "to do" list this weekend is atrocious. I have more to accomplish in the next 72 hours than I would like, coupled with kids' football games and band shows, and so much else.

I would usually plunge into the work - let's start checking off that list. There's such a sense of accomplishment as the list shrinks and the finished work piles up. (Or in the case of my laundry - disappears).

Typically, my Friday afternoons include time with two adorable little girls, my Ellie and her friend, Darby. They look forward to Friday afternoons: library, playing in the yard, and dress up. Today, the adult me wanted to move forward with my stuff. Let's "get 'er done" as they say in these parts.

Somehow, though, I stepped out of myself enough to notice how much fun the girls were having on the playground at school. Instead of rushing them - my schedule, you know - I chose to sit, relax, and enjoy the view. While the girls squealed and played, I took time to savor God's creation. Fall days are so beautiful. Today, the sun shines in a cloudless, Carolina blue sky, and a crisp, clean fall breeze blows.

Little girls' squeals of delight, God's glorious gift of fall colors, and rest. That's hard to beat.

I understand how the psalmist could be overwhelmed by God's creation:

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?

Psalm 8:3-4 (NASB)

Thank you, Lord, for taking the time to create such an intricate perfect world. Thank you for caring about little girls' squeals of delight. Help me remember to stop, rest, and enjoy your creation. Help me not get so consumed by my life that I forget about you. Amen.

Isaiah 55:8: God's Superhighway

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

This verse may offer me more hope than any other verse in the Bible. I read it and the words just wash over me, calming me when I struggle to control the direction of my life.

Maybe you wrestle with God to control the direction of your life, too. When we find ourselves "demanding" that the kids behave, instead of following God's whisper to our hearts, we ignore this verse. When we whine and complain about our work, our spouse, our house, or our circumstances, we take our eyes off God's plan, and focus solely on what we see and understand. It's easy to forget how incredibly great God really is.

In high school, I wanted to be a minister - attending seminary and everything. About the time I would have applied to seminary, I walked into a church and heard 'the minister' tell his church secretary, "Just lock the doors. I'm tired of these bums asking for handouts." Deep inside, I shattered.

If this is ministry, I want nothing to do with it. I changed plans suddenly, pursuing a physical therapy degree. Physical therapists help people, too, just in a different way. The science proved more than I could handle, so I eventually graduated with a social work degree. I went to law school, though I'd never planned to be a lawyer. As I applied, I even told God, "If this is what you want, then you better make it abundantly clear." Soon after, a scholarship offer came. God, not God? I don't know.

For about five years, I prosecuted domestic violence offenders. I gave that job my heart, my mind, and my energy. When my first baby was born, I "retired." I couldn't give the victims of violence the time and focus they deserved and do the same for my baby boy.

Years later, we moved and a found an incredible, life-giving church. My desire for 'ministry work' returned. Pridefully and selfishly, though I didn't understand it at the time, I "worked" for the Lord in the hopes of earning a position on the church staff. (Thankfully, my wise pastor saw through the works to the prideful condition of my heart). Then, something inside me finally changed.

Instead of telling God what I wanted, I asked Him what He wanted. Basically, I prayed Isaiah 55:8 over my life, "God, I want my life to be what you want. I want your thoughts and your ways to be the focus, not my thoughts and my ways. Let me live what you desired for me all along."

God's ways are definitely not our ways. In a traditional 9 to 5 (plus weekends) ministry role, I would not be doing what I now do as a dedicated follower of Christ. Offering my heart to God, I minister meaningfully in my church. Following His dreams for me, I'm involved in my community in ways I wouldn't have considered before. How awesome to live a transparent Christian life (yes, warts included) and share God's hope and love with those who don't yet know Him.

For the first time in my life (it's about time), I don't know what's next. God is taking me on a journey I never would consider on my own, and my heart is full.

As you read this, maybe God is talking to you. Maybe you are doing what you think you should, but you haven't asked God if it's really what he wants for you. Perhaps you struggle with your attitude toward your spouse, your kids, or your job. Ask God how you should handle these problems. Instead of fighting with what you can understand in your own heart and mind, ask Him to take over and see where it leads. Give God a chance to be the big God that He really is.

God, Thank you for having a plan for my life that's bigger than anything I could dream up. When I pull back and try to make my life fit my own thoughts, please remind me that You have something better in store. In advance, I thank you for all You have done and will continue to do. Let my life be what You always wanted it to be. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Themes!

My past couple blog entries seem to be following a theme. Hmmm, I wonder if that means God's trying to work on something in me? (Rhetorical question. I know I need work, especially in peace and patience. No amens required!)

Writing on the fruit of the spirit, the message lingers with me. The fruit of the spirit is the evidence of the indwelling holy spirit living in me and through me. Growing closer to God, the holy spirit has more to work with in me. My job is to choose to listen to that spirit... I wish I could say I listen all the time. I'm working on it.

Mother Theresa's message at the National Prayer Breakfast sticks, too. She knew how to live a peace-filled life. She witnessed the dark side of our world. She walked in the dark, with the helpless, loving them in the love of Christ. That's the part that sticks with me: her ability to love. She didn't judge people as evil or ignorant or self-centered. She lived her entire life in love. She loved the unlovable. She even loved those who ignore the unlovable.

So, where does that leave me today? Since posting these entries, I have been attacked in so many ways (none of them really relevant to this blog - just know I've been tested at home, in the community, and in my friendships). I mention peace and all peace seems to disappear.

Perhaps you've noticed that, too. Just when you start to grasp a Biblical truth, it seems everything conspires against you. No matter how much you know the Word of God to be true, you continue to get bombarded by the opposite.

This time around, I choose to focus on the truth. I am being refined for a purpose, all my rough edges getting smoothed. For that I am thankful. With each test, I will make the choice to turn to Jesus and grow closer to Him. The Holy Spirit will fill me up and I will overflow. I'll become more of whom I'm meant to be.

What about you? When the storms of life rage around you, will you turn to God in your time of trouble? Will you whine and complain (maybe even to God) about your circumstances? When life sends you challenges, press closer to the One who can sustain you! This challenge offers you the opportunity to grow!

It's my prayer, for everyone who reads this, and for me, that we will love the world in the love of Jesus. I pray we won't think the world's problems are ours to solve, but that we'll realize Jesus is the answer. I pray we will allow God to use us, our gifts, talents and passions, to make a difference - a God-sized difference - in this world.

I look forward to discovering where this journey is taking us! Peace.