The Silly Bands Principle

Our daughter is a silly bands freak. So are most of her friends. I never expected they'd lead to such a huge life lesson... one she won't really understand for years.

She was wearing her favorite "tie dye" silly bands while playing with friends. One of them, just a couple years older and more worldly wise, happens to like tie dye silly bands as much as she does. This friend offered her a trade, one duck for her two tie dyes. Two for one is a great shoe sale. It's not a great silly bands trade.

We asked Ellie why she gave him her tie dyes. She explained that this friend told her the trade would make them happy.

Our son chimed in, explaining that the big kids often trick the littler kids to make two-for-one trades. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. Of course, this isn't about silly bands.  I don't want my daughter manipulated. My mind filled with thoughts of teen drinking, drugs, and sex. "If you do this, you'll make me so happy." What a horrid phrase.

Back to the silly bands... We tried to explain that when something doesn't seem fair, it's probably not. We provided concrete examples using chocolate and cookies, giving her brother a lot and giving her just a small portion. She understood that. We told her it's not her job to make other people happy. They must choose happiness for themselves. (Don't worry, I know she didn't understand that.)

My husband's eyes and mine met. He smiled. "You're going to blog this aren't you?"

I nodded, "It's the silly bands principle."

"Something to learn before you hit 40!" he replied.

I've spent much of my life trying to please others, desperate for approval. I'd bend over backwards, stress over minute details, overachieve, whatever it took. I'd earn praise now and then and grab onto it tight. Then it was gone. My mind was never at peace. When I expected praise and it didn't come, I'd worry about what I'd done wrong. My family suffered because of my approval addiction.

I finally got it... around the time I hit 40.

I don't want that for my daughter. I want her to know the truth. Joy comes from God, not from man. Proverbs 10:28 says, "The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish." Our hope, which comes from Christ, is our source of joy. When we expect praise from others, relying on that to fill us, we will be disappointed every time.

So here it is... "The Silly Bands Principle." My precious daughter, you can't buy friendship. You can't earn praise. You are a daughter of the king of kings, who loves you more than anything. Your joy, sweet girl, comes from God alone. Follow him. Never man.