Is it Satan or is it me?

Oh my friends....

Sometimes struggling through things of a spiritual nature overwhelm me! Last week, I posted my thoughts -- really, my frustrations -- as I homeschool. I attributed my hurt to an attack from satan. After reading the post, a friend of mine asked why I think it was satan? What if it's just my selfish sin nature?

I absolutely love having a friend who pushes me this way. Her questions sharpen me "as iron sharpens iron." (Pro. 17:17) How do I know it's satan? Am I making excuses, blaming him rather than looking at my own heart which might need an adjustment? You know, more patience... Less hand-holding... Perhaps a new way of doing things?

I've pondered her question ever since.

Satan sneaks in to "steal, kill and destroy." (John 10:10) Jesus came so that we might have life, "and have it to the full." Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) warns us that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."


I think back to my struggles last week. In my heart, I know that it's my calling (at least for now) to teach my son. Through the years, I have studied about "orthographic processing disorder" and all that it entails. I've learned from teachers and books how to help him develop study skills and acquire knowledge, despite the challenges. I've prayed for him more than any teacher ever could. I know with all of my being that this is what I am meant to do.


Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Knowing this is God's plan for me doesn't always mean that it's easy! I am selfish. Come on, people. We all are to one degree or another. I am lazy. I would love nothing better than to curl up with a good book on the back porch, drinking lemonade and basking in the sun. Back to the question...


Is my battle with satan? The one who sneaks in and lies and tempts me with things other than what God wants for me? Or is my battle within me, my own sin nature?


I am...


A MOM!


And I know that my heart wants the very best for my son. For all of my kids. Equipping them for the future is my "main job." Not so long ago, we agonized about whether to send Ellie to kindergarten and then rejoiced in the affirmation that came from God. We pray every morning with Ellie and Nathan before they get on the bus -- asking God to help them be a light for their peers -- His light. I pray for them throughout the day. Every day.


I'm not saying my battle isn't within me... It might be. But, I think I'm battling Satan. If I give up on teaching Ben, then his world would change drastically. If I give in to frustration and exhaustion -- throwing it all away -- this child would not be ready for the next step. He'd go to school, but it wouldn't be right. Not yet, anyway. With all my heart, mind and soul, I know God's plan for Ben this school year. 


I won't send him to public school until he's ready. Until God tells me he is ready.


Back to the question: Is it satan or is it me?


You know what? Really? It doesn't matter! 


If satan's knocking on my door, sneaking in and messing with me and my family, I will pray. I will ask you to pray. I won't give in no matter how much I want to. If it's not satan but is instead my own lazy, self-centered sin nature, I will pray. I will ask you to pray. I won't give in no matter how much I want to.


See? The enemy is sneaky. He could get us side-lined discussing the cause of our pain. We could analyze it for days. But then, we might not pray. We might get ourselves all tangled up in knots wondering is it me, God, or is it the enemy? 


But it doesn't matter.


Instead:

...put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:13-18

Be alert and always keep on praying!

Much love,

Karen