Another Chance

CRASH!!! The booming noise shakes the house. The picture on the wall gets knocked askew. Again. I've had it with these kids!

I pound up the stairs to the bonus room. I'll show them! I burst through the door, and face red with rage, I scream, "KIDS!!!! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"

Silence.

They freeze in place. My oldest speaks calmly, definitely not what I deserve. "But Mom. We were playing football with Ellie. She thinks it's hilarious when she tackles us and we fall." Ellie is six. She weighs about 38 pounds, tiny for her age. The boys are 16 and 13. Can you see this from Ellie's point of view? Little one topples the mighty giants. Her joy. Their delight.

"Well, umm, look. Just don't fall so hard okay." Sheepishly, mumbling a sincere but embarrassed apology, I slink away.

I wish I could tell you that happened a long time ago, but it didn't. I wish I could say this was before I knew Jesus. But that's not true either. I've been a Christian for decades. I've been in church leadership for years. I read the Bible. I pray. I am "plugged in." And yet, I fail. Miserably.

Until about six years ago I made excuses for my anger. "This is just a part of who I am." I blamed my parents. "My dad has a short fuse, so I must have inherited it." Sometimes I blamed hormones. I could even throw scripture in there. After all, the Bible says, "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." (Pro. 29:15).

Then, Ephesians 4:26 grabbed hold of my heart. "In your anger do not sin." God was done with my excuses. He wanted me to know that with Him there is a better way. Really, God? You want me to change who I have been my entire life? That's impossible!

God assured me that with Him, nothing is impossible. His word says in 2 Cor. 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." I realized I must simply choose to trust His way. The angry bouts lessened  -- though my kids would watch, waiting for the bomb to explode. I learned to listen to their explanations rather than jump to conclusions. I learned to instruct in kindness instead of scream. I learned how to hold them accountable for their behavior. I understood, finally, their battle is not mine.

Just like my kids, I stumble.

I respond in selfish anger. Paul said, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Phil. 3:12) Paul understood that we will never be perfect. Jesus is our perfection. Jesus fills our heart. The Holy Spirit is here to guide us to make Godly decisions -- the choices Jesus would make.

In my humanness, I hear that voice whisper "in your anger do not sin" and ignore it. I pound. I scream. I rage.

The Holy Spirit keeps whispering. I press in to listen. I ask forgiveness. God gives me another chance.

How about you? What excuses do you make? Will you ask God to help you overcome your bad habits?

Dear God,
You are love. You are mercy. Forgive me for my anger. Help me listen more carefully to the wisdom you whisper into my heart. Thank you for always giving me another chance.
In your Son's precious name I pray,
Amen