It is still dark

She gets up while it is still dark... (Proverbs 31:15)


Anyone, everyone who knows me knows that I don't get up while it is still dark! I am a night owl who loves to sleep in! 


Yesterday, I got up early to send my high schooler out the door. I just can't fathom him getting up, ready and out the door all by himself. It seems so lonely. Usually when the send-off is done, I crawl back into my cozy bed, pull the covers up around my ears and fall quickly back to sleep. Another hour of bliss!


But is it? 


Yesterday I didn't go back to bed. I stayed up, read my Bible, prayed in peaceful solitude for my son at school and my other kids still asleep in their beds. By the time they finally got up, I already had savored my morning coffee. 


I didn't stumble through the morning routine, cereal box, milk, spoon, "here you go." Instead, I poured the cereal and milk, set them on the table and asked "how'd you sleep?" "Are you ready for the day?" Relaxed, leisurely time with my precious kids.


Proverbs 31 sets the standard for the "ideal woman." God's best plan. I'm not likely to purchase a field and plant vineyards (v. 16) or make and sell linen garments (v. 24). At least not literally. Based on how the morning went, though, I think waking while it "is still dark" is a pretty good idea!


How about you? 
When do you get up?
How do you prepare for your day? your family?

Haiti Revisited - Cleveland Post

Check out this article Nancy Chang of the Cleveland Post wrote about Rob's experiences in Haiti: Doctor on a Mission to Help Victims in Haiti. If anyone has a hard copy, we'd love one or two or three :-)

Please remember the people of Haiti in your prayers. If you would like to support Haiti mission efforts, visit http://praying4haiti.com. Cool t-shirts with proceeds going to Haiti and other info there.

Thank you, Nancy, for sharing Rob's story! Thank you, readers, for your ongoing prayers and support for Haiti.

Marriage is like... PAIRS FIGURE SKATING or LUGE

So, feedback yesterday suggests that perhaps I should look at marriage not from the human point of view, but from the other side - how it's designed :)

Pairs figure skating involves an intricate interaction between two people as they glide across the ice. The sport requires incredible trust - the woman must trust the man's strength and skill as he heaves her up over his head and sails her across the rink. The man must trust that the woman will maintain her focus and balance at the end of his arm so as not to fall and send them both reeling across the ice. They move in sync with one another and with the music executing their moves as they elicit an emotional response from the audience.


One of the most difficult aspects of pairs figure skating is the matching of the pairs. To skate effectively, the pair must blend both skill and style. Their temperaments must mesh. They need some type of skating "chemistry" to succeed on the ice. The pair needs the right choreographer as well, one who understands them and can create a show that highlights the best of the team.

The Christian marriage is much like this beautiful sport. The couple comes together by God's design - not as puppets, but carefully, prayerfully seeking the mate who God wants for them. This couple is sensitive to the qualities of their chosen one, moving forward knowing that the other wants the best for them. The perfect blend of personality, passions and dreams. One of my favorite verses, cited often on this blog, is "For I know the plans I have for you... plans not to harm you, but plans to give you hope and a future." ("My" simplified version of Jer. 29:11). God's plan includes the right mate at the right time!

Proverbs 3:5-6 says also, "Commit your way unto the Lord. Trust in Him and He will make your paths straight." Just like the skating choreographer considers the couple's unique skills when creating a program, God considers the couple's unique strengths and abilities for life. He has a perfect plan for each of us and for each marriage. We must trust in His choreography as life unfolds.

Trusting in God's plan, the married couple skates through life, executing a beautiful dance, built on trust and faith - in one another and in God's purposes. That's gold medal living.

Likewise the double's luge, for those who love the excitement and rush of fast living, provides a similar picture. The luge track is designed by a course developer. The twists, turns and speed of the track challenge the double's lugers down the track. The team, to succeed, must work in perfect harmony, dependent on one another to navigate the track without crashing. These teams, like figure skaters, develop based on the matching of complementary skills - together they are greater than either of them alone.

The Christian couple marries, knowing that life is better, more complete, with their partner than it could ever be alone. This couple recognizes that to succeed in the course of life, they must stick together in close unity to withstand the troubles that might otherwise lead them to crash. They navigate the troubles - and joys - of this world together, not alone. They reach the finish line, and God pronounces, "Well done, my good and faithful servant(s)." (Luke 19:17)

I stand corrected. Marriage is not like downhill skiing. It's a far more beautiful "dance." It is a life of teamwork and dedication and love that my skiing analogy just couldn't touch. May God bless our marriages with the beauty and trust of pairs figure skating and with the unity of the doubles' luge. Thanks for chiming in my friends.

God bless!

Marriage is like.... DOWNHILL SKIING!

Writing today in honor of the Vancouver Winter Olympic Games! I love to watch these talented, young athletes pit themselves against the "elements" (even snow hauled in from 3,000 miles away). Downhill skiing may be my favorite. I have no idea how Lindsey Vonn or Julia Mancuso does it, pitting body against those slopes, charging forward without a single tentative move. Same thing with Bode Miller, pushing the limits to speed hopefully, confidently, down the slope toward victory.

As I marvel at their skill, it dawns on me that marriage is no different than downhill skiing! Well, maybe it's a little warmer. :)

In the starting gate, the skier waits for the signal. Look into their eyes. So intent. So focused.  The entire slope lays before them, full of possibility, promise, and dreams of gold. A couple joins in marriage, at the starting gate of new life together. Watch their eyes: intent, focused on each other. Their entire married life lays before them, filled with promise and dreams.

Soaring down the course, skiers face a variety of challenges that can throw them off course preventing them from finishing the race. Hitting a patch of unforgiving ice, one ski veers hard to the right while the other bounces off to the left. Neither ski going the same direction, the skier crashes head over heels bouncing down the frozen slope before finally coming to a rest, disqualified. Race over. The best skiers with experience, wisdom and strength of mind and body find a way to pull their feet back together and finish the race.

In the downhill, skiers must pass between appropriate flags to stay on course. Sliding wide of the course, skiers with strength and agility pull back in without missing a turn. Others are unable to recover and pass the flag on the wrong side, disqualified.

Course conditions change constantly. After a training run on hard packed snow, the sun might shine, changing the snow to slush by race time. Prepared skiers adjust the wax on their skis or their approach to the race. The unprepared skier hits the slush and slows down losing the race. Some might slip and crash, again disqualified.

Those skiers who prepared best, physically, mentally and emotionally make it to the bottom of the course. They cross the finish line celebrating their achievement with an arm pump in the air. The crowd cheers wildly.

Marriage, of course, offers similar challenges. The couple, once moving in unison through life, hits a rough patch: he heads one direction and she heads another. They grow apart. They veer off course, straying from healthy marital pursuits. Instead one puts another relationship, work, hobby, or self ahead of the marriage.

Family conditions constantly change adding stress: finances get tight when unexpected repairs are needed, kids enter the picture and date nights evaporate, fights ensue over the inlaws or holiday plans, and health problems creep in. Dedication to the marriage can be eclipsed, slowing the couple down. Sadly, the problems throw the couple so off course they call it quits, never making it to the finish line.

To finish strong, a couple must have the commitment and focus of an olympic gold medalist. Focused on Jesus, dedicated to finishing strong, willing to compromise and change to meet needs as they arise, a marriage can flourish. The couple finishes the race, hand in hand, victorious.

Dear God, I pray for marriages today in the words of Hebrews 12:1-2: "Surrounded then as we are by this rank of witnesses, let us strip off everything that hinders us, as well as the sin which dogs our feet, and let us run the race that we have to run with patience, our eyes fixed on Jesus - the source and goal of our faith." Help us finish strong, Lord. Amen.

Forever Friends

As Rob and I approach our 20th wedding anniversary (this summer - celebrating at Disney without kids!!!!), memories seem to pop into my mind unbidden. Some years have been fantastic. A few seasons, I'd love to forget. Somehow, through the ups and downs, we always come back around to "us."

We didn't get here by accident. We're here because we know that marriage is more than an action, it's a covenant. Our wedding vows were our holy promise to God to always love. Always.

We understand that our actions are not our hearts. When I mess up, Rob finds a way to help me through until I regain my equilibrium. When he gets funky, I generally am the first to notice. We pray each other through. We put up with the junk, knowing that someday it will pass.

We know that dreams matter. Rob's dreams of mission work, his desire for business ownership, and even his dreams of fancy chef knives matter to me. My dreams to write, travel, and teach matter to him. We cheer each other on.

We forgive often and let it go. Rob's better at this one than I am, I must confess. I can hold a grudge, but I am learning! Those ugly moments always lead us to a greater understanding of one another.

We don't look back. We don't look around. We look up. Our marriage will never look like anyone else's. Our early years - the simple times with no major responsibilities - aren't coming back... not with three kids and all that they encompass! God gave us to one another; we look to Him.

We pray. Prayer is the glue - it draws us closer to God. He draws us closer to each other. When the journey hits a bump, we can look at our prayer life and see that we've slacked off. God wants us to succeed. Satan doesn't. Prayer makes the difference.

Dear God, Thank you for my husband. Thank you for developing an interest in the things that interest him. Help me become a better support to him for his career and his dreams. Help me always to honor and respect his work for our family. Bless him today in his work and fill his heart with dreams for the future. Thank you for being our glue. Stick with us, Lord, we have a long way still to go! Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Amazing Race

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it last week, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Five years ago, on our China trip to bring our little girl home, we hit a snag quite early in the trip. We flew from Raleigh, NC to Minneapolis to Tokyo and then to Shanghai, China. Everything to that point went so well. After spending a short night in Shanghai, we headed back to the airport for our trip to Beijing, where we'd spend three days touring the city before the final leg of our trip and our daughter.

Shanghai's airport, if you've never been, is essentially a gigantic warehouse. HUGE! Bigger than any airport I had ever seen. There were so many ticket counters, we were just overwhelmed. Thankfully, we traveled with a guide. All we had to do was follow her and board the plane.

Nope!

Our family stepped up to the counter, presenting our paperwork so the agent could print our tickets. Rob's ticket printed. Nathan's ticket printed. Ben and I were denied. What???

I wish I could say I suddenly broke into fluent Mandarin and straightened the whole thing out, but no.... This is a God story, not a Karen story. Karen suddenly felt panicked, scared, frustrated, overwhelmed. Our guide was much the same.

She finally decided to take the rest of our group, 23 families in all, to the plane, instructing me to remain in the lobby with Ben. I watched, a bit terrified, as my husband and older son disappeared around the corner headed to our plane. Instantly - though an instant too late - I realized Rob had our passports, my driver's license, and all but $50 U.S. in the travel bag. The enormity of the problem hit me square between the eyes.

Then it got worse. Our older son is the adventurer. He can turn any lemon, even a moldy one, into delicious lemonade. The more thrilling the journey, the better. Ben, sweet son number two, prefers order, calm, and process. I looked into his enormous blue eyes, swimming with fear. I could have fallen in.

My mama instinct kicked in. I dropped to my knees and grabbed both his hands in mine. Looking steadily into his eyes, I said, "Now we pray." I thanked God for getting us safely to China. I praised him for his faithfulness in all things. And I laid our very specific, time-sensitive need at his feet. Amen.

Standing, I took Ben firmly by the hand, leading him back to the ticket counter. As we approached, a woman stepped out of line and approached the counter. She spoke, words I couldn't understand, with emotion and feeling. She pounded the counter. She pointed at the agent and then pointed at me. The ticket agent looked down and she walked away.

Arriving at the counter, the ticket agent pulled two tickets out of the machine. He handed them to me and in broken English, said, "Run."

Grabbing Ben's tiny hand with a death grip, we ran. And ran. And ran. Toward the very last gate in the terminal. Beyond our flight time, we ran. At one point, he stalled. "I can't run anymore. It hurts." Inspired, I exclaimed, "Ben, this is our Amazing Race. We are not going to miss our plane. Now -- let's -- run!"

At the gate, I handed over the tickets. We were escorted to the waiting (I hoped) plane. As we boarded, the passengers, friends and strangers both, erupted in cheers. I erupted in tears. Ben and I collapsed into our giant, leather seats in first class. Cool, huh?

It's been years since that trip. Our family remembers God's faithfulness that day. From ticketless to first class, because some stranger stepped out of line the moment we prayed. God is good!

Into our memorial box, which for now is a simple shoe box, I place a tiny, plastic airplane to remind myself that when I feel small and forgotten, God is just as big as he has always been and will take care of me.

That's too silly...

Have you ever told someone about a situation in your life and had them offer to pray for you, only to think it's too small or insignificant to merit prayer?

Having suffered from migraines for years, I don't really think to ask others for prayer when a migraine gets me down.

I don't know that I've ever called a friend to pray with me as I turn the house upside down to find my car keys. Yet, without those keys my day goes haywire. I turn into a witch - really. My hair stands on end, every "wart" pops out, and my eyes glare, red and menacing.

When my husband suffered a minor, yet temporarily life-impacting illness, we didn't think to ask friends to pray. We just muscled through. My dear friends, wiser than us, stormed the gates. They understood that prayer, even for something "minor" and temporary, is vital to the Christian life. They surrounded us in loving prayer - for quick healing, for the pain to go away, and for strength as he recovered.

"Pray without ceasing." (1 Thess. 5:17)

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." (Phil. 4:6)

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Eccl. 4:12)

God asks us to present all things to him by prayer and supplication. He cares, about our lost car keys, our moodiness, and yes, even our migraines.

How about you? Do you minimize your life thinking that your situation doesn't merit prayer? Or do you boldly ask friends to join you - not selfishly, but to become more of who God wants you to be? You know, patience, peace, calm, clarity, healing, so God can be glorified through the work he does in your life?

So what's holding you back? Let's pray!

Holy Spirit Livin'

After a call from a dear friend the other day, I got to thinking.

Do I have any business telling other mommies how I get it done? Why would anyone want to know what I've done to produce such fabulous kids? (Stick with me here... this is not a self-promotion post.) I could get all prideful, claiming incredible parenting wisdom, but that's not the case.

I'm a complete mommy moron! I mess up all the time. And I repeat my mistakes. That's fine when washing hair: lather, rinse, repeat. It's not so good with meatloaf or mommy mistakes.

On my own, I am a selfish, prideful, demanding mess. Depending on myself to mother my kids, I'd be so stressed out a chiropractor would file my chart under "Pretzel." The energy required to balance my selfishness against the desire to do it right, unfathomable.

I'm Holy Spirit livin' instead. I listen to God's nudging through the Holy Spirit (or at least I try to). I parent not in my own strength, but in God's strength. We talk all the time, about everything.

Screaming and thumps come from upstairs. My first reaction is, "Oh God, what are they doing?" I actually mean "God, give me strength and wisdom as I climb these stairs cuz I know I wanna bite someone's head off." He gets there a step ahead of me. Usually, I listen, reacting calmly in the chaos, redirecting energy to more appropriate pursuits. Usually.

Sometimes, the Holy Spirit reminds me that kids are kids and this is no big deal but I completely ignore him. I yell, scream, rant, stamp my feet, point fingers...

A long, "Oooooooh" escapes the reader's lips at my admission of complete mommy meltdown (at least that's how I picture you reading this).

Disaster. Hurt feelings. Yucky day.

I realize that Holy Spirit livin' is a lot like reading a blog (second disclaimer... this is not self-promotion). You can read a blog - any blog - and have nothing sink in. "Ahhh, that's nice," you think. And off you go, completely unaffected by the words you just read. Same thing with reading scripture. Or listening to a sermon.

Or, you can read a blog or passage of scripture, relate to it, digest it, and apply those lessons to your own life. Your life is transformed as you relate to the successes and failures of other imperfect mommies.

Holy Spirit livin' takes it to a whole new level. Listen to the Holy Spirit's nudge to parent God's way and follow it. Of course, you can sense the nudge, ignore it, and fail miserably (like me).

It's my hope - and my blogging prayer - that as I share, you won't be unaffected. I hope God takes what I write and speaks to you through it. More than anything, I hope these words inspire you to take a step closer to Him. There is absolutely nothing better than your own Holy Spirit livin'!

God bless!

Stepping out of the boat...

... and trying not to tip it.

As a homeschooling mommy, I have certain responsibilities that cannot be ignored - like schooling with my kids. I'm also the family planner, family chauffeur (I want the black hat), and maid (though I do "employ" a small staff of fine assistants). Sometimes, though, I just want to scream - what about me??? When do I get to be ME???

Honestly, it's not that I want to scream - I do scream. Yesterday, in fact.

My heart is full of passion to write. One story. It lays so heavy on my heart that I can hardly breathe. Yet, the thought of actually writing is overwhelming. Will an agent ever see the pages - not if I don't write them. And how can I write when I have all this mommying to do? Assuming the pages get written, will they be accepted? rejected? Simply overwhelming.

But, then, Jesus comes along, as He is known to do.

"Karen," He says, "You don't need the answers. You just need me. Step out of the boat. Follow me."

Sudden peace. Instantaneous, perfect calm.

I'm a mommy. I'm a writer - or at least a wannabe writer. God gave me both. With my eyes fixed on Jesus, I am going to step out of this boat. I don't think He'll let it tip.

What changed?

I'm still in awe of the changes in my child since Sunday - can you tell? Does this, my third consecutive post on the subject, clue you in?!

Rob and I attribute the transformation to a number of things, each a good lesson in Godly parenting:

• Pray! God's word says, "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you" (1 Peter 5:7) and "Pray continually" (1 Thess. 5:17). We prayed for this situation for years, believing (most of the time anyway) that it would improve someday.
• Become consistent! God admonishes parents not to exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4). Inconsistent parenting is irritating to children. It sets them up to fail. It's not just about consistency with one child, but consistency with all the children. Don't come down harder on the oldest, because they're older. And don't let the youngest get away with things, just because they're "so cute." (Not that kids should be treated exactly the same. Family expectations should be uniform, though. Individual discipline should fit each child's personality.)
• Become united. Jesus said in Matthew 12:25, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." While Rob and I always agreed with one another in theory, we did not always have the same passion to follow through. One of us would grow weary and let things slide. It wasn't until we both decided that under no circumstances would we bend or waver did our child's behavior begin to change.
• Become patient. God works in our hearts long before it shows. Mark 4:26-28 says, "...A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain-first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head." Just like a grain must germinate before it becomes a plant, our children must work through what we teach, practicing and processing it before they can apply it. It takes time to learn obedience and good decision making, just as it takes time to learn to walk. We may not see it happening, but it is.
• Have fun! "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth." (Psalm 100:1). God wants us to enjoy our lives. Make noise together. Play together. It's important to enjoy one another, even though parenting is hard.

Through our battles, God developed each of these things in Rob and me. I am not the same mom I was five years ago. Or a year ago, even. With God's help, I have changed, just as my child has.

Faithfulness

Fear not, for I have redeemed you,

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Isaiah 43:1-3

Yesterday I shared my surprise at our stubborn child's sudden change of heart after years of battle. We've begun day three of the new attitude. It's just as wonderful today as it was Sunday. Refreshing. Very much appreciated.

Those battle years were really tough. Many times, I cried or screamed in frustration. Our other kids learned that I get really angry when I am afraid. I was often afraid, fearful that our child would never develop a sense of right and wrong. I feared for this child's future. My heart broke - often.

If I had to go through it again (and I really hope I don't!), I hope I would remember this passage:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you,

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

Fear not, Karen, for I, your God, have redeemed you.

I have called you by name, Karen; you are mine. You are not your own.

Your child, too, is mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

When your child lies without care,

I will be with you. You do not fight that battle alone.

I love your child and will not forget.

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When your child persists in greediness and destructiveness,

I will be with you. Though you fear for this child, I promise you will not be overwhelmed.

I am bigger than even this behavior, and I will get you both through it.

This is not the end. You will not drown.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

When your child glares at you with cold, vacant eyes, seemingly without care,

you do not bear this pain and fear alone.

I will protect your heart. I am bigger than this.

I am with your child, too. This is not the end.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Because I am YOUR God, the Holy One, Your Savior.

I was, am and always will be. You are not forgotten.

You do not fight this battle alone. Neither does your child.

Isaiah 43:1-3

God is God over all. He never changes. He cares about my pain. He cares about your pain. What do you need to give to Him today?

Persistence

One of our children has caused a bit of grief at home - for years. The battle? This child's stubborn, strong will. When dinner didn't appeal to our strong-willed wonder (SW for short), SW could chew a bite for 15 minutes refusing to swallow. SW knows that "stealing" is wrong, but didn't seem to care, taking things "just because I want it." SW would stubbornly refuse to do chores, "because I want to play."

We don't indulge this type of behavior. We discipline it. For years. Our child has spent more hours in the corner than any kid I know. This child has apologized - often coached to say the right words, then to say them again respectfully - more times than I can count. There's more, but you get the idea.

We prayed for wisdom - how do we discipline the heart, God? We prayed for strength - I just want to quit, God. This is so hard. We prayed for love - God, help us love this one the way they need love and not focus just on the misdeed after misdeed after misdeed. We prayed for perseverance - God help us remember that you will honor our commitment some day. We prayed with our child, too, providing the words so we could all pray together.

Last week was particularly tough. It seemed that instead of getting better, SW decided to pull out all the stops and do everything they could think of to create chaos at home. We got to the point where we looked this child in the eye and said, "No matter how many times you do this, we will discipline you. Because, child, we (pause) love (pause) you. We won't quit until you do."

Yesterday, everything changed. Suddenly! Our child greeted us in the morning with a different face. There was peace in SW's eyes - we could see it. The tone of this child's voice was different. The way SW walked, talked, sat, played, did chores. You name it. This child was transformed. All the things that have caused us fits for years - I mean FOR YEARS - suddenly evaporated.

I'm so surprised, but I don't know why. How often has God reminded me - you know, that nudge from the Holy Spirit that we wish we could ignore - to make the right choice, even though I consistently ignored it? I have a bad day and "take it out on the kids," yelling over little things, just because of my selfish mood. I complain about other drivers because I'm in a rush. Just like my child, there's more, but you get the idea.

Yet God is always patient with me. He forgives AND forgets, every time I ask. He always offers me another chance. He lets me go through it again and again until I finally understand. He never quits.

Dear God, Please give me wisdom. Discipline my heart when I need it. When I want to quit, give me strength to continue. When I don't want to love others, fill my heart with Your love and love them through me. Forgive me of my pride, my selfishness, and my own stubborn will. Thank You for not giving up on me. Thank you for your love that will not quit. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

** Image comes from http://www.markwoolley.com/PrintPiece.cfm?ArtistsID=442&NewID=7099 **

Gung Hay Fat Choy

This year, Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year come together the same day. God's love and a little girl from China intersected in our hearts and our family in much the same way. Today we celebrate both holidays in the spirit, energy and joy of our daughter, a gift of love from our heavenly father.

Ellie came to us from China five years ago. She is here because of God's amazing love for her! He called us to take the journey of adoption - to our precious girl. His love provided her a family, especially an earthly daddy to teach her about her heavenly father. We hope she will grow up knowing that God loves her more than anything (John 3:16), that He has a plan for her life (Jer. 29:11) and that she can trust him all her life (Psalm 9:10).

Our special double-holiday includes delicious Chinese food and a prayer for our children: In the words of 1 John 3:18, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth." Wherever God leads, whatever He calls you to do, let your life reflect His love for you. Amen

If you'd like to celebrate like us with some yummy, simple Chinese food, check out this recipe for chicken teriyaki in an orange-ginger-garlic sauce. YUM!

"Gung Hay Fat Choy" - Best wishes! Have a prosperous and good year.

Happy Birthday to my best friend, my husband

Happy Birthday, Rob!

I love you!

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint,

and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

Proverbs 17:27

Rob's birthday, 2009

We are blessed by your gentle love, quiet leadership and dedication to our family.

You are an amazing father!

Nashville, TN, 2009

Spiderman, we marvel at your hidden talents.

Who knew you could climb like this?

I think I'm thankful that you inspire the kids to soar to new heights :)

Petionville, Haiti, January, 2010

You lead by example, no words required, with a compassionate heart.

I pray that this year will be filled with more love, more joy, and more dreams come true.

Thank you for making each day so special for everyone you know.

We love you!

Loving kids

My daughter is so excited about Valentine's Day. She has been coloring and cutting hearts all week long. She's already given me many Valentine's Day. It's really cute. Each card reminds me how very much my daughter loves gifts: give her a new hairbow and she's delighted for days.

My boys are different. Nathan gets quite frustrated if I work on the computer while I talk with him. He can't stand it. I don't blame him. I don't like it either. Instead, he wants to know that he has my attention and am willing to set aside what I'm doing to focus on him. We travel well together - he talks and I really can't get too distracted by dishes, chores or the computer when I'm driving.

Ben is all about the hug. It's impossible to pass by him in the hall without a hug. He visibly wilts when the hugs don't come frequently enough. I have always known it, but when Rob was in Haiti, I was on high hug alert the whole time. He craves hugs.

Psalm 139:14-15 reminds us that each one specially made:

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful.

This Valentine's Day, I'm going to honor my kids for who they are. Since I'm not much into the trappings of Valentine's Day, this year I'm doing it differently. I plan to love them each the way God designed them - the way they were made to be loved.

I can't wait.

New Season... New Look

Hey all,

Let me know what you think of the new blog design. I was getting tired of that green background, so I opted for light and simple. :)

When I'm done here, maybe I'll clean out a closet or two... but I doubt it.

I'll probably go find some chocolate instead.

Thanks for visiting.

Karen

The two will become one

Marriage. It's meant to be a journey for life. God never intended it to be disposable, convenient, or uncommitted.

Matthew 19:4-6 says, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Let not man separate." How about wife?

Every time we complain about our spouse (I write, of course, from the wife's point of view here), we break down our own marriage. Not the boss, not his friends, not his mother... us. Ouch!

God designed marriage as a union, "the two will become one flesh." His perfect plan. All too often, we kill it, and we don't even realize it. Think about this:

• Hubby works late, either to earn extra money for the family or to finish up so he doesn't have to bring work home. Do you call a friend and "vent" about the dried out dinner in the oven? Or complain about how he's never around to help with the kids?
• You haven't gone out on a date in three months. You tell a friend how unromantic he is or that you wish your husband did what hers does instead of communicating to your spouse how much you would love to go out with him.
• He leaves his dirty clothes all over the floor in the bathroom. You air that dirty laundry at your women's group... You know how it goes, "My husband...." "Yeah, well I can top that. Can you believe that my husband..."

Yes, I know. We could make a similar list for the guys. (Guy readers, make your own list! Thanks.)

Proverbs 25:24 (Amplified) says, "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a disagreeing, quarrelsome, and scolding woman." How about this Valentine's Day, we give our husbands what they most need, a loving, committed, supportive wife.

Dear God, Thank you for creating marriage. Thank you for bringing Rob and me together almost 20 years ago, giving me a nurturing, gentle, kind, loving husband. I am abundantly blessed. Please forgive me for those times when I focus on what he doesn't do instead of all the incredible things he does for me and our family. Bless him today. Help all of us, God, remember why we married in the first place. Help us rediscover the beautiful love You have given. In Your Son's name I pray. Amen

* If you would like to read more about honoring leadership - that includes the husband - please read this article: Check your heart: The small demonstrations of disloyalty at my friend's blog.

Little Lovely is HOME!!!

February 10, 2010. The day that Lovely finally came home.

She has a mommy and a daddy.

She has a warm bed.

She has a solid roof over her head.

She is loved.

Thank You, God, for answered prayer.

Why?

Starting 2010 fresh, our church participated in a 21-day fast with other churches across the world. Our goal: to focus our hearts on God and His purpose. We prayed for the local church and the Christian church worldwide. We prayed for our families, our work, our ministries. You name it, and we probably prayed for it at some point.

When I laid my own life before God, my prayer was quite simple... Why? Why God have you filled me with this overwhelming passion to write? What's your plan with it?

I have written all my life. When my mom and I fought, because I'm stubborn and prideful (see this post) we fought often, I wrote her long letters of explanation - sometimes with a bit of apology thrown in. I definitely should have apologized more and explained less... but the point is, we worked it out through written word.

Pre-internet (a very long time ago, indeed) I wrote long letters to my grandmothers, sharing stories of college life. When my maternal grandmother's vision began to fade, I painstakingly printed letters to her with bold marker in large print.

During our 21-day fast, Haiti's devastation struck. Our church prayer focus changed. We prayed for Haiti. In no time, my husband was there. Through this little blog, God gave him and his team a voice to share their story. I posted entries, often tearfully, simply amazed that He had orchestrated the trip and the story.

I don't write for my own glory. Read a few posts - my ugly warts are all here! Those warts, though, draw me closer to God. They allow me to share the gift of His wonderful redeeming love. I'm not a singer. I don't play piano. I write.

Dear God, May my words bring you glory. May the lessons from my own life minister to others as You minister to me. I adore You. Thank you for this passion You have given me. Amen

* When you visit, please feel free to share your thoughts. Our faith is strengthened when we are open and honest with each other. If you have a need, ask other readers to pray. When God reminds you of how He has worked in your life, let us all know. Praise Him for all He has done and will continue to do. I am only one voice... I write to God.

Remembering God's Faithfulness

Just after 9/11, I fell into the darkest depression. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t tear myself from the television set. Glued, I watched hour after hour of horror as news coverage of events in New York droned on.

Drowning in sorrow, I felt like God had abandoned me. We had just moved to a new state where we knew no one. Our furniture hadn’t arrived yet. All I had was this t.v. window to the world, a dark, scary world.

My husband was faithful to me through it all. He never blamed me for my behavior. He tried, every weekend, to find a church home for our family. Some place that would offer me comfort, solace, and security. That, too, seemed to be lost. I refused to go.

One Sunday, after he had dutifully dressed the kids and prepared to visit yet another church, I begged him to stay home. I told him that if he stayed with me that day that the following week, I would attend whatever church he chose, giving God one last shot.

He agreed. I followed through. The church we went to was amazing. People were so welcoming. They reached out to my kids, helping them feel comfortable in class. In the sermon, the pastor challenged his congregation to remember the church is the one place that can offer hope to the hopeless not in the institution of church, but through the love of its people. God’s people brought me to thin places where I could know Him again.

* This post is my entry for the Thin Places Win a Kindle essay contest. I only learned of the contest yesterday, and the deadline is this Friday, February 12 at midnight! Entries must contain exactly 259 words and the winner will receive a free Kindle reader. Up for the challenge? Follow the link and get writing!

I'm so proud!

Pride. I think that might be the dirtiest word I know.

The Bible warns against pride (Proverbs 16:17-18):

The highway of the upright avoids evil;

he who guards his way guards his life.

Pride goes before destruction,

a haughty spirit before a fall.

I've battled pride all my life. I call it "righteous indignation" sometimes - and let myself believe that I have a right to be angry. It's not true though. Anger when I feel I've been wronged is simply ugly pride. Ooooohhhhh, changing the label to reflect the truth. That's a mirror I don't want to look in!

Haughtiness... what a word. I don't think I want to look in the mirror to see that one either. It means (are you ready for this) "arrogantly superior and disdainful." Yuck. Arrogant? Disdainful? Oh, no. That's not me.

Yes. It is. My kids have a bad day and I become self-righteous. I preach. I scream. I refuse to acknowledge that they are following my own bad example. My husband comes home from work late on the one day I happen to cook dinner. I slam doors. I sit down at the table with a big "hmmmph." He gets the message all right, "Don't work hard for us. Be here when I slave over a hot stove and be grateful." I told you looking in that mirror is U-G-L-Y.

How much time have I wasted being "righteous"? How many relationships have I hurt, or worse, ruined?

It's not too late though. The first step to overcoming a character flaw is to honestly recognize it. Now I can ask God to fill me up, to change me and mold me into who He really wants me to be. I can ask Him to guard my thoughts. I can ask His help to recognize my pridefulness more quickly and respond appropriately.

I can meditate on God's word, filling my heart with His thoughts. More of Him and less of me.

James, brother of Jesus, encouraged the early church to "understand this: everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." (James 1:19). Jesus warned, "I tell you that on the day of judgment people will have to account for every careless word they speak." (Matthew 12:36). By God's grace I am forgiven for my careless words. For that I am thankful.

At the same time I don't want to ruin another relationship. I don't want to waste time in my own self-righteousness.

Dear God, let the words from my mouth reflect a heart that loves You and lives for You. Let my words be pleasing to you. Help me "guard my way" so that I might "guard my life." Let this pridefulness die in me so that I can love and serve with a humble spirit. Amen.

Life is back to normal

Rob's been home from Haiti for a few days. We're all caught up on sleep. Life is back to "normal." Sounds good, right?

Unfortunately, "normal" isn't all it's cracked up to be!

While Rob traveled, our kids amazed me. They cleaned up after themselves without being asked. They helped with the laundry, the garbage, and the vacuuming. The boys actually initiated outdoor playtime with their sister. Cooperation ruled the day, every day.

With Daddy home, you'd think life would be beautiful. All that cooperation and the lessons learned would carry over and we'd have the happiest family on the planet. WRONG! We're happy enough, but the cooperation? Gone. Initiative? Gone. Replaced by laziness (kids walking past piles of clean clothes as if they don't exist, garbage can overflowing) and self-centeredness (I want... I want... I want...). What happened?

Life happened.

Our kids rose to the occasion when Rob left. They understood that extra effort would help us all get through the trip easier. When he got home, they went back to self-centered kid living, helping when asked (a couple of times), but not trying so hard anymore.

Isn't that like all of us, though? I see it in ministry - there's somebody doing it, so I don't have to. Yet, we never have enough team members in ministry. It shouldn't be like the Marines: "The few, The proud." It should be all of us, together, giving our best to make it happen. That's how the "Acts church" was.

It happens with kids and grades. I did "well enough." So many students are satisfied with a B or C, turning in homework late or poorly done, though they know that with some effort, they could do much better. At work, when we see the boss coming or that there will be an inspection, we put in a little extra effort. Really, that effort should be the standard.

God knows we tend to act this way, and He warns us:

You lazy fool, look at an ant.

Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.

Nobody has to tell it what to do.

All summer it stores up food;

at harvest it stockpiles provisions.

So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?

How long before you get out of bed?

A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,

sit back, take it easy-do you know what comes next?

Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,

poverty your permanent houseguest!

Proverbs 6:6-11 (MSG)

Honestly, I'm right there with the kids. The laundry has piled up since Rob got home. I'll get to it, eventually. It's time for me to apply this Bible passage to my own life and make sure I'm setting a good example for my kids! Maybe, hopefully, they'll notice and that cooperation and self-initiative will return. Let's redefine "normal."

Super Sunday

Superbowl Sunday is one of my favorite days of the year. My kids always seem to cheer for opposing teams. My husband gets in on the action. I cheer for whoever the underdog is (though if the Carolina Panthers or Cleveland Browns ever make it, I'll cheer for them).

I love the discussion that leads up to the Superbowl. "Who're you pulling for?" (That's how they ask around here). "I don't care who wins. My team didn't make it." and all the related ribbing.

Now that my boys are a little older, 12 and 15, I've solved one of the great mysteries of men: How guys choose "My Team."

Ask any guy who he cheers for, and he'll give you a quick answer. Then ask him if that team won - or played in - the Superbowl when he was 10. I guarantee, that's his team!

Guys born in the mid-1960's love the Steelers of the 1970's. (That would include my brother).
Guys born in the early 1970's. love the Cowboys of the late 70's-early 80's.
Guys born just a little later, love the San Francisco 49ers.

Ladies, there is absolutely nothing we can do to make sense of our guys' crazy obsession with their teams. They will love them when they're good or when they're bad... Though, generally, our guys aren't so fun to live with when their team is bad. This obsession with pro football goes back to childhood. We can't fight it.

GO Colts. GO Saints. I say, "GO commercials!"

Ten Days, One Picture

It's not really possible to sum up ten days of pain, hurt, fatigue, illness, chaos, hope, joy, and love in one picture, but if it could be done, this would be the picture:

Of this husband, Rob wrote, "I have also seen men care for their wives in ways I have never seen before. They are cleaning up after them - blood, stool, urine, vomit. Holdling them, singing to them, encouraging them, being servants and loving their wives in sickness and poorer. It's humbling."

They're Home

YEA!!! They are home! That's probably all I need to say, but...

1. They are healthy.
2. There were no delayed flights (considering weather and late day travel, that's amazing!).
3. They are physically, mentally and emotionally strong (they had a full day in the D. R. to "debrief" among themselves).

God answered every prayer for this trip in amazing ways - from the preparation to go all the way home! Thank You, Lord, for your love and faithfulness! You are AWESOME!!!

Thank you, everyone who joined in prayer for Team #3. We are so thankful to you!

P.S. Photos coming soon. You're gonna fall in love with these kids =-D

I can do all things...

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Phil. 4:13 (NKJV)

Two weeks ago today, Rob got the call to go to Haiti. The next four days flew by as we prepared Rob for the trip: clothes, medical supplies, meds, clif bars and beef jerky. Warp speed. It all went so smoothly, you'd think we prepared for weeks.

Early that Sunday morning, I hugged him good-bye at the airport, without shedding a single tear. Completely calm: no butterflies in my stomach, no sweaty palms, no worries. Rob's excitement overflowed. He was ready.

These ten days have been... uneventful - for us. Quite eventful for Rob (as you know if you've been reading the blog). Every morning, Nathan got up for school. I joined him, prayed with him like his dad usually does, and sent him on his way. Ben did his school here at home, if anything, more consistently than usual. Piece o' cake. Ellie was... well, Ellie. Her normal self.

Looking back on our journey - we've never been away from Rob for so long - I find it amazing. When Rob's around, I'm usually ready to pass the parenting baton the instant he walks in the door and take a break. I marvel that I didn't burn out, blow up or run screaming from the house (can you see it - mom flies out front door, hair standing on end, bathrobe flapping behind her, screaming... tee hee).

I'm not sure why I'm so surprised though. God called Rob to Haiti. Of course, He would prepare me as well. He's the ultimate family man! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That includes, parenting my kids the way God wants when He sends my husband out to be His hands and feet!

Rob has most certainly changed because of this trip. So have I.

Reflections on Haiti - a Devotional

From Darrin:

My devotional this morning comes from Psalm 86. Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am your poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God, save your servant who trusts in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.

One of the many memories from our work in Haiti was a young girl that suffered a pelvic fracture during the earthquake. She had surgery to repair the fracture and apparently lost a significant amount of blood. She came back to the hospital and had a hemoglobin of less than 4. She needed a blood transfusion or she would likely die. With the hard work of Bradley Jowers, we were able to get some blood for this patient. We received 4 units of blood and started the transfusion. As the transfusion progressed, the girl came back to life.

At about sunrise the next morning, I thought I heard a radio. It was not a radio, it was the girl that received the blood transfusion. She was singing and reading her Bible. She was close to death at sundown and before sunrise, she was singing her own praise and worship.

I leave Haiti with a heavy heart. Team 4 is in charge now. They will be at Petionville Community Hospital to hold a hand, provide a gentle touch, give a high five to Elephete [Elephete is three and touched everyone's heart], play with Renalda and Renande, and try to provide stability in the middle of chaos.

Haiti Team #3 Wrapping Up

I don't think we'll ever understand how difficult this trip was. Each time I get an update, the team is either up, celebrating some small - or not so small - miracle, or down, because of some horrible thing that happened. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Yet, I know that prayer got them through. They are a close group, and God is with them.

Sheryl Cuppy sent one last note of their final workday in Haiti.

Today was the best yet. The tetanus man made it through the night. He got his meds and is still there. Not conscious yet, but stable by Haitian terms. When I walked into the ICU this morning they were coding a small child, and there were no nurses in ICU. I started helping and we were doing CPR, and we got him intubated and a central line in him...then they wanted to ship him somewhere that could take care of him, and they found a hospital and we had to take him. So the doctors were deciding how to get him there and 3 doctors were going and they needed a nurse, so I got to go. We put the child in a SUV and off we went. We had the driver and father in front seat, me and two doctors in back seat and a PA in the very back holding the huge oxygen tank.
Then we took off on the ride of our lives. Took us 35 mins to get down town Port au Prince to an army tent hospital, and it was crazy. Took us an hour and half to get back. Can you imagine. It was scary. The driver was on his horn and we were going in the left lane into coming traffic, and weaving in and out. We only hit one other car. It made driving in Italy look like nothing. I was holding the baby in my arms and the doctor on my right had his arm around me holding me steady so I could hold the baby steady, and he was bagging the baby with his other hand. I was praying for our safety. After delivering the baby to the army tent we actually got to look at some bulidings and we saw the Palace ...and a lot of homes. Of course I did not have my camera today..I am trying to save my battery for our tour of down town tomorrow, so I did not have it with me today. Would have loved to get a picture of us driving an intubated child in a SUV through Haiti traffic. Incredible.
I am sad that tomorrow is our last work day. I want to stay, but yet I want to come home. I am torn. I know one thing,... I will be back. This has been the best thing I have ever done.. These people are awesome. Don't believe everything they are saying on TV. These people are incredible and I have not felt unsafe once. Of course I am being careful and staying with my group, but even today when we were out in the town and it was just a few of us, we stopped by the palace and were talking with some people. They smile at us and wave. They are so appreciative and they DON'T complain about anything.
Well thats all for today.

And from Rob Dawkins.

I'm feeling much better now than last night. I wanted to let you know sooner, but the hospital computers didn't work and this was the first chance to email with this computer. Hospital toilets also did not work. Too much choas here to call. I slept for 1/2 hour in a chair last night and about 3 hours in the lounge area. Bradley and Darrin kept people away from me and told them to go away when they came to find me. That was awesome!

We went downtown and it was very sad. The amount of destruction and the number of buildings down or near down was staggering. I took and lot of pics and some video. After a while, I had to stop looking and taking pics. I got out my Bible and read from Proverbs. I don't even remember what I read or if it was applicable to my current situation, but the peace of God came over me and since I have felt much better. I'm still heart broken for Haiti and all these people that are injured, but my own sadness seems much better. I slept on the bus back from the city for a while and then fell asleep for 1/2 hour after dinner. I actually feel rested at the moment.

I really miss all of you very much and can't wait to get home. We will likely leave at about 7 am for the DR. We have nothing to do there, so will probably go to the Hard Rock Cafe. Thanks for the love and support. Thank you for encouraging me to come. It has been an incredible experience.

As the team comes home, pray for their transition home. For their adjustment. For their hearts, minds, and souls. And for safe travel. Thank you.

WOW!!! Time flies!

Six years ago yesterday, a milestone passed, almost unnoticed.

Exactly six years (and one day) ago, Rob and I committed our hearts to a little girl on the other side of the world. We had no idea who she was, what she looked like. Her personality. Her passions. We took our first step toward adopting our sweet Ellie.

Then, exactly five years (and one day) ago - exactly one year - we got our first glimpse of her. We learned who she was: Qiu Li Xien. Our beautiful daughter, very tiny, but healthy. Today, she's better known as Ellie. Queen of hugs, princess of dresses and all things frilly. Tough as her brothers. Daring.

Ellie, we are so thankful you are ours!

Love,

Mom

Final Days

Hello everyone,
Please join me in praying for medical team #3 as they finish up their work in Haiti today. Yes, this is their last day to:

• see patients,
• find creative ways to diagnose problems,
• worry about whether the diesel will run out,
• struggle with the English-Creole language barrier,
• work impossibly long hours without breaks,
• sweat under the tarp that provides shade, but stifles the little bit of airflow that's there,
• cry - when they lose one.

It is also their last day to:

• play peek-a-boo with the kids,
• offer help to the Haitian volunteers (who work for food),
• deliver new life into the world despite incredible odds,
• offer a hug of reassurance,
• pray on the spot for their patients,
• encourage a family,
• share God's love as they give all they've got to help.

Pray for them as they come home. For safe travel. For no delays. And for peace in their hearts, minds and souls. They have been where few of us will ever go. We won't understand. But God does.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Matt. 5:7