What a View

Rob and I recently returned from our first annual marriage retreat. We were so blessed by the experience that we know we'll do it again next year, thus the "first annual." The weekend getaway was a recommendation from our pastor and his wife, who do this every year, using Jimmy and Karen Evans marriage workbook, The Mountaintop of Marriage. It's also available at The Source, a Christian bookstore located at C3 Church.

I was skeptical of the homework since Rob and I regularly discuss kids, discipline, finances, work, dinner, chores and vacations. We're in sync most of the time. But, I went along anyway, figuring if the workbook proved lame, at least I'd get a night away with my man at a nice hotel!

How does it work?

First, decide where you'll go and what you'll do. Fun is important too!

We didn't travel far, just an hour from home. Friends kept our kids from Friday morning to Saturday evening, which gave us most of two days alone without burdening the friends too much (at least that's what they say). Once all the kids went to school, we grabbed our overnight bag and headed out.

We treated ourselves to a fancy dinner. You might say we're foodies! When you plan your own getaway, try to incorporate the things you enjoy: skiing, watersports, the beach, shopping, hiking, bowling... Whatever it is, make time to enjoy those things you most enjoy doing together.

Second, jump into that workbook.

The workbook contains four sections to guide thoughts and discussion. We completed session one over lunch at a favorite restaurant. While there were no major revelations, the questions and discussion helped us nail down some things we find most valuable about our family. We gave specific words to our hopes and desires. I could feel the skepticism fading away and an excitement building for the next discussion... but first, we had some shopping to do!

Third, enjoy the quiet moments.
Saturday morning we slept in. Ahhhh. Bliss. Over breakfast in our room, we finished our discussion and made our action plan for the year. Yes, friends, we discussed what we'd love to see happen month by month over the next year. Some goals were very specific. Others were more like a "let's try to... this month." It's impossible to plan an entire year, but it sure is great having goals sketched out.

Fourth, finish strong! Decide your goals and make your plan.
One of our major goals at home is to get organized. In that first week home, we emptied our laundry room, painted it, and installed a shelving system to completely reorganize it. It happens to have been one of our greatest stressors. Even the kids are thrilled with our fresh new space. We got that done in a week, though we gave ourselves a month. Not a bad start.

Another major goal is to be more intentional with family devotional time. We've always prayed with our kids, taught scripture, and reinforced what they learn at church, but we've never had a family plan. Our whole year is now planned and we've begun implementing the changes. It's so significant, it deserves its own post (later this week).

Our third major goal involves my dreams of writing and speaking. We know it's God's plan for me, but it sure is slow to get moving. Husbands, I can't tell you what it means to hear, "I want your dreams to come true, and I'll do whatever I can to help you achieve them." He's putting his words to action, too. He checks in with me almost daily to make sure I've had time to read, pray and write. He is working on our budget and his work schedule so I can take a few days away just to write. And more :)

Since our return, we've encouraged our friends to do it too. We gave the workbook to several couples and offered childcare. Some questions we've been asked:

• How did you get rid of the kids (family lives out of town)? We sent each kid to a friend's house. More logistics, but everyone went someplace they enjoy.
• Did you fight? Absolutely not. There were a couple questions that led to more serious conversation, but if a couple goes into it prayerfully wanting to make the coming year the best it can be, God blesses the time.
• What was your budget? We budgeted $300 and stuck to it. We love to eat good food, so we stayed at a reasonably priced hotel and picked three restaurants that fit the overall budget. No matter what you enjoy doing, you can make it happen on any budget. Staying only one night made it easier. We requested a late checkout which also helped.
• Was the discussion awkward? Not for us. We are fairly open anyway, so there weren't many surprises. The conversation might be a little more challenging for couples who don't regularly discuss finances, work, discipline, etc., but your goals will be different too. Every couple has its unique challenges and issues.
• Will you really do it again? Absolutely! Now that we've planned 2011 together, I can't imagine not doing the same for 2012 and beyond.

If you have questions that I haven't answered, please let me know. When you plan your weekend getaway, let us all know how it goes. Invest in your marriage. It's good for the whole family!