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A few weeks ago, I shared my struggle to forgive. I could justify my anger -- mama bears are supposed to protect their young. Right? But, that’s not what God’s word says. God calls us to forgive, 7 times 70! I try to let go. In fact, I’ve actively forgiven several times, but the hurt comes back. So, I pray. I ask God to help me. Again.
God’s doing His part. When Nathan and I visited Belmont, we attended a local church. The sermon topic: Forgiving. This past Sunday at our church, the sermon topic was on favoritism from James 2:1-13: Loving one more than another. At first, I heard the part about not choosing favorites. It was so easy to apply this lesson to “them.” I thought about their favoritism, hurting my child by ignoring him. It was so easy to point the finger.
Then we got to James 2:8-9, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” The royal law is explained more fully in Leviticus 19:18, “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”
Oh friends, I want to hold on to this grudge so badly. I want to build a wall so tall and sturdy that the people who hurt my son can never, never, never, never get over it. Just shut them out. Completely.
But how can I do that when God clearly instructs against it? How can I ignore the greatest commandment? That’s exactly what unforgiveness is: Choosing to love myself more than God or others. I don’t hold a grudge against myself. When I forget that my son needs time to think, I don’t hold a grudge against me. When I forget that cleaning his room requires herculean focus that he lacks, I don’t hold a grudge against myself for losing my patience with him. I do ask his forgiveness. He forgives. Easily.
If my son, the one who is truly hurt when he is judged, can forgive, why can’t I? Being a mama bear is no excuse. The Bible doesn’t make exceptions for mama bears. God calls us all to forgive, no matter how deep the hurt. My son understands. Maybe it’s time I do too.
5 comments:
I really struggle with this, too! It's not to know that I'm not alone, though I wish you weren't going through this! What has helped me quite a bit is reading the last bit of Matthew 18 over and over and over... Every time I start to feel those bitter, unforgiving feelings again, I try to discipline myself to read through it. It really helps to put things in perspective for me.
Forgiveness is so hard when it comes to someone hurting someone we love. For me, it's not so much about forgiveness as it is about acceptance. Accepting that my children are who they are and that that is OK. It sounds like a no-brainer, but it hasn't been that way for me.
A few months ago I took my kids to a playground. My daughter, who has many special needs, was having a wonderful time. I did get mad when a few of the other mothers stared, but I was more mad at a little girl, who just looked at my daughter like she was an allien. I understand it, but, I guess it was the way she was doing it. I usually will explain why Lizzy can't speak very well, but I was running around with my youngest and the opportunity didn't present itself. Later on that night Lizzy was playing and she said to one of her dolls, "You talk funny." I asked her if it bothered her when people said that. She said no. I asked her what she said and she said "I say...thank you very much" I love that. God put her in my life to teach me and she does everyday, just as your son teaches you. We are mothers, not saints, and I know God forgives us. Maybe that is all that is important? Thanks for your lovely share, sorry for the long post.
You know, for being "behind" in the academic and social world, it sure sounds to me like he's pretty far ahead in the spiritual side of things!
"And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18:3
Ophelia,
Wouldn't you know it, our kids ministry curriculum for May is forgiveness, and we start in Matthew 18!
Kathy,
I am truly thankful for the lessons my son teaches me.
Becky,
AMEN!
Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness.
I needed to hear this...one of my children has autism and so I completely understand this perspective. THANK YOU!
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