Puppy Love!

Hey my bloggy friends,
This weekend I was blessed with a whole day away from the family. LOVED IT! Our church hosted its first women's conference. About 500 wonderful women gathered together to love God, worship Him, fellowship, eat, fellowship, play, eat and worship! An absolutely awesome day.

I headed home about 9:00 Saturday night, filled with joy, refreshed in God's love, and exhausted. I looked forward to hearing about my family's day while propping my tired feet up on the couch.

Daisy, just before her first haircut.

Opening the door into the laundry room, I heard little feet scrabbling on the hardwood floor. Excited and uncoordinated she ran to me. She jumped up my legs and literally climbed up my body to snuggle against my neck. She covered me in slobbery kisses. Not my daughter. My puppy.

What a greeting. I assure you, no human (not even my husband) has ever greeted me with such enthusiasm! She cried -- this whimpering cry thing that my kids insist she only does for me. She licked my neck, my cheeks, my hair (I'm not one to enjoy that sort of thing, but...).

I walked into the family room, my guys sprawled out on the couches playing a guy-type video game, and set the puppy down. She tried to climb up me again, barking her head off, wagging not just her tail but her whole entire body. She quivered with excitement that I was home.

After I set my stuff down, I picked her up, sat down in the chair and scratched her ears. She promptly rolled to her back, still whimper-crying and looked up into my face. My son looked across the room at us (a minor miracle!) and burst out laughing. My husband chuckled too.

They filled me in on the dog's day. Basically, she laid on the floor, her little head resting on her dainty paws, unwilling to play with them. Unexcited by walks around the block or romping in the back yard. "Mom," my son exclaimed, "I told you. When you're not home, she's completely depressed." My husband added, "She was pathetic all day. She moped. She didn't eat. She WAS pathetic." Really???

True confession, it filled me with incredible joy to know someone (even if it was the dog) adores me so much. Then God whispered. That's how I want you to adore me. Uh Oh... apparently I hadn't learned everything He had planned for me at the conference.

He showed me, gently, that the same joy my dog's adoration gives me is the adoration He desires of all his people. That kind of adoration fills Him with joy. Love, complete and utter love. Nothing less. He wants me to cry out to him in love -- as my puppy cried out to me. He wants me to run and jump enthusiastically into His arms -- in the morning, before bed, throughout the day. He wants me to shower Him with kisses -- not literal kisses, of course, but can my shouts of praise show Him the love of a kiss? Can my words of thanks be a nuzzle in His neck? I think so.

I hope my joy for God shows every day -- through my words, my attitudes and my actions. Certainly, God deserves nothing less. He deserves so much more!

A Trip Back in Time

photo © 2005 Carolynn | more info (via: Wylio)
We took the kids to the roller rink last night. Fun times! Ben is an avid inline skater. He laced his skates and flew around the rink, confident and carefree. Ellie has never skated before, but she sure is spunky. She hugged the wall her first few laps. Then, bravely, she let go -- arms flailing she kept her balance. For a while. When she fell, she always popped back up laughing. She loved it.

Our evening brought back memories of my childhood trips to Moon Glow Roller Rink in Kent, Ohio. The kids from our church would go a couple times a year and we had so much fun. I was never one of the good skaters -- those kids went to the roller rink all the time. They amazed me with their ability to skate backwards and do flips, all without falling. I considered it a success just to let go of the wall and get around the rink a time or two.

I actually skated a little better last night than I used to as a kid. The first time around the rink, I stuck close to the wall. Then I got brave and let go... and I didn't fall. When I was a kid, the fear of embarrassment motivated me to do all I could to keep my feet under me. Last night, the motivation was a little different. Seriously, the whole time I skated I kept thinking of broken wrists and hips. I guess it's a sign of old age. Embarrassment no longer motivates me (you can laugh at me all you want and I won't mind it), but "old lady" fragile bones sure do!

Overall, Ben was surprised that I did so well. I really enjoyed sharing this childhood past-time with my kids. We might even go again.

What about you? Have you exposed your kids to some of your favorite childhood activities? 

I'm a "Food Network" Chef!

I used to think a good dinner included Hamburger Helper and a salad of iceberg lettuce covered in bottled Italian dressing. Twenty years ago, Food Network did not exist. Julia Child was too complicated for me. If it wasn't marked "easy" in my beloved Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, it wasn't likely to find its way to our dinner table.

A culinary nod to my northern neighbors!

That was twenty years ago. Today, I'm a better cook. I learned from the best!

• Thanks to Anne Burrell, I learned the value of mise en place. I now prepare pots, pans, cutting boards and knives before I start cooking. AND I have learned to chop my veggies to a consistent size and shape. Should Anne ever stop by for a quick dinner, she wouldn't find rogue carrot giants floating in my soup.
• From Rachael Ray, I learned that quick meals can taste "yummo!" Thirty minutes is plenty of time to get a tasty, fresh meal to the table. Thanks to Rachael, I stock my pantry and think ahead. 
• From Giada de Laurentiis, I have learned that saying it in Italian makes it taste that much better. Come on, you agree. Say, "Insalata." Doesn't that sound better than salad? My kids crack up when I announce an Italian menu. Really.
• Alton Brown taught me the science of cooking. I understand when and why to add the baking soda. I have learned that it actually is important to preheat the oven. Oh, there's so much more. Thanks to Alton, my bread is light and airy -- or it's not. Either way, it's what it's meant to be. Delicious!
• I've always been a penny pincher, and thanks to Melissa d'Arabian, I've taken good and cheap to a whole new level. We eat better, spend less, and enjoy our home cooked meals immensely.
• Paula Deen, the quintessential southern chef helped me discover my inner southern belle. Really, butter is the secret to just about anything southern. Around our house, we say, "Butter good!" 
• And finally (though others have helped too), I'd be remiss not to mention Bobby Flay. Of course, I married his twin (just check out the picture). He inspires me to push my limits. I even use green chiles once in a while, much to my family's delight!

 

Photo by Bermudatourism.com

Photo by M. Williams Photography

While my name doesn't flash across a television screen, my family declares my cooking a success! Now... I wonder if I can find my inner designer. HGTV, here I come!

Friendship! It's a gift.

Hey friends,
In response to yesterday's post, I got some sweet love. I appreciate the emails of encouragement, the texts that made me laugh, and the sincerity of your love. God did not design us to face our trials alone, and yesterday I was anything but alone. Thank you for your prayers, your love, and your encouragement. Today looks much brighter. I'm in the process of forgiving... I've confessed my anger and hurt. I've asked God to forgive my bad attitude. I've said the words, "I forgive..." My heart isn't in it yet, but I will be obedient and I will see God glorified in my weakness.

One friend out there has lived through the same pain I've been dealing with. We've never met face to face, but through our blogs. (Can I just say that I am amazed how technology can bring people together? Geography is irrelevant!) Because she's been there-experienced that, she was able to listen to my heart and help me process the pain. I'm a stronger woman today because she took time out of her own crazy life to invest in me.

That's the gift of friendship. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man (or woman) sharpens another." Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times. A brother is born for adversity." And John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." My friends, you lived out the love of God with me. You didn't leave me to wallow in my self-pity and pain. My bloggy friend listened and as I shared, the pain started to work itself out. I am beginning to realize I'm not the one who lost in all this... I will be stronger because of this experience.

 In John 16:33, Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Oh the pain. Truly, this situation has hurt me more than anything else I've ever experienced. But, Jesus has overcome the world. I can rejoice today as I choose not to stoop to new lows. I can rejoice today because I choose to let go. I can rejoice today because Jesus took this pain. He will use this experience to help someone else overcome a hurt. He will redeem this situation.

My heart is still heavy. That's okay -- God knows I will have trouble. My choice is to rejoice in Jesus. My choice is to trust in Him and experience the peace that only God can give.

Thank you, friends, for helping me climb out of the pit! Thank you for living out God's plan for friendship! I thank God for each and every one of you.
Love,
Karen

Change of Spirit

The only way to defeat a spirit is with the opposite spirit. Love defeats hate. Praise defeats negativity. Generosity defeats greed. Try it. Pastor Jimmy Evans

I might add the only way to defeat hurt is to forgive.

I know. I'm struggling to forgive right now. I don't want to forgive. I want revenge. I want to hurt the ones who hurt me. I want to lash out. Prove my point. Take a stand for justice. I want to force them to look at their actions from my point of view and admit their mistakes.

I also know that revenge, lashing out, and taking a stand rarely lead to my desired result. Such action usually leads to more hurt. Bigger problems. Deeper wounds.

Luke 6:31 says, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." What if it was me? What if I had been the one to do the hurting? Would I want my face shoved in it? No. Would I want to be humiliated? No. Would I want a tongue lashing or a lecture? No.

Would any of that change me? Sadly, no. I'd become more defensive. I'd reject me. I'd judge me a lunatic and disregard anything that ever came from my mouth again. I'd lose my integrity with me. I'd never want to talk to me again.

Jesus tells us when we are hurt to forgive, seven times seventy, forgive. (Matt. 18:22). I know Jesus' way is right. I know I've forgiven deep hurts in the past. I know that such forgiveness leads to deep peace, wholeness, oneness with God. Yet... today... I'm not quite there.

Dear God,
I look in the mirror, and I see my pain. My hurt. My unforgiveness. I know You want me to forgive. I know You are in control of even this. Please help me get there. Thank You for putting Pastor Jimmy's words before me this morning. Thank you for Matthew 18:22. Thank You for sending Jesus to die for my sins, even the sin of unforgiveness. You have wrapped me in Your truth. Help me take that step to say, "I forgive." Help me let it go and move on. Help me focus on you and not on me. Help me remember how much greater your sacrifice was than my problem is. I know that with you by my side, I will forgive. Please help me do it today and not hold a grudge.
In Jesus' precious name I pray,
Amen

(dis)respect

On our recent marriage getaway, my husband and I talked a lot about family: kids, goals, dreams, what works and what doesn’t. Our kids actually like each other (usually), and they enjoy spending time with us old people once in a while. Not bad. Then there are those days…

We dubbed them the “Cycle of Disrespect," a chronic cycle of bad attitudes and behavior that pushes others to exhibit bad attitudes and behaviors. It's hallmark symptoms include griping, complaining, and yelling. It often leads to household chaos -- everything is a mess. Here's an example pulled from real life. Perhaps you can relate? (To protect our sources, names have been changed)

• Joe’s job is to clean the kitchen each night after dinner.
• Dave knows he doesn’t have to clean the kitchen, so after dinner he takes his dishes to the kitchen and sets them down someplace convenient. Or he leaves them at the table and just walks away.
• Joe gets mad.
• Dave’s job is to clean the bathroom.
• Joe knows he doesn’t have to clean the bathroom, so after brushing his teeth, he doesn’t bother to rinse out the sink. (YUCK!)
• Dave gets mad.

The cycle of disrespect leaves everyone angry with everyone else. We don't enjoy each other or our time together. The cycle of disrespect leads to Saturdays filled with cleaning, Rob and I barking orders like drill sergeants. So much for fun-filled family days.

Imagine living a different way, which we dubbed (oh so creatively) the “Cycle of Respect.” When we act respectfully, each of us realizes that our actions affect everyone else in the family. We think about what we're doing and how it impacts everyone else. We are considerate with our words and our actions. What if each day looked like this?

• Joe’s job is to clean the kitchen each night after dinner.
• Dave takes his dishes to the kitchen, rinses them and places them in the dishwasher.
• Joe cleans the counters and wipes the table, satisfied with his efforts.
• Dave’s job is to clean the bathroom.
• Joe brushes his teeth before bed, rinses the sink and hangs the towel on the bar.
• Dave wipes down the sink and faucet, satisfied with his efforts.

The cycle of respect helps everyone feel just a little more loved and appreciated. Living this way leads to having a relatively organized house, and chores go more quickly. Saturday actually becomes family-fun day like it's supposed to be. We have time to golf, hike, kayak, and play ultimate frisbee games. The overall stress level is lower, and we enjoy our time together. Kindness breeds kindness.

This is -- and has always been -- our family’s battle. The respect just doesn’t come naturally. I admit, I’m part of the problem. I tend to see my “work” as more important than putting my own dishes in the dishwasher. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked my kids to stop whatever they’re doing to take care of something for me. Selfish, eh? Why would my kids ever put someone else first if I'm unwilling to?

Rob and I realized three things we need to change or improve:

1. We need to model the respect we expect. If we don’t respect our kids, why would they ever respect each other? Or us?
2. We need to fill our minds with thoughts of respect. To make that happen, we’re studying verses on respect and honor after dinner each night. Everyone’s working together to memorize those verses, even us old people.
3. We need to catch the kids making good choices instead of harping on their bad decisions. It’s reflexive to remind, cajole, or correct wrong behavior. It’s more effective to encourage, recognize and reward good attitudes and behavior.

When one of the kids acts selfishly, breaking the cycle of respect, we now ask, “Did that show your brother that you respect him?” Or, “What could you have done differently to show respect in that situation?” 

I’d love to say our family has been transformed by one week of living by the “cycle of respect.” But, that would be a big, fat, ugly lie! Tuesday was the day to end all horrible days. A very bad day. When Rob got home from work he took my face in his hands, looked deep into my eyes and asked, “You didn’t expect Satan to make this easy, did you?” He’s right, of course. We have to fight for the best or we won’t get it. Satan sure doesn't want my family to live by "the golden rule." He wants us to tear each other down, weakening the family structure one selfish attitude at a time.

Our kids are on board with the new viewpoint. They are willing to fight for respect -- we will “do to others as we want them to do to us.” (Luke 6:31) It may take years of practice, but we’ll get there, growing together along the way.

Get Organized! It's Biblical

Introducing my bright, organized laundry room! Read on.

Yesterday, I shared about our marriage weekend getaway to pray, plan and strategize for our family this year. One thing Rob and I noticed as we discussed the various aspects of our spiritual and home life is that we need to be more organized. From infusing our family with scriptural truth to cleaning the laundry room, our world needs a bit less chaos and a bit more order.

This past weekend, our pastor even preached on order. First Corinthians 14:33 says, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace..." Exactly the same thing Rob and I had discussed the previous weekend on our getaway. Do you think God's trying to get our attention? Peace, people. Get your lives in order and you can have peace!!! Yes, God. We hear you.

Maybe you're like me. In your head, you can see exactly how you'd like it to be. You can envision meaningful discussions at the dinner table, the real life kind where you discuss the ups and downs of the day and encourage one another with God's Word. Maybe you can relate to my inner design star -- organized spaces throughout your home. I see my beautiful, well-planned home office in my mind. We've lived here since 2002, and I can assure you, I'd fit in better on an episode of "Hoarders." The room is so bad, I pretend it doesn't exist. If the kids venture in (not that anyone wants to) and forget to close the door when they leave, it sends me into orbit.

Rob actually agreed with me. Yes, I was surprised. His greatest dream is for our family to be more connected spiritually (more on this tomorrow). His greatest frustration is weaving through the disorder of our laundry/mud room when he gets home from work each day. (I wondered why he kept coming in through the front door. Avoidance is one strategy!)

Neither of us ever wanted to finish the laundry. Literally, we'd sit side by side, listen to the dryer buzz in the next room and ask, "Do you want to get it?" "No. Do you?" "Uhhhh. NO!" One of us would cave in, gleefully walking the dog in the late night rain... leaving the other to go to the dungeon, aka laundry room.

We -- really Rob deserves ALL the credit -- did something very out of character for us. We acted. Immediately. Knowing that the laundry room causes so much stress, we decided to fix it. Our changes were dramatic, but not expensive. He pulled everything from the room and painted the walls a bright, cheery color. Since the room does not have a window, the bright color really helps. He installed shelves wall to wall all the way to the ceiling.

Then, I got busy organizing. Using inexpensive, colorful boxes, I sorted everything we store in the laundry room: lightbulbs, extension cords, household cleaners, and more. I even pulled items from the front hall closet, under the kitchen sink and in our bedroom closet. We cleaned more than just the laundry room. Yippee!

Every single member of our family loves the new and improved room. It's bright, clean and spacious. My only regret is wondering why we waited eight years to fix it. Now, on to that office...

What a View

Rob and I recently returned from our first annual marriage retreat. We were so blessed by the experience that we know we'll do it again next year, thus the "first annual." The weekend getaway was a recommendation from our pastor and his wife, who do this every year, using Jimmy and Karen Evans marriage workbook, The Mountaintop of Marriage. It's also available at The Source, a Christian bookstore located at C3 Church.

I was skeptical of the homework since Rob and I regularly discuss kids, discipline, finances, work, dinner, chores and vacations. We're in sync most of the time. But, I went along anyway, figuring if the workbook proved lame, at least I'd get a night away with my man at a nice hotel!

How does it work?

First, decide where you'll go and what you'll do. Fun is important too!

We didn't travel far, just an hour from home. Friends kept our kids from Friday morning to Saturday evening, which gave us most of two days alone without burdening the friends too much (at least that's what they say). Once all the kids went to school, we grabbed our overnight bag and headed out.

We treated ourselves to a fancy dinner. You might say we're foodies! When you plan your own getaway, try to incorporate the things you enjoy: skiing, watersports, the beach, shopping, hiking, bowling... Whatever it is, make time to enjoy those things you most enjoy doing together.

Second, jump into that workbook.

The workbook contains four sections to guide thoughts and discussion. We completed session one over lunch at a favorite restaurant. While there were no major revelations, the questions and discussion helped us nail down some things we find most valuable about our family. We gave specific words to our hopes and desires. I could feel the skepticism fading away and an excitement building for the next discussion... but first, we had some shopping to do!

Third, enjoy the quiet moments.
Saturday morning we slept in. Ahhhh. Bliss. Over breakfast in our room, we finished our discussion and made our action plan for the year. Yes, friends, we discussed what we'd love to see happen month by month over the next year. Some goals were very specific. Others were more like a "let's try to... this month." It's impossible to plan an entire year, but it sure is great having goals sketched out.

Fourth, finish strong! Decide your goals and make your plan.
One of our major goals at home is to get organized. In that first week home, we emptied our laundry room, painted it, and installed a shelving system to completely reorganize it. It happens to have been one of our greatest stressors. Even the kids are thrilled with our fresh new space. We got that done in a week, though we gave ourselves a month. Not a bad start.

Another major goal is to be more intentional with family devotional time. We've always prayed with our kids, taught scripture, and reinforced what they learn at church, but we've never had a family plan. Our whole year is now planned and we've begun implementing the changes. It's so significant, it deserves its own post (later this week).

Our third major goal involves my dreams of writing and speaking. We know it's God's plan for me, but it sure is slow to get moving. Husbands, I can't tell you what it means to hear, "I want your dreams to come true, and I'll do whatever I can to help you achieve them." He's putting his words to action, too. He checks in with me almost daily to make sure I've had time to read, pray and write. He is working on our budget and his work schedule so I can take a few days away just to write. And more :)

Since our return, we've encouraged our friends to do it too. We gave the workbook to several couples and offered childcare. Some questions we've been asked:

• How did you get rid of the kids (family lives out of town)? We sent each kid to a friend's house. More logistics, but everyone went someplace they enjoy.
• Did you fight? Absolutely not. There were a couple questions that led to more serious conversation, but if a couple goes into it prayerfully wanting to make the coming year the best it can be, God blesses the time.
• What was your budget? We budgeted $300 and stuck to it. We love to eat good food, so we stayed at a reasonably priced hotel and picked three restaurants that fit the overall budget. No matter what you enjoy doing, you can make it happen on any budget. Staying only one night made it easier. We requested a late checkout which also helped.
• Was the discussion awkward? Not for us. We are fairly open anyway, so there weren't many surprises. The conversation might be a little more challenging for couples who don't regularly discuss finances, work, discipline, etc., but your goals will be different too. Every couple has its unique challenges and issues.
• Will you really do it again? Absolutely! Now that we've planned 2011 together, I can't imagine not doing the same for 2012 and beyond.

If you have questions that I haven't answered, please let me know. When you plan your weekend getaway, let us all know how it goes. Invest in your marriage. It's good for the whole family!

Happy Birthday, Rob!!!

photo © 2010 Jasleen Kaur | more info (via: Wylio)
Hello bloggy friends,
This post is actually a day late. My incredible man celebrated his birthday yesterday... Sort of.

We squeezed a quick celebration into the day: serving kids at church, church, quick lunch. Golf with Ben. Youth group. Nathan's worship band meeting. Suddenly, 7:00 was upon us. Ellie was ready for bed.

At that point, all of us tired as the day came to a close, we gathered around the kitchen table. We sang the world's poorest "happy birthday" ever. Rob laughed. We enjoyed some crumbly cake (I tried to make it while they were golfing. AND I don't know what happened! Disaster cake.). Rob giggled as I cut it.

My dear husband, you deserve the sun, the moon and the stars. On your birthday and every day.

We adore you! We are blessed by your dedication to God and family, your heart, your love,  your patience, your kindness and your generosity. There's nothing in this whole world that could really show our love for you.

Praying that this will be your best year yet!!! And for dozens more to come.

All my love,
Karen

Praising!!!

The apostle Paul instructs believers to praise God in every circumstance. Some circumstances make it easy to pray... others, not so much.

Today, I choose to praise God for:

• Our fireplace and cozy blankets to keep the chills away
• My husband who got up with Ben throughout the night to clean his vomit since I was in bed with a fever. (Rob is highly "allergic" to vomit!!!)
• Seven-up
• Cable television
• Friends who understand when I can't make a deadline due to illness
• Hot tea a la Keurig -- so much easier than a tea kettle with the same great results
• Vicks vaporub -- and the memories that go with it. My grandma swore by it when I was little. Even if it doesn't help, it gives me a sense of comfort and takes me back to sweet memories
• Sweet memories of my grandma 
• Our sweet puppy who seems to understand I just can't play today
• My fuzzy slippers from Ellie

Now, back to bed!

Through the Window

photo © 2011 Rob Wall | more info (via: Wylio)
Each morning, Ellie bundles up in her coat and adds a backpack. We sit at the bottom of the stairs, hold hands and pray. Then I send her out the door.

I watch her walk-skip down the driveway. She seems so tiny. She thinks she's big. At the road, she checks for traffic, then walks two doors down and across the street to the bus stop. She is way too cool to have mom walk with her.

Instead, I watch through the window. The kids goof off. Sometimes they play tag. Mostly, they talk -- Ellie's arms fly with grand gestures. The bus arrives, tires squeal to a stop. Red lights flash. The kids line up single file and proceed to the bus. Usually, Ellie looks to the window and waves good-bye. Sometimes she forgets. Sometimes she shouts, "Bye, Mom." I always open the window, just in case.

Once in a while, she doesn't check for traffic before she crosses the road to her friends. She sees the fun and forgets about safety. When that happens, my heart plunges into my gut. Please, please, please, God, get her across the road safely. After school, I review the safety rules with her. It's only happened three times, but I take it seriously. She doesn't seem concerned, casually replying, "Okay, Mom. I'll remember." And she does. At least for a while.

Watching her this morning (she followed all the rules and even treated me to a shout-out), God showed me that He feels much the same about me. Just as I wait for my daughter's wave and good-bye, God waits. For my prayer. For my acknowledgement. For my love. Holding his breath. Wondering. Will she remember that I AM here? Loving, watching, protecting, encouraging. Or will she tackle the world her own way? Forgetting that she needs Me?

He watches, right there as I step out in life. He wants me to reach my destination even more than I do. When I forget my purpose, His Spirit nudges me. And, much like my daughter, I tend to say, casually, "Okay, God. I know. I'll remember." And I do. At least for a while.

Dear God, It's me. Karen. I love You!

Groundhog Day

Ellie's kindergarten class is learning about Groundhog Day. Her parting words this morning as she skipped down the driveway to the bus, "Mom, if I miss it, PLEASE tell me if the groundhog sees his shadow."

photo © 2008 David Fant | more info (via: Wylio)

My tenth birthday, northeast Ohio was treated to a sunny, warm day, unusual for March. Our driveway was a half-mile long, full of ruts. That sun had melted a lot of snow, turning those ruts into marvelous, muddy pools. The whole way home, I jumped from puddle to puddle. The sun. The puddles. The joy of turning double digits.

Do you remember sweet moments, when life was pure and simple?

Enjoy this time, sweet Ellie. Spring is on its way!