I'm so proud!

Pride. I think that might be the dirtiest word I know.

The Bible warns against pride (Proverbs 16:17-18):

The highway of the upright avoids evil;

he who guards his way guards his life.

Pride goes before destruction,

a haughty spirit before a fall.

I've battled pride all my life. I call it "righteous indignation" sometimes - and let myself believe that I have a right to be angry. It's not true though. Anger when I feel I've been wronged is simply ugly pride. Ooooohhhhh, changing the label to reflect the truth. That's a mirror I don't want to look in!

Haughtiness... what a word. I don't think I want to look in the mirror to see that one either. It means (are you ready for this) "arrogantly superior and disdainful." Yuck. Arrogant? Disdainful? Oh, no. That's not me.

Yes. It is. My kids have a bad day and I become self-righteous. I preach. I scream. I refuse to acknowledge that they are following my own bad example. My husband comes home from work late on the one day I happen to cook dinner. I slam doors. I sit down at the table with a big "hmmmph." He gets the message all right, "Don't work hard for us. Be here when I slave over a hot stove and be grateful." I told you looking in that mirror is U-G-L-Y.

How much time have I wasted being "righteous"? How many relationships have I hurt, or worse, ruined?

It's not too late though. The first step to overcoming a character flaw is to honestly recognize it. Now I can ask God to fill me up, to change me and mold me into who He really wants me to be. I can ask Him to guard my thoughts. I can ask His help to recognize my pridefulness more quickly and respond appropriately.

I can meditate on God's word, filling my heart with His thoughts. More of Him and less of me.

James, brother of Jesus, encouraged the early church to "understand this: everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." (James 1:19). Jesus warned, "I tell you that on the day of judgment people will have to account for every careless word they speak." (Matthew 12:36). By God's grace I am forgiven for my careless words. For that I am thankful.

At the same time I don't want to ruin another relationship. I don't want to waste time in my own self-righteousness.

Dear God, let the words from my mouth reflect a heart that loves You and lives for You. Let my words be pleasing to you. Help me "guard my way" so that I might "guard my life." Let this pridefulness die in me so that I can love and serve with a humble spirit. Amen.