Huh? (part two)

You know how I am -- always trying to learn. As I reflected on my child's inattention-masked-as-severe-hearing-loss, I realized I act the same way. Except for me, I choose not to hear God.

I know it's how I am. Even though I know that listening to God leads to my best, I still find myself ignoring Him. I remember when God whispered his plan to adopt into my heart. For months, I pretended it wasn't him and blamed midlife crisis, my children's growing independence and insanity for those thoughts.

One evening while watching football with my hubby, long after I had realized God was speaking to me, He "told" me to tell my husband. What did I do? I stood up, stretched, and went to bed! Mind you, it was the middle of the third quarter in a hotly contested playoff game and I LOVE FOOTBALL! Yes... you can call me stubborn! I wasn't going to listen to God no matter how hard He pushed.

You probably figured out by now that I did eventually listen to God since my daughter is Chinese and my husband is not.

I still wonder why. Why don't I listen the first time God speaks? Why don't I trust that He is smarter, wiser and definitely more perfect than me? Why don't I live the way I teach my kids to live? Why am I so stubborn?

I don't have the answer, but I am comforted knowing that even Paul struggled to follow God. Romans 7:15, 19 (NLT) says, "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate... For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing."

I wonder... If I start listening to God the first time, perhaps my kids might suddenly be cured of their "hearing loss?" Just a thought!

How about you? Do you listen to God the first time? Or does He have to badger you, too? Any suggestions to help me listen better?