"For the Lord Gives Wisdom"

Navigating my way through my first round of parenting teens, I am not sure I'm doing a good job. The past couple months have been especially tough. Every day has looked about the same. 

Me, "Why did you...." OR "What were you thinking?" Yes, I really said that and worse!

My son, "I don't know." OR "What, me? It wasn't me." OR "Yeah-h-h-h-h." The unenthusiastic response trailing behind as he stomped up the stairs to his room. Normally, he's a relaxed, chatty, hang-out-with-the-family kind of guy. He's not this angry kid.

I don't want this kind of relationship with him. I want to encourage, guide, and support him as he becomes a man. There's little time left to "help him" prepare for the world. In two short years he will be an adult, managing his own schedule, finances, coursework, and daily decisions. I won't walk every step alongside him.

Desperate for change, I called a Christian friend to ask for direction. My friend suggested that if my son acts up over insignificant things, then those things aren't probably the problem. My friend encouraged me to look deeper and find the source of our tension.

The rest of the day, as I washed laundry, made dinner, and changed sheets, I spilled my heart to God. I dumped my fears, frustrations, and even my anger at His feet. He's God, after all. He can take it. Mid-afternoon, I prepared a cup of tea to enjoy as I read scripture. My favorite mug has Proverbs 2:6, "For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." written across it. I smiled for the first time all day.

God, You give wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Please help me understand my son and give me wisdom to parent him. I prayed. Then, I sat. Quiet. Listening.

When my son got home from school, rather than grill him about homework, chores, and piano practice, I actually asked him how his day went. And listened. Really listened. My mind didn't jump ahead to the familiar grilling he'd been getting.

I brought up our major source of contention and could see him tense for the attack. But, I didn't attack. I apologized. For jumping to conclusions, for being unfair, for not respecting his feelings. Cool moment. His face softened. He relaxed. HE apologized for his part in it. Really! Just like that.

"The Lord gives wisdom." To parents navigating the teen years for the first time. Even to teens. God's just waiting for us to ask His help and direction to parent His way. For me, it meant changing my attitude, my tone, and my approach. It meant stepping into humility and away from pride and authority.

My son told another friend yesterday, "My mom's really cool." I'm not trying to be cool, but I want to be the right mom for this almost-man at this time. With teens, parenting is a little less about the first time obedience of childhood and more about the heart. Parenting means helping him learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's guiding - so he doesn't need to listen to me.

Parenting a teen means letting go. Letting God lead him by letting God lead me.