Feeling Small

When I was a little girl, I would lie in bed at night and feel small. Sometimes, I even felt like I was shrinking as the dark room around me grew. I'm not sure what that was all about... but last night, while I tossed and turned, the memory came back. The room was dark, but at least I didn't feel like I was shrinking!

That childhood memory kept me awake. Why did I feel so small? Do other people ever get that sensation?

Since I couldn't sleep, I asked God why that thought. Why now. Then I laid there and listened... to the air conditioner hum.... Hello? God? Are you there?

Psalm 39:5 popped into my head (I'm not sure it comforted me): You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

My first thought was -- "Ummm, Big Guy, are you warning me?"

Then I asked him to explain himself.... he did.

"Karen," he seemed to whisper (not exactly, but I don't really know how else to explain it), "don't ever forget that your life is short -- no matter how long you live. Make the most of it. Don't shrink back -- nothing happens when you fade away. Grab life, make the most of every moment. Make it count."

Not in so many words.

Oh those days that count for nothing -- when I can't get moving.
When I won't crack open my Bible.
When I dismiss the kids with a casual wave and tell them to entertain themselves.
When my husband comes home tired and I just dump more in his lap.
When I serve out of a sense of obligation and not out of passion...

Life is short. Too short to take for granted.

It's a choice: Would I rather live it passionately or would I rather let it slip by, insignificant and small?

It's not about fame or recognition, but about making it count for God. Like Paul, I guess I'm realizing that life isn't about me -- It's about making God known. Especially now, the hopeless need hope. The unloved need love. The hurting need forgiven. We all need Jesus!

How about you? Which would you rather?