Change affects everyone!

Hey my bloggy friends,

I'm sure you've clued in to the fact that I'm suffering through sending our first "off to college." I tell myself it's so hard because he will be nine hours away from home, but the truth is, it will be hard because I love having him around.

Trying to fall asleep last night, and failing again, my mind raced through memories.

• Nathan at eight months, propped up on the pillows in our bed between us, everyone reading a book,
• Nathan at eighteen months, wanting desperately to be close to us at bedtime and sleeping behind his bedroom door (imagine getting in without hurting him),
• Nathan at two years, falling out of his toddler bed, rolling underneath it, sleeping through it all until he tried to sit up and couldn't. WAIL!
• Nathan's third birthday at the zoo,
• Nathan crying the day after he got his tonsils out because he couldn't go to school (and his teacher kindly stopping by to bring him a book to read while he recovered),
• Nathan conning Ben into doing their chores by playing "Pokemon trainer" -- he'd train and Ben would be the faithful, hardworking Pokemon,
• Nathan telling us he had prayed for us to have a desire to adopt a baby (thus the sudden and unexpected road to Ellie),
• Nathan marching in the Macy's parade,
• Nathan with strep, mono, pneumonia and a 104.9 degree fever all at the same time,
• Nathan teaching kids at summer church camp,
• Nathan sitting on the front row at graduation, no longer a little boy, but a young man.
• And more....

I get lost in my thoughts, memories and emotions. Seriously, it's been a roller coaster. I could forget...

But...

The other three are feeling it too. Nathan, of course, wonders about a lot of things including how he will feel the first time we really do fun things without him. Rob's fairly quiet, just offering the occasional, "It sure will be strange not to have him around here" thoughts. Ellie doesn't really understand, but she is "sad" sometimes, even if she can't articulate why. Ben may have the hardest time -- Nathan has always been there for him, to play basketball after school, to explain homework when Mom's explanations make no sense, to just hang out. The dog is clearly aware that something's happening, whiney, clingy and way too quick to bark these days.

We are in a season of change -- not just Nathan and me -- but all of us. It's time to look ahead -- celebrate the milestone, grieve the change and move on. While Nathan is always going to be a member of our family, our "home" won't ever be the same. I may have to start walking the dog.