College Visits 101 -- for parents

Hey all,

Fresh from our trip to Birmingham, I am so thankful for the advice from friends who went before us. We were told again and again, "Make visits your junior year." Great advice. Parents, here are my top five tips for college planning. Nathan hasn't left the nest yet, but we are enjoying the search for his first new nest. I hope this advice helps you and your child have a great time discovering what's coming!

1. Limit college visits. Look at four or five schools that interest your child, but don't go further unless those all bomb!

• It's easy to research colleges online at www.collegeboard.com. The college board website includes the basic information and stats about colleges across the country. It's easy to compare GPA, SAT/ACT scores, demographics (instate/out-of-state students, rural/suburban/urban setting, school size, class size, activities, etc). 
• Consider distance from home -- is your student truly comfortable with being 12 hours away? Is there a school closer to home that offers a comparable program -- at least on paper? 
• Consider finances -- Our son knows what his student loans will look like at each college he wants to visit if he doesn't get scholarships. He knows how much scholarship money he needs to realistically attend those schools. We aren't ruling out private schools, but he knows that he'll need scholarship money to attend -- one is a "reach school" -- unlikely, but a great dream on paper. The rest are more realistic. He anticipates a good financial aid package, but knows that there are decisions down the road as well.
• Choose the top four or five realistic schools and then rank them.

2. Make personal visits rather than attend college for a weekend programs. While college for a weekend programs are convenient, they are marketing tools. They share very basic information in a controlled environment geared toward fun and entertainment. Obviously, every day at college isn't a party (I hope!), so this isn't a true picture of the school. It's an advertisement, though the financial aid and admissions information will be helpful.

• Try to link a personal visit with a college for a weekend visit. Go a couple days early and visit the areas that interest your child. Colleges will arrange a class visit, overnight dorm stay, and meetings with faculty. This is the information that will help your child know if the school is a good fit.
• Explore the area in your free time. As a parent, are you comfortable with the location of the school? Is there enough fun stuff to do during downtime?
• Perhaps most importantly, schedule visits when classes are in session. After all, no matter how "pretty" a campus is, it's what happens inside the classroom that matters most... and who does it happen with? Will your child "fit" the personality of students on campus? Will your child be comfortable among these kids? That's hard to know without any kids or classes happening.

3. Realize this is your child's college experience, not yours. If you enjoyed college, great, but don't force your experience on your child! College and kids are different than they used to be. Let your child take the lead in the exploration.

• When meeting with faculty, hold your tongue! Your child is the one who will have a relationship with the professors, so let that start now. 
• With that said, it's a great idea to help kids prepare before the visit. Help them figure out what they want to know and how to talk with professors. (search "questions to ask at college interviews" for lots of great lists) Once on campus, let your child take the lead.

4. Be a sounding board. High school students know that college is a big decision. Probably, the stress of choosing the right school is more burdensome than you realize. Be their sounding board. As they work through the process, be available to listen. And listen. And listen. While you're at it, bite your tongue when you want to spout advice. Only give that if your child asks specifically for it.

• Here's the cool thing. If you listen actively and support your child through this decision-making process, he or she will want your advice. Really!
• If you say, "here's what you need to do..." or "here's what I did and it worked great for me...." or anything along those lines, your child will tune you out. 
• Instead ask, "What do you think about that?" "How do you feel about..." 
• As older friends make college choices, ask your child to share his or her thoughts about the choice. Whether kids realize it or not, they weigh their friends' choices against their own standards. Evaluating what an older student has done will help your child better evaluate the choices he or she must make.

5. Throw out the junk! Beginning sophomore year, your child will start getting college information in the mail. Start evaluating early. "Hey you got a flyer from Podunk U. in Outer-Mongolia. Does that sound like a good school for you?" The response will be something like, "Duh. NO!" Then toss it. Immediately!

• If you don't get a "Duh. NO!" response, then check out the school at collegeboard.com (see #1 above) and decide if it's a school worth exploring.
• Once you have information on four or five schools that look like a good fit, start the visit planning listed above. Only if all those schools don't fit add more. (We have a first tier list and then three schools in the backup plan. Very unlikely we'll get to those.)

Our time and resources are limited. There are only so many colleges we can visit in a year. Plan wisely to maximize the information you learn with the least amount of time and money expended. Be realistic about resources and scholarship expectations, and help your child go into the college search with eyes wide open. Don't discourage dreams, just provide a framework on which they can be dreamt!

Above all, trust God. He created your child to be exactly who he or she is. He has a plan, too, and wants your child's life to be exactly what it is meant to be. Pray, mom and dad. Trust in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Isn't that what this next big step is all about? Following God's plan for your child?