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I wish I had one for my mouth! You know, when hubby comes home from work late and droopy... Instead of "Hey, hurry up. Dinner's on the table," I might actually say "Oh honey, what happened today? You look beat." Or when the kids shake the house with various crashes and shouts, instead of screaming up the stairs, "Kids. Stop that this instant," I might actually ask, "Hey guys. Whatcha doin' up there?" (My kids actually play together a lot -- why do I always assume the worst?)
Maybe you're not like me... but I know someone out there can relate. Oh please... tell me I'm not alone!!!
Right now, my mouth and I are having a particularly difficult time with one of my kids. This child has always had a hard time understanding "no." I got used to responding to every request loudly, firmly and absolutely. It seemed to be the only thing that sank in. Recently, this kid decided to mature! (Really -- some of you might wonder if it ever happens. Apparently, it does.)
For the most part, this one now thinks before blurting things out, but I still respond loudly, firmly and absolutely. My child, hurt and offended, says, "Mom, you don't have to yell at me. Just say no or later or something nice."
Geesh! When did it get that easy? And why can't I keep up? Seriously, I want a cancel button for my mouth. I want to treat my child with respect and kindness... but I'm not used to the "new and improved" version yet.
Since I don't have a cancel button, I have to settle for "I'm sorry. I'm listening. I'm learning." Then I listen, focus and respond kindly... even when I have to say no. Hopefully I'll catch on soon, but until then, "I'm sorry" will have to do.
7 comments:
Great post Karen. I think it's really important for our children to hear us say 'sorry' also though. Some children have never heard their parents admit they made a mistake or say sorry, and yet expect them to be sorry all the time. I was never a shouter, as I don't believe it's necessary, but it is important to model transparency, honesty and our own struggles before our children, in an age appropriate way of course. Blessings, Elizabeth.
Thanks, Elizabeth!
I'm discovering the softer side of me :D
Coming from a family of shouters, I believed that was "just the way I was." My child is showing me that it's not the way I have to be, though.
It's not fun to admit when I'm wrong, but at least I'm willing.
Thanks for the encouragement and the reply.
Karen
Heck, I'm wrong all the time and I am the first to tell my kids that I'm wrong a lot. Of course, there's still lots of times where I'm really loud too. Finding that middle ground is very difficult to do.
Heck, I'm wrong a lot. I even tell my kids that I'm wrong a lot. Of course, there's lots of times that I'm really loud too. Finding that middle ground is very difficult.
I agree!
I'm glad I'm not too old to learn, though.
Our daughter's the lucky one... by the time she's a teen, maybe the boys will have helped me overcome all my bad habits.
**Grins**
I come from a family of yellers who then steam about it for a while and sweep it under the rug as if nothing happened.
I'm trying to shake off that generational thing...I yell about 50% less than I used to...progress.
I think alot is revealed though in the way your child responds to yelling. , "Mom, you don't have to yell at me. Just say no or later or something nice."
WOW!! That kid is gonna be a great communicator when she grows up!!! That my friend isn't natural! That's learned from a good communicating Mom!
-D-
Thanks, D!
Trying to learn from the kids. They're who God put in front of me... my best "audience." AND the most important one!!!
Love you, my friend.
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