Forgiveness

You know how when you erase a mistake on a piece of paper, a little smudge remains? And if you make another mistake and erase it, the paper starts to wear thin? And, on a bad day, you make more mistakes, erase and erase until the paper wears through? That's kind of how I am sometimes when it comes to forgiveness. Not the way I should be - I should forgive and forget. But sometimes...

Unfortunately, when my kids battle their character challenges, I don't always forgive and forget. We all have character challenges - that one thing we just can't seem to get past. We have to keep asking God for forgiveness for the same thing over and over - not trusting, not being obedient, getting distracted by the world, anger, laziness, whatever. With each of my kids, when they do that one thing they always do, my paper has worn very thin. I keep forgiving, trying to erase the mistake from my memory. But I don't forget.

This is not what God wants from me. He wants me to shine his love on my kids. He wants me to raise them to know Him. He wants me to model forgiveness with grace, and to use their mistakes to help them know Him more. Ephesians 6:4 says, "parents, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Do not provoke your children to anger...

If I jump to conclusions, rubbed raw, and discipline in anger or if I expect wrongdoing instead of right choices, what am I really teaching my kids? Am I bringing them up to know that they should love above all else? Am I teaching them humility, honor, respect? Am I modeling God's forgiveness and grace? Of course not. I am doing the exact opposite of what I want to do.

Paul warns us in Gal. 5:17, "For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want." What do I want? To show God's love to my kids. To help them grow in love, patience, peace, forgiveness, gentleness and self-control. I give in, though, to my own emotions - my temper flares and in my impatience, I snap. I yell. I punish. I don't teach my kids about God and His ways.

My oldest son and I recently talked about this, and he said, graciously, that most of the time I get it right. He's generous! Some of the time I really do. And I love those days. My kids respond. We walk away from the moment a little wiser, a little closer to each other and to God, and a little bit more like the way we should be. I know this. Sometimes, though, I give in to my sinful nature and do things "my way."

I pray that as I continue on this parenting road, God will help me remember my purpose. I pray He will continue to help me be the parent He intends me to be. To model His love for my kids -- through every decision, word, and action that my kids would learn more about God's love for them. And I thank Him, for forgiving AND forgetting -- not keeping a record of wrongs like I do.