Parenting tip via A. W. Tozer

Everything is safe which we commit to Him,

and nothing is really safe

which is not so committed.

A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Do you worry about your kids?
OR do you trust that God, our Creator and Father, holds them safely in the palm of His hand?

The rudiments of parenting include:

• Trusting God with our kids' lives 
• Praying for Him to stretch their hearts for the plan He has for them
• Knowing that God's way is always best
• Teaching them to follow Him all the days of their lives

Worrying doesn't accomplish any of that!

[Parents], do not exasperate (infuriate, incense, anger, annoy, irritate, madden, enrage, antagonize, provoke, irk or vex) your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life [or your children's lives], what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear [kids will survive without designer labels and all the "right" clubs, organizations, activities and groups]. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?... Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Jesus, Matthew 6:25, 27

I am way too good at annoying my children. I question their decision making. I micromanage when I need to let go. I worry, telling them through my actions that I don't trust them or God.

It's time to live the faith I profess with my mouth and loosen my grip. I must let go of them and hold more tightly to Him.

Love,

The Rudiments

Sounds great!

Getting a head start on college, Nathan spends 30 minutes each morning practicing the rudiments, scales: major, minor and harmonic. His fingers race up and down the keyboard, faster. Faster. Once in a while he fumbles a transition and starts over. Slowly. Then he builds up the speed again.

Boring! Very, very, very boring!

And then... he plays one of the masters: Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, Bach, Chopin. He hits that place in the music that runs up and down the keyboard, fast, much like the scales.

In context, so beautiful. Hardly boring!

Nathan understands (now... not so much when he was twelve) that those scales prepare his fingers to recognize musical patterns that appear in every major work. He knows that the discipline of the rudiments make him a better pianist. He realizes that the scales prepare him to learn complex pieces more easily.

Today, I ponder whether I am as disciplined in the areas of my life that matter? My faith? Prayer life? Dedication to my husband and children?

As the heat rolls in across sunny North Carolina, I will be sipping tea, reading the Bible and listening to my Creator -- it's time for me to develop self-discipline in the rudiments of faith.

Care to join me?

Love,

Huh? (part two)

You know how I am -- always trying to learn. As I reflected on my child's inattention-masked-as-severe-hearing-loss, I realized I act the same way. Except for me, I choose not to hear God.

I know it's how I am. Even though I know that listening to God leads to my best, I still find myself ignoring Him. I remember when God whispered his plan to adopt into my heart. For months, I pretended it wasn't him and blamed midlife crisis, my children's growing independence and insanity for those thoughts.

One evening while watching football with my hubby, long after I had realized God was speaking to me, He "told" me to tell my husband. What did I do? I stood up, stretched, and went to bed! Mind you, it was the middle of the third quarter in a hotly contested playoff game and I LOVE FOOTBALL! Yes... you can call me stubborn! I wasn't going to listen to God no matter how hard He pushed.

You probably figured out by now that I did eventually listen to God since my daughter is Chinese and my husband is not.

I still wonder why. Why don't I listen the first time God speaks? Why don't I trust that He is smarter, wiser and definitely more perfect than me? Why don't I live the way I teach my kids to live? Why am I so stubborn?

I don't have the answer, but I am comforted knowing that even Paul struggled to follow God. Romans 7:15, 19 (NLT) says, "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate... For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing."

I wonder... If I start listening to God the first time, perhaps my kids might suddenly be cured of their "hearing loss?" Just a thought!

How about you? Do you listen to God the first time? Or does He have to badger you, too? Any suggestions to help me listen better?

Huh?

This past week, one of my kids developed the incredibly lazy "huh" habit. No matter what I say -- or the hubby for that matter -- the response is "Huh?" Every time. ANNOYING! Wondering if said child might be suffering a build up of ear wax or perhaps an ear infection, I tested the "Huh"-giver with a quietly whispered, "Would you like a donut?" Instantly, the response was "YES!" So... it's not a physical problem. It's a laziness issue.

Not pleasant! Not. At. All.

So, I've decided -- and said child has been put on notice -- that I will not be repeating anything I say ever again. If child chooses to listen, great. If not, when lazybones wants to go out with friends without doing chores I've requested, well.... to borrow from the soup nazi, "No play for you!"

Listening is a learned art. My child, one way or another, will learn to listen!

Come back tomorrow to see what I'm learning through this whole thing! (Toe stepping time, you know)

Have a blessed day, friends!

Listen carefully :)

Shawn and Gus

Have you heard of the TV show psych? It's a hilarious comedy-mystery show featuring Shawn and Gus, BFFs since elementary school. The actors, James Roday and Dule' Hill, play perfectly off each other. The show is uproariously funny!

I just spent three days with the "real" Shawn and Gus! Yes, I did! It turns out that my son, Nathan, and his future roommate, Logan, are the inspiration for the characters on the show -- even if USA Network didn't know it back in 2006 when the series launched.

Nathan and Logan met in February, the last time we visited Samford. They hit it off right away and decided to room together. But since they only had a couple hours together back then, the families coordinated schedules to attend the same orientation -- just to be sure!

Sunday evening, we got together for dinner... except Shawn texted the wrong address to Gus. Waiting forever for them to arrive, Shawn's mom encouraged him to call Gus and find out where they were. Gus's parents, likewise, encouraged him to call and make sure they were headed to the right place -- as the address given sent them far away from Birmingham. Both guys assured their parents all was well. And we waited and drove in circles, respectively... though eventually we ate dinner, even if really late!

Monday morning, heading in to the opening session, the moms asked the boys to pose for a photo. This is what they gave us. Thanks, guys.

We managed to convince them to let us see their faces. They instantly said, "action pose." "Three. Two. One. Jump." Ta da!

Turns out the boys were just getting started. All week, they made their presence known on campus! They got a frisbee and made themselves at home on the quad -- and by the end of day two, five other guys had joined them. They closed down karaoke night with "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, sung to Shawn's orientation leader, Jasmine!

                            

The boys used their one night in the dorm to rearrange the furniture and find the "perfect layout" for the fall. They ate non-stop, joked non-stop, tweeted non-stop -- back and forth of course, and had the best two days an upcoming college freshman could possibly hope for!

They talked about other stuff, too. Un-Shawnlike, they agreed to hold each other accountable with studies, behavior and balance at school. They discussed how and when and what to involve themselves with on campus. They planned who will bring which "essentials" to school: coffee maker and video game system high on that list!

The "real" Shawn and Gus may be heading off to college for the first time, but together, this dynamic duo is undoubtedly ahead of the curve on adjustment. God arranged for them to be raised in Christian homes with remarkably similar values. He gave them compatible personalities: easy-going, fun-loving and studious. He brought them together in answer to their mutual prayers for a Godly, like-minded roommate. Shawn and Gus are most definitely ready for life at Samford.

The only question left is, "Samford, are you REALLY, TRULY READY for Shawn and Gus?"

Wait on God

A great reminder for parents,
no matter how old our kids are!

College orientation is in the books! One more item checked off our to do list before kid one launches into phase one of adult life.

Like everything else at Samford, orientation was awesome. I met university staff, got contact numbers and email addresses -- even for the executive chef at the "caf," and discovered new friends. More than anything, my heart and mind filled with peace. I know that my son is headed to a school that cares about student success -- in the classroom, in free time, and in life. For the most part, the information offered at parent sessions was exactly what I expected, though provided with a bit more excellence than anticipated. I'm not sure why, but it's always better than I expect. That's good, right?

Then I attended the parents' worship service and, well, orientation moved beyond checking off another to do list item and became a pivotal life moment. The minister shared (my paraphrase) that while this is a significant step in my child's life, it is also a big moment in my life. I was reminded that while God takes away (my son's and my relationship is about to change permanently), He also gives. The time I spent raising my son is done... yes, I still get to be the mama and offer advice, but not as often and only when asked. That means I've done this job well. Now it's time to discover what God has next for me. I do not end when my son leaves home.

The minister encouraged us to wait on God with open hearts and hands, to discover the next step in His plan for our lives. It's not over -- it's time for a change. It's time to step into what's next... 

Not just for my son, but for me.

May the God of hope fill you

with all joy and peace

as you trust in Him 

so that you may overflow with hope

by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

The service closed with that verse, my life verse. God couldn't have said "I love you" any more clearly.

God bless!

College Orientation... where did the time go?

So, number one and I are in Birmingham again. This time it's orientation. YIKES! Soon my son will live here -- and I'll be there.

So far, I've been excited about the whole thing. But, like he texted to me the other day, "This whole orientation thing just hit me." It's hitting me too.

Our road trips these past few years have been so fun. But soon, he won't be road tripping with me. His weekends will be filled with new friends and homework and frisbee. But not me.

The next time we come here, I'll leave him behind. To fend for himself. Alone. I know he's ready.

The question is, "Am I?"

Love More

Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring,

it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to blame or change another,

I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,

it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,

but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,

but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

by Anonymous

As our kids grow, letting go can be hard, but it's what they need. If you struggle with letting go - whether for the first day of preschool or the first day of college - I recommend Give Them Wings: Preparing for the time your teens leave home, by Carol Kuykendall, published by Focus on the Family. Thank you, Barb.

Reflections

Oh how I wish I had a cool pic for this post... alas...

I've been asked dozens of times about the tears. Yet, I have not cried. My heart swells with joy at my son's accomplishments, his thought process as he prepares to go forward, and his drive to give his best.

While he cherished his Tigger outfit, he's now my J.Crew man, wearing dapper ties because that's who he now is.

Those collages and projects of the elementary years gave way to lengthy essays analyzing the Life of Pi.

Early piano recitals involved learning technique-friendly piano book songs, but now he wows people with Rachmaninoff.

His "job" when he was little was simply to clean his room, but now he drives off to work asking for extra shifts to save for the fall.

Freshman year, he fell for the "good enough argument" (an honors B equals an non-honors A), but this year he achieved straight A's in AP classes, finally appreciating that "good enough" means giving your best.

This chapter of my son's life comes to a close... but as I look back, I don't long for the Tigger-loving days. I rejoice that he has chosen to listen to our advice, he desires to give his best at piano, school, work and in relationships, and that he loves God with all his heart. I'm thankful for the foundational early years, but I am thrilled for today.

He's not done growing yet... I have a feeling that when we reach the next milestone, we'll look back on four years of college with same joy, pride and love we have now.

By humility and the fear of the Lord

Are riches and honor and life.

Proverbs 22:4

Congratulations, Nathan! Always, finish strong!

With love,

Mom

Nine, YES NINE, days of madness!

June 2012... In pictures.

Celebrating Ben's 15th birthday (June 9th)...
a few days early, on June 1st, with the "grands"

Celebrating Ellie's 8th birthday, also a few days early
on Saturday, June 2nd with a special pan"cake" 

Ellie's first dance recital: ballet and jazz.
Saturday evening, June 2nd
She was adorable!

2012 Graduation luncheon at church.
Here with Tyler, Chris and youth pastor, Christian.
Sunday, June 3rd

Nathan on piano for one last Baccalaureate Service,
this time for his own class.
Sunday evening, June 3rd

A mini-concert for the "grands" to cap off the evening
Sunday, June 3rd

Then... a mini break during the week to prepare for the "BIG EVENT!"

Nathan Michael Dawkins,
Officially a high school graduate!
Friday, June 8th
 

And to cap it all off, a party in his honor
Saturday, June 9th
(If you followed all the dates, this is also his brother's actual birthday!)





Thank You, God, for the blessing of family!

So far... YIPPEE!!!

Nathan graduates tomorrow... So far, no sadness. No tears, except those caused by Barb and the Tigger pillow.

I'm just sooo excited!

He's ready for the next step and I look forward to watching him continue to grow into the man God always meant him to be.

(Of course, as the mama, I DO reserve the right to shed a few tears tomorrow!)

Lots of love!!!

T is for Tigger, T I Double Guh Er

He graduates this Friday,

our first-born son...

the one who broke us gently in

to our role as parents.

He's crammed a lot of life

into his first 18 years.

Such sweet memories as we look back.

Remembering.

Perhaps our favorite...

the Tigger days!

When every load of wash

included his favorite outfit

to wear again and again and again.

Usually three times a week.

Suitable for playing in the sand

(or the volleyball pit)

Rockin' a little 

Blues Brothers with Dad

Or taking a nap!

Our little Tigger

sure is a wonderful thing!

He's bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy...

Fun, fun, fun, fun fun!

And soon,

he will leave for college.

But it won't be good-bye...

We'll simply say,

"Ta Ta for now!"

Special thanks to my dear friend, Barb, for the memory quilt. 
And for the unexpected treasure of the T.T.F.N. pillow for mom.
You captured a lifetime in one simple act.
Thank you.

Finish Strong!

My sweet bug-loving girl!

Every day before Ellie heads off to the bus, we pray. Some days, I offer instructional prayers, like "God, please help Ellie remember to talk only when it's her turn and not to take more than she should from the reward jar." Sometimes, I pray more for her teacher -- especially as the year comes to a close and the kids care more about summer than math!

Lately, though, my prayers have ended with, "Help Ellie finish strong." We've been talking about that a lot -- the school year isn't done till it's done, so finish strong! Your room is almost clean, so don't give up and finish strong. Math homework IS hard, but keep a good attitude and finish strong. She knows that "finish strong" means give your best right up to the end!

Her dance recital is this Saturday, which means two extra practices. Instead of dance only on Tuesday, we added Wednesday and Thursday too. That's a lot of hard work for my seven year old.

As I tucked her into bed last night, her long week drawing to a close, Ellie spoke softly, "Thanks for praying for me to finish strong, Mommy. God answered that prayer today." Melt. My. Heart!

Thanks for praying. Of course!

Baby girl, I have prayed for you since before I knew you. I will continue to pray all the days of my life. I love you. More than that I rejoice that you are discovering how very much your eternal Father in heaven loves you!

Jesus loves the little children,

all the children of the world,

Red and yellow, black and white,

they are precious in His sight.

Jesus loves the little children

of the world!