Guest post

Hi friends.
Indulge me please. All summer one of my kids has been working with a tutor to improve his reading and writing skills. The tutor just sent me this story, written by my son... with only a bit of assistance on punctuation.

           "We rolled up to the fifth hole in our clean white golf cart. I looked out over the sparkling green water. I saw the fountain spraying white mist everywhere. I looked at the green and saw that it had a sand trap to the right. The flag was at the front of the oval shaped green by the water. I thought about how I could get across the water.  My six iron would get there if it were land - the ball could roll. My seven iron would hit the ball over the water, but not far enough. I decided to use my five wood. It hits that far and hits high enough. I was the last to hit. No one had gotten over so I lined up, checked my aim, then swung hard and fast. The club made a crisp snap when it struck the ball. I looked up. The ball was over the water then over the green. I looked down and walked away."

I'm one proud mama!

Fourteen years ago...

Fourteen years ago, my sweet son, Ben, came into the world. The whole thing started kind of rocky -- I was on bedrest most of the pregnancy trying to keep him in so he could "cook" long enough. The being born part went really well -- but I'll spare you the details. And then, three hours later, I began hemorrhaging. Emergency surgery. A spinal headache. Rough.

Little did we know then that the roller coaster pregnancy and pain foreshadowed Ben's life. I've posted often about his trials. The communication disorder. Friends who couldn't understand. His rages of frustration. His self-hate. My fear.

And then...

Our boy arrived. Seriously. The past ten months or so have been entirely different from anything we've ever known with Ben. Somehow, he became a confident student. He stopped defining himself by what he can't do and embraced all that he is good at. He even grew in his areas of weakness -- leaping years ahead of where he had been. We actually find him in bed late at night reading by flashlight. We want to scold him for staying up late, but our eyes well with tears. Our sweet boy reads. Ben is discovering the joy of a good story.

Of course, we still take the flashlight and book away. (We've been parenting a long time and know he needs sleep too.)

He took second place in a science fair this year. His project, building bricks by hand using various ratios of water to concrete mix. He understands that hand-mixing concrete is difficult. He realizes that the people of Haiti need machines to mix concrete so that their homes won't crumble again in another earthquake. He presented that project to adult judges, clearly articulating his research and findings. No fear. "Mom," he said, "that was a whole lot easier than I thought it would be." Music to my ears.

His class participated in a mock trial competition. I watched, amazed -- and again, teary-eyed, as my young "prosecutor" worked through how to question a witness and catch her in a lie. He knew his stuff. He modified his plan. This boy, who at one time ran screaming when called on to think spontaneously, conducted himself professionally in front of more than 100 people. No fear. Never in a million years did I expect him to become this guy.

Since the moment I first "met" my boy, rolling around inside me, until today, he has been a fighter.
My prayer, Ben, is that you'll keep fighting for what's right. Seek God's wisdom in all areas of your life. Never quit.

Happy Birthday, Ben!
I love you, always and forever.
Love,
Mom

Prayer, Accountability, Answers

Ben at Raven Rock Park earlier this spring

Home schoolers in North Carolina are required to take a standardized end-of-year test to monitor academic achievement. Usually, Ben gets anxious about this test. Most years when the scores come back, he cries in frustration. Not that we push him for certain scores. Never. Rather, we would do everything we could to minimize the significance of the tests.

But, he knew. He knew the reading would be hard. He knew he'd run out of time before completing a section. He knew his spelling and language scores would be nowhere close to his real grade. Spelling is always the worst. Last year, in seventh grade, his spelling scores were about the same as a first grader's. Yep. That's demoralizing. Especially for a kid whose math, science, history and geography scores are always above grade-level.

This year, we worked a little more intentionally on spelling. Still, it wasn't the focus of his education. If we wait for spelling to catch up, his progress in other areas would certainly suffer.

Testing day came, and for the first time, he was relaxed. No stress. No worry.  And this past Friday, the scores arrived in the mail. With great anticipation, we tore open the envelope. I unfolded the score sheet and looked for the one score that always frustrates him.

And there it was: FIFTH GRADE!!! He scored in the 20th percentile of his grade level peers. A huge jump! You'd think he'd won a gold medal in the olympics. High fives. Woops and hollers. A fist pump in the air. And a smile. A wide, radiant, sparkling smile. Ben conquered his nemesis (not that he can spell nemesis... yet).

What changed? In part, Ben is growing up and gaining confidence. He's reading more fluently. But...

The biggest change was prayer. This whole year, the women in my connect group (what we call our Bible study groups at our church) prayed. They prayed faithfully, week after week, month after month, for Ben. For his understanding to increase. For the "wires" in his brain to connect. For the intelligence we know is in there to finally show on the outside. They prayed for confidence, excitement for learning, and self-acceptance. They prayed for me, to teach wisely -- the way God needed me to. They prayed for his testing. And on testing day. They prayed. With us and for us.

We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, 

help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays evil for evil, 

but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. 

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18

God answered. He helped me become the home schooling mom Ben needed. And He helped Ben grow in confidence and understanding. Thank you, dear ladies, for blessing us with your faithful prayers, living out 1 Thessalonians. Thank you, God, for answering our prayers.

Little bit different, Whole lot of loved

Almost fourteen years ago, our second son was born. He stole my heart. I love him still. More, I admire him for his strength, his perseverance, and his sensitivity.

His life has not been easy. My heart has broken for him so many times, watching him fight to be understood. All too often losing the battle. Yet, he never quits. He goes on. He forgives. Often. More easily than I ever could.

When he was a toddler, he threw a lot of tantrums. Exhausting. I couldn't reason with him like I did with his older brother. They kept on, for years. Sometimes, when he's really tired or overwhelmed, he might still have one. Not too often, just enough to remind me that his life isn't easy.

He talked late. He learned his colors late. He learned to read really, really, really, really late. He's still playing catch-up, but that's okay. Sometimes, he gets frustrated with himself because the words don't make sense. He knows they "should." Those days hurt. I wish I could flip a switch or wave a wand to fix it. But, he never quits.

His spelling is atrocious. In fact, "atrocious' won't make his school paper -- there's just no way to figure that one out! English spelling does not make sense -- in case you haven't noticed. Really! Or as he'd write it: Rilly! Now, his little sister -- in kindergarten and seven years younger -- can spell almost as well as he does. But he does not complain. When she demonstrates her spelling skills at dinner, spelling L-O-V-E forward AND backward, he smiles along with us. He's admires her genuinely. He's quite proud of her. Amazingly, he is not jealous.

As hard as the academic challenges are, it's the social battles that break my heart most. People forget that he has an autism spectrum disorder. They judge him based on their expectations of behavior for kids his age. They set a bar so far over his head that he can't win. That stinks!

They don't know that he had to be taught how to read facial expressions. They don't know that he doesn't understand subtle body language. They forget that his brain switches gears slowly. He needs time to adjust. Backyard games, with ever evolving rules, are hard work for him. Exhausting. Frustrating.

I'm not making excuses for him. He needs to learn how to navigate the world. He needs to learn to face disappointment. He needs to learn to control himself. Oh how I wish, though, that people would remember and help him out. He's hyper? That means he's overwhelmed by the social dynamic. He's angry? That means he doesn't understand the rules -- he just can't follow them. He's loud? That means he's nervous and trying to compensate for his insecurity. Throw him a lifeline. Please, don't shut him out. Please.

That's my mama's plea. But I know other parents don't remember. I know the kids don't remember. It's just the way of the world.

Jesus said,  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) My sweet son, and countless others like him, have enough trouble. I pray for peace. For him. And for me.

If you want to learn more about autism spectrum disorders, read this article: Autism Spectrum Disorders.

What a Blessing!!!

Friends,

Check this out! What an awesome way to start the weekend!

Karen,

I just spent a few minutes catching up on your blog -- very inspired and ready to try some new recipes.

I also read your posts about Ben with great interest -- he displays such confidence (not overly- confident, but an appropriate confidence), even when he struggles.
Yesterday many of the kids had trouble with reading some of the words in their papers -- not just him.

But I watched his face -- the determination when he got stuck -- he would silently mouth the next section and then read it out loud.
When he lost his place, he just calmly went back and found it.
The skills (and love) you have given him were on display for me -- I admire both of you so much.

Anyway, just wanted to share that -- hope you guys have a good weekend.

Jenny (Jenny teaches Ben and ten other kids his age on Fridays. Email shared with permission)


Whatever trials we face, God is bigger. God redeems. God answers prayer! Praising Him this morning!