Please allow 10 days for processing

A couple days ago, I shared my Clean Slate approach to 2012.

In general, the junk mail clean-out has been a success. But... (There's always a but.) Some companies require a 10 day processing time. I'm not a techno-whiz, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I wonder what could possibly require 10 days in automated computer email. Anyone out there know what could take so long?

As to the improved diet -- and I don't mean weight-loss, though losing the muffin top is a goal -- that's been a little harder. We got a lot of chocolate for Christmas. It seems only right that I should help my family's overall health and participate somewhat in the reduction of the choco-pile, especially since the majority of it was given to me! Perhaps I should amend that goal to include 10 days to "process" all that chocolate!

As to time with God... well, that's been a quiet, one-sided conversation. Mine. I talk. I listen... so far, I'm hearing crickets. Here's the tough thing when talking with God... sometimes He's quiet. Grrrrr! I like quick fixes, answers, solutions. God likes me to grow, stretch, mature, and trust. I'm not trusting well these days, not God, not others.

How is it that I can know the words, "...that in all things God works for the good of those who love him," (Romans 8:28), and not trust? How can I know that God has a good and pleasing plan for my life (and the lives of those I love) and still struggle to walk in that plan?

The second half of Romans 8:28 concludes with "and have been called according to his purpose." I think the answer to my questions rests in understanding that second half. Not just understanding, but trusting... that God has a purpose. He wastes nothing. He uses everything for our good, when we trust in Him.

My heart is spinning in circles... trust God. Then you'll understand. I don't understand, so how do I trust. I know He's listening, quietly -- oh so quietly. I know those crickets I hear aren't an absence of God. No, those crickets are his ever patient, ever loving self waiting on me to really step into trust.

Looks like I've got some growing to do this year... Please allow 10 days (or 10 months) for processing. I need all the time I can get!

Love,

Peace at Christmas

I'm having a tough time with Christmas posts this year. I had a plan -- I loved my plan. But life interrupted. Not the fun life of bows, wrapping, songs, baking, movies, playing. Our Christmas was interrupted by real life. Painful lessons we all must learn but no one really wants to go through. What happened isn't really important to this post. (If you're curious, sorry... That is a story for another day.) What we learned from it is priceless.

1. Christmas is NOT about gifts! We spend so much time shopping, paying, wrapping, stressing... over gifts. I'm learning this year how very misguided that really is. What if you had no family to buy gifts for? What if you were all alone this Christmas?

2. Treasure the gift of family! We take each other for granted. We focus on "my" instead of "our" or "you." Am I really going to have to listen to Uncle George's pontifications again? Or deal with Grandma's snide comments all day long? Whatever... is it really so bad to put up with that for one day? Instead of focusing on the one person who drives you crazy, why not take time to look at the blessing of family. What joy have these people brought into your life? How have they put up with you, despite your flaws and imperfections? Be thankful your family loves you in spite of you!

3. Remember the Prince of Peace! Christmas is the celebration of our Savior's birth, but Jesus didn't come down here as a baby and stay that way. He came and grew into a man, to preach and teach -- in word and action -- of God's love, forgiveness, hope and peace. Christmas is simply where the gift begins. Will you receive his gift -- relationship with him that covers all your sin and leads to eternal life?

This Christmas more than any other, Jesus' peace is the gift I most cherish. My heart has been so heavy, but His peace is filling me and comforting me.

Whatever burdens or hurts you carry this Christmas, I pray you will know that Jesus was born for you. He wants to fill your heart with the same peace He's giving me.

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Doubt

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;

we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.

C. S. Lewis

I want obedient kids, without the effort of discipline. I want to fit in my "skinny jeans" without giving up chocolate. Or how about this one: letting go of past hurts to walk in freedom. 

I justify. I rationalize. I twist God's word to fit my circumstances. We can't imagine how forgiving someone who deserves to be hated could possibly be the best for us. Do you know what I mean?

C. S. Lewis possessed the incredible ability to clearly say what we all think.

We know that God has a "good, pleasing and perfect will" for our lives. (Romans 12:2) We want it. God, give me all that good and pleasing stuff your word promises. And give it to me now!

Yet, we seem unwilling to grab the first part of the verse so firmly, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. THEN you will be able to test and approve what God's will is..." (same verse, emphasis mine)

We want everything good now. We don't want to work for it. We certainly don't take time to ask God if the things we want are good, pleasing and perfect. We decide, in our own minds, what that might be and expect God to bless it.

When they don't turn out, we get mad. We blame God. We wonder how He could possibly have forgotten us. Poor God. We ignore him and listen to our feelings to determine what's good. Then, when it doesn't work out, he gets blamed. Unfair! And unbiblical!

You know what I mean?

God doesn't want us to cram him into our lives. He wants us to follow HIS plan for our lives: His good, pleasing and perfect plan. Our fears hold us back. We can't imagine that doing things God's way could possibly be better. We see pain, honesty, vulnerability and run.

Let's look at forgiveness God's way. He says let go of the past. (2 Corinthians 5:17) He says to forgive others, no matter how much they wrong us. (Matt. 18:21-23) But, we can't imagine anything filling the hole that leaves behind. We can't fathom that God could replace the hurt with anything. So we wallow in the pain. We hold on tight, clutching to hurt like a friend. 

Yet, there is no hurt in letting go. God replaces it with peace, hope, fullness, and freedom. Yes, freedom. Jesus wants to carry that pain and get it off our backs. (Galatians 5:1)

C. S. Lewis understood. Our minds fill with doubts. We convince ourselves that God will allow new pain to come in and we hold on to the familiar. 

The holiday season is quickly approaching. Let's transform our minds in Christ and give ourselves (and our family members) a most precious gift: forgiveness. 

"But you..."

Last weekend, our Pastor's wife shared the sermon, speaking on pride from 1 Corinthians 13. As is our custom, we shared what we heard (and hopefully learned) over lunch. Hands down, this sermon generated more incredible discussion than any other... ever! (Feel free to listen here (10/9) or watch here (10/9). But come back to discover what we learned!)

Her sermon included a "Pride Test." Let's just say, it left no toes unstomped! We're thankful to have our eyes opened to our prideful tendencies, though. Proverbs 24:3-4 says, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." I can think of no greater treasure than the family God has given me.

Our family was challenged by each of these points. We're speaking and serving one another in love and humility. We've been transformed!

Would you like more love and peace in your family? Maybe you will find yourself in this list. If you do, take steps to change... all it takes is one open discussion at the dinner table and a bit of humility!

The Pride Test:
Do you?
1. Complain against or pass judgment on God (blaming him for everything bad in your life) OR acknowledge that God is God (and trust him, good or bad)?

2. Demonstrate a general lack of gratitude (I deserve all the good things I get) OR thank God and people often?

3. Exhibit anger (outbursts, withdrawal, pouting, or moody) OR seek to live in peace with all people?

4. See yourself as better than others, easily irritated and impatient OR recognize that you are no better than anyone else (BUT FOR the grace of God you could be....)?

5. Think you're more important, more gifted and/or more talented than others (a legend in your own mind) OR genuinely glad for others' successes and blessings?

6. Suffer from perfectionism (concerned with appearances and how others perceive you) OR teachable, recognizing that perfection is not possible?

7. Talk too much (the center of every conversation -- it's all about "ME") OR encouraging, seeking ways to build others up?

8. Fight for independence and control (struggling when you must submit to authority) OR gladly submissive and obedient to those in authority?

9. Shift the blame or act defensively (not willing to ask forgiveness, justifying your behavior -- I'm sorry for ____, BUT YOU....) OR quickly admit when you're wrong and seek forgiveness without justification?

10. Offer your opinions and preferences, even when you aren't asked OR speak the truth in love?

Yep, lots of toe stomping!!!

Our family though has not heard:

• "But you..." once this whole week!!! "But you" was a permanent resident of this home until Sunday.... "But you" has been joyfully evicted! We're thrilled.
• "How can I..." has moved in. "How can I" is a much friendlier resident. "How can I" brings a smile to our faces and a joy to our hearts.

Wisdom, understanding and knowledge are filling our home with beautiful treasures! 

May your home be filled with the same!

God bless!

Pass the Baton

This weekend, my husband and I attended leadership training at our church. The recurring theme was "passing the baton." In a relay race, the baton must be passed correctly and safely or the team will be disqualified from the race. I've seen that happen -- even at the Olympics. Highly trained runners missed out on the chance to win the race because they mishandled the pass.

As I listened, I saw again how important it is for me to lead my children well. Every day, I share my values -- whether I speak them or live them. Some days, I speak my values and live the opposite, creating confusion. The Bible warns parents not to "exasperate" our children. (See Ephesians 6:4). Is anything more exasperating than being inconsistent?

I teach my kids to speak respectfully and not yell at each other. Two hours later, I walk in the kitchen to find the milk left on the counter, dirty dishes all over the counter and the garbage can overflowing. I bellow, "Kids. Get. Down. Here. Now." For a good dose of clarity, I lecture for ten minutes about laziness, slovenliness, and selfishness. I dropped the baton.

It's not just about yelling. Have you ever driven carelessly when you're angry -- zigging out of traffic recklessly when you'd never do that calm? Have you ever complained when things aren't going right, blaming others -- maybe your husband who's not even home -- for your miserable situation? Have you ever "quit" -- parenting, homeschooling, cleaning, cooking?

I've done all of the above. More than once. I am not a perfect mom!

Each time, I create confusion, exasperating my kids. Why should I expect them to respect each other when my words don't show respect? Or to stay calm and trust God in crisis if I don't?

What's a mama to do?

We need to realize we are not perfect -- and never will be. Seriously! That perfection pursuit can drive us crazy -- talk about stress! Instead, let's pursue God's grace and forgiveness. And model that for our kids -- asking for their forgiveness when we mess up.

In the Beijing Olympics, the British team was disqualified for mishandling the baton pass. Team members could have "attacked" and blamed. But they didn't. Craig Pickering, whose error disqualified the team, owned his mistake. They moved on.

As a mom, I can think of no better baton to pass -- love and grace that comes from Jesus. Learn to forgive. Seek forgiveness. Learn to let go of mistakes -- those you make and those that others make against you.

I'll never be a perfect mama. But...

I can still pass the baton.

Lightning Strikes!

Hello friends,

Isn't that cool? Our mirror flower!

Crazy 24 hours at the Dawkins house. The remnants of Hurricane Lee finally passed through North Carolina yesterday, no biggie. We had a 45 minute thunderstorm warning and cloudy skies. But just like in life, it's the little thing that tripped us up.

I had just flipped on the Weather Channel to see how much longer we'd have rain (my son still doesn't like to drive in really bad weather -- who really does?). Radar showed that the storm was about to end and then: Ka-BOOM!!!! The house shook and everything got "tingly." The rain was already past! Crazy!

Yep -- the last couple minutes of the storm got us! Thankfully, the damage was minor: a hole in the roof (now tarped), electrical wiring and cable blown to smithereens (but no fire), electrical "stuff" zapped (none of the stuff I want to replace, but none of the big ticket items either -- a nuisance, but not a catastrophe) and our bathroom mirror "baked." (That's actually pretty cool -- apparently the electrical current magnetized the backing and made big brown flowers on the mirror).

It could have been worse. Much, much worse.

As I waited on contractors and insurance adjusters and the pleasant, on-time cable guy today, I had lots of quiet time to think!

It's the little things -- one thought of "I wish my husband was more like...", one look at a pornographic website, one pair of shoes you "just gotta have," or one text while driving -- one small choice that can lead to disaster. One step onto the slippery slope of temptation leads to sin. It doesn't take much to blow the life God's given us into a major disaster.

Thankfully, God's better than any insurance policy (or a really nice, on-time cable guy). God's still there if we mess up. He wants to redeem our lives, set us back on the path He had planned all along. Of course, it looks a little different -- we can't undo the past. My mirror looks a little different too. But, it doesn't mean we can't live in the freedom of God's love.

If you carry guilt about something you have done, please ask God's forgiveness for it -- no matter how great or small. He wants to redeem your life! Check out what His Word says in Ephesians 1:3-10 (MSG):

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.

 Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.

Just a moment to confess our misdeeds. A moment to accept his love, given freely. A moment to receive that forgiveness. Just a moment -- and He wipes the slate clean. WOW!

In Christian love,

"The Vest" and John Edwards

For those who don't know me personally, I am a passionate Buckeye. I have followed the Ohio State Buckeye football team through coaching ups and downs, championship seasons and rebuilding seasons. My husband says he married the best woman on the planet because I'm as knowledgeable about football as he is. Our kids follow the Buckeyes too. Really, they don't have an option. No non-Buckeyes eat at our family table!

The past ten years, Jim Tressel, aka "The Vest," has been a strong example of integrity and faith. He often benched players for bad grades or bad attitudes. Then, Tressel resigned as Buckeye coach this week, amid allegations and investigations by the NCAA (non-sports readers, the NCAA regulates college sports and is responsible for disciplining teams, schools and coaches who violate the rules). I don't know the whole story, but Tressel compromised his integrity somewhere along the line and allowed student athletes to violate NCAA rules. His coverup is a rule violation too. Did those misdeeds help the team on the field? Did they help the students off the field? Who knows.

I hope my kids will learn that all it takes is one step away from the path God has for us to crumble and fall. It takes just one mistake. One bad choice. One compromise of values. Just one can change our lives forever.

John Edwards... same story. He's a North Carolina man. He dreamed of becoming president. His campaign screeched to a halt after having an affair with an aide, fathering her child, and (allegedly) trying to cover it up with misappropriated campaign funds.

One mistake... that slid into another... and another... and destroyed a dream. A career. A family.

Of course, God is bigger than either Tressel or Edwards' mistakes. God can redeem their lives. He alone can put the pieces back together to do something amazing -- despite their choices. May that happen for both these men.

Today I pray for my kids. May they learn from their hero's mistake. May they understand that compromising Christian values leads to problems. There's no such thing as a successful coverup, just more lies. Kids, I pray you will learn that what you do today -- right or wrong -- affects what happens in your life tomorrow.

And God, help me model wisdom. Help me nurture my kids to love what You love, to desire what You desire, and to follow You every day of their lives. Thank You for the gift of forgiveness when we do mess up. Thank You that we don't do this alone!

Grudges

A few weeks ago, I shared my struggle to forgive. I could justify my anger -- mama bears are supposed to protect their young. Right? But, that’s not what God’s word says. God calls us to forgive, 7 times 70! I try to let go. In fact, I’ve actively forgiven several times, but the hurt comes back. So, I pray. I ask God to help me. Again.

God’s doing His part. When Nathan and I visited Belmont, we attended a local church. The sermon topic: Forgiving. This past Sunday at our church, the sermon topic was on favoritism from James 2:1-13: Loving one more than another. At first, I heard the part about not choosing favorites. It was so easy to apply this lesson to “them.” I thought about their favoritism, hurting my child by ignoring him. It was so easy to point the finger. 

Then we got to James 2:8-9, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” The royal law is explained more fully in Leviticus 19:18, “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”

Oh friends, I want to hold on to this grudge so badly. I want to build a wall so tall and sturdy that the people who hurt my son can never, never, never, never get over it. Just shut them out. Completely. 

But how can I do that when God clearly instructs against it? How can I ignore the greatest commandment? That’s exactly what unforgiveness is: Choosing to love myself more than God or others. I don’t hold a grudge against myself. When I forget that my son needs time to think, I don’t hold a grudge against me. When I forget that cleaning his room requires herculean focus that he lacks, I don’t hold a grudge against myself for losing my patience with him. I do ask his forgiveness. He forgives. Easily.

If my son, the one who is truly hurt when he is judged, can forgive, why can’t I? Being a mama bear is no excuse. The Bible doesn’t make exceptions for mama bears. God calls us all to forgive, no matter how deep the hurt. My son understands. Maybe it’s time I do too.

Friendship! It's a gift.

Hey friends,
In response to yesterday's post, I got some sweet love. I appreciate the emails of encouragement, the texts that made me laugh, and the sincerity of your love. God did not design us to face our trials alone, and yesterday I was anything but alone. Thank you for your prayers, your love, and your encouragement. Today looks much brighter. I'm in the process of forgiving... I've confessed my anger and hurt. I've asked God to forgive my bad attitude. I've said the words, "I forgive..." My heart isn't in it yet, but I will be obedient and I will see God glorified in my weakness.

One friend out there has lived through the same pain I've been dealing with. We've never met face to face, but through our blogs. (Can I just say that I am amazed how technology can bring people together? Geography is irrelevant!) Because she's been there-experienced that, she was able to listen to my heart and help me process the pain. I'm a stronger woman today because she took time out of her own crazy life to invest in me.

That's the gift of friendship. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man (or woman) sharpens another." Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times. A brother is born for adversity." And John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." My friends, you lived out the love of God with me. You didn't leave me to wallow in my self-pity and pain. My bloggy friend listened and as I shared, the pain started to work itself out. I am beginning to realize I'm not the one who lost in all this... I will be stronger because of this experience.

 In John 16:33, Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Oh the pain. Truly, this situation has hurt me more than anything else I've ever experienced. But, Jesus has overcome the world. I can rejoice today as I choose not to stoop to new lows. I can rejoice today because I choose to let go. I can rejoice today because Jesus took this pain. He will use this experience to help someone else overcome a hurt. He will redeem this situation.

My heart is still heavy. That's okay -- God knows I will have trouble. My choice is to rejoice in Jesus. My choice is to trust in Him and experience the peace that only God can give.

Thank you, friends, for helping me climb out of the pit! Thank you for living out God's plan for friendship! I thank God for each and every one of you.
Love,
Karen

Change of Spirit

The only way to defeat a spirit is with the opposite spirit. Love defeats hate. Praise defeats negativity. Generosity defeats greed. Try it. Pastor Jimmy Evans

I might add the only way to defeat hurt is to forgive.

I know. I'm struggling to forgive right now. I don't want to forgive. I want revenge. I want to hurt the ones who hurt me. I want to lash out. Prove my point. Take a stand for justice. I want to force them to look at their actions from my point of view and admit their mistakes.

I also know that revenge, lashing out, and taking a stand rarely lead to my desired result. Such action usually leads to more hurt. Bigger problems. Deeper wounds.

Luke 6:31 says, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." What if it was me? What if I had been the one to do the hurting? Would I want my face shoved in it? No. Would I want to be humiliated? No. Would I want a tongue lashing or a lecture? No.

Would any of that change me? Sadly, no. I'd become more defensive. I'd reject me. I'd judge me a lunatic and disregard anything that ever came from my mouth again. I'd lose my integrity with me. I'd never want to talk to me again.

Jesus tells us when we are hurt to forgive, seven times seventy, forgive. (Matt. 18:22). I know Jesus' way is right. I know I've forgiven deep hurts in the past. I know that such forgiveness leads to deep peace, wholeness, oneness with God. Yet... today... I'm not quite there.

Dear God,
I look in the mirror, and I see my pain. My hurt. My unforgiveness. I know You want me to forgive. I know You are in control of even this. Please help me get there. Thank You for putting Pastor Jimmy's words before me this morning. Thank you for Matthew 18:22. Thank You for sending Jesus to die for my sins, even the sin of unforgiveness. You have wrapped me in Your truth. Help me take that step to say, "I forgive." Help me let it go and move on. Help me focus on you and not on me. Help me remember how much greater your sacrifice was than my problem is. I know that with you by my side, I will forgive. Please help me do it today and not hold a grudge.
In Jesus' precious name I pray,
Amen

A Living Testimony

Oh to have the courage of Esther, willing to give her life to save her people. Or the faith of Moses who stretched his staff over a sea to part the waters and rescue a nation. Or the legacy of Abraham, the father of nations.

Not me. I'm just a mom. A wife. A homemaker. I don't lead the kingdom of God. I'm just a little fish in a very, very, very big pond. My life is nothing special.

Have you ever felt that way? Like a nobody.

Of course, that is not how God sees you. Or me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has a perfect plan for our lives, a plan that prospers, gives us hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 wasn't a promise for those Bible guys generations ago. That promise is for us all. God has a plan. A testimony. For you. For me.

A few years ago, I hurt a friend of mine. I didn't mean to, but yet... I did. It ate me up inside. I asked God to forgive me. Eventually, I got the courage to ask her to forgive me. Suprisingly, she did, just like that. Our story is a testimony of forgiveness and friendship lived the way God intends. When I asked forgiveness, my kids knew about it. They saw me model humility. When she forgave, I received grace. My kids learned how beautiful Godly forgiveness is.

Second Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" No matter what struggles you faced before or what you face now, your life is a testimony of Jesus' love. Whatever challenges you face, whether big or small, your life is your testimony. Will you share it?

A friend of mine shared recently that she's been asking God to give her a testimony. She said she wants to be a living testimony. She may not see it yet, but she already is. We all are. When we ask God why we have the experiences, the friends, the family, the problems, the temperament, the history that we do, He reveals that plan -- not all at once, but eventually. When we ask Him for opportunity to encourage others, He provides the opportunity to live that plan out. We just need to ask.

If you face a health challenge, whether it's something "big" like cancer or more personal like a battle with weight, God has a plan for you in this struggle. Ask Him to show you how He wants to use your situation to make a difference in others' lives.

Is your marriage falling apart? Ask God to help you be a witness of His love to your spouse. Pray, too, for the opportunity to glorify God no matter what challenge you face. Whether your marriage ends or not, God can be glorified by how you live through it. Trust Him. Look to Him for love... and the ability to love.

Do you have a special needs child? A strong willed child? A wayward child? Trust God with their lives. Live in hope and confidence. Trust Him to give you the wisdom you need to parent His way.

We have a choice. We can see ourselves as too insignificant to matter and simply exist. Or, we can acknowledge God, in all things, and be a testimony of His love every day.

Will you be a living testimony?

The Source of Forgiveness

Yesterday, I shared admitted that I was a pretty rotten kid! I judged my parents and held wrongs against them for years. Those wrongs festered in my mind, filling me with hurt and contempt. I didn't see my parents for who they really are.

Finally, I forgave. I give all the credit to God. A friend of mine questions me whenever I give God the credit for any victories in my life. I can almost hear him ask, "Why give God the credit? Aren't you the one who forgave?" Sure. I forgave.

However, without God, I wouldn't have forgiven. I had tried it all.

I blamed my parents. I felt guilty.

I pushed my feelings down. That made me sick.

I took anti-depressants. They didn't work.
I went to counseling. That helped clarify some things, but didn't lead me to forgive.
I complained to friends about my life. They got tired of me.

When I gave it to Jesus, my heart broke free. It's not quite a feeling, certainly not one I can adequately describe. It's far deeper than that.

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Most of my life, I convinced myself that I had a tough life. I'm sure satan enjoyed whispering in my ear, telling me how rough and unfair everything was. I imagine him wringing his hands together, devilishly cackling each time I griped, knowing he had my heart all tangled up. Satan did all he could to steal my joy, kill my hope and destroy my relationship with my family. For my part, I bought in to the deception and distortion of my life and accepted them as true.

Jesus broke through the lies. He broke through the distortion. He came that I might have life, and have it to the full. Joy. Tremendous "lightness" of spirit. Freedom.

Hebrews 10:19-23 (NLT) says, "...we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."

Hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.


I knew Jesus wanted to heal my hurts. I knew Jesus wanted to carry my burden. I knew I held on tight to the darkness and pain. I knew I wasn't letting go. I stubbornly resisted letting go -- believing that the pain was a reality I just had to accept. When it finally sank in that God wanted more for me, I let go of the pain and trusted God to keep that promise.

He took my pain. He replaced it with hope, joy, healing, freedom. Now, I live in joy. My family is filled with joy (Not that we don't stumble. I am not perfect.) I am a new creation because Christ lives in me and through me.

Because He took my pain, my parents celebrated Christmas -- and nine inches of snow -- with us. It wasn't just that they were here. We had fun! We enjoyed sweet fellowship. We made memories I never expected would happen.

What God gave me is available to you, too. Hold tightly to Him with unwavering hope. Hand over your troubles and live life to the full. I'm praying for you, dear reader, that you will discover the joy that comes when you surrender your hurt and pain to God. Don't hold on as long as I did.

Much love,
Karen

Life Begins at 38!

The past few years, people comment on my life, often asking my secret for joyful living. I call it joy-filled living. Before age 38, no one asked me that question. Not that I can recall anyway. I used to explain that I am a "recovering pessimist." But it's not really that simple.

When I was 38 (oh how I wish I had been younger), I forgave my parents. My whole life, I held grudges against them for perceived injustices. Every single hurt magnified, clutched to my heart. They weren't perfect, that's for sure. And I made sure they knew it.

I quietly rebelled. My parents can tell stories of me running away -- the first time when I was six, determined to go to Grandma's. One time, I planned a coup -- taking my two younger brothers and hiding out for hours -- plotting how to get our way. My dad patiently waited and then called us to lunch. The boys toppled instantly. I followed grudgingly behind. When I was older, I didn't run away, but I did the "teen thing," hiding in my room, whispering complaints on the phone to my friends.

Seriously, my parents made mistakes. Sometimes I got in trouble for things my brothers had done. They yelled and screamed in anger. Sometimes, I got spanked. Before I was a mom (a long time ago), I went to counseling to get past it all. The first -- and only -- visit, I aired my litany of grievances gathered over a couple of decades. The counselor told me I was abused. She assigned homework, "Go home this week and look in the mirror. Tell yourself it's okay to hurt." She was serious. Driving home, I bawled. In my heart, I knew I was not abused. I was -- and am -- loved. All those hurts piled up were simply my parents' best attempts to raise their three kids. I never went back to counseling with her. Or anyone. Instead, I pushed my hurts down and continued living with a mask of darkness over my heart, knowing I wasn't abused, but unwilling to forgive.

I became a mother. Twice. I moved from Ohio to North Carolina and endured my very darkest days. Finally, I understood. Our pastor preaches all the time about hope and forgiveness. He reminds us that we all make mistakes, which is why we need Jesus. He encourages us to forgive others and let go of those hurts. Eventually, enough of those messages seeped into me to change my life completely.

I forgave. Every hurt and grudge I had held, I finally laid at Jesus' feet. I gave Him the heavy burden on my heart. I asked Him to help me let go. More than that, I asked Him to show me life from my parents' perspective. He did!

I was a stubborn and strong-willed child (still am). My parents gave me room to make choices that often caused them frustration and hurt. My mom tried to connect with me during high school, investing time and energy in my pursuits. I made her out to be lame and out of touch, keeping her at arms' length. Yes, Jesus showed me life from my parents' perspective. It hurt.

He showed me the fear and worry they endured in the 1970's. My dad, then an electrician with Goodyear, was frequently laid off due to the economy and the energy crisis. My mom was forced to go to work. My dad took second shift jobs. They never saw each other. Yet, we never lost our home, never went without food, and always had a parent there to tuck us in at night. My dad called every evening like clockwork, at 7:20, to wish us good-night and sweet dreams.

They had purchased property on Marco Island, Florida in the 1960's, to use for retirement. In the 1970's they sold it to keep us afloat. Their dreams and plans crushed. I never knew. Or at least, I never understood the depth of their disappointment as their plans evaporated. Instead, my mom would let us try to stay up till Dad got home from work on the weekends. She took us midnight bowling to watch him bowl in a late-night league. Such a grand adventure!

At age 38, I found joy, not because my life changed. I found joy because I let go of the things that weighed me down. I opened my heart to the truth and Satan lost his foothold in my heart.

Genesis 9:18-27 tells a story of Noah and his sons after the flood. Old Noah got a little drunk and acted a bit recklessly. His younger son, Ham, saw him and called his brothers Shem and Japheth to get a good look at dear old dad. Shem and Japheth, full of respect for their father, chose instead to honor him. They respected him in spite of his mistake. Ham's bad attitude toward his dad affected generations that followed.

Much like Ham, I disrespected my parents with my bad attitude. My joy today is the result of God working in my heart, helping me to forgive real wrongs and to ask forgiveness for wrong attitudes. Life for me began at 38. The year I let go.

FIT Fridays: Take off the mask

FIT Friday friends,

How are you doing today? Not just with your weight. How's life?

Do you know that you are God's precious one?

A friend shared recently that she's excited at her weight loss and improved health. She's lost quite a bit of weight this year and feels better than she has in a long time. She's nervous, too, as she's hitting that place she's been before... that "plateau" of weight loss that she's never broken through.

It's not just weight loss that can "plateau." Sure, we talk about weight all the time. It's visible. It's easy to measure. Our societal stereotype says thin people have their lives together. Heavy people don't.

The reality is very few of us have our act together. It's exactly that -- an act.

We need to take off the mask and live the way God designed us. It means breaking through barriers like food addiction, control addiction, and approval addiction. It means turning to the One who created us in the first place.

When Rob and I were first married, I had serious food issues. I wasn't anorexic... but when the finances got tight, I would get scared and control what I could. My issues were food and control -- tangled together in a big knot. I would eat the bare minimum to get through the day. Tiny portions to keep my tummy from growling, but not enough to really nourish me. I had no energy. I got depressed.

The issue wasn't food, it was fear. I didn't trust that we'd have the money to get through. I didn't trust that God would provide for our needs -- even though he loves us more than the birds of the air (Matt. 6:26). I needed control, so I'd limit what I ate to control what I could of how much we spent.

For years, I didn't told Rob about my fears. I just bottled them up and shoved them inside me. Deep down inside. I certainly never talked to God about them.

Eventually, I got to the place I had to deal with it or be stuck. God -- and Rob -- helped me overcome my fears. God helped me let go of control -- for the most part. To succeed, I had to take off the mask of self-control and open my heart to God. Rob was sensitive to my fears and reassured me that God will always take care of us... Just like it says in the Bible.

So, what about you? Are fears keeping you from being who you're meant to be? Do you hide behind food so no one will see you? Do you have issues to tackle, but avoid them, instead comforting yourself by eating?

Whether we are thin or not, we all have fears and issues to deal with. Let's take off the mask and deal with them head-on.

Dear God,
I can't begin to comprehend your love for me. Your love is deeper than the oceans and wider than the seas, but even standing at the edge of the water, I can't see that big. Thank you for loving me that much. Forgive me that I don't trust you all the time. Forgive me for wearing a mask -- hiding my fears with control, comforting myself with food. I know you want to be my comforter. Help me give my concerns to you. I don't want to carry these burdens anymore. They're too heavy. I can't live the life you have for me if I carry the past around all the time. Please, God, help me let go so I can really begin to live.
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Truth - in love

...Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Eph. 4:15

I blew it on Monday. One of my children made a few bad choices - not major decisions, but little things that indicated a lack of respect and honor for others. This child's actions affected both siblings and parents. And it made me mad. Really, really mad. I screamed in frustration at my child, definitely speaking the truth. Definitely NOT in love. I spoke - I use that term loosely - in a fit of anger. I ranted at my child. I blew it, plain and simple.

Another day this week, a friend of mine asked for prayer in a particular situation. She cautioned that her husband knew nothing of the prayer request. Warning bells rang in my head... Secrets in marriage can destroy it. I've seen it happen too often. "Don't tell my husband, but..." "Look at my new outfit (friend pulls bag from its hiding place in the back of the closet). I blew the clothing budget, but isn't it just the cutest?" "My husband would never understand..." 

I agreed to pray for my friend. Then I prayed about those warning bells, ultimately encouraging her to share her concern with her husband and cautioning her against keeping a secret from him. She received it well, explaining that she planned to talk to him later, but that it wasn't possible to tell him while he was at work. She thanked me for caring about her marriage and speaking in Christian love. 

The difference in dialogue with my child and with my friend really boils down to my heart. My child receives instruction and correction when I'm calm -- I know that, but I still messed up. If I had treated my child's situation the way I treated my friend, first stopping to pray for guidance, God would have provided calm in the midst of my anger. I would have spoken in love, building my child up to become more like Jesus. Instead, I tore my kid to shreds.

Why do I rant at my kids? Why don't I remember first to pray when they make mistakes (not always, but more than I ever would with my friends)? Why is it so much harder to do it right when these young people God has entrusted to my care annoy me? 

I know the answer, of course. At home, I get lazy. I get comfortable. I live in the routine -- and forget that God wants my family to be anything but ordinary. I assume they'll just understand and let it go. SO NOT FAIR TO THEM!!!

Today, I humbly ask God to forgive me (and I'll ask my child in just a moment). Help me, God, to remember that You gave me these children to raise to know You. Help me remember to speak to them in your love, just as I do with my friends. Forgive me of the hypocrisy I sometimes live. Thank you for being a merciful, forgiving God. Help me focus only on You. Amen

Taking Friendship Further

Yesterday I wrote about how I want to be a better friend, a friend like Jesus. Yet, time is short. Life is busy. How in the world can I become a better friend? I'm already so busy. I imagine you're probably a lot like me -- busy with kids, work, house, husband, church and other activities. How do we squeeze in the time to be better friends?

Friendship is not always easy. We go through hard times. We make mistakes. We hurt each other. We're not perfect. A few years ago, I hurt one of my closest friends so badly that our friendship ended. It broke my heart. Recently, we started rebuilding. I'm thankful that I get a second chance with this wonderful woman. I don't want to make that kind of mistake again, with her or with anyone (not that I won't blow it, but I don't want to!).

Jesus-like friendship is special.

Spend time listening.
When Martha got herself all worked up because Mary chose to spend time with Jesus over hospitality, He reminded her that time with him was more important than matching table settings. (Read the story here) Obviously, time with Jesus is our number one priority. Yet, Christ-honoring friendships require the same attention to togetherness.

Extend patience.
We change over time. When one person grows and the other doesn't keep pace (this is true in families and marriages too), it helps to be patient. In John 14, Jesus answered questions again and again of his disciples. He didn't throw his arms up in frustration at the last question, but answered it patiently. He didn't quit on his friends because they just didn't get it.

Enjoy one another.
Friendship by facebook is not enduring friendship. Shocking, I know. I enjoy facebook. But, real friendship is built on togetherness - face time! Jesus was all about face time with his disciples. One of my favorite verses is Luke 9:10, "When the apostles returned (Jesus had just sent them out to share the good news without him for the first time), they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida..." He took them away to rest and fellowship! They came together to reconnect... Of course, the idea didn't quite work. The people learned where they were and followed, but that's another post for some other day.

Love each other.
Just before He died, Jesus shared the last supper with his friends. He served them in love, even Judas, humbly washing their feet. He didn't demand to be treated like a king. He was their friend, loving and patient. One of the last things He ever told the disciples was, "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)

Isn't that really what friendship is all about? Loving each other with the love of Jesus. I've not always been so loving. I've not always made time for friends who need it. I've not always chosen time with a friend, just for the joy of friendship - instead mulch, laundry, and other things have taken precedence. I'm not always patient with my friends. And I'm way too good at blabbing, not so good at listening.

What about you?

Do you need room for improvement in any of these areas?

Have you overcome some friendship challenges that might help the rest of us out? If so, please share! I'm no expert on this friendship thing.

Dear God,
Thank you for your Son, Jesus. Thank you for his example of friendship. Thank you for the friends you have placed in my life, who love me in spite of my shortcomings. Thank you for the precious gift of forgiveness. Help me see my friends with your eyes. Help each of us become a better friend, a better spouse, a better parent, following Jesus' example. Help me love my friends the way you would. In the precious name of Jesus, I pray.
Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Caring enough

A few years ago, I found myself disgruntled at church, impatient with my leaders, and in general, not happy. The community which once brought so much joy into my life became something I resented. I found myself wondering why do I have to do all this? Why aren't they working as hard as I am? Why isn't my leader feeding me?

Have you ever felt that way -- wondering whether leaving to find a new church home with a better environment might make you happier?

Maybe not at church. Maybe you've considered leaving your spouse to find your true soul-mate. Maybe you've toyed with leaving your job because your work environment doesn't make you happy.

Sometimes, change is necessary. Sometimes a church is not healthy. Sometimes a spouse is abusive (seek counseling and support if your marriage is dangerous to you or your children). Sometimes we outgrow a job and need to move on or to move up. Sometimes.

But most times, when we get all bent out of shape, it's not them - it's us. It's our own attitude.

That's what happened to me. My pastor teaches and preaches consistently that church is a community of imperfect people. He consistently reminds us that our own relationship with God is where we really grow -- he and the church leadership can't be Jesus for us. He humbly shares his own struggles.

When I slipped into the pit of dissatisfaction, I was ignoring him. Worse. I was ignoring GOD. Instead of reading my Bible and praying daily, I looked to my own leader to be built up. I had replaced God with her -- not worshipping her, but expecting her to fill me up through teaching, encouraging and spoon feeding. (Early in our marriage, I sometimes put my husband in the same position. Wisely, he told me he can't be Jesus for me. Detecting a trend here!!! ICK)

It would be like my teenage son expecting me to feed him dinner each night, literally spooning each bite into his mouth. Depending fully on me to nourish him. Do you know how long it would take to spoon feed a growing teenage boy?!?!? YIKES!

My leader tuned in to what was going on with me. She confronted me. Not that it was easy. I remember us sitting in a room together, her leg bouncing nervously. Eyes averted. Yet, she spoke lovingly, finally telling me she couldn't be Jesus for me.

She cried. I cried. I apologized. Our relationship was restored. More importantly, it moved me back into my relationship with God.

Now when I start to feel restless, at home, at church, with the kids, or whatever, I recognize that I have grown slack, less time in the Bible. Less time praying for my own understanding and growth. Less time lifting friends up to God. It's always the same. I bounce back quickly, putting my priorities back in line.

That experience taught me a lot about many things. First, how valuable my own relationship with God really is. Second, how beautiful the gift of genuine friendship is. Finally, how important it is to look honestly at the situations I find myself in -- and ask God to reveal the lessons He has for me.

Why do I include this experience in my Memorial Box? This period in my life was pivotal to my spiritual growth. I learned humility. I learned a precious lesson in forgiveness - how beautifully healing forgiveness really is. I learned a valuable lesson in friendship - my friend cared enough about my relationship with God to risk our friendship. God knew I needed to change. He knew my needs and led me to peace. Even when I didn't know I needed it!

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your cares on Him (Jesus) for He cares for you." Even if we don't realize our needs, God still cares. I am thankful for Christian friends who care enough about me to make sure I always keep my eyes on Him! I am thankful for Christian friends who care enough to pray. This week, I will put a picture of my friend and me to remind me of this valuable lesson in Christian living.

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

In the Garden

A couple years ago you would never find me working in the yard. Oh, occasionally I would get out there and help my husband -- for a couple minutes. Just to appease my guilt that he was working hard while I ate bon-bons (HA!).

No more!

We relandscaped our yard last year... Wait. Truth in posting -- our wonderful friend, Nate, regraded and landscaped our yard last year. I'm so excited to see grass in my back yard for the first time ever -- that's eight years!!!

I love to be out there, allergy sneezes and all. I love watching the flowers bloom and the yard fill with color. And life. We have birds here now -- they enjoy all the beauty too.

I think about the transformation and realize the same thing happens in the Christian life.

For the past eight years, we tried to grow grass. Rob worked tirelessly, adding manure, planting seed and watering. It never worked. The same can happen for the Christian. We can read the Bible, pray and go to church faithfully, but see no result. As we needed to change the soil to allow grass to grow, the Christian needs a new heart to allow God's truth to penetrate and grow.

While I've been a Christian for a long time, there was sin in my past that I wouldn't let go. I held on to it, honestly, not thinking I was worthy of God's forgiveness. My self-punishment kept the truth from growing. Recently I decided to let go. I gave it to God and refuse to take it back. I see my heart softening, and more importantly, I have a sense of peace that I've not experienced before.

Working in my yard, I am always reminded that God's truth is beautiful.

Burdens - Not God's Plan

A couple weeks ago, I shared that I am overwhelmed by God and a lesson He wants to teach me. I'm finally ready to share what I've learned... well, not learned... AM LEARNING!

If I could sum up my life so far in one word, it would be "expectations." My parents always expected me to do well in school. They expected me to make good life decisions. I expected me to be a great wife. I expected me to be a "good girl." I expect me to be a good leader, yet humble, compassionate, encouraging.

It's a lot of pressure - not ill-intentioned - but expectations are a heavy burden. God never intended us to carry this load. He wants us to trust Him and give Him our burdens. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery." (NIV)

"Do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery." Slavery is defined as a condition of exhausting labor or restricted freedom. It's exactly what we experience when we try to live up to unnatural expectations.

"Do not let yourselves be burdened again." Again. That's exactly my problem. I know I can't live up to expectations -- my own or others. Yet, I try. Again. I fail. Again. I am disappointed in myself. Again.

Maybe you, like me, carry burdens that wear you down. Do you try to be the "perfect" wife? The "perfect" mom? Or friend? Do you juggle work, home, children and marriage wondering what will fall through the cracks next? What about guilt - do you hide your mistakes, worries and fears hoping no one will notice you're not really "all that and a bag of chips"?

My prayer today is this verse, Galatians 5:1. Thank you God for my freedom in Christ who sets me free. Help me stand firm and do not let me be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. Help me let go of those unreasonable expectations I put on myself. Amen

Life is too precious to live in regret. It's a gift too precious to waste in exhaustion, stress, worry, and frustration. What do you need to give up once and for all? Will you do it?

Little Gifts

Rob left the house long before I woke up today, off to pray with the men at our church (Go, Warriors!!!) and the hospital and work. When he leaves early, I get up early to send Nathan off to high school... before the sun!


Rob set the alarm for me - and selected the sweetest song to wake me.

So let it go and turn it over to

The one who chose to give his life for you

Leave it to me

I'll lead you home.

So let it go and turn it over to 

The one who chose to give his life for you

Just leave it to me

I'll lead you home.

Leave it to me

I'll lead you home.

Jesus suffered and died on that cross for me. For everything I've ever done wrong and ever will do. All I have to do is let go and let him.

He did the same for you.