SYATP - See You at the Pole

For years, this last Wednesday in September starts with me taking the kids to church or school to pray at the flag pole. The kids take the lead: praying for teachers, classmates who need Jesus, their leaders, and themselves -- asking God to use them to make a difference.

We're missing it today -- something about coughing and hacking on all the kids seemed like a bad idea.

Sad.

Then it hit me. SYATP is a movement of students praying for each other and their world. Yes, it's nice to gather at a flag pole and pray corporately. But we can pray at home, too. Right? For the same thing?

In fact, shouldn't the SYATP prayer be our prayer every day? Parents, we can pray for our kids to be a light in the darkness. We can pray for their teachers and leaders. We can pray for our government.

Students, don't just pray one day a year. This should be your prayer every day. God use me. Help me touch other people's lives with your love. Help my teachers and leaders. Be with us, God. Help us make a difference.

If we pray one day a year and forget the rest, are we really doing all we should? SYATP is awesome! A public, corporate stand for Jesus. But...

Let's not forget the other 364 days.

God bless us, every one, every day.

Stepping Up!

Did you know that single parent homes accounted for 34% of all homes in the United States in 2009? Or that another 5% of homes included kids living with neither parent? (source) That's about 40% of families -- Two in every five homes!

My kids are blessed. Mom and dad live here, with them, together. At bedtime, they get two good-night kisses. They get two prayers. They get double hugs. When I'm having a bad day, I have back-up -- my kids don't have to deal with just me. Dad can calm the storms. (And I do the same for him once every three years on his bad day.) I can't imagine raising them without him.

A whole lot of families in this country don't have that same opportunity: Ready or not, they're raising kids the "hard way." Single moms and dads push through to "git 'r done." Grand-parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and foster parents stand in the gap, addressing hurts and pains, loving and nurturing the best they can.

Who's there to help? Sure, we have over-worked agencies and programs: Big Brother, YMCA, social workers and more do their best, but there's not enough government money meet the needs. There aren't enough volunteers to help everyone. School teachers give till their hearts break, called on to be counselor and conscience, not just teacher anymore. They can't do it all.

Church -- it's our job. "Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." (Isaiah 1:17) Plain English: Do right. Seek justice. Encourage. Defend. Plead for. Calls to action directed to the church -- God's people.

Yet we drive to church Sunday morning, dressed to impress. We sit in the pew, nodding our agreement with the pastor's wise words. We drop a token offering in the plate. We leave -- thanking the pastor and praising his efforts. We go home.

Just add one more thing to Sunday morning: Serve. One hour each week. Teaching kids that God loves them. Reminding them that God is there even though it's tough at home sometimes. Encouraging them to make wise decisions that will last a lifetime if they just learn them now. A hug. A tear, wiped away gently. A prayer offered from an innocent heart. Serve. Care. Be God's hands and feet.

Just a couple hours each week -- leading a Bible study group for women who parent alone. Encouraging them to discover God's truth: they are important. They are not forgotten. They can -- in Christ's strength -- do all things, even parent "alone." Offer to provide childcare for these groups. Pay for someone's childcare so she can attend a group. Serve. Love. Be God's hands and feet.

Just a couple hours each week -- be a Godly example to the fatherless. Men, these kids need you! Boys need to know what it looks like to be responsible, to listen well, to stand firm and not run away. Girls need to know that Godly men are humble, honest, kind and sincere. Who will model fatherhood to these future fathers? Who can show a girl what a "good husband" might be for her one day? Serve. Be an example. Be God's hands and feet.

Our call as Christians is to know God and make him known. (See Matthew 5:13-14 for Jesus' explanation)

Will you do it? Will you be one who does right, seeks justice, encourages, defends, pleads for? Or are you content to let a generation fall apart? What do you think God would like you to do?

The Cancel Button

My kids: I'm not telling you who this story's about!

For some reason, when I use the microwave, I always mess up. I'll put in the wrong time -- setting the coffee to reheat for 1 second instead of a minute. Or I'll put the chicken in to defrost, but end up setting it to cook instead. Thankfully, the microwave (and lots of other useful gadgets) has a "cancel" button. These machines give me a second chance to get it right!

I wish I had one for my mouth! You know, when hubby comes home from work late and droopy... Instead of "Hey, hurry up. Dinner's on the table," I might actually say "Oh honey, what happened today? You look beat."  Or when the kids shake the house with various crashes and shouts, instead of screaming up the stairs, "Kids. Stop that this instant," I might actually ask, "Hey guys. Whatcha doin' up there?" (My kids actually play together a lot -- why do I always assume the worst?)

Maybe you're not like me... but I know someone out there can relate. Oh please... tell me I'm not alone!!!

Right now, my mouth and I are having a particularly difficult time with one of my kids. This child has always had a hard time understanding "no." I got used to responding to every request loudly, firmly and absolutely. It seemed to be the only thing that sank in. Recently, this kid decided to mature! (Really -- some of you might wonder if it ever happens. Apparently, it does.)

For the most part, this one now thinks before blurting things out, but I still respond loudly, firmly and absolutely. My child, hurt and offended, says, "Mom, you don't have to yell at me. Just say no or later or something nice."

Geesh! When did it get that easy? And why can't I keep up? Seriously, I want a cancel button for my mouth. I want to treat my child with respect and kindness... but I'm not used to the "new and improved" version yet.

Since I don't have a cancel button, I have to settle for "I'm sorry. I'm listening. I'm learning." Then I listen, focus and respond kindly... even when I have to say no. Hopefully I'll catch on soon, but until then, "I'm sorry" will have to do.

1 Timothy 4:12 (Part Two)

Have you been waiting? Patiently? To find out what Nathan did that made the camp thing seem small?

Without further ado, here it is (please laugh at the appropriate times!):

After camp ended Wednesday, we came home exhausted. Camp was awesome and several kids accepted Jesus into their hearts for the first time! We couldn't possibly ask for more! While my kids were off relaxing, I logged onto my facebook account...

Get ready -- this is the ironic part where you get to laugh at me. It's okay. I'm tough. I can take it.

...to post on Nathan's wall how proud of him I was.

photo © 2010 Asthma Helper | more info (via: Wylio)
YEP! My kid was upstairs in his bedroom and rather than climb the stairs to talk face to face, I chose to post it on his wall. Duh!

Except... His wall wasn't there.

You see, during camp, God showed Nathan the value of friendships. He showed Nathan how distracting facebook can be. You know how it is: the phone buzzes or the email dings -- whatever -- and like moths to flame, we are drawn to see who said what. Then we get sucked into the abyss -- lost on facebook for hours. No food. No bathroom breaks.

I yelled up the stairs, "Hey Nathe, what's wrong with your facebook page?" (You may laugh again -- I still did not share my compliments with him.)

He came downstairs, light-hearted. "Oh, I deleted it." Like it was no big deal. Seriously!

WHATTTTT?????

He clearly interpreted my surprise and added, "Mom, facebook has been eating up my time, keeping me from doing school well, practicing piano, or even watching movies with the family. I was way too caught up in it and God has bigger plans for my life. Besides, I can text with all my real friends whenever I want."

WHOA!!!

How about you? Does facebook steal your time? Is it keeping you from God's best plan for your life? Is it keeping you from real relationships with people you know and love?

I'm not attacking facebook here. But, I am learning from this wonderful young man that life is short. It's precious. Friendships are real. They should be treasured. And maybe, just maybe, facebook is getting in the way of that. If a TEENAGER can walk away from facebook, maybe some of the rest of us should too! (I'm still undecided, by the way... but I am building in some firmer boundaries.)

Lots of love!

Psalm 37:3

Trust in the LORD and do good. 
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Psalm 37:3

As I prepare to attend my first She Speaks conference, I wonder if I'm finally on my way to my destiny? My heart longs to share God's truth with other women. I hope and pray God will use my life experience to encourage others. You can overcome depression. You can break the chains. You can become more than you ever thought you would be... Just trust in Him. Let go of you. Take the plunge.

I'm 45 and still trying to figure it out. It's not always easy to wait. Or wonder.

My son is seventeen. One short year from now, he'll be packing bags and boxes, preparing for that big step into college. He shares my questions. What's the plan, Mom? Do you think I'd do well with this? What did you think I would become (when I was seven)? Does it help to hear that I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up? There's just so much to choose -- so many things to do.

My prayer today, Nathan, is that you will trust God in the journey. Whether you choose one career like Daddy or my more circuitous path, I pray you will simply TRUST. Take the next step confidently. Don't look too far down the road. And while you're trusting, do good. Make a difference. Encourage others. Share your love of God. Rejoice in the journey. Let God lead you wherever He wants you to go and know. This is God's plan for you. In His Name I pray. Amen

"The Vest" and John Edwards

For those who don't know me personally, I am a passionate Buckeye. I have followed the Ohio State Buckeye football team through coaching ups and downs, championship seasons and rebuilding seasons. My husband says he married the best woman on the planet because I'm as knowledgeable about football as he is. Our kids follow the Buckeyes too. Really, they don't have an option. No non-Buckeyes eat at our family table!

The past ten years, Jim Tressel, aka "The Vest," has been a strong example of integrity and faith. He often benched players for bad grades or bad attitudes. Then, Tressel resigned as Buckeye coach this week, amid allegations and investigations by the NCAA (non-sports readers, the NCAA regulates college sports and is responsible for disciplining teams, schools and coaches who violate the rules). I don't know the whole story, but Tressel compromised his integrity somewhere along the line and allowed student athletes to violate NCAA rules. His coverup is a rule violation too. Did those misdeeds help the team on the field? Did they help the students off the field? Who knows.

I hope my kids will learn that all it takes is one step away from the path God has for us to crumble and fall. It takes just one mistake. One bad choice. One compromise of values. Just one can change our lives forever.

John Edwards... same story. He's a North Carolina man. He dreamed of becoming president. His campaign screeched to a halt after having an affair with an aide, fathering her child, and (allegedly) trying to cover it up with misappropriated campaign funds.

One mistake... that slid into another... and another... and destroyed a dream. A career. A family.

Of course, God is bigger than either Tressel or Edwards' mistakes. God can redeem their lives. He alone can put the pieces back together to do something amazing -- despite their choices. May that happen for both these men.

Today I pray for my kids. May they learn from their hero's mistake. May they understand that compromising Christian values leads to problems. There's no such thing as a successful coverup, just more lies. Kids, I pray you will learn that what you do today -- right or wrong -- affects what happens in your life tomorrow.

And God, help me model wisdom. Help me nurture my kids to love what You love, to desire what You desire, and to follow You every day of their lives. Thank You for the gift of forgiveness when we do mess up. Thank You that we don't do this alone!

Teens: A Stressed Out Generation

A friend posted this article on Facebook this morning. I can't say it any better.

Parents, finish strong! They're not done being kids just because they think our ideas are "stupid." They need us to guide them through high school, set boundaries and enforce them, and be a greater influence than the world is. Of course, discipline and instruction look different with teens than with younger kids, but they are still necessary!

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. 

Proverbs 19:18

Stepping off my soapbox now.

Thanks for listening.

Mexico Update -- Please Pray!!!

My dad recently returned from his first international missions trip to Mexico. I'm so proud of him! Praise God for allowing him the opportunity to serve and minister to some of the world's most troubled people.


My dad made it home, safe and sound. He got home a little more than a week ago, flying in on Saturday, the day of the North Carolina tornadoes. When I finally got to talk to him, he excitedly shared the fun details of his flights around the storms. So different from the quiet man I remember growing up. I'm just glad he made it home, safe and in good spirits!

They ministered in two areas. In Los Nogales the church is alive and thriving. He shared the passion the people have and how families attend church services and activities together. He described it as vibrant. Listening to him, I couldn't help get excited for God's work being done in that city.

In stark contrast, he shared that the people of Juarez, Mexico -- just across the border from El Paso, Texas -- are suffering. I researched Juarez online. It's called the murder capital of the world. OF THE WORLD! It's not that far away. Mexico. More dangerous than Iraq. Or Libya. Really?

Many of the men are involved in the drug trade. Moms are raising a generation of children without fathers. He shared that one lady is boldly leading Bible studies in her home while her husband is in prison for his involvement in drug trafficking. Other women are developing Christian programs for the children, hoping to give kids hope and a choice for a better future. These ladies want to offer their children, especially their sons, a choice to live for something worthwhile. They're standing up against the drug trade. I struggle to comprehend all this is going on "next door."

Will you join me today in prayer for this troubled region? Will you keep these brave women who are trusting God to change their families' futures in your prayers. With God, all things are possible.

Thank you.

Next Gen Prayers

Bloggy friends,
It's Revolution Weekend at our church, a special in-town weekend retreat for our 7th-12th graders. Would you join me in prayer for our students? Specifically, pray for a deeper relationship with Jesus, closer bonds with one another, safety as they serve in the community. Pray for all us grown ups too -- that we can keep up! :)

The weekend launches with a Toby Mac concert, live at our church. Even as I write that I still can't believe Toby Mac will be here! My son attended a music camp a few years ago and Toby shared that music sung for self doesn't glorify God. A musician's purpose is always to draw people closer to God -- sing for God. Play for God. Not for yourself. That's his message (paraphrased). It's all about Jesus.

Saturday our kids will have the chance to live that message out. They will be scrubbing down a local Boys and Girls club. Literally. Cleaning out every closet, cupboard, shelf and locker. It's in an area of our county where more than 90% of the kids receive free or reduced lunches. The students will really be giving some hands-on love to kids they may never meet. Our high school boys will be working at our local men's shelter. This group of homeless people is so often overlooked. How humbling to serve these men. May it touch their hearts.

There's lots of fun, special messages, small group time and food involved too. After all, teens and food go together like the beach and flip flops.

Thank you for your prayers!

Morning Routine

Every morning and evening they present burnt offerings and fragrant incense to the Lord. 

2 Chronicles 13:11

Every weekday morning, our daughter wakes up at 7:15. (Honestly, she wakes every day at this time -- even Saturdays. Thankfully, she has learned to read books and let the rest of us savor Saturday sleep-ins.) She heads downstairs, climbs onto the counter and gets a bowl. She pulls a spoon from the drawer and the cereal from the pantry. Then she waits. Patiently.

She knows that within moments one of us will come to pour her milk. (She can't lift the full jug, so she waits... whether it's full or not.) She carries her bowl to the table, wiggles into her chair and eats her breakfast.

She brushes her teeth, dresses for school and tromps down the stairs.

That's when the day really begins. Every morning, we circle up at the base of the stairs, joining hands to pray. We have so much to be thankful for: a caring teacher, good friends in class, and bus drivers who care. We invite Jesus to be the center of her day, asking Him to fill her with compassion and kindness. We pray that she will discover new things. Every day we pray.

She grabs her backpack, trots down the driveway and joins her friends at the bus stop. I watch from the window. My heart fills with joy as her giggle bounces down the street. The bus arrives with a squeak of the brakes, and without fail (except for one day when she completely forgot about me), she turns to our window, waves and blows a kiss. Then she's gone.

Dear God, 

May our prayers each morning be a fragrant offering to You. She's all yours, God. May she bring You great joy today. Thank You for watching over her. Thank You for blessing her with an incredible kindergarten experience. Thank you for blessing us with this special little girl. 

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Law School

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it last week, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).


Our home is filled with talk of PSAT and SAT testing as our son prepares to apply to colleges. He's been asking lots of questions about his dad's and my journey to college (some of it, we're too old to remember!) Last week before he took the PSAT, I reminded him that all he has to do is give the best he's got that day. We prayed together before I sent him off to school -- asking God to prepare the way for whatever is next in our son's life.


It reminded me of when God changed the total course of my life -- sending me on a journey I never would have picked in a million years! Partway through my senior year, the dean of my college called me into his office. I went to Ohio State and we rarely met senior administration, much less get called to their office. I was concerned.


He said, "You need to go to law school." What? Me? Never, not once had I considered it! I made some quick objections: 

1. I don't know anything about law school. He explained that "all" I had to do was take the LSAT.
2. How much does that cost? I don't have any money to take that test. He assured me that my financial need would be covered by the Ohio State law school. All I had to do was fill out a paper that proved my need.

All my objections answered, he sent me off to the law school to inquire about the test. Within moments, I had applied for a test fee waiver and was approved. Seriously! The lady gave me a trifold brochure that explains the question types, the test date and location of the next test. She also told me it was the last day to apply for the next LSAT and wished me luck. It was that simple! 

I didn't know about LSAT study guides, not that I could have purchased one. Instead, I prepared by reading the brochure. More than once, I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

Test day arrived. I headed to the testing location and listened to the litany of testing rules. I sat with fellow test-takers, some of them taking the test for the second, third and even fourth time -- hoping for better scores to get into their desired school. 

I sat down at an ancient wooden desk with a Pepsi and a poptart (don't ask... I was in college and considered that a good breakfast). I surveyed the room, realizing I had no business being there. I closed my eyes and told God, "If you really want me to go to law school, You better show up big time. Make it abundantly clear that this is the plan you have for my life." I didn't think this was it. 

Sometime later, I got my test results. I had scored in the 97th percentile in the whole country! Only 3% of test takers had higher scores. I was astounded. Then, I had no idea what to do next. Thankfully, I worked with some amazing people who helped me figure out what to do. I applied to three schools -- fees waived because of need -- and was accepted at all of them. I chose to stay at Ohio State. Law school wasn't easy -- there's definitely a learning curve to law education -- but the professors were awesome and helped me figure it all out.

People often ask if I'll ever return to law practice. I honestly don't think I will. God called me to a law career to do something specific, which I did. He provided me a great education that helps me stay organized in ministry. It helps me research my kids' special needs and provide for them. God knew law school would provide skills I need for everyday life. It may not be the traditional course, but I wonder -- how often is God's plan predictable? or ordinary? 

I'll put a picture of Rob and me at my law school graduation in my memory box to remind me that God's plan is not always what I think it might be. I hope it helps my son remember that no matter what his test scores are, God has a plan for his life too and will never leave him or foresake him. 

Memorial Box Monday: My Brave One

This is Ben now... Our brave boy, riding the San Francisco
cable car, standing rather than sitting.

Hello my bloggy friends,

For those of you who aren't familiar with Memorial Box Monday, it was started a while ago by Linny at her blog. MBM provides an opportunity to remember what God does in our lives. How He answers each and every prayer, whether big or little. I've asked God for some big stuff in the past, such as providing the resources for our adoption and helping me overcome the fears I felt after 9.11. I've asked for the little stuff, too... like patience in the midst of everyday life. With. Kids. Need I say more?!?!?!?

This weekend, though, as I was asking God to remind me of all He has done, He brought a different kind of prayer to mind. He took me back to October 4, 2006. A few years before that, our younger son, Ben, had prayed the believer's prayer, asking Jesus to become his Lord and Savior. But... Ben was terrified of being the center of attention (a concept I will never really understand). He refused, month after month, year after year, to be baptized. "People will see me," was his simple, firm complaint.

Month after month, our church would have baptism services. He'd cry... because he didn't get baptized. We told him when he was good and ready to let people know he loved Jesus, he wouldn't be afraid. We prayed with him and for him, asking God to help him overcome his fear. Twice, he signed up for baptism. Twice he chickened out.

A few times, my husband and I debated whether to let him have a private baptism since he was so scared. Ultimately, we decided against it. We chose instead to pray with him -- again and again. We wanted him to know that loving Jesus is not something to fear.

In September of 2006, he decided he was ready. He asked us to sign him up -- again -- for the October baptisms. He hoped and hoped and hoped that there would only be a few people getting baptized. He hoped we'd have small attendance at church.

The day finally arrived. Our church was PACKED! Standing room only at the back of the worship center. Twenty-three people had stepped forward for baptism. If not the largest baptism service ever at our church, it sure was close to it. Ben lined up somewhere in the middle of the pack. I was certain that by the time he got to the front, he'd chicken out again. There were so many people.

But....

When his turn came, he walked to the baptistry confidently. He climbed the stairs, stepped into the water and sat down on the little bench. The pastor asked him if he had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior. He asked Ben if he was ready to follow Jesus all the days of his life. Ben answered confidently that he had and he would. But here's the part that gets me -- every time I think about it.

Ben didn't look at the pastor as he spoke. No. He was so confident and so ready that he looked at the people, hundreds of people, who were there. Not only had God removed his fear, He had filled Ben with confidence.

Most people there that night might not appreciate the significance of Ben's looking one way over another. They don't know how fear had held him back. They didn't know they were witnessing a miracle answer to prayer.

We did.

I am thankful for Ben. I'm grateful that God allows me to be his mom. I'm honored that I get to do battle with my son -- and sometimes for him -- so that he can follow God with confidence. Someday, my "little" boy will be a man, a husband, a father. It's such a blessing to know that he'll do all those things as a follower of Jesus.

If you looked in my Memorial Box, you'd see a polaroid picture of a little boy, looking away from the pastor during his baptism. It's not the usual baptism photo. And that's my Ben, overcoming fear in a big way, with a little help from above!

Memorial Box Monday: Teamwork

I'm not sure how to start this post... I'm simply thankful.

God allows me to serve on the next generation ministry team at our church. My given titles are director of Surge 56 ministry and coordinator for all next generation orientation. Those are just titles, though. Really, we work together to minister to kids each weekend.

I am thankful that God designed us to be in relationship with one another.
I am thankful that the people I serve with have a kingdom perspective not a selfish one.
I am thankful that we can serve where we're called by God to be.
I am simply thankful.

Yesterday, Surge (our newly launched fifth and sixth grade ministry) was running full-speed ahead at the same time we had orientation. Orientation "set records" so to speak -- 40 people were there to check out our ministry opportunities. A record crowd. The team ran out of applications, student booklets and chairs. It could have been a disaster, but...

Surge volunteers ran chairs over to Orientation. Surge team leaders knew their roles so I could leave and assist at Orientation. One of our Surge leaders willingly took her organizational talents to assist with orientation paperwork. No hesitation. No questions. She just did what she could to help wherever she was most needed.

The titles don't matter. Not mine. Not anyone else's. They're simply short-cuts to defining a role. The hearts matter. This weekend, I was blessed out of my socks watching it all unfold. Christians serving together to make it happen. With love. Humility. Honor.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as though serving the Lord..." Col. 3:23. Simply nothing better! I'm putting the list of volunteers from yesterday's orientation into my memorial box. Each of these precious people can join our team because we have that heart. I don't ever want to take that for granted.

If you don't know what Memorial Box Monday is, it all started at Linny's blog: "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7). 

The Silly Bands Principle

Our daughter is a silly bands freak. So are most of her friends. I never expected they'd lead to such a huge life lesson... one she won't really understand for years.

She was wearing her favorite "tie dye" silly bands while playing with friends. One of them, just a couple years older and more worldly wise, happens to like tie dye silly bands as much as she does. This friend offered her a trade, one duck for her two tie dyes. Two for one is a great shoe sale. It's not a great silly bands trade.

We asked Ellie why she gave him her tie dyes. She explained that this friend told her the trade would make them happy.

Our son chimed in, explaining that the big kids often trick the littler kids to make two-for-one trades. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. Of course, this isn't about silly bands.  I don't want my daughter manipulated. My mind filled with thoughts of teen drinking, drugs, and sex. "If you do this, you'll make me so happy." What a horrid phrase.

Back to the silly bands... We tried to explain that when something doesn't seem fair, it's probably not. We provided concrete examples using chocolate and cookies, giving her brother a lot and giving her just a small portion. She understood that. We told her it's not her job to make other people happy. They must choose happiness for themselves. (Don't worry, I know she didn't understand that.)

My husband's eyes and mine met. He smiled. "You're going to blog this aren't you?"

I nodded, "It's the silly bands principle."

"Something to learn before you hit 40!" he replied.

I've spent much of my life trying to please others, desperate for approval. I'd bend over backwards, stress over minute details, overachieve, whatever it took. I'd earn praise now and then and grab onto it tight. Then it was gone. My mind was never at peace. When I expected praise and it didn't come, I'd worry about what I'd done wrong. My family suffered because of my approval addiction.

I finally got it... around the time I hit 40.

I don't want that for my daughter. I want her to know the truth. Joy comes from God, not from man. Proverbs 10:28 says, "The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish." Our hope, which comes from Christ, is our source of joy. When we expect praise from others, relying on that to fill us, we will be disappointed every time.

So here it is... "The Silly Bands Principle." My precious daughter, you can't buy friendship. You can't earn praise. You are a daughter of the king of kings, who loves you more than anything. Your joy, sweet girl, comes from God alone. Follow him. Never man.

Date Night Fun

“Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,
and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.” – 2 Corinthians 9:6

For Mother's Day, my husband did something a little different. Instead of flowers, cards or a little present (though diamond earrings would have been awesome - LOL), he gave me a date night with each of my kids. One on one time to do something fun  and get dinner.

Nathan and I went a couple weeks ago. We grabbed dinner at Pei Wei, then went to the mall. No big excitement, except... it was just the two of us. At first, it felt a little like any other errand run. But then, without competition from his siblings, Nathan asked me some neat questions about my high school and college years. He asked about my regrets and my favorite memories. He asked about my relationship with God. He shared his feelings about college, the college search (overwhelming), and girls. My man-boy is growing up. This was no errand trip to the mall!

Ben and I went last night. I "need" a new swimsuit (I've had mine a few years, and that fabric is a bit stretched out and saggy). I do not like swimsuit shopping. Not one little bit (does anyone???). I don't know that he knew what he was getting himself into!

Ben and his ultimate sicilian chicken sandwich! He almost ate the whole thing :)

We set off about 4:00 as the rain came down -- HARD! Driving to Knightdale (I found a swimsuit "shoppe" online and thought maybe I'd have more luck there), he asked all sorts of questions about driving in the rain. He spoke freely about so many things. He cracked me up. This quiet boy has quite the sense of humor. At the swimsuit store, he patiently waited. He offered his opinions on each suit I tried. Sometimes his face said more than any words ever would. His input made the whole ordeal much more fun... and his wife will really appreciate him one day!

At dinner, he must have said, "this is the best date..." about 100 times! Okay, at least 20. He spoke confidently to our server. You'd never guess he's our quiet middle child! He laughed. He talked. He reveled in the moment. He was a perfect little gentleman.

Ellie and I haven't had our date yet, but I think we might go to the "girls' spa" (meant for kids and tweens and their moms) in town and get our toes painted :) She'd eat that up. Fancy painted matching toes :) Very girlie!!! Whatever we do, I know I'll see a side of my little girl I don't normally get to see.

I love my kids. I love doing things with my family. But there's nothing like date night!

If you haven't tried it with your kids, I hope you will.

If you already have date nights, would you share your favorites?

Interwined Vines

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 
John 15:5

We are entering a new stage of parenthood, guiding our oldest as he steps into the world of dating. I really can't believe my son is old enough to consider a girl as anything more than friend and buddy, but I knew the day would come. 

Can I just say I love, love, love that my son is willing to talk with us about his relationship? No creepy stalker-mommy details, but just his heart for this relationship. His values. I love that he has values. I love that he has respect for her. I love that he loves God first. 

In his quiet time yesterday, he read John 15:5. He said reading that devotional, he realized the importance of being an individual rooted firmly in relationship with God, particularly when dating. Then he shared this analogy and gave me permission to pass it along. I thought you might appreciate it.

A tree growing in the forest does well when it is given room to grow with proper light, space to spread its branches, and room for roots to grow. But, a tree growing too close to another tree doesn't grow well. Where the branches are crammed together, they stop growing. The tree gets lopsided and unhealthy. Under that stress, it is more likely to suffer from disease or be weak and splinter in a storm.  He also shared that when a tree gets overwhelmed by an invasive vine, the tree is smothered and dies. At the best, the vine grafts into the tree leaving it deformed and weak.

A relationship is much the same way. Boyfriends and girlfriends can crowd each other, spending all their time together. They stunt their growth individually. He shared that he has seen kids give up their interests to spend more time with their significant other only to end up lonely with nothing when the relationship fails. Like the tree strangled by the vine, a relationship can "deform" the couple. Some couples become something different together than what they are as individuals. They sacrifice who they are to try to become something they never should have been. Something unnatural.

He asked us to watch out for them and make sure his relationship with his girlfriend is healthy and godly. I'm sure there will be bumps along the way, but I am thankful that he wants to honor her. 

So, what do you think of this analogy? Can you think of other relationships it fits? Do you think it's accurate? I realize we're not all moms to teenage boys :)... but I think he's on to something good for us all to understand!

In the love of Christ,

Karen

We'll miss you, Mark!

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Yesterday, our friend and team member, Mark, died in a tragic accident. Mark was  a humble man with a passion for Jesus. He was an incredible husband, father, story-teller, leader, and friend. He touched everyone he knew with his sincere faith, his zest for life in Christ. He wanted people to know, especially our children and his family, that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. 

Our community has suffered so much loss recently. It's hard to absorb more... Again, we ask "Why?" "Why now?" "Why him?" 

But...

...the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)


Mark loved Jesus with all his heart. It defined who he was. He constantly asked for prayer for unsaved loved ones. That, too, defined who he was. He poured his heart into making his part of children's ministry come alive to really touch kids' hearts with the message of love in Christ. Mark set an example that doesn't end with his passing. He set an example of how to live, confident in Christ, peace-filled.


Today, I pray for Mark's family, that his never-ceasing prayers of salvation for each member will be answered. I pray for his family, that they will know the true love of Jesus as we love them in the love of Christ. I pray that his passion for children's ministry will ignite a fire in those of us left here to fill the gap; that we will serve with a greater passion than we have known before, honoring Mark with our hearts and actions.

You (death) intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen. 50:20)

Thank you, Mark.

See you on the other side!

He Won't Let Go

For this is God, Our God forever and ever; 

He will be our guide even to death.

Psalm 48:14

September 11, 2001. My life stopped. As I watched tragedy unfold on the tiny 9" television screen, my life froze. For months. I couldn't find God in that horrific mess. I lost all confidence in His sovereignty. I felt abandoned. Why? God, why us? 

I was so mad!!! And afraid! I ran from God. 

I refused to go to church. When my husband took the kids to weekend services, I stayed home. I turned up the stereo, loud, trying to drown Him out. But no matter how high the volume, I couldn't drown out His word. My mind filled unbidden with praise and worship songs. He wouldn't let me go.

I screamed at Him. I threw my Bible at the wall. Yet, He wouldn't let me go. 

I told my husband there can be no God. He wouldn't let this happen to us. Yet, God wouldn't let me go. 

No matter what I did, His precious word just wouldn't leave my head. 

When I finally opened my heart just a crack, He let me know in a big way that He loves me. He is hope for the hopeless. He is comfort to the uncomforted. He is peace in the midst of pain and confusion. He is love.

Tragedy is part of living this life. It is unexplainable. For me, the difference now is that I know -- with all my heart -- that God is bigger than my pain, confusion, and hurt. He loves me. He will not leave me. 

As I write, my heart goes out to all the students at WJHS who are asking God some of the same things I did on 9/11. Why God? Why did they have to die? 

There's no answer for why. God promises to guide us, though, "even unto death." 

For anyone facing tragedy, it's okay to grieve. It's okay to ask God the tough questions, questions that have no answer. It's okay to cry, scream, hurt. The Bible says, "In this world you will have trouble." 

But please remember the second half of the verse, "I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) One day, it won't hurt so bad. You'll know that this pain is temporary and that God will never leave you.

Why this? Why now?

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

My heart breaks for my son and all his friends in band. They've been hammered with bad news and tragedy over the past couple weeks. Someone they looked up to as a role model was arrested and sits in jail. They wonder why. And they grieve for him as families grieve when a loved one goes astray. Deeply, they hurt.

Yesterday, two band members died in a tragic car accident on a flooded road. Their lives cut short. Again, the kids ask why? Why them? Why now?

There's no way to explain tragedy so it makes sense. It just is. And life goes on. School. Rehearsal. Homework. Life. "Why" presses in as they press on.

Many of the kids in this band know Jesus, but these past eight days leave some questioning. They haven't lived long enough to know God really will work it all out. Their faith is tested.

It's understandable that some look at all that's happening and ask what more they can take. How much pain must they endure. Yet, God offers peace. He does not want them to fear what's next or break under the strain of what's now. He offers peace to those who love Him. I pray that while this is hard (even for me as a grown-up with lots of life experience), the kids will look to God for peace in their confusion and hurt.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 

I pray for comfort in the storm. Comfort that offers rest, deep comfort to calm anxious hearts filled with fear, pain, and confusion.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green
pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of
righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort
me. Psalm 23:1-4 

I pray they will trust that God will work it all out in the end, just as He promises. Someday. Just believe.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:26-28 (MSG)

My heart grieves for Chris, Alissa, their families and friends. But there will come a day when there will be no more death, no more pain, no more tears. God will make all things new. I pray that now, in the midst of pain, we each will hold on to the love of Jesus, our comforter, our peace, and our assurance that this will not last forever.

What changed?

I'm still in awe of the changes in my child since Sunday - can you tell? Does this, my third consecutive post on the subject, clue you in?!

Rob and I attribute the transformation to a number of things, each a good lesson in Godly parenting:

• Pray! God's word says, "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you" (1 Peter 5:7) and "Pray continually" (1 Thess. 5:17). We prayed for this situation for years, believing (most of the time anyway) that it would improve someday.
• Become consistent! God admonishes parents not to exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4). Inconsistent parenting is irritating to children. It sets them up to fail. It's not just about consistency with one child, but consistency with all the children. Don't come down harder on the oldest, because they're older. And don't let the youngest get away with things, just because they're "so cute." (Not that kids should be treated exactly the same. Family expectations should be uniform, though. Individual discipline should fit each child's personality.)
• Become united. Jesus said in Matthew 12:25, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." While Rob and I always agreed with one another in theory, we did not always have the same passion to follow through. One of us would grow weary and let things slide. It wasn't until we both decided that under no circumstances would we bend or waver did our child's behavior begin to change.
• Become patient. God works in our hearts long before it shows. Mark 4:26-28 says, "...A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain-first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head." Just like a grain must germinate before it becomes a plant, our children must work through what we teach, practicing and processing it before they can apply it. It takes time to learn obedience and good decision making, just as it takes time to learn to walk. We may not see it happening, but it is.
• Have fun! "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth." (Psalm 100:1). God wants us to enjoy our lives. Make noise together. Play together. It's important to enjoy one another, even though parenting is hard.

Through our battles, God developed each of these things in Rob and me. I am not the same mom I was five years ago. Or a year ago, even. With God's help, I have changed, just as my child has.