Predestination or Free Will

He flopped down on the couch across the room, propping his feet on the coffee table and asked, non-chalantly, "Mom, do you believe in predestination or free will?

There I was, working on a travel blog post when his question crashed over my head. Ohhh, God, I don't know this answer to this one. I prayed quietly for instant wisdom on the question of the ages, "Which is it: predestination or free will?" And then I bought myself some time.

"What do you think?" I asked, interested.

He shared some thoughts. I listened. I kept praying. I shared

If you love something

If you love something, set it free. 

If it comes back to you, it's yours. 

If it doesn't, it was never meant to be.

In high school or college, maybe that was true when it came to boys. You know, smother him and he will run. Give him space to be a guy and maybe... or maybe not...

With our kids, it's much the same. Except maybe I'd rewrite it:

If you love something, set it free.

Gradually, over time, with maturity.

Otherwise, you'll smother it to death!

And it will resent you and never come back.

Mine's not nearly as poetic, but it is true.

The trouble with kids is you give them space to grow and sometimes they blow it. Grrrrrrr.... We're supposed to give him (or her) wings to fly -- but he crashed and burned. Now what? That's the tough stuff, the in between stuff, the messy stuff that makes parenting the worst job ever. 

But it's exactly what the job is about. When it gets messy, we don't clip their wings to ground them, though, honestly it's what we might want to do. When they blow it, as they often will, we get the opportunity to parent again. Only now, with big kids, we step in next to them and offer a hand. 

We help them stand back up. We encourage as they brush off the messy stuff. We listen. Listen a lot!

Then, we hold our breath -- or bite our tongue if that's what it takes. We clamp our hands firmly behind our backs. And we watch.

As they clean up the messy stuff. The stuff they look too little for. But yet, as they grow, they are ready. They can clean up the mess.

If you love something, set it free. It's not easy. But it's necessary.

Parenting tip via A. W. Tozer

Everything is safe which we commit to Him,

and nothing is really safe

which is not so committed.

A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Do you worry about your kids?
OR do you trust that God, our Creator and Father, holds them safely in the palm of His hand?

The rudiments of parenting include:

• Trusting God with our kids' lives 
• Praying for Him to stretch their hearts for the plan He has for them
• Knowing that God's way is always best
• Teaching them to follow Him all the days of their lives

Worrying doesn't accomplish any of that!

[Parents], do not exasperate (infuriate, incense, anger, annoy, irritate, madden, enrage, antagonize, provoke, irk or vex) your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life [or your children's lives], what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear [kids will survive without designer labels and all the "right" clubs, organizations, activities and groups]. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?... Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Jesus, Matthew 6:25, 27

I am way too good at annoying my children. I question their decision making. I micromanage when I need to let go. I worry, telling them through my actions that I don't trust them or God.

It's time to live the faith I profess with my mouth and loosen my grip. I must let go of them and hold more tightly to Him.

Love,

Nine, YES NINE, days of madness!

June 2012... In pictures.

Celebrating Ben's 15th birthday (June 9th)...
a few days early, on June 1st, with the "grands"

Celebrating Ellie's 8th birthday, also a few days early
on Saturday, June 2nd with a special pan"cake" 

Ellie's first dance recital: ballet and jazz.
Saturday evening, June 2nd
She was adorable!

2012 Graduation luncheon at church.
Here with Tyler, Chris and youth pastor, Christian.
Sunday, June 3rd

Nathan on piano for one last Baccalaureate Service,
this time for his own class.
Sunday evening, June 3rd

A mini-concert for the "grands" to cap off the evening
Sunday, June 3rd

Then... a mini break during the week to prepare for the "BIG EVENT!"

Nathan Michael Dawkins,
Officially a high school graduate!
Friday, June 8th
 

And to cap it all off, a party in his honor
Saturday, June 9th
(If you followed all the dates, this is also his brother's actual birthday!)





Thank You, God, for the blessing of family!

I believe in miracles!

Did you read my post on freedom last week? I shared how I sometimes ignore the Holy Spirit's prompting -- on purpose! Really. I've been thinking about that ever since.

Why would I ever ignore God's prompting through the Holy Spirit? Why? Why? Why?

Scripture says:

• "I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)
• "The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." (Psalm 145:9)
• "But as it is written, no eye has seen nor ear has heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those that love him." (1 Corinthians 2:9)
• "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever." (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Now, now.... Go back and read the scriptures. Don't skim over them. See, I might say something amazing, but I'm nowhere near as amazing as God. 

So here I am, little old Karen who knows that God's plan is beyond anything I could ever do on my own. He wants me to live an abundant life, which he prepared just for me. He can do more than I can ask or imagine! And I DREAM BIG!!! And what do I do? I take matters into my own hands. I ignore the Holy Spirit. I. AM. CRAZY!

Can you relate?

I'm so guilty of being the holy spirit to my kids. That's not my job, though. God wants me to guide them, instruct them and correct them. He wants me to encourage and nurture and pray for them. He wants to be the one to convict their hearts. Those rare times when I do my job and stay out of His, He does pretty amazing. Okay, more than pretty amazing -- He is jaw-dropping FANTASTIC at being God!

Maybe your marriage isn't all that you want it to be. Are you trying to fix it? Or will you let God work on you and leave your spouse to His care? Instead of pointing out your spouse's every short-coming, ask God to show you where you need to improve. Do it, God's way.

Do you hate your boss? Your coworkers? Maybe hate is a strong word.... Maybe you just find them clueless? Ignorant? Selfish? You know what, God didn't put you there to judge them. (Yes, I'm stomping on toes -- mine included!) He put you there to shine HIS light -- not your judgment -- into their lives. How? By following him. You don't have to do it! You just need to honor God and do things His way, walking by faith not by sight.

And when we do that, the most amazing thing happens. God moves. He intercedes. Problems we dread "suddenly" evaporate. Situations we fear resolve. Relationships we struggle with improve. God moves in every situation -- "[He] works for the good of those who love him." (Romans 8:28)

We get it backward. Bless me, then I'll follow you. He wants us to follow him, and then the blessings will flow.

What challenge do you face today? Will you commit your situation to God's care? AND ask Him to work on your heart while you're at it? Do you believe in miracles? I do! 

Home Alone

This week, my son is at work with dad. That means I am home alone. Bliss!

With all the uninterrupted time on my hands, I've been able to prepare yummy dinners like herbed pork tenderloin with homemade cranberry chutney, chicken paprikash with homemade spaetzle, and london broil sandwiches with roasted potatoes. Yummy! Hearing my husband's comments as he walks through the front door, absolutely delightful.

Yesterday, we were treated to sunny, 70 degree weather. It's December! I attacked the front porch, batting down the cobwebs and washing the windows till they're squeaky clean. Our flower pots, the plants long dead, have been emptied and cleaned, now stored away on the shelf in the garage. I even remembered to pull up the doormat and sweep below it. When Rob walked in the door last night, he asked who did it. With a big grin, I answered, "That would be me!"

Not missing a beat, he turned to Ben and declared, "That's it. You're coming to work with me every day!" Ben's not in agreement.

I have to say, uninterrupted time to read the Bible and talk with Jesus (yesterday, I read three whole chapters), is wonderful. Moving at my own pace without having to stop to teach or direct my son is productive. Not having to correct or reprimand is awesome.

But, the house is quiet... Sometimes too quiet.

I miss having my buddy along when I run errands. He's my copilot -- and my brain! I forget things when he's not with me.

I miss my Christmas movie loving guy and our big bowls of popcorn when we "rest" in the afternoon. (He and I studied Mexico a few years ago and think the afternoon siesta is awesome!)

I miss our funny conversations. His brilliant, creative mind leads us into interesting discussions, like how to invent hover-cars that use the yellow lines in the streets as sensors. I miss his never-ending questions about the lessons he's learning at youth group.

While I have two more days "off," I'm looking forward to the return of boisterous Ben! All that stuff I'm not doing this week is what makes me "Mom." And I love being Mom.

Child Discipline... As easy as 1, 2, 3

If you believe that, send me $100. I promise, I'll turn it into millions! (Note to the feds: This is not a Ponzi scheme. I do not intend to collect any money whatsoever.... so move along. Investigate the guys driving $100,000 cars with tax forms saying they make $40,000/year. Thank you!)

What was I saying? Oh yeah.... Child discipline. It's NOT as easy as 1, 2, 3. If it was, God would have put the instructions in the Bible: The 10 commandments of child discipline. Right next to the original 10 Commandments. That would have been nice.

Instead, God gave us these wonderful verses:

• Psalm 139:14, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
• 1 Corinthians 7:7, "...But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."
• Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Each one of us is uniquely created, knitted together by God with gifts and a plan that is as individual as we are. No two people are alike. We know that as adults, but we expect cookie cutter kids. It just doesn't work like that. They're born to be them. Each one different. Each one a special gift from God.

Yet we try -- hard -- to find the discipline method to ensure they turn out okay, to know right from wrong and actually live it. We google the web to discover techniques on how to teach our kids hitting is bad, how to overcome tantrums, or help the picky eater learn to eat even one vegetable. 

We'll never find the answer on the internet. Never.

Child discipline... As easy as 1, 2, 3 is really more about us than them. 

1. Are we willing to ask God to show us our children's hearts? To teach us to address each one uniquely and specifically as He designed them?
2. Will we allow God to reveal our own hearts to us? The fears, the dreams, the expectations we place on our kids. Unfairly!
3. Will we open our hearts to being transformed, no longer conforming to the ways (the methods) of man? Will we allow Him to fill us with His will for our lives as parents?

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Even in discipline, we must open our hearts and minds to God. We must listen to His instruction and seek His guidance for each child and each situation.

There is no "easy as 1, 2, 3." Really, if life was that simple, wouldn't it be boring?

Take a minute today to praise God for your kids' unique gifts. That little personality that drives you batty will one day influence the world. Ask God for wisdom to understand how your feelings influence your parenting expectations. Thank Him for your precious gifts, even in the moments you want to strangle them! 

Lots of love!

Taming of the Tongue

If you read my last post, you know that Britt's kind words and attention refreshed me. It wasn't what she said, so much. After all, there are dozens of peppermint bark recipes online that I can try. It's that she chose to see me -- right where I was, tired and weary. She noticed something about me -- a love of peppermint bark.

Why?

Because Britt chose to speak kindness and love.

The past few days around our house have been tough. Kids testing boundaries, speaking harshly to one another, lying to the parents, and griping and complaining about everything. Exhausting!

Normally, I'm strong -- at first -- choosing not to scream in response. Then they wear me down. I lose control. We all fall apart. I'm not supposed to be that way. James 3:2 says, "If we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and  could...control ourselves in every other way." James cautions us, in verse 4:11, not to "speak evil against each other."

Screaming at the kids is definitely evil. There. I said it. God does not intend me to raise my kids by screaming... no matter how justified I feel. His word says, "Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting and conflict." (Proverbs 17:1)

Thanks to Britt's example, which I consider a gift from God to strengthen me when I needed it, I've held my tongue better, speaking more calmly (notice I said more calmly.... I'm a work in progress.)

You know what?

The kids have noticed! Last night, one of them apologized for pushing and pushing and pushing. This one accepted the corrective discipline with a pleasant attitude. Yes, truly pleasant! Tucking in another one, I said, "You know we don't want it to be this way, right? We love you. We want your life to be filled with fun and friends." The response, "I know. I don't like it, but I know you love me." Whew. I think we'll be okay.

I have not been the perfect mom this week. But, I'm improving. And so are my kids.

I'm grateful that God took the time to offer instruction in parenting. I can't imagine what this tongue would say without Him!

1237 Miles, 58 Hours

A goofy moment during his senior photo session 

Last Thursday, Nathan and I left on a whirlwind road trip to Samford University for his piano audition. He's already been accepted to the university, and we'll find out soon if he's accepted into the School of the Arts. Then, we wait some more to learn if he is accepted into the honors college. AND a little longer to learn about scholarships. Applying to music school is NOT for the faint of heart!

This particular road trip, traveling 1237 miles in 58 hours, meant we spent most of our time in the car. We talked about so many different things: Did you and dad have a "song" when you were dating? (No.) Do you think Joe Pa should have been fired? (Yes, No, Maybe? I need more info.)

Being a mom, I noticed some other things... and reminisced a bit as well.

Shortly after we left, Nathan fell asleep in the seat beside me. Some copilot! I remembered the four month old baby he once was. For some reason, one short ride home from the grandparents' house, he decided he'd had enough of carseats! He screamed and screamed. Puzzled, and worried, we pulled off the road trying to figure out what was wrong. I remember crying the rest of the trip home, so worried for my baby.

Fast forward two years to our move two hours south to Delaware, Ohio. Rob had to stay behind and finish his medical residency, but Nathan and I moved when our house became available. We left late in the evening, figuring he'd sleep on the drive. No way! Even though we set out about 10:00 p.m., Nathan jabbered away in his carseat, waved to every trucker and sang at the top of his lungs. Arriving at the new house, I unpacked his pack-n-play and my air mattress and set us up for the night. Wearily, I tucked him in and collapsed into my bed. He jabbered more. And more and more. Finally, I told him he could talk all night if he wanted, but I was going to sleep!

Moving to North Carolina a few years later, we made many trips between Ohio and NC while we waited for the house to sell. Nathan knew how to entertain us on those drives. He read books to his little brother and helped me keep him fed. We played hilarious games like "roller coaster," where he'd pretend the West Virginia mountain highway was a roller coaster and would lean left or right as we "flew" down the hills. He'd even say clackety-clack as we chugged uphill. Ben followed his lead and then they'd crack up.

How funny to see my man-boy all these years later, closing his eyes in slumber on a drive. I won't soon forget, perhaps never, our "skittles challenge," guessing the flavor of each skittle before eating it in the dark. I know every time I look at the moon hanging low and heavy on the horizon that I'll watch for it to float high and shrink away in the sky and remember a silly conversation (I'd share it here, but I'm sure it will be lost in translation). I'm confident that I'll spend the rest of my life avoiding the reflectors that separate the lanes on long drives.

We got home late Saturday night. Before Nathan headed off to bed, he wrapped me in a big man-boy hug and said, "Thanks for a fun trip, Mom." All I could think was, "No. Thank you." 

Rescued... Not exactly.

Ellie's been with us 6.5+ years now, and God is still teaching me lessons I never knew I needed to know. For some reason, the topic of her "rescue" has come up frequently in recent conversations. Going through the adoption process, we heard that all the time, "How sweet that you are going to rescue that precious baby." Or, "She is going to be so thankful that you rescued her from that horrible orphanage." You know, stuff like that. The questions of late have been more along the lines of "What made you decide to rescue a little one anyway?"

First of all, we never decided to rescue her. We were called to bring her home into our family, the missing fifth link. I had trouble wrapping my head around that -- it took me a long time to agree with God to expand our family. But, it wasn't a rescue. It was a blessing. We always saw it that way.

What's the difference, you might ask. Either way, she's here. You brought her out of the orphanage and into your family... yada yada yada.

I disagree. The difference is the key.

Perceiving Ellie's adoption as a rescue suggests some great heroics on our part. It puts the focus on us. We. Are. Not. Heroes. Rescue, the verb, is defined as "to free or deliver from confinement, violence, danger or evil." Granted, growing up in an orphanage is probably not ideal, and to be free from that environment is probably (hopefully) something Ellie will one day appreciate, but we didn't rescue her.

Ellie's rescuer is God. He orchestrated her adoption into our family. He provided the resources and funding. He sustained us all through the crazy preschool/therapy years. He has a remarkable and amazing plan for her life that somehow includes us. We obeyed.

And were blessed.

Abundantly.

To be called her parents. 

To see this smile every day.

To make pig tails.

To dance.

To play.

Blessing, the verb, means to bestow good upon. Most definitely, God has blessed us with our daughter's love. The joy she brings is immeasurable.

We are definitely not rescuers. God rescued us all. And He blesses, abundantly.

Don't you agree?

"Where is your faith?"

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.

Nathan enjoyed his visit to App State. He loves the program and the campus. He likes having friends already there and all the activities available to students.

He enjoyed his visit to Samford University too. Great program, though they don't offer his specifically desired major which means he'll have to do the major-minor thing. Not too bad. Incredible professors. Beautiful campus and friendly students.

Of course, Belmont offers not only his preferred major, but the premiere location -- Nashville. The heart of music recording and production.

Right now, he's feeling the stress of the decision. If only he could put Samford's campus and piano professors in Nashville with his friends, the activities, and the food from App State. He can't lose wherever he goes, but the decision will not be easy. (HINT to anyone from the school admissions office who might be reading this... scholarship offers will weigh in heavily!)

Coffee in hand -- Feelin' Collegiate!

I've been his sounding board as he processes the decision, listening as he weighs and reweighs the pros and cons of each school. It's time to bring in the expert. Jesus. In Luke 8:25, Jesus asks the disciples, "Where is your faith?" as the wind and water rage around their boat. Jesus calmed the stormy sea for them. He will do the same for Nathan.

My advice to my son, and all the students making weighty post-graduation decisions, is this: Trust Jesus. He will calm the storms raging in your head as you make your decision. He will lead you, just as He promises in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL YOUR WAYS, acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."

Pray.
Wait.
Listen.
Go.

As Romans 8:31 puts it, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" God is bigger than this decision. He wants the very best for you. He will lead you to it!

Prayerfully,

"Do you want to hear what happened?"

I shared Ellie's stand for God yesterday -- her insistence that saying "Oh my God" is swearing.

Throughout the day, I read your comments and my heart smiled again. I quipped to a friend, "I wonder if she'll even remember what she did this morning."

She got home from school and we checked her bag like we do every day.

"Ellie," I said, "Let's talk about what happened at the bus stop this morning."

"What thing, mom???"

"You know... the kids saying 'Oh my God'."

Her eyes grew wide and her face looked a little scared. "But Mom... I wasn't the one saying that. Really, I didn't. I love God. Really, Mommy, I do." The words gushed out... (Hmmmm, should I have begun this conversation differently?)

I stopped her and assured her that I knew she didn't say it. "Ellie, I'm proud of you for standing up for Jesus. I heard you tell the other kids that they were saying a bad word."

Startled, "You heard THAT?" (Ahhhh.... my mommy ears are now as powerful as those eyes in the back of my head.)

"I did hear that. You did a great job. I am proud of you."

"Oh... thanks... Mom, do you want to hear what happened to my friend at school today?"

There I was reveling in her big moment... What does she do? "Mom, do you want to hear what happened..."

Friends, my little girl's pure heart is absolutely challenging me this week! She did the right thing because she loves God. The end. No big deal. She didn't stand up to the other kids to gain approval -- she didn't even know I could hear her. She didn't stand up to the other kids just to prove a point -- she pointed out their error and didn't lecture or preach. Oh my gosh!!!!

What does my heart look like compared to that? Not great! I lecture and discuss far too much with my kids, when I should just state my case and let the holy spirit finish the job. I love to receive praise -- sure, God did it through me. But inside, I like that praise. I admit it.

Where's your heart, dear friends? Do you do the right thing because you think people are watching, or do you do it for Jesus? Do you do the right thing hoping for praise and recognition, or do you do it for Jesus?

And he said: "I tell you the truth, 

unless you change and become like little children, 

you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:3

Bugs! Bugs! Bugs!

**POST ALERT**

Suffering from a "bug" of my own,

I cannot guarantee that my thoughts are clear.

Hopefully this post will make sense. If not,

pray for me -- or laugh at me -- whichever.

Have a fantastic day!

My dear friend texted yesterday. Her sweet "Bug" who just turned one is sick. You know the sick that little ones get -- so clogged up they breathe loud, so achy that nothing really makes them feel better. Yeah, that. The problem with sick little ones is they can't really explain how they feel or what would help them feel better. Cuddle or no cuddle? Hot or cold? Hungry, thirsty or none of the above? It's a constant guessing game.

So, the texts came... My friend thinks I'm a genius "Dr. Mom." I keep telling her it's just my 38+ years of linear parenting (17 + 14 + 7 = 38 years... No wonder 19 and Counting is such a popular show -- they have more than a century of parenting under their belts! Maybe two centuries!).

Question #1: "Bug's not doing well. Is it normal to get worse before you get better?" I answered with the "look for these signs... otherwise hang in there."

Question #2: "She hates the breathing treatments... Any tricks?" My answer here, "Grin and bear it my friend." (I'm not very helpful am I?)

Question #3: "A friend suggested chicken broth and warm apple juice. Any other ideas?" Here's where the replies start to take on a theme... "Just like you, her appetite drops when she doesn't feel well."

Question #4: "What should I do with her when she's not sleeping? Cuddle? Play? Rock her? Cry it out?" Ohhh, great question... really. My answer, whatever makes her most comfortable. And... crying is unavoidable.

Since I happen to be sick now, too, with Bug's bug.... I shared my symptoms and suggested that she bundle her in winter jammies so she stays warm at night. Mom was surprised at that, until I asked, "Do you feel colder when you're sick?" "Of course," she said, "Common sense."

There's a cool God message in here!

Bug couldn't tell her mommy how she felt, but I could. If I have to be sick, it's nice to know that it helped someone else... even if all I did was cheer and encourage a new, young mom. I'm glad that I was able to help a friend, even from my sick bed. God can use our little things to make a difference for others, if we're willing.

Taking a little time to text back and forth, Bug's mom grew in parenting confidence. Bug's mom is an already amazing mommy, now equipped with a new arsenal of parenting wisdom: Common sense!

This morning, I got a text picture of a happy, smiling Bug...

Sweet Bug, I'm so glad you're feeling better today! 

Time keeps on tickin' tickin' tickin'

Time is free,

but it is priceless.

You can't own it,

but you can use it.

You can't keep it,

but you can spend it.

Once you've lost it,

you can never get it back.

Harvey MacKay

No school today.

I'll be spending it with them.

Enjoy your special blessings today!

All you need is love!

Hey friends,
I just read this passage in the Bible, and WOW! It's "kickin' my tail" as my sweet southern friends might say.

In Exodus 5 -- the story of the bricks and straw -- Good old Moses politely asked Pharaoh to let his people, the Israelite slaves, take a three day break to worship God. Pharaoh said no. Then, Pharaoh told his Egyptian henchmen to make the Israelites gather their own straw for brick-making, without lowering the daily brick quota. Dude had a serious attitude problem!

The Israelites couldn't maintain the workload and begged Pharaoh to cut them some slack. Pharaoh refused, calling them "lazy." Then the Israelites blamed Moses and Aaron for getting them into this predicament. The story ultimately ends with God sending plagues on Egypt until Pharaoh finally relents and lets the Israelites go, not just for three days, but forever. (See Exodus 12)

I've read the story of Exodus many times, but I never noticed before how much I am like the Israelites, blaming others for my problems. I wake up in a bad mood -- and instead of praying for deliverance (or at least peace), I treat myself as a helpless slave to my gloom and doom. Not only that, I subject my family to it -- over-reacting to little things because I'm hostage to my mood. I'm disorganized (really!!!!) and instead of asking God to help me become organized, I "freak out" when I can't find the car keys or that important paper that I left somewhere (really, it was here.... FIND IT!!!!).

Can you relate? Does your family endure your mood that "one week of the month?" Do your kids wonder which mom will show up today -- the fun one or the taskmaster?

After seeing how ineffective the Israelites were, I'd like to choose a different course of action!

In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul says, " I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit -- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call -- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

Instead of blaming, God wants us to:

1. Walk in our calling. The Israelites forgot that they were God's chosen people, focusing instead on their circumstances. Instead of blaming others, we should remember that we are God's chosen as well, thanking Him for the plan He has for our lives -- even circumstances we don't particularly like.

2. Be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love. We don't know how different the Israelites' situation would have been if they had whined and complained less and prayed more. I do know that when I praise God, in spite of my problems, they resolve more quickly.

3. Remember we're all on the same team. The Israelites forgot that Moses was on their team. We, the modern church, seem to forget we're on the same team too. Complaining within the church -- whether against our leaders or each other -- gets us nowhere. Complaining wears us down and tears us apart -- pulling our eyes off God's plan.

The same is true for families. Complaining gets us nowhere worth going!

How about if we learn quicker than the Israelites? Let's agree to complain less about circumstances, leaders and each other and live in love instead. Let's stop focusing on the situation and remember God has a plan.

As the Beatles would say, "All "we" need is love..."

Pass the Baton

This weekend, my husband and I attended leadership training at our church. The recurring theme was "passing the baton." In a relay race, the baton must be passed correctly and safely or the team will be disqualified from the race. I've seen that happen -- even at the Olympics. Highly trained runners missed out on the chance to win the race because they mishandled the pass.

As I listened, I saw again how important it is for me to lead my children well. Every day, I share my values -- whether I speak them or live them. Some days, I speak my values and live the opposite, creating confusion. The Bible warns parents not to "exasperate" our children. (See Ephesians 6:4). Is anything more exasperating than being inconsistent?

I teach my kids to speak respectfully and not yell at each other. Two hours later, I walk in the kitchen to find the milk left on the counter, dirty dishes all over the counter and the garbage can overflowing. I bellow, "Kids. Get. Down. Here. Now." For a good dose of clarity, I lecture for ten minutes about laziness, slovenliness, and selfishness. I dropped the baton.

It's not just about yelling. Have you ever driven carelessly when you're angry -- zigging out of traffic recklessly when you'd never do that calm? Have you ever complained when things aren't going right, blaming others -- maybe your husband who's not even home -- for your miserable situation? Have you ever "quit" -- parenting, homeschooling, cleaning, cooking?

I've done all of the above. More than once. I am not a perfect mom!

Each time, I create confusion, exasperating my kids. Why should I expect them to respect each other when my words don't show respect? Or to stay calm and trust God in crisis if I don't?

What's a mama to do?

We need to realize we are not perfect -- and never will be. Seriously! That perfection pursuit can drive us crazy -- talk about stress! Instead, let's pursue God's grace and forgiveness. And model that for our kids -- asking for their forgiveness when we mess up.

In the Beijing Olympics, the British team was disqualified for mishandling the baton pass. Team members could have "attacked" and blamed. But they didn't. Craig Pickering, whose error disqualified the team, owned his mistake. They moved on.

As a mom, I can think of no better baton to pass -- love and grace that comes from Jesus. Learn to forgive. Seek forgiveness. Learn to let go of mistakes -- those you make and those that others make against you.

I'll never be a perfect mama. But...

I can still pass the baton.

Back to School Prayer: Full Armor of God

Put on the full armor of God 

so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes...

Ephesians 6:11

Another school year is off and running. We sent Nathan off at 6:30 a.m., before the sun arose -- as you can see in the picture! This is it, the last one... SENIOR YEAR! Not only that, we sent him off driving his car (that he paid for himself -- yes I am proud.) I still can't believe that the same smiley faced guy I sent to kindergarten "just yesterday" is almost done.

Here...

was...

Nathan (and his amazing smile)

driving off to his last first day of high school.
There are no pictures of my emotional heart or the lump in my throat.

Don't you love his shirt? He's so funny...

We did not send him off without prayer: For his year, for the first day of school, for wisdom, for his teachers, the bus drivers, the other kids driving to school, for God to shine in him and through him. No way! Each day, we pray with him and for him. Every day of every school year since preschool. The world's tough enough without the full armor of God!

Ellie's first day of FIRST GRADE!
She's wearing the outfit she picked out....
And doesn't leave for school till after the sun wakes up!

Sweet Ellie headed off to first grade, covered with the same prayer. She loves praying for her school, her teachers and her classmates. I love to listen as she asks Jesus to help her remember her "STAR" rules and not make other kids get in trouble. She's getting it... she's a little light in her big class! And she knows that Jesus wants to help her through each day! Training her up... one little step at a time!

Ben and I were busy all day -- enjoying the start of our last homeschooled year together. He officially starts his year Monday. We shopped for and cooked a tremendously awesome dinner to celebrate this monumental day.

Oreo ice cream pie. YUM! 

I battle the feelings inside -- joy for the new year, especially for Ellie. Sadness that this time next year Nathan won't be here. He'll be off to college, embarking on his own adult journey. I pray the lessons we've taught have sunk in well. I pray he is prepared for the future -- to make wise decisions and shine God's light wherever he goes. And I'm thankful -- time with him is not quite over... YET.

I love you, my three sweet kids.

May you always follow God and live for Him!
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Stepping Up!

Did you know that single parent homes accounted for 34% of all homes in the United States in 2009? Or that another 5% of homes included kids living with neither parent? (source) That's about 40% of families -- Two in every five homes!

My kids are blessed. Mom and dad live here, with them, together. At bedtime, they get two good-night kisses. They get two prayers. They get double hugs. When I'm having a bad day, I have back-up -- my kids don't have to deal with just me. Dad can calm the storms. (And I do the same for him once every three years on his bad day.) I can't imagine raising them without him.

A whole lot of families in this country don't have that same opportunity: Ready or not, they're raising kids the "hard way." Single moms and dads push through to "git 'r done." Grand-parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and foster parents stand in the gap, addressing hurts and pains, loving and nurturing the best they can.

Who's there to help? Sure, we have over-worked agencies and programs: Big Brother, YMCA, social workers and more do their best, but there's not enough government money meet the needs. There aren't enough volunteers to help everyone. School teachers give till their hearts break, called on to be counselor and conscience, not just teacher anymore. They can't do it all.

Church -- it's our job. "Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." (Isaiah 1:17) Plain English: Do right. Seek justice. Encourage. Defend. Plead for. Calls to action directed to the church -- God's people.

Yet we drive to church Sunday morning, dressed to impress. We sit in the pew, nodding our agreement with the pastor's wise words. We drop a token offering in the plate. We leave -- thanking the pastor and praising his efforts. We go home.

Just add one more thing to Sunday morning: Serve. One hour each week. Teaching kids that God loves them. Reminding them that God is there even though it's tough at home sometimes. Encouraging them to make wise decisions that will last a lifetime if they just learn them now. A hug. A tear, wiped away gently. A prayer offered from an innocent heart. Serve. Care. Be God's hands and feet.

Just a couple hours each week -- leading a Bible study group for women who parent alone. Encouraging them to discover God's truth: they are important. They are not forgotten. They can -- in Christ's strength -- do all things, even parent "alone." Offer to provide childcare for these groups. Pay for someone's childcare so she can attend a group. Serve. Love. Be God's hands and feet.

Just a couple hours each week -- be a Godly example to the fatherless. Men, these kids need you! Boys need to know what it looks like to be responsible, to listen well, to stand firm and not run away. Girls need to know that Godly men are humble, honest, kind and sincere. Who will model fatherhood to these future fathers? Who can show a girl what a "good husband" might be for her one day? Serve. Be an example. Be God's hands and feet.

Our call as Christians is to know God and make him known. (See Matthew 5:13-14 for Jesus' explanation)

Will you do it? Will you be one who does right, seeks justice, encourages, defends, pleads for? Or are you content to let a generation fall apart? What do you think God would like you to do?

Getting organized with meal planning.

But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.

1 Corinthians 14:40

A Star Wars inspired meal: Tie Fighter ties, yoda soda and more.

Dinnertime at our house is often horrible! HORRIBLE! We've endured a long day and we're tired. Everyone's hungry. Tired PLUS hungry often EQUALS grumpy! Sometimes, thos pre-dinner bad attitudes spill over to dinnertime. Grumpy is NOT a pleasing appetizer!

Supper should be our opportunity to "be" a family, all together. It grieves me when this time is spoiled by grumbling! To combat the grumpies, Rob and I are committing to being more organized. Some of you are pros at this: you plan your menus for the week or the month. You prepare in advance. We are not good at that....

So we're taking baby steps. If you find dinner prep and planning stressful, maybe these tips can help you too.

1. Sunday afternoon we take "orders" from the kids (they share their cravings and meal requests) and then sit down for about 20 minutes to plan the week's meals.
2. I record the meals on our calendar (mine's on my computer -- and I attach the URL to any online recipes we plan to use).
3. Rob records the "shopping list" for the week as I read off the recipe.
4. We head out to the grocery store -- often it's Rob and Ellie for some daddy-daughter time!
5. Sunday evening, we prep the food for Monday.

That's it. Just a few simple organized steps offers us a week free of meal-planning stress. Not only that, we are eating healthier and meals get to the table more quickly. Most importantly, grumpy is no longer offered as an appetizer. :)

If you decide to try our "plan," please let me know if it works for you by leaving a comment below. If you have some quick meal-planning tips that we could benefit from, share those too. 

God didn't intend for us to live in chaos! Let's reclaim family dinner -- and the joy that goes with it!

Love,

Becoming the Mom I was meant to be...

My older son, Nathan, told me that when his U.S. History class discussed 9/11, his teacher had asked the class if anyone's family had been affected by the tragedy, Nathan shared our story. 

We were moving from Ohio to North Carolina when that tragedy struck. Already struggling emotionally with the change and feeling lonely, I splintered apart. I couldn't take my eyes of the television -- afraid that if I looked away, something worse might happen. I was a mess... make that MESS!

It took the loving care of a church to help me heal. Months after 9/11, the real me started to emerge... not the pre-9/11 me, but the me I am today.

Nathan told his class that I became a "Mom" because of 9/11. 

I had always doubted that I could ever be a good mom, so I parented in fear. When the boys were young, I did everything I could to protect them. I obsessed over their meals, their toys, even how I spoke to them. I worried. All the time. As much as I loved them, I didn't really enjoy them.

Then I discovered Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

The horror of 9/11 was intended to destroy us, but God turned it around. From the bottomless pit of despair, I reached up to God. He became my refuge and strength. Trusting in Him, finally, I became the mom I was meant to be.

How about you? Do fears hold you back? Or is God your refuge and strength?

Dear God, I am in awe of You. Thank you for being my source of strength, in times of trouble and in times of peace. Be with us today -- lead us, guide us, protect us and fill us with Your love, Your purpose and Your power. Go before me today -- let everything I do bring praise to You. In Jesus' name, Amen