First Day of School: Twisted!

For the first time in 18 years, 3 months and 29 days, I am home alone -- today, tomorrow, and every day through the school year. Not only that, but one of my three is at college -- all by himself! I won't be there to wake him when he sleeps through the alarm or to pray with him before he heads off to class or to make sure he eats his veggies!

Thanks to lots of wonderful, praying friends I am getting through it. Well. No tears. No anxieties or worries... though, I do obsessively check my son's twitter feed for glimpses into his collegiate world (he's being stingy with his posts!).

In honor of our life of change, I've created a "picture book" look into this season. Enjoy!

 We've walked far together, our family of five...

what is your dash?

Each man's life is but a breath. Psalm 39:5

"What is your dash?"... In a cemetery every tombstone has two dates engraved on it -- birth and death. In between those dates is a dash, representing what that person did from birth until death.

"What is your dash?" (Parent Fuel, by Barry St. Clair, p. 187)

Who are you?

Where are you going?

How will you get there?

As my son and his many friends prepare to graduate from high school, this my prayer for them.

Here is my prayer, set to music. Thanks Sandbox Gems for sharing! http://www.thedashmovie.com/

Blessings,

Emotions!!!

Caught! Sent to his room to think about things. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. SLAM!

Sometimes they get along!

He obeys. Technically.

But his emotions disagree. Loudly!

She is no different. Sent to the corner, she stomps her foot. Balls her hands into rigid fists by her side. She bangs her forehead on the wall. "I'm here," she seems to say, "but my heart won't give in."

Raising kids is hard work. Teaching them to obey, honor, and respect is a 24/7 obligation. Slack, even for a moment, and the opportunistic, selfish child seizes the moment.

Why do I bother? They'll just do it again when I'm not looking. Why not quit?

It's tempting.

Some days.

Then I remember, those emotions are no different than mine. God says, "do this" and I fight him. Fists balled, teeth clenched I stubbornly stand my ground. Or, I give in -- sort of -- doing what God asks, but with the same bad attitude. Caught between my own desires and God's plan, I cry. I whine. I pout. I... I... I...

"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." (James 3:16-17)

Why do I keep going?

For my kids to understand how to submit to God, they must learn how to submit to earthly parents. For my kids to appreciate that God wants the best for them, they must learn that I want the best for them. I am their first model of Him.

Why fight?

Because I want to give my kids every opportunity to learn how to respect and honor authority -- mine, but moreso, God's. When they learn to obey me and trust that I want the best for them, they will understand that God wants that same thing. Humble, respectful obedience of parents sets the foundation for a lifetime of humble, respectful obedience of God.

As for me? I'm still working on that humble obedience myself. I pray my kids are quicker learners than I am!

Do you still fight with God?

Clean Slate!

As the new year presents itself, fresh, clean, unblemished, I find myself assessing my life. The 2012 calendar is brand new, full of promise. If only people could throw away last year and start over so easily.  Since I can't do that, I will start making a few changes to "clean up" my life. Not resolutions, mind you. Resolutions are made to be broken. And broken resolutions heap mess on us. Who needs more mess?

Instead, I'm implementing a few simple changes to get started right. Hopefully, some will become habits I maintain all year long. Feel free to join me!

First, I decluttered my email! Yep. We can opt out of junk mail in the old fashioned mailbox -- and we can opt out of junk mail in email too! This morning, I went through my email and "unsubscribed" from all the junk that has grown over the past year. Honestly, I don't shop that much so why am I getting sale alerts every day anyway? What a time waster. And a temptation to spend. No thank you!

I'm also watching what I eat... yeah, I know. It sounds like a "resolution," but it's not. A few weeks ago, I was researching healthy eating and discovered a GREAT website: caloriecount.about.com. I played around on it for a few days, then I realized what a gem it is! It serves as a great weight-loss tool, but its greatest benefit (in my humble opinion) is how it teaches healthy food choices. As I use it, I find myself wanting to get an "A" for the day's nutrition -- and I make healthier choices. Our whole family is benefitting from more balanced meals. It doesn't hurt that as I eat healthier, the muffin top is shrinking! The website works for those trying to build muscle (my teen boys) as well. It also tracks activity. Want to indulge in cheesecake without having it live on your hips? The website suggests things you can do to burn the calories BEFORE you eat them. Really! 

Most importantly, I'm continuing my trek through the Bible. Sure, I only got through the first two books last year, but I learned so much. So here I go.... hoping to finish a few more books this year. We'll see how far I get. My son, who finds the Bible frustrating because he doesn't understand the timeline, is reading a chronological Bible this year. He's finished the first chapter and already finds it enjoyable to read! The more time I spend with God, the better the day seems to be.

2012: a clean slate. What will you do with it?

Lots of love!

Joe Pa

http://www.getfootballhelmets.com/college-football.html?psps_search=Penn+State+Nittany+Lions+Helmet

Last Saturday the Ohio State football game was not televised in our area. My sons, eternal optimists, declared that if Penn State loses to us and one other team, we make it to the Big Ten Championship game. Yippee! All the talk about Penn State's season led to an interesting conversation about Joe Pa. One son asked why the Penn State fans like him so much. Both sons predicted that when he finally retires, they will undoubtedly name the stadium after him... what a legacy.

And then...

The scandal broke. You can read about it here if you want more information. And Joe Pa was fired. In the midst of his 46th season as head football coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions. The stadium will not be named after him. There will be no final game played with tearful emotion. The players, school and students don't get to send their coach off to retirement with flair.

In one moment, Joe Pa's long tenure ends. Sadly.

James 4:17 says, "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." I doubt that the university trustees cited the Bible when they fired Joe Paterno, but this verse does summarize his downfall. He could have spoken up. He didn't. He's gone.

Yet, his legacy lives on. This tragedy teaches us all how fragile our lives, careers, plans really are. How we choose to live matters. Taking our position -- in the family, at work, in the community -- for granted, can land us in a tough situation.

Let's learn from Joe Pa. Choose today to love your family more. Listen to God's nudging -- and make moral decisions, even if they are difficult. Think of others before yourself -- put yourself in their shoes and make the right choice.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put devious lips far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead, And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; 

Turn your foot from evil.

Proverbs 4:23-27

Joe Pa, my prayers are with you as you adjust to your new life. My prayers are with each player, student and child affected by this horrible situation. May God bring healing in the midst of this pain. And may we all grow wiser as we learn from your mistakes. Please God, fill our hearts with integrity.

"Where is your faith?"

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.

Nathan enjoyed his visit to App State. He loves the program and the campus. He likes having friends already there and all the activities available to students.

He enjoyed his visit to Samford University too. Great program, though they don't offer his specifically desired major which means he'll have to do the major-minor thing. Not too bad. Incredible professors. Beautiful campus and friendly students.

Of course, Belmont offers not only his preferred major, but the premiere location -- Nashville. The heart of music recording and production.

Right now, he's feeling the stress of the decision. If only he could put Samford's campus and piano professors in Nashville with his friends, the activities, and the food from App State. He can't lose wherever he goes, but the decision will not be easy. (HINT to anyone from the school admissions office who might be reading this... scholarship offers will weigh in heavily!)

Coffee in hand -- Feelin' Collegiate!

I've been his sounding board as he processes the decision, listening as he weighs and reweighs the pros and cons of each school. It's time to bring in the expert. Jesus. In Luke 8:25, Jesus asks the disciples, "Where is your faith?" as the wind and water rage around their boat. Jesus calmed the stormy sea for them. He will do the same for Nathan.

My advice to my son, and all the students making weighty post-graduation decisions, is this: Trust Jesus. He will calm the storms raging in your head as you make your decision. He will lead you, just as He promises in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL YOUR WAYS, acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."

Pray.
Wait.
Listen.
Go.

As Romans 8:31 puts it, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" God is bigger than this decision. He wants the very best for you. He will lead you to it!

Prayerfully,

Flip flops! Slow down to go faster.

Our pastor recently preached a series called "flip flops," Biblical truths that are the reverse of human thinking. For instance, to get ahead in life, don't push your way to the top. Instead, be humble, serve others. In Matthew 20:26-28 Jesus says, "Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,and whoever wants to be first must be your slave, just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” To be great, serve others. That's exactly how Jesus lived.

A friend of mine shared another "flip flop" on his blog. We cram so much in the day, trying to get it all done... Go to Bryan's blog and find out why he thinks we should "Slow Down to Go Faster!" Bryan's site also includes a great resource for saving money and time. If you struggle with either of these (don't we all???), I hope you'll check it out too.

I am thankful that God has provided me with friends, like Bryan, who challenge me to think about what I do and why I do it! I hope you'll be encouraged to look at what you do and make life better.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Blessings!

Pass the Baton

This weekend, my husband and I attended leadership training at our church. The recurring theme was "passing the baton." In a relay race, the baton must be passed correctly and safely or the team will be disqualified from the race. I've seen that happen -- even at the Olympics. Highly trained runners missed out on the chance to win the race because they mishandled the pass.

As I listened, I saw again how important it is for me to lead my children well. Every day, I share my values -- whether I speak them or live them. Some days, I speak my values and live the opposite, creating confusion. The Bible warns parents not to "exasperate" our children. (See Ephesians 6:4). Is anything more exasperating than being inconsistent?

I teach my kids to speak respectfully and not yell at each other. Two hours later, I walk in the kitchen to find the milk left on the counter, dirty dishes all over the counter and the garbage can overflowing. I bellow, "Kids. Get. Down. Here. Now." For a good dose of clarity, I lecture for ten minutes about laziness, slovenliness, and selfishness. I dropped the baton.

It's not just about yelling. Have you ever driven carelessly when you're angry -- zigging out of traffic recklessly when you'd never do that calm? Have you ever complained when things aren't going right, blaming others -- maybe your husband who's not even home -- for your miserable situation? Have you ever "quit" -- parenting, homeschooling, cleaning, cooking?

I've done all of the above. More than once. I am not a perfect mom!

Each time, I create confusion, exasperating my kids. Why should I expect them to respect each other when my words don't show respect? Or to stay calm and trust God in crisis if I don't?

What's a mama to do?

We need to realize we are not perfect -- and never will be. Seriously! That perfection pursuit can drive us crazy -- talk about stress! Instead, let's pursue God's grace and forgiveness. And model that for our kids -- asking for their forgiveness when we mess up.

In the Beijing Olympics, the British team was disqualified for mishandling the baton pass. Team members could have "attacked" and blamed. But they didn't. Craig Pickering, whose error disqualified the team, owned his mistake. They moved on.

As a mom, I can think of no better baton to pass -- love and grace that comes from Jesus. Learn to forgive. Seek forgiveness. Learn to let go of mistakes -- those you make and those that others make against you.

I'll never be a perfect mama. But...

I can still pass the baton.

Back to School Prayer: Full Armor of God

Put on the full armor of God 

so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes...

Ephesians 6:11

Another school year is off and running. We sent Nathan off at 6:30 a.m., before the sun arose -- as you can see in the picture! This is it, the last one... SENIOR YEAR! Not only that, we sent him off driving his car (that he paid for himself -- yes I am proud.) I still can't believe that the same smiley faced guy I sent to kindergarten "just yesterday" is almost done.

Here...

was...

Nathan (and his amazing smile)

driving off to his last first day of high school.
There are no pictures of my emotional heart or the lump in my throat.

Don't you love his shirt? He's so funny...

We did not send him off without prayer: For his year, for the first day of school, for wisdom, for his teachers, the bus drivers, the other kids driving to school, for God to shine in him and through him. No way! Each day, we pray with him and for him. Every day of every school year since preschool. The world's tough enough without the full armor of God!

Ellie's first day of FIRST GRADE!
She's wearing the outfit she picked out....
And doesn't leave for school till after the sun wakes up!

Sweet Ellie headed off to first grade, covered with the same prayer. She loves praying for her school, her teachers and her classmates. I love to listen as she asks Jesus to help her remember her "STAR" rules and not make other kids get in trouble. She's getting it... she's a little light in her big class! And she knows that Jesus wants to help her through each day! Training her up... one little step at a time!

Ben and I were busy all day -- enjoying the start of our last homeschooled year together. He officially starts his year Monday. We shopped for and cooked a tremendously awesome dinner to celebrate this monumental day.

Oreo ice cream pie. YUM! 

I battle the feelings inside -- joy for the new year, especially for Ellie. Sadness that this time next year Nathan won't be here. He'll be off to college, embarking on his own adult journey. I pray the lessons we've taught have sunk in well. I pray he is prepared for the future -- to make wise decisions and shine God's light wherever he goes. And I'm thankful -- time with him is not quite over... YET.

I love you, my three sweet kids.

May you always follow God and live for Him!
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A Brand New Year -- In August!

It's a brand new year... day one of year number 22 with my wonderful husband!

We celebrated the milestone with a romantic dinner out last night. Yummy food, relaxed pace of service, and a decadent dessert closed one chapter and opened the next. Our menus even celebrated, personalized with "Happy 21st Anniversary" written at the top. So sweet.... You know it's the little things, right? :D

The coming year is one of our biggest yet!

• We prepare to send kid #1 to college! For the first time ever, our nest will get smaller. Hard to believe!
• My speaking ministry is taking off... a little bit. I'm so excited that it's finally God's time to step forward. My family is 100% behind it, which means the world to me! I couldn't do this if they thought it pulled me away from my first, most important ministry, them!
• Rob and I launch a new small group at our church on -- what else? -- parenting, of course!!! God's brought us through so much, it's about time we give back. We are not perfect. We never will be. We know God is the center and we parent in His confidence. I'm sooooo excited to walk with others -- sometimes encouraging them, sometimes being encouraged. Can't wait!!!

I look back, grateful for all God has done.

I look ahead and marvel at all He still has to do. In me, through me, and around me.

Forever prayerful,

Feeling Small

When I was a little girl, I would lie in bed at night and feel small. Sometimes, I even felt like I was shrinking as the dark room around me grew. I'm not sure what that was all about... but last night, while I tossed and turned, the memory came back. The room was dark, but at least I didn't feel like I was shrinking!

That childhood memory kept me awake. Why did I feel so small? Do other people ever get that sensation?

Since I couldn't sleep, I asked God why that thought. Why now. Then I laid there and listened... to the air conditioner hum.... Hello? God? Are you there?

Psalm 39:5 popped into my head (I'm not sure it comforted me): You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

My first thought was -- "Ummm, Big Guy, are you warning me?"

Then I asked him to explain himself.... he did.

"Karen," he seemed to whisper (not exactly, but I don't really know how else to explain it), "don't ever forget that your life is short -- no matter how long you live. Make the most of it. Don't shrink back -- nothing happens when you fade away. Grab life, make the most of every moment. Make it count."

Not in so many words.

Oh those days that count for nothing -- when I can't get moving.
When I won't crack open my Bible.
When I dismiss the kids with a casual wave and tell them to entertain themselves.
When my husband comes home tired and I just dump more in his lap.
When I serve out of a sense of obligation and not out of passion...

Life is short. Too short to take for granted.

It's a choice: Would I rather live it passionately or would I rather let it slip by, insignificant and small?

It's not about fame or recognition, but about making it count for God. Like Paul, I guess I'm realizing that life isn't about me -- It's about making God known. Especially now, the hopeless need hope. The unloved need love. The hurting need forgiven. We all need Jesus!

How about you? Which would you rather?

Reflections on She Speaks

I've been home from the She Speaks conference since Sunday. What did I learn? How did I grow? What was my take-away? Great questions, every one. But I have no answers. Not yet.

You know the story of Jesus with the woman at the well? The Pharisees wanted to condemn her. Jesus said, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." The next verse says, "And he stooped down and wrote on the ground." (John 8:7-8). I've heard this passage in sermons often through the years, always focused on sin and judging others.

This morning, though, I am struck by the last half. "He stooped down and wrote on the ground." He didn't point fingers. He didn't lecture and reprimand. He wasn't hurried or rushed. He stooped down. He wrote. He waited. Patiently. Even though the Pharisees did not deserve his patience. Even though, technically, the woman DID deserve the punishment. He wrote. Patiently.

That image is caught in my head. My Lord, who knows all my faults -- every punishment I deserve and every stone I throw. He waits. Patiently. Until I understand.

Grace. This story -- not even shared at the conference (at least not in any session I attended) -- is my heart's takeaway. My Lord, Jesus, loves me. When I'm casting stones. When I sin. When I doubt. When I procrastinate. When I'm overzealous. He loves me.

Lord Jesus, fill me with your grace. Help me extend grace to others like you did for the woman at the well. Fill me with purpose to reach others with your message of love, grace and forgiveness. In your precious name I pray. Amen

**Maybe someday I'll share specific things I learned. Today, I share my heart.**

Choose Change

Today, I'm guest posting over at Encouragement Cafe. To visit there, click here. But first...

When we moved to North Carolina, I spiraled into the deepest depression I'd ever known. Though I had given up on myself, my husband never gave up on me. He pursued God on both our behalfs. One Sunday, I begged him not to go to church, just to stay home. With me. He stayed. The next week, I went.

The pastor, known since that day as "my" pastor, explained that the church is hope for the hopeless. He challenged them to love with the hands and feet of Jesus. The sweet people of that church, known since that day as "my" church, loved me exactly like that. They reached out.

I reached back.

They dropped a lifeline into my pit.

I grabbed hold and pulled up.

Love's redemption. The broken person comes into the church, gets loved on... and then...

Some grow. Like me. We grab hold of the rope. We choose change. Lives transformed by the love of God.

Some don't grow. The rope hangs down. But the hopeless sit at the bottom of the pit, refusing to grab it. Refusing to choose change. Eventually, they're left in a pit filled with ropes dropped as people tire of holding them out.

That hopeless person asks: "Why am I still here?" "Why am I all alone?" "Why isn't the church helping me?" She never realizes that someone was there -- offering help. Offering hope. She never realizes that she didn't choose change... or that the helpers gave up. Exhausted.

Psalm 18:29 says, "With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall." With help. With God. That's how it works. Not them helping me, but all of us working together. Then, I -- hopeless no more -- can scale a wall.

If you feel like you're all alone, won't you grab hold? Take that rope. Choose change.

• Serve others by joining a ministry team.
• Connect with others through small groups.
• Volunteer at the homeless shelter and give your time to those less fortunate than you.
• Read the Bible (James is a great place to start).
• Pray -- Praise -- Pray.
• Count your blessings, one by one. 

Grab a rope. Get out! It's up to you. Will you choose change?

Birds Eye View

photo © 2009 David Fulmer | more info (via: Wylio)

My recent experience with rush hour driving has taught me a lot! One day as we drove across the overpass bridge to get to the on-ramp, we saw that traffic was backed up as far as we could see. Quick! Alternate route needed!

I hit the "detour" button on the GPS, which instructed me to take Highway 50 -- that was a quarter mile behind us, so it meant turning around. I gazed over at Ben, anxious that he'd be late to golf camp but working hard not to be mad about it, and said, "Dude, I'm not taking 50. Trust me, okay? We're going up Route 42. It's gonna work out."

"Okay, Mom." His white knuckles didn't match his words, but I sure appreciated his effort.

Traffic headed toward 42 was heavy, but moving. We got there in only three light cycles -- not too bad. I turned on the radio to catch the local morning traffic report, just in time to hear, "Traffic out of Johnston County is slow going." Blah blah blah highway parking lot... "And there's a wreck on Highway 50 northbound slowing the alternate route as well." The reporter said to relax and take our time.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Ben glancing at the speedometer. In my head, I said, "Yep. Speed limit. Apparently they don't know about this route." But I didn't say anything. He was working through his worry his way.

We made it to golf camp -- with a whole minute to spare! As he got out, I told him how proud I was that he stayed calm. "Thanks, Mom." And off he went.

Driving home, I thought about that bridge. Had we not had a birds eye view of traffic, we would have been stuck in that mess. I thought about my quick decision to take Hwy 42 instead of the GPS suggested route -- after a silently offered prayer of "Which way, God?"

Then I realized, God's always got the bird's eye view. He knows which way I should go -- not just when I'm driving, but when I'm parenting, serving, working, writing... even when I'm shopping. That plan of His -- Jeremiah 29:11 -- is meant for every moment of my day. I, too, can have a bird's eye view, if I just stop and pray, "Which way, God? Which way?"