Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

What if Humpty Dumpty had asked the KING instead?

Thank you, Pastor Clay NeSmith of Barefoot Church

in North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina,

for sharing this profound thought with us last weekend.

Who do you trust? God's power or man's?

A New Perspective

For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble with my right hip. During summer band camp in high school, I never finished out the week. By Thursday, I couldn't march -- and could barely walk. Through my adult life, it's been much the same. Traveling by plane, my right leg swells. A long day at an amusement park or hiking in the mountains always ends with hip pain so severe I can't even sleep on my right side.

My men on Apollo's Chariot

A couple weeks ago, a friend and I were talking about my "wonky leg" when another friend, a physical therapist, walked up. In ten seconds -- or less -- she commented, "Do you know your right leg is longer than your left leg?" (Yes... I do. Not a lot longer. Just a smidge, but she could see it.) She recommended that I put a lift in the heel of my left shoe. And I did. The first couple days, I developed pain in my left, lower back. Nothing serious -- muscle tightness. Then it was gone.

This past Saturday, we went to Busch Gardens. I expected the pain to return (we drove there 3.5 hours, walked 12 hours and drove home another 3.5 hours... a recipe for hip pain for sure!). Yet, the pain did not come. Nor did the swelling in my leg.

The kids patiently posing

My whole life, I've thought I was stuck with this bum leg. Not so bad I can't function, but something I've accommodated. I was so wrong! My friend saw it differently. She didn't look at the pain, she looked at the source. And now, I have no pain. WOW!

The same process is true for the pains of our hearts. I used to claim that I'm a yeller, because that's just the way my parents raised me. It's just who I am. Yet, I know that God is love. He wants me to train my kids in His love. Now when I yell, but I know it's my choice not to follow God's Word to speak the truth in love. And I apologize for yelling.

E-squared: Ernie and Ellie 

We can live day to day, managing the "pain" in our lives, or we can ask God to reveal the source of our pain AND ask His help to overcome. Satan wants to trick us into thinking that "this is just the way life is." When we do that, we give up on God's best for our lives.

God's word promises us that He has a plan for our lives, a plan to prosper us and not to harm us... a plan to give us hope and a future! Let's claim that plan by curing the cause of our heart pain and filling our hearts instead with God's love.

Feeling hopeless: Romans 15:13
Feeling lonely: Deuteronomy 31:6
Feeling anxious: Philippians 4:6-7
Feeling defeated: 2 Corinthians 4:8
Feeling grief: Psalm 23:4
Feeling worried: 1 Peter 5:7

God loves us. He wants the best for us. Ask Him to reveal the source of your pain and replace it with his love.

In Christian love,

nine eleven

Nine eleven. Simple numbers no more. This is "the" defining moment of my generation. Just as those before me remember November 22, 1963 or Dealey, Texas or Lee Harvey Oswald. Just as those of the "greatest generation" remember December 7, 1941 or Pearl Harbor. That one day that stands as "life before" and "life after."

My sons remember 9-11. Nathan, the oldest, knows that it marks the day our family changed forever. (I've shared that before -- if interested, click here or here or here.) Ben remembers, but he was only four then... it's not "the" defining moment in his life.

My daughter, sweet Ellie, wasn't born yet. She is learning about it at school. "Mom, did you know that some people do not like America, I mean the United States?" (I do.) "Did you hear about the bad men who used an airplane to blow up a big, giant, tall building in New York City?" (I did.) "A whole lot of people died. That's sad." (It is.) The events of 9-11 will not be her defining moment...

Then I remember Jesus' words, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). 


On 9-11, I didn't understand. I knew Jesus. I'd accepted him as my savior -- yep. Signed, sealed, delivered. Heaven-bound. But, I didn't understand that He wanted to give me more. Peace. Abundant, life-filling peace. To weather any storm this earthly life might bring.
So 9-11 came. I fell apart... completely. Until...


I met Jesus, finally as friend, comforter, encourager and guide. The Jesus who died on the cross not just for my sins, but for all of me. I got to know The One who loves unconditionally and never gives up or grows weary. I discovered his peace. And trusting in Him, I now have a life filled with joy.


In this world, we will have trouble. But Jesus -- He has overcome the world. 


While I wish 9-11 had never happened, I pray that everyone touched by that day will discover the same love, joy and peace that comes in a relationship with Jesus -- a genuine, loving friendship that cannot be destroyed -- even by "bad men." Friends, He HAS overcome the world. Rejoice.


Love,

College football, mommy guilt and more (it's a good title, trust me!)

Are you ready for some football??? That's actually the "tagline" for professional football, but it's a relevant question at our house. My boys hatched a plan to turn NCAA football Saturday into an event. They've promised to clean the entire house today, shop for the necessary food to nosh and watch football all day Saturday. Our only involvement, cook the food please... and don't cancel the cable! (They lost cable last fall for watching TV instead of doing chores and homework... apparently one season without football was enough to transform their attitudes.) Tomorrow, we will watch -- no doubt SEC and ACC games -- the Big Ten doesn't get any respect in my neck of the woods!

Ellie's not into football yet. She knows to cheer for the Buckeyes. And she knows not to ask to watch "her shows." With three big men in the house, she'll be vetoed every time! She needs to make a collage "All about me" for school next week, so she'll contentedly (in my dreams) cut and paste magazine pictures on her paper. Check out this great collage idea... not sure Ellie will go for it, but I think it's awesome!

Speaking of Ellie, did you read yesterday's post? Here's a picture of her in her Friday hair bows. I didn't think to snap one for the blog yesterday. Isn't she adorable?!

Big bows and a bit distracted :D

Now, about that mommy guilt in today's title. I'm on the radio!!! Luann and Ramona at Encouragement Cafe are featuring labor day stories on their weekly radio show. I'm sharing my mommy guilt moment -- in the delivery room!!! I hope you'll stop by and be encouraged not to let your mommy guilt overwhelm you! Labor Day Stories! Let me know what you think!

I told you the title works! May your weekend be blessed. Love Jesus today. Show his love to others. And ENJOY your family!!! Wherever you go.

Love,

Hair bows and happiness

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

When God called us to adopt a baby girl from China, I knew exactly how it would be. After two boys -- and the boring clothes and hair cuts -- my daughter would wear adorable dresses, with matching tights and giant hair bows. She'd snuggle close, baby doll in her arms, as we read books together. She'd be my "little twin," the two of us dressed to match -- or at least coordinate -- each Mother's Day weekend. A sweet little bundle of hearts and flowers.

In steps reality...

Ellie's orphanage, her first "home."

Our daughter was none of the above. After nine months in an orphanage, one of 60+ girls cared for by a staff of six, rarely cuddled and certainly not fussed over, she wanted nothing to do with dresses, hair bows or cuddling. I'd put the hair bow in and 1.3 seconds later it was gone. When she was old enough, she even asked for them. Still, they came out.

Forget the dresses, too. Anything uncomfortable -- seams, the scratchy lining some dresses have, elastic -- bothered her and she'd cry, wiggle and complain. She seemed reasonably comfortable in one-piece outfits and play clothes without tags. Good-bye frilly dreams.

Don't even get me started on the cuddling. I've blogged before about her challenges. We never got to cuddle her. She didn't fall asleep in my arms until long after her second birthday. She just couldn't handle that much closeness -- instead she'd sit on our laps, as close as possible to our knees, back rigid, facing forward -- no eye contact, thank you very much.

My dreams were shattered. My sweet, beautiful girl was not the human baby doll I expected.

Fast forward six years to this morning. Ellie is a first grader, filled with confidence and giggles. After breakfast, she ran upstairs to get ready for school and came back down carrying the basket of hair bows and a brush. She sat in front of me on the floor while I brushed her hair (she's growing it out for locks of love) and pulled it back into a pony tail. I found the biggest hair bow in the basket and finished my work. She jumped up and spun around, "How's it look, Mommy?" Beautiful, baby girl... Absolutely adorable.

My eyes filled with tears.

Then we prayed and I sent her off to begin another day of learning and fun.

Ellie doesn't remember her struggles. She doesn't know my heartbreak at not being able to snuggle her the way I wanted -- loving her meant letting go of my dreams and accepting her right where she was. She has no idea how I grieved and prayed and fought the system on her behalf. That's okay with me.

God knows. He listened. He answered. He provided the care. The wisdom. The ability to love differently.

Today, she's my cuddly girl. We read her books to her baby dolls (and the dog) together. She loves frilly dresses that flare out when she twirls. And hair bows. And nail polish. She's filled to the brim with hair bows and happiness.

Ellie, Dr. Seuss, Daisy and me

Thank you, God, for your faithfulness. Thank you for my sweet baby girl.

Becoming the Mom I was meant to be...

My older son, Nathan, told me that when his U.S. History class discussed 9/11, his teacher had asked the class if anyone's family had been affected by the tragedy, Nathan shared our story. 

We were moving from Ohio to North Carolina when that tragedy struck. Already struggling emotionally with the change and feeling lonely, I splintered apart. I couldn't take my eyes of the television -- afraid that if I looked away, something worse might happen. I was a mess... make that MESS!

It took the loving care of a church to help me heal. Months after 9/11, the real me started to emerge... not the pre-9/11 me, but the me I am today.

Nathan told his class that I became a "Mom" because of 9/11. 

I had always doubted that I could ever be a good mom, so I parented in fear. When the boys were young, I did everything I could to protect them. I obsessed over their meals, their toys, even how I spoke to them. I worried. All the time. As much as I loved them, I didn't really enjoy them.

Then I discovered Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

The horror of 9/11 was intended to destroy us, but God turned it around. From the bottomless pit of despair, I reached up to God. He became my refuge and strength. Trusting in Him, finally, I became the mom I was meant to be.

How about you? Do fears hold you back? Or is God your refuge and strength?

Dear God, I am in awe of You. Thank you for being my source of strength, in times of trouble and in times of peace. Be with us today -- lead us, guide us, protect us and fill us with Your love, Your purpose and Your power. Go before me today -- let everything I do bring praise to You. In Jesus' name, Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Remember. Rejoice.

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary,

you have been grieved by various trials, 
so that the tested genuineness of your faith--

more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--

may be found to result in praise and glory and honor 
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:6-7

I woke this morning to the news that Osama Bin Laden has finally been killed. I'm so thankful to the U.S. Military and our friends around the globe who helped along the way. The news triggered a flood of memories, catching me off-guard.

The attacks on New York and Washington sent me into a deep crisis of faith. I spiraled into a deep depression and intense, paralyzing fear. My world screeched to a halt. My kids essentially lost their mom for several months. My husband somehow loved me through it all.

Of course, that's not me now. God's love, the promises of hope in His Word, and the love and care of faithful friends helped me overcome. Those friends spoke God's truth into me and pulled me out of the pit. I stand, now, on solid ground... my faith in Jesus.

This morning, with the news of Bin Laden's death, I rejoice. Not so much that he is dead... his journey ends tragically, forever burning in hell. I rejoice that God is bigger than him. God used the events of 9/11 to draw me close to Him. I am forever changed.

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Prayers for Storm Victims

This is a photo of damage in Kenly, a small town to our east here in Johnston County.

Friends,
We live near Raleigh, NC. Yesterday, we watched news coverage, amazed as the storms swept through to our west and then to our east. Our little patch in between got some wind and rain and nothing more. I wonder if that's somewhat how the Israelites' felt when God parted the Jordan to lead them to safety. I am grateful for His protection.

Hundreds around us lost their homes. At least ten people in our region died -- and some little kids are still unaccounted for. Please pray for the families who lost everything (from Oklahoma to Alabama to NC and beyond). May this be a time that God's love is revealed to those who don't know him as we support one another. Pray for peace and comfort for those who must piece their lives back together. Pray for the workers, the first responders who must deal with death and the relief workers who will clean up. Pray, too, for the power company as they restore power to thousands in the coming days.

Thank you,
Karen

Grudges

A few weeks ago, I shared my struggle to forgive. I could justify my anger -- mama bears are supposed to protect their young. Right? But, that’s not what God’s word says. God calls us to forgive, 7 times 70! I try to let go. In fact, I’ve actively forgiven several times, but the hurt comes back. So, I pray. I ask God to help me. Again.

God’s doing His part. When Nathan and I visited Belmont, we attended a local church. The sermon topic: Forgiving. This past Sunday at our church, the sermon topic was on favoritism from James 2:1-13: Loving one more than another. At first, I heard the part about not choosing favorites. It was so easy to apply this lesson to “them.” I thought about their favoritism, hurting my child by ignoring him. It was so easy to point the finger. 

Then we got to James 2:8-9, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” The royal law is explained more fully in Leviticus 19:18, “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”

Oh friends, I want to hold on to this grudge so badly. I want to build a wall so tall and sturdy that the people who hurt my son can never, never, never, never get over it. Just shut them out. Completely. 

But how can I do that when God clearly instructs against it? How can I ignore the greatest commandment? That’s exactly what unforgiveness is: Choosing to love myself more than God or others. I don’t hold a grudge against myself. When I forget that my son needs time to think, I don’t hold a grudge against me. When I forget that cleaning his room requires herculean focus that he lacks, I don’t hold a grudge against myself for losing my patience with him. I do ask his forgiveness. He forgives. Easily.

If my son, the one who is truly hurt when he is judged, can forgive, why can’t I? Being a mama bear is no excuse. The Bible doesn’t make exceptions for mama bears. God calls us all to forgive, no matter how deep the hurt. My son understands. Maybe it’s time I do too.

My Testimony: Beyond the Box

All my life, I’ve known God. When I was little, I saw Him as a protector. As I got older, my image changed. I saw God more like the hard rock carved with the Ten Commandments, a stern father with a long list of do’s and don’ts. I spent a lot of energy trying to be perfect and hold it all together. I exhausted myself making sure I excelled at everything I did. When I became a mom, I poured every ounce of energy into making our lives look perfect. Behind closed doors, I cried. I screamed. I was terrified of failure, and it ate at me. 

Then, I hit rock bottom. The little bit of faith I had was shaken to the core on September 11, 2001 when the twin towers crumbled. This wasn’t supposed to happen in the US. I couldn’t eat or sleep. My young children needed me, but I was glued to the TV, terrified that something worse would happen if I didn’t keep watch. I told my husband over and over, just get me to church on Sunday so I can understand this. Then I’ll be okay.

Sunday came. We went to church and huddled together in the back row. The pastor prayed for the old people of his congregation. As an afterthought, he added “and be with the people in New York.” That was it. His sermon didn’t help either. He preached about the importance of the old people in the church and never mentioned the tragedy in New York. The next couple months were quite similar. We’d go to church. We’d leave. Always wondering. Where was God? I finally gave up looking. 

One Sunday, I begged my husband to stay home. I said I’d give church “just one more try,” if he’d just give me a glorious family day. He lived up to his end of the bargain, so I went to church with him, not expecting much.

God had a surprise for me. From the moment we walked through the door, this church was different. People greeted us genuinely. They helped us get our kids settled in their classes. The pastor shared how important it is for the church to be the hope to the hopeless. God was there, and He had a whole sermon prepared just for me! I wish I could say in that moment my life changed 100%, but it didn’t. That day did mark the beginning of a beautiful journey with Jesus. 

My whole life I had put God in a Karen-sized box, small and manageable, a list of do’s and don’ts. Sitting in that church I dared to look beyond my box for the first time. I discovered a God who forgives, loves, cares, and heals. I discovered the One True God of hope. It’s been almost ten years since I first walked through those doors and God’s changed my heart. I can’t hold Him in anymore. His love is just too big for my box.

Friendship! It's a gift.

Hey friends,
In response to yesterday's post, I got some sweet love. I appreciate the emails of encouragement, the texts that made me laugh, and the sincerity of your love. God did not design us to face our trials alone, and yesterday I was anything but alone. Thank you for your prayers, your love, and your encouragement. Today looks much brighter. I'm in the process of forgiving... I've confessed my anger and hurt. I've asked God to forgive my bad attitude. I've said the words, "I forgive..." My heart isn't in it yet, but I will be obedient and I will see God glorified in my weakness.

One friend out there has lived through the same pain I've been dealing with. We've never met face to face, but through our blogs. (Can I just say that I am amazed how technology can bring people together? Geography is irrelevant!) Because she's been there-experienced that, she was able to listen to my heart and help me process the pain. I'm a stronger woman today because she took time out of her own crazy life to invest in me.

That's the gift of friendship. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man (or woman) sharpens another." Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times. A brother is born for adversity." And John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." My friends, you lived out the love of God with me. You didn't leave me to wallow in my self-pity and pain. My bloggy friend listened and as I shared, the pain started to work itself out. I am beginning to realize I'm not the one who lost in all this... I will be stronger because of this experience.

 In John 16:33, Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Oh the pain. Truly, this situation has hurt me more than anything else I've ever experienced. But, Jesus has overcome the world. I can rejoice today as I choose not to stoop to new lows. I can rejoice today because I choose to let go. I can rejoice today because Jesus took this pain. He will use this experience to help someone else overcome a hurt. He will redeem this situation.

My heart is still heavy. That's okay -- God knows I will have trouble. My choice is to rejoice in Jesus. My choice is to trust in Him and experience the peace that only God can give.

Thank you, friends, for helping me climb out of the pit! Thank you for living out God's plan for friendship! I thank God for each and every one of you.
Love,
Karen

The Source of Forgiveness

Yesterday, I shared admitted that I was a pretty rotten kid! I judged my parents and held wrongs against them for years. Those wrongs festered in my mind, filling me with hurt and contempt. I didn't see my parents for who they really are.

Finally, I forgave. I give all the credit to God. A friend of mine questions me whenever I give God the credit for any victories in my life. I can almost hear him ask, "Why give God the credit? Aren't you the one who forgave?" Sure. I forgave.

However, without God, I wouldn't have forgiven. I had tried it all.

I blamed my parents. I felt guilty.

I pushed my feelings down. That made me sick.

I took anti-depressants. They didn't work.
I went to counseling. That helped clarify some things, but didn't lead me to forgive.
I complained to friends about my life. They got tired of me.

When I gave it to Jesus, my heart broke free. It's not quite a feeling, certainly not one I can adequately describe. It's far deeper than that.

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Most of my life, I convinced myself that I had a tough life. I'm sure satan enjoyed whispering in my ear, telling me how rough and unfair everything was. I imagine him wringing his hands together, devilishly cackling each time I griped, knowing he had my heart all tangled up. Satan did all he could to steal my joy, kill my hope and destroy my relationship with my family. For my part, I bought in to the deception and distortion of my life and accepted them as true.

Jesus broke through the lies. He broke through the distortion. He came that I might have life, and have it to the full. Joy. Tremendous "lightness" of spirit. Freedom.

Hebrews 10:19-23 (NLT) says, "...we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."

Hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.


I knew Jesus wanted to heal my hurts. I knew Jesus wanted to carry my burden. I knew I held on tight to the darkness and pain. I knew I wasn't letting go. I stubbornly resisted letting go -- believing that the pain was a reality I just had to accept. When it finally sank in that God wanted more for me, I let go of the pain and trusted God to keep that promise.

He took my pain. He replaced it with hope, joy, healing, freedom. Now, I live in joy. My family is filled with joy (Not that we don't stumble. I am not perfect.) I am a new creation because Christ lives in me and through me.

Because He took my pain, my parents celebrated Christmas -- and nine inches of snow -- with us. It wasn't just that they were here. We had fun! We enjoyed sweet fellowship. We made memories I never expected would happen.

What God gave me is available to you, too. Hold tightly to Him with unwavering hope. Hand over your troubles and live life to the full. I'm praying for you, dear reader, that you will discover the joy that comes when you surrender your hurt and pain to God. Don't hold on as long as I did.

Much love,
Karen

FIT Fridays: Just cut to the chase!

Hello!
Welcome to another FIT Friday post. I must say, I've been working on this post for a few days. Either it's really bad -- or it's gonna be amazing. I'm hoping for the latter! Since we started this little journey, I hope you realize that God loves you! I hope you realize you are special.

Some of you have reported in the past couple weeks. Amazing stories worth celebrating!

• One of you lost two pounds in one week. Just by cutting some calories and cutting out the soda. YEA!
• Another shared that getting your heart and mind in shape has helped you organize your home and declutter. Losing weight -- physically and at home! 
• Another of you shared how finding balance -- or at least more balance -- is benefitting your whole family, regardless of what the scale happens to say. Healthy eating and getting active makes everything better.

That's the way it works. Take small steps, trusting in God, and your life will improve.

Let's not forget why we do this though. Not for good looks. Not just to feel better. We strive for self-control because gluttony is a sin. Ouch! When we turn to food for comfort or out of habit, that food becomes our god. We eat to feel better instead of pray and read God's word. 

Consider this passage, "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "no" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age." (Titus 2:11-12) Simply put, living healthy -- such as exercising for good health but not for the bikini body glamorized in magazines or eating for nutrition and not to seek comfort -- is all God wants. 

How are you doing? Do you see yourself turning more to God for comfort and strength? Or are you still grabbing those oreos? Are you exercising for health or for beauty?

This week, I encourage you to really meditate on Titus 2:11-12. Ask God to show you the areas where you trust Him -- and those areas where you don't. Ask Him for strength to live a "godly life in the present age." Perhaps hang this verse on your refrigerator or your bathroom mirror as a reminder of who you live for.

Still not exercising? I know it's been a tough summer for me. Two separate broken toes have slowed me down. Then there's the crazy heat we've had here in North Carolina. If you haven't started or got derailed like me, don't quit. It's never too late to get moving.

I think you know what's good to eat and what's not. Why not make it easier and shop for just the good stuff? Grocery stores keep the healthy foods such as produce and dairy along the perimeter of the store. Stay out of the aisles that tempt you! Fill that cart with more green stuff and less boxed stuff.

Keep in touch. I love hearing your stories. It's awesome to know that people are making changes, one at a time, and discovering that God has a great life in store!

Much love in Christ,

Karen

If you're new to FIT Fridays, please read our week one challenge to learn all about it. We're glad you're here!

Memorial Box Monday: I fell. God picked me up.

Memorial Box Mondays are awesome! They remind me that God is always with me, in the smallest details. They remind me that He will always catch me when I fall, even when I make a complete mess of things. This week's post is one of those times...

Several years ago, I made a huge mistake in ministry -- dishonoring my leader and hurting our relationship. I've shared before how God restored us -- we are better and stronger than ever. WHY? Because God really does redeem our broken relationships when we are committed to Him, willing to humble ourselves, ask forgiveness and be forgiven. My friend confronted me in love. I responded in Christian humility.

But that didn't mean everything was fine. When we sin, we can be redeemed, but we must also accept the consequences of our sinful acts. I had to step out of ministry for a season. I was sincerely sorry for my actions, though, and God met me right there. Together, He and I worked through my pride and stubbornness. I really am not the person now that I was then.

One thing God did to help me in that time was provide free tickets to a Willowcreek Conference. I had gotten the brochure for the conference in the mail, but financially, we weren't in a position for me to go. Two of our kids were in occupational therapy. We were also paying for speech therapy and play therapy. Unfortunately, our insurance didn't cover any of it.

About a week before the conference, a friend called asking if I wanted to go. Do I? Absolutely! But it's not in the budget. She smiled through the phone -- you know what I mean. You can hear the smile fill someone's face. "Friends of mine at the host church have two extra tickets. My husband can't go. Will you go with me?" Would I? Oh my gosh. YIPPEE!

The conference was great. Each speaker spoke to my heart. I learned things about ministry and leadership that will help me the rest of my life. And then God showed off -- He had something even better in store.

Pastor Wayne Cordiero of New Hope Church in Hawaii stepped up to the podium. He shared about a time in ministry when he thought he was having a heart attack -- but the stress of his work had worn him down. He kept talking, explaining that for a very long time, he had been preaching sermons for the people but forgetting to let the word seep into him first. He'd grab a verse and throw it out there, but he wasn't taking the time to "put it in here" -- he pounded his chest -- first.

Right then, the dam broke. I bawled. Sitting in a giant auditorium full of professional and lay ministers, I cried. Cleansing tears, mascara running, sniffling, hiccuping.

Just a week after I got sidelined, God sent me the message of healing I needed. He reminded me that I am no good to anyone if I'm not close to him. I had felt like such a failure -- but God showed me I am not alone. We all stumble. We all fall. Without him, we can't finish the race.

God knew I needed to hear Pastor Wayne's message that day. He provided those tickets. He made sure I heard this message of healing. I bought a CD of that sermon. I will put it in my Memorial Box to remind me that God will always pick me up when I fall.

If you don't know what Memorial Box Monday is, it all started here: "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7). By the way, "YIPPEE!" has become one of my favorite words. It comes from Linny too. Thanks Linny! I think of you every time I say it or write it. :)

Truth - in love

...Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Eph. 4:15

I blew it on Monday. One of my children made a few bad choices - not major decisions, but little things that indicated a lack of respect and honor for others. This child's actions affected both siblings and parents. And it made me mad. Really, really mad. I screamed in frustration at my child, definitely speaking the truth. Definitely NOT in love. I spoke - I use that term loosely - in a fit of anger. I ranted at my child. I blew it, plain and simple.

Another day this week, a friend of mine asked for prayer in a particular situation. She cautioned that her husband knew nothing of the prayer request. Warning bells rang in my head... Secrets in marriage can destroy it. I've seen it happen too often. "Don't tell my husband, but..." "Look at my new outfit (friend pulls bag from its hiding place in the back of the closet). I blew the clothing budget, but isn't it just the cutest?" "My husband would never understand..." 

I agreed to pray for my friend. Then I prayed about those warning bells, ultimately encouraging her to share her concern with her husband and cautioning her against keeping a secret from him. She received it well, explaining that she planned to talk to him later, but that it wasn't possible to tell him while he was at work. She thanked me for caring about her marriage and speaking in Christian love. 

The difference in dialogue with my child and with my friend really boils down to my heart. My child receives instruction and correction when I'm calm -- I know that, but I still messed up. If I had treated my child's situation the way I treated my friend, first stopping to pray for guidance, God would have provided calm in the midst of my anger. I would have spoken in love, building my child up to become more like Jesus. Instead, I tore my kid to shreds.

Why do I rant at my kids? Why don't I remember first to pray when they make mistakes (not always, but more than I ever would with my friends)? Why is it so much harder to do it right when these young people God has entrusted to my care annoy me? 

I know the answer, of course. At home, I get lazy. I get comfortable. I live in the routine -- and forget that God wants my family to be anything but ordinary. I assume they'll just understand and let it go. SO NOT FAIR TO THEM!!!

Today, I humbly ask God to forgive me (and I'll ask my child in just a moment). Help me, God, to remember that You gave me these children to raise to know You. Help me remember to speak to them in your love, just as I do with my friends. Forgive me of the hypocrisy I sometimes live. Thank you for being a merciful, forgiving God. Help me focus only on You. Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Contentment

Someone told me recently that what impresses her most about me is my contentment with where life has brought me. (FYI, someone asked her to share that... I wasn't soliciting this at all -- and in fact, didn't believe it to be true!)

I've been mulling it over ever since... Surprisingly, I really am content.

Today, I'd like to remember the journey that brought me to contentment. (My family, if they read this, will shout some loud "amens" at what I'm about to share. Don't be surprised if you hear them!!!)

Most of my life, I've been stubbornly independent, insistent on doing things my way! I did my chores as a kid at 2:00 in the morning. No regular daytime hours for me! After law school, I became a prosecutor. There were no openings, but I suggested that they create a new position and that I'd be the perfect person to fill it. They did! I fought hard for whatever I wanted and never quit till I got there.

I've also suffered from some pridefulness. Okay, a lot of pridefulness. I often found myself in situations where I believed I knew better than everyone else how to do X, Y, or Z. I applied for college and grants without any help from anyone -- not because I'm specially talented. I had some control issues.  It got me in trouble... My pride didn't lead to much respect for authority, especially when coupled with my independent streak.

In all of it, though, God showed me a whole lot of stuff that led me to where I am today. I am thankful for a husband who insists that God is God, not me. I can't have all the answers. My church leaders have an amazing ability to know my strengths and not buy in to my strong-arm tactics to get my way! Nothing like being told "no" 100 times to chip away that pride!!! C. S. Lewis said, "Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense." My struggles chipped away at my pride, softening me over time. It's a process. But, the result is so worth it.

I first experienced true contentment at the ripe old age of 39. I vividly remember the first night I laid my head on my pillow and not one thought swirled through my head. I remember falling asleep that night (well, actually, I remember that I just fell asleep... no tossing and turning... for the first time ever). I remember the sense of joy when I woke up the next morning, just thrilled to be alive.

I am so thankful that God saw me through my trials. I am thankful that He never gives up on us, even when we dig in our heels and demand to have things our way. I am thankful for His Word, which explains how to have healthy, God-honoring relationships here on this side of heaven. I am thankful for the friends who walk alongside me and pick me up when I fall with a word of encouragement -- or rebuke.

What to put in my Memorial Box??? I can think of nothing better than to write the Bible verse that got me through some tough moments. I treasure it as a precious gift, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Phil. 4:11-12, NIV). The secret, of course, is to live for Jesus and not for self. I'm glad I'm getting there. Finally.



If you don't know what Memorial Box Monday is, it all started here: "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Memorial Box Monday: Alea's Prayer

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my daughter’s sensory issues and our struggles to get help for her. Little did I know that another adoptive family would read my post and find encouragement from it.

When I started blogging I prayed God would use it to help others. I firmly believe that we go through trials in life so that our own character will grow AND so that others may find encouragement from us. But it still amazes me that God uses technology to make it happen. I'm not sure why I'm so surprised since it's exactly what I prayed for.

Little Alea is a few years younger than my daughter. Developmentally, she is where we were when I wondered if we'd survive. Like it was for us, no one really seems to understand Alea's family's heartbreak and frustration. Then, I wrote about God... The almighty, ever-loving God who gave us answers and healed our daughter. Alea's mom read the post.

She reached out to me and I reached back to her. Two moms, separated by a continent, but united in heart by One God. He brought us together through a faithful, prayerfully written post. My story of struggle and perseverance were Alea's mom's gift of hope. Finally, their journey is not so lonely. Together we pray for sweet Alea. And God is moving mountains for her.

Alea is now getting the help she needs. One day, soon, she'll do something so normal that she'll shock her parents. They won't even know until then how they had longed for such typical behavior. And one day, I am certain, Alea will overcome her issues. Her family will be able to relax. And together, through the internet, her mom and I will rejoice.

Alea’s mom and I never would have “met” without the internet living as we do on opposite coasts. I’m in awe. One day, I hope to put a picture of Alea, her mom, Ellie and me in my Memorial Box. But for now, I will keep Alea in my prayers. Please join me!

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Memorial Box Monday: Answers

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. 
John 16:33

As another school year draws to a close, I find myself looking back. Again. Trees bud. Flowers bloom. Butterflies flutter. And I reflect.


Three years ago, our son was diagnosed with orthographic processing disorder. We had known something was wrong - he just didn't get spelling or reading or lots of other things not even related to school. He wanted to, but nothing stuck. He wanted friends, but usually playdates and birthday parties ended with him in tears over a misunderstanding and reprimands for his temper on the drive home. The older he got, the worse it was. He got to the point that he labeled himself stupid and even wished he was dead. It broke our hearts. 


Every spring, we asked educational testers to help us figure out what was wrong. No one seemed to have an answer. We prayed for him. Our friends prayed for him. His church leaders prayed for him -- for a breakthrough, for his emotions, and for peace in our house.


Finally, toward the end of fourth grade, God led us to the answer. As we sought care for our daughter (see this Memorial Box post), a therapist noticed some things about my son and recommended testing. Isn't that cool? Our daughter's issues led to our son's relief!


We ended up at a local university educational testing department. These caring professionals spent hours interviewing my husband and me. She had us complete evaluation forms about his educational experience, his friendships, and his experiences in our home. Our son met with her three times for interviews and testing. The process took quite a while.


And then... she put all the pieces together. Struggles we had wondered about his whole life suddenly had an explanation. She gave us strategies for his learning. She recommended testing accommodations to help him succeed. She even suggested how we could discipline him more effectively to curb his outbursts. My husband and I couldn't believe it. We had an answer!


We hurried home to our son, nervous about telling him there was something "different." Yet, we were relieved. Snuggling on the couch, we told him there was a reason reading and spelling are hard, and it's not that he is stupid. We gave him the basic details. And then...


He smiled broadly. Huge grin! "You mean there is something wrong with me?" Uhhh... I was thinking: Wrong, no. Different, yes. Before I had a chance to speak, he added, "I'm not really stupid." Then he was filled with questions about what to do and how to do it.


It gets better! We told the families of his two best friends about the results (they were our prayer warriors through the whole thing anyway). We explained why he has trouble playing with other kids sometimes and what can be done to make it better. These wonderful people listened to it all and helped make playdates more successful for our son. They watched out for him and helped him through the tough stuff.


And better yet! Their boys, my son's friends, cared. These boys wanted to know about his disorder. They wanted to know what would help it get better. They watched out for him. Shortly after his diagnosis, my son learned to spell a second grade type word. These two boys came over to play that afternoon, and the first thing my son did was tell them, "I can spell..." and proceeded to spell it. The boys dive-bombed him and they celebrated like he had just scored the winning touchdown in the Superbowl! Two minutes later they were off playing something normal and boy-like, celebration done.


He still doesn't spell well - but he doesn't worry about it. He knows he'll figure words out over time. He reads slowly - but independently. He participates fully in homeschool group activities, at church, on his sports teams. He has transformed -- blossomed into an incredible young man.


John 16:33 says we will have trouble in this world. My young son has certainly had lots of trouble through the years. Yet Christ came to overcome the world. Through prayer, God helped my son overcome his self-doubt and frustration. God surrounded us with real friends, who love us enough to want to help our son succeed. He provided my son with genuine friendships, even at a young age. 


I am thankful for all He has done in my son's life. I'm thankful he didn't make us go through it alone, but gave us -- and our son -- friends to support us on the journey. We are truly blessed. To remember this season in our life, I will place a picture of my son and his two friends taken about the time he was diagnosed. 


Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Good-bye, dear friend

We say good-bye to our friend, Mark, today.

His life, though cut short, definitely wasn't without impact. Over the past week, hundreds of people have shared with each other how he impacted their life. His facebook page is full of messages of thanks. Parents thanked him for sharing the gospel message with their children. Ministry team friends thanked him for the impact he made on them by his example, his dedication, his joy, and his genuine heart.

Mark, you lived what you believed. And you made a difference. A huge difference. Thanks! Good-bye, dear friend.

Our time here is precious. Let's live it in love. The way Mark did.

Memorial Box Monday: Caring enough

A few years ago, I found myself disgruntled at church, impatient with my leaders, and in general, not happy. The community which once brought so much joy into my life became something I resented. I found myself wondering why do I have to do all this? Why aren't they working as hard as I am? Why isn't my leader feeding me?

Have you ever felt that way -- wondering whether leaving to find a new church home with a better environment might make you happier?

Maybe not at church. Maybe you've considered leaving your spouse to find your true soul-mate. Maybe you've toyed with leaving your job because your work environment doesn't make you happy.

Sometimes, change is necessary. Sometimes a church is not healthy. Sometimes a spouse is abusive (seek counseling and support if your marriage is dangerous to you or your children). Sometimes we outgrow a job and need to move on or to move up. Sometimes.

But most times, when we get all bent out of shape, it's not them - it's us. It's our own attitude.

That's what happened to me. My pastor teaches and preaches consistently that church is a community of imperfect people. He consistently reminds us that our own relationship with God is where we really grow -- he and the church leadership can't be Jesus for us. He humbly shares his own struggles.

When I slipped into the pit of dissatisfaction, I was ignoring him. Worse. I was ignoring GOD. Instead of reading my Bible and praying daily, I looked to my own leader to be built up. I had replaced God with her -- not worshipping her, but expecting her to fill me up through teaching, encouraging and spoon feeding. (Early in our marriage, I sometimes put my husband in the same position. Wisely, he told me he can't be Jesus for me. Detecting a trend here!!! ICK)

It would be like my teenage son expecting me to feed him dinner each night, literally spooning each bite into his mouth. Depending fully on me to nourish him. Do you know how long it would take to spoon feed a growing teenage boy?!?!? YIKES!

My leader tuned in to what was going on with me. She confronted me. Not that it was easy. I remember us sitting in a room together, her leg bouncing nervously. Eyes averted. Yet, she spoke lovingly, finally telling me she couldn't be Jesus for me.

She cried. I cried. I apologized. Our relationship was restored. More importantly, it moved me back into my relationship with God.

Now when I start to feel restless, at home, at church, with the kids, or whatever, I recognize that I have grown slack, less time in the Bible. Less time praying for my own understanding and growth. Less time lifting friends up to God. It's always the same. I bounce back quickly, putting my priorities back in line.

That experience taught me a lot about many things. First, how valuable my own relationship with God really is. Second, how beautiful the gift of genuine friendship is. Finally, how important it is to look honestly at the situations I find myself in -- and ask God to reveal the lessons He has for me.

Why do I include this experience in my Memorial Box? This period in my life was pivotal to my spiritual growth. I learned humility. I learned a precious lesson in forgiveness - how beautifully healing forgiveness really is. I learned a valuable lesson in friendship - my friend cared enough about my relationship with God to risk our friendship. God knew I needed to change. He knew my needs and led me to peace. Even when I didn't know I needed it!

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your cares on Him (Jesus) for He cares for you." Even if we don't realize our needs, God still cares. I am thankful for Christian friends who care enough about me to make sure I always keep my eyes on Him! I am thankful for Christian friends who care enough to pray. This week, I will put a picture of my friend and me to remind me of this valuable lesson in Christian living.

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).