The journey to college -- for students and mamas

Hello my friends,

Today I'm guest blogging at a wonderful "e-zine," Bonbon Break. I've written for them before, offering travel and packing tips that I share at the travel blog (Family Travels on a Budget). This post is more about the student's journey through senior year of high school and freshman year of college -- and about the mama's journey of the heart.

Stop by Bonbon Break and let me know what you think of the post! While you're there, I hope you'll check out some other awesome posts -- this week's edition is all about ch-ch-changes!

Have a fabulous, four-day week!

Love,

Hold my tongue!

Today's verse is James 3:7-8, "All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by human beings, but no one can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

It came to me by text, as it does every day.

Ironically, I am festering with anger today. Unexpected, unpleasant news came our way and I. AM. MAD! Take a distrustful mama bear, envelope her in a swarm of angry hornets, and toss her in a mud pit... I'm that mad!

Ding! The text arrives... God gently -- fairly directly -- reminding me that what I do in this moment matters.  Will I respond to the situation in anger -- I sure do want to let my lawyer-side do the talking. OR, will I address this news in love.

Stay tuned... I'll let you know how I did.

In the meantime, pray for a quiet tongue! I'd even accept the gift of laryngitis about now!

Thanks friends,

My heart...

I've been mom for 18 years. I'm learning to let go, here at the far end of the mommyhood journey. I know I'll always be "Mom," but "mama" and all the associated needs, wants, demands, and daily interaction that go with it are about to end. It's transition time...

Last night, he asked, "Will we still see each other a lot when I'm an adult?" I love that he thinks about such things.

We talked some. I told him my Norman Rockwellian dreams of generations sleeping under the same roof, waking on Christmas morning to eat breakfast, open gifts, play together, laugh and sing. I teared up as I shared. He smiled.

I asked if it's too much to ask.

He said, "No. I'd really like that too." Really? Yes, he assured me, REALLY!

I'm so thankful for 18 years to love him every day. Face to face, I mean. I know the future means less...

Oh, my heart.... such joy, excitement, anticipation and pride. I know he's ready for the next step.

Oh my heart.... the hole is coming. I feel it already. I just pray that it doesn't hurt too much.

Wait on God

A great reminder for parents,
no matter how old our kids are!

College orientation is in the books! One more item checked off our to do list before kid one launches into phase one of adult life.

Like everything else at Samford, orientation was awesome. I met university staff, got contact numbers and email addresses -- even for the executive chef at the "caf," and discovered new friends. More than anything, my heart and mind filled with peace. I know that my son is headed to a school that cares about student success -- in the classroom, in free time, and in life. For the most part, the information offered at parent sessions was exactly what I expected, though provided with a bit more excellence than anticipated. I'm not sure why, but it's always better than I expect. That's good, right?

Then I attended the parents' worship service and, well, orientation moved beyond checking off another to do list item and became a pivotal life moment. The minister shared (my paraphrase) that while this is a significant step in my child's life, it is also a big moment in my life. I was reminded that while God takes away (my son's and my relationship is about to change permanently), He also gives. The time I spent raising my son is done... yes, I still get to be the mama and offer advice, but not as often and only when asked. That means I've done this job well. Now it's time to discover what God has next for me. I do not end when my son leaves home.

The minister encouraged us to wait on God with open hearts and hands, to discover the next step in His plan for our lives. It's not over -- it's time for a change. It's time to step into what's next... 

Not just for my son, but for me.

May the God of hope fill you

with all joy and peace

as you trust in Him 

so that you may overflow with hope

by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

The service closed with that verse, my life verse. God couldn't have said "I love you" any more clearly.

God bless!

Love More

Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring,

it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to blame or change another,

I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,

it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,

but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,

but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

by Anonymous

As our kids grow, letting go can be hard, but it's what they need. If you struggle with letting go - whether for the first day of preschool or the first day of college - I recommend Give Them Wings: Preparing for the time your teens leave home, by Carol Kuykendall, published by Focus on the Family. Thank you, Barb.

Reflections

Oh how I wish I had a cool pic for this post... alas...

I've been asked dozens of times about the tears. Yet, I have not cried. My heart swells with joy at my son's accomplishments, his thought process as he prepares to go forward, and his drive to give his best.

While he cherished his Tigger outfit, he's now my J.Crew man, wearing dapper ties because that's who he now is.

Those collages and projects of the elementary years gave way to lengthy essays analyzing the Life of Pi.

Early piano recitals involved learning technique-friendly piano book songs, but now he wows people with Rachmaninoff.

His "job" when he was little was simply to clean his room, but now he drives off to work asking for extra shifts to save for the fall.

Freshman year, he fell for the "good enough argument" (an honors B equals an non-honors A), but this year he achieved straight A's in AP classes, finally appreciating that "good enough" means giving your best.

This chapter of my son's life comes to a close... but as I look back, I don't long for the Tigger-loving days. I rejoice that he has chosen to listen to our advice, he desires to give his best at piano, school, work and in relationships, and that he loves God with all his heart. I'm thankful for the foundational early years, but I am thrilled for today.

He's not done growing yet... I have a feeling that when we reach the next milestone, we'll look back on four years of college with same joy, pride and love we have now.

By humility and the fear of the Lord

Are riches and honor and life.

Proverbs 22:4

Congratulations, Nathan! Always, finish strong!

With love,

Mom

Paid in full

Running errands this weekend in preparation for Nathan's graduation party next weekend, I noticed gas prices had dropped to $3.29. Hardly a bargain, but so much better than prices have been, I made the quick decision to top off the tank... just in case they creep back up.

Approaching the pump island, another car came toward me, both of us headed for the same row of pumps. Since I was making the right turn, I got to pull in first. Credit card in hand, I proceeded to the pump as I've done hundreds of times. The screen said, "$55 prepaid. Lift nozzle and select grade." Baffled, I looked around. Everyone at the station was at a tank, pumping gas. No one was waiting in the wings.

"Really?" I thought, "Free gas? Nah." I pushed the button to ask the clerk. She seemed confused. "It's prepaid. Go ahead and pump." She didn't seem to care that I hadn't been the one to prepay it. I asked again, "Are you sure I can have this gas?" "Yes," she replied, "It's paid in full. Go ahead and pump." I heard a hint of, "Wow... this lady doesn't understand how gas pumps work." 

There was no, "Jesus loves you." OR "Someone came in and wanted to pay it forward." Just... "It's paid in full.... (now leave me alone)."

So, I pumped, expecting alarm bells and police cruisers to appear. Nothing happened. The pump quit at $34.14. I smiled to myself as I realized someone else would also be blessed... in a strange way. I replaced the cap, closed the little door, pulled out of the station -- unnoticed. I finished my errands, the whole time expecting to be stopped by the police. Handcuffed. Sent to jail.

It's been a few days and still no police. I think I really was allowed to use that free gas, though it's the strangest blessing ever!

Ever since, I have also been thinking that many of us approach Christianity this same way. Jesus paid in full the required sacrifice for our sins, but we can't really fathom it. We wonder, "What's the catch?" "Who's out there watching me to mess up?" OR "If I accept Jesus, I won't ever have fun again." We miss the blessing and focus on other, irrelevant stuff.

Accepting Jesus is a simple thing that we make hard. Really. First, He loves you enough to pay the price in full. No strings. No one waiting in the wings to bust you for making a mistake. Seriously, God doesn't have angel cops out there waiting for you to mess it all up so he can throw you into some pit of damnation. He just loves you. 

Second, God wants you to receive this blessing with all your heart -- no worries about other things. Just be thankful. Otherwise, you miss out on what you've been given, new life IN CHRIST that is infinitely better than the old, sinful life. 

Third, you can have fun! YES, true Christian living means not getting drunk, not sinning in anger, and more... but Christian living replaces all that with true peace -- you can lay your head on your pillow at night knowing that you matter. Christian living is true joy -- a heart full of things you can't imagine without Jesus. God's love is true love -- knowing you, with all your warts, secrets, and skeletons. 100%. All the time.

Jesus paid in full the required sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins. He's got us covered. We can accept it and live in that joy... Or, we can reject it and look over our shoulder the rest of our lives and miss the blessing.

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide.

I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord."

And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Psalm 32:5

Where are you today?

P.S. To the generous person who bought my gas. Thank you!!!

Top ten Bible verses for guarding your heart

Like I said Wednesday, Satan is like SPAM! He tip-toes in, slinking about as he slowly seizes your day, your week, your joy, your life -- much like the spammer sneaks in to steal your money and financial identity. We take steps to protect our finances, reading emails carefully, installing anti-spam software and making ever more complicated passwords to avoid being hacked. But do we do the same to guard our hearts against Satan?

The Bible is filled with wise instruction on guarding the heart, particularly in the book of Proverbs (the book of WISDOM)! Here are ten of the best Bible verses to help us guard our hearts. They remind us why to protect our heart, how to protect our heart and who we live for. Let's commit them to memory and spam-proof our hearts. Sound good?

Proverbs 4:23, "Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."

Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Romans 12:2 (NIV), "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Psalm 51:10, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

John 10:10 (NIV), "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Proverbs 23:26, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways."

Proverbs 3:1-2 (NIV), "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity."

Luke 6:45, "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

Colossians 3:1 (NIV), "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God."

Deuteronomy 4:9, "But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren."

May God bless you as you gaurd your heart to live only for Him!

Love,

This is NOT spam

SPAM! It literally gives me the chills, receiving an email that starts, "Dear Karen, I hope this finds you well. I am writing to tell you about..." You know the ones? They start out all personal and warm, and then ask for my bank routing number and other personal information so I can get in on the most amazing opportunity ever! CREEPY!!!

I got one today, so apparently my email spam filter is on vacation. Grrrr...

As I deleted this morning's offensive spam, I realized that my visceral reaction to spam mimics the internal response the Holy Spirit gives me when satan tries to SPAM my life.

Yep! Satan is spam! He starts out all personal and warm.... like with Eve in Genesis 3:1-6:

[Satan] said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. 

Crafty! He seems to ask, "Are you sure you heard God right?" And then... "If you eat that fruit you will become as wise as God." Ooooohhhhhh.... If I give Mr. Spammer my banking information, I'll become as rich as Bill Gates! Yeah, right!

You'd think I'd be smarter than Eve. After all, she didn't have the Bible to guide her, friends to encourage her or a pastor to preach truth each weekend. I'm not, though. I may not fall for the spammer's temptation. When that warning bell rings, loud and clear, I hit the delete button fast! An automatic response that requires almost no thought from me.

BUT... when Satan attempts to SPAM MY LIFE, my response is hardly as swift or sure. Throughout the day, instead of being thankful for the family God has chosen to give me, I complain, ".... lazy." "Did he really forget to ____________ again? (insert sarcastic tone as well)." "Why does no one around here appreciate me?" You know... little ingratitudes that pile up all day long. Finally, we sit down to dinner and I yip and snap at everyone for minor annoyances that hardly warrant my reaction. Satan spammed my day. Worse, I let him do it. YUCK!

How does Satan spam your life? More importantly, what are you going to do about it -- let him keep stealing your joy or learn to listen to the warning bells and make some changes?

How about we all commit to installing some anti-spam software in our hearts? Come back Friday for a list of verses to get us started!

Lots of love,

The Editing Room

Have you read The Hunger Games? Seen the movie? Or how about The Kite Runner? Or Harry Potter? With few exceptions, books and the movies they inspire aren't all that much alike. The movie watcher might get a sense of the book, but there's always more to the book than a movie ever shows. Some of the subtlety is lost in the movie translation, left on the editing room floor.

















It's like that with real life too. You meet someone for the first time and decide in seconds whether you like them or not. You read into their actions and words, sizing them up and filling in the blanks. Not just you. We all do. We judge others, using what little information we get the first time we meet, to decide whether to pursue a friendship or relationship of any kind.

How often have you walked away from an encounter thinking (if not saying), something like, "Wow. Get over yourself." OR "This world isn't all about you, buddy." OR "What's her problem?"

How about road rage? We assume that the road ragers out there are all about themselves. As a mom to two teenage boys, I am hyper-aware of road rage right now, and I certainly do not condone it. But, what might appear to be road rage, might in fact be a man trying to get to the hospital to say his final good-byes to his dad. It might be the single mom, released from her job and distracted -- overwhelmed -- by the very real possibility of losing her home and having to make tough choices with her kids. It might be... all sorts of things.

We judge others based on limited interaction. But the reality is, we do not know what's left on the editing room floor of their lives. Anthony Evans shared that thought with my church family this weekend... and it has stuck with me ever since. Why do we judge others? Why do we ASSUME we know who they are based on 15 seconds of conversation? Why don't we choose to love and learn?

Why don't we get to know each other a little better? Why don't we simply love? Care just a little more about the events left on the editing room floor?

Romans 14:10, "You, then, why do you judge your brother?

Or why do you look down on your brother?

For we will all stand before God's judgment seat."

Love,

Mysterious love

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

The Christian knows the "feeling." Christian love among friends is the glue. It provides a bond that defies explanation. Deep inside we sense that we can be honest without fear of retribution or judgment. True love IN CHRIST is the greatest gift we can give another. It offers encouragement in the midst of hardship, understanding in the deepest pain, and hope to the hopeless. 

Have you been loved in the love of Christ? Do you love with His love? 

Think this not that

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable

--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--

think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Such a cool verse! Do we dwell on the bad things: less than stellar service at a store or restaurant, our kids' wrong choices, or the teams we picked in the NCAA tournament losing (that last one is for my sports-minded son whose bracket is done!)? OR, do we focus on the good things: those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, or admirable?

Certainly, surfer Bethany Hamilton chooses to focus on the good, not the bad. I can only assume that her parents think the same way. After all, their fifteen year old daughter is still out on the water, despite losing her arm in a shark attack. Bethany stands out because she didn't let a major setback keep her from pursuing her passion -- surfing. She inspires children and adults around the world with her determination to live life fully and not let a "little thing" like a shark bite stop her.

We consider other people, like the heroes of 9/11, Tim Tebow, and those who volunteer their time in Haiti and other devastated regions, as special. Really, though, are they special? Or do they just choose to do what God asks all of us to do?

Instead of focusing on the negative, they focus on whatever is right, true and praiseworthy. The heroes of 9/11, firemen, police and "regular joes," chose to do the right thing. They laid their lives on the line for the benefit of others. Tim Tebow chooses to put faith first, not fame. Yes, the fame has come, but it doesn't define his character. Missionaries, likewise, give time, money and energy to serve "the least of these." They don't weigh the economic value of a region or the "worth" of a life. They understand that everyone is precious to God and give. Selflessly.

But there are those who look the other way, focusing on the negative. (I am -- or often have been -- one of those.) Poor me... look at how tough life is. Look at my suffering. Hear my pain.

Why do we choose not to focus on what is right and good?

It's not a condition of circumstances. Bethany, Tebow and the NYFD aren't "special." Fame does NOT make a person special! A family friend, age eight, battles cancer -- with a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Weary, yes. In pain, yes. Afraid, yes. But still smiling, confidently placing her life in God's hands. Another family faces the all-too-common economic reality of losing their home, but they continue to live and serve and love. Life hasn't stopped. And more friends are facing joblessness as yet another business folds under the pressure of our economic struggles. They move on. They live. They serve. They love. They give. Normal, everyday people.

My friends in crisis know one thing to be true. God is God. All the time! They trust in Him to lead them, comfort them, provide for them, and carry them through the storms of this life. They understand what Paul wrote to the Philippians: focus on the truth of God's love for you and all that He does on your behalf. Trust in God's provision for you and know that He will never leave you or forsake you. They know. God is love. And love never fails.

My friends do not know how everything will work out, but they do not doubt that God will see them through.

If you feel like life is beating you down, please reach out to someone who can help you understand how much God loves you. If you're not sure where to turn, come to church. If you're not ready to step through the doors of a church, consider reaching out to Focus on the Family's crisis line at (800) A FAMILY (800-232-6459). In my deepest pit, I didn't know how to break free -- Focus on the Family helped me take that first step.

God knows we face problems. He wants you to know you don't face them alone. He wants to carry your burdens and help you see the world differently.

When I sat down to write this post, I was headed in one direction. The post went entirely a different way. If you need to hear these words today, I am praying for you. GOD is waiting to meet you right where you are. He wants to show you how to climb out of your pit and live in peace and hope. I pray you will reach out to Him today. God bless!

When God Says No

When my kids were little and played in the driveway, I'd yell "no" or "stop" to keep them from running into the road. Sometimes, they'd turn around and keep playing. Other times, they'd pitch a fit, mad that I had interrupted. Shouldn't they understand that I was protecting them from the hidden dangers of passing cars? I never second-guessed my decisions or felt bad if they got mad at me. After all, I was just doing my job, protecting my kids.

Yet when God says no to me, my heart hurts. Perhaps I'm a little like a frustrated three year old, fists clenched, foot stomping. Why?

This weekend, our family got two answers to prayer. One was a yes -- YEA!!! The other, you guessed it. NO! I'm not talking a "not right now, sweetie." I'm talking a big fat NO -- rejection! And my heart hurt. I grieved God's answer.

And I wondered, does God grieve when He says no?

I don't think so. You see, God has a plan. In Jeremiah 29:11, God explains it:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In John 10:10, Jesus explains why He even came to earth to die for us, saying:

"...I have come that they might have life and have it to the full."

Verses like these remind me that God's plan is filled with his love and hope. I can have peace, even when God says no, because He wants my life to be filled with purpose and fullness. His plan is the best one for my life. While I may not understand His "no," He does.

In the relationship between us and God, we're like my kids playing in the driveway. God is like us, providing safety and protection from danger we don't see or can't understand.

God's no this weekend means something else will be our "yes." His plan will offer hope and a future beyond what we can imagine.

Does God grieve when He says no?

I don't think so. I'm glad about that. I wouldn't want God to be some big wimp who can't decide what's best for me. I believe in a BIG God who never changes and always wants to give me the very best.

Don't you?

Spring Planting

Whoever is not with me is against me,
and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

Matthew 12:30

Spring. 

Flowers bloom. 

Gardens come alive with color. 

Simple beauty makes our hearts smile. 

Jesus. 

Hope blooms. 

Sinners come alive with love. 

Simple truth makes our hearts smile.

He came to give us life. 

Not just you. Or me. 

Everyone. 

Yet...

We push them away. 

Deemed unworthy. 

Judged inferior. 

They fight alone.

Isolation. 

Careless words. 

Indifference. 

Breaking hearts. Wounding souls.

Let's be love. 

To those we don't like. 

To those we ignore. 

To those we don't understand.

That's all Jesus asks.

Will you?

Building Barnacles

Barnacles, for those who never thought about them (most of us?), are crustaceans that build up on pier pilings and ship bottoms in shallow salt water. They fight with other crustaceans to survive and use two strategies to win the battle: "swamping" and fast growth. With swamping, a great number of barnacles settle in the same place at once, basically using a "safety in numbers" strategy to survive. Even if some are knocked away and die, others remain to carry on. Fast growth allows them to build a column to reach higher water closer to the surface and to become large enough to resist being knocked away. When I think of anger -- especially mommy anger -- I'm a lot like a barnacle. That's not a pretty picture, is it?

Photo credit

I remember the first time I got angry with my first son. He kept shoving things into the CD player. I removed his hand, distracted him with a toy (or so I thought), picked him up and moved him away, but he kept going back. Finally, I swatted his hand and firmly said, "No!" Then I cried. Crocodile tears. I never wanted to be the mom who yelled and spanked (or swatted). If that had been the end of my anger, I wouldn't need to think about barnacles.

When our second son came along, he brought tears with him. From two months to about ten months of age, he cried and cried and cried. I tried everything, but he was not one to be soothed. Some days, I'd get so frustrated that I'd just put him in his crib and let him cry. (I'm not blaming him.)  

Unfortunately, that season allowed barnacles of anger to grow in me, building up as the day progressed. As he cried, the anger in me would build. (Thankfully, I never took it out on him.) By the time my husband got home from work, I'd be at the end of my rope. Little things would set me off and the screaming began -- mine! Like the swamping barnacle, my anger grew and grew until I finally exploded, perhaps just to be heard over all the tears. We got past that tough season and eventually learned that this little guy had sensory issues and a communication disorder -- there was a reason for all that crying!

As the boys got older, more rambunctious and curious, they got noisy. Two boys can generate a lot of noise. When I'd tell them to settle down, they didn't always respond. Our second son, especially, didn't understand verbal cues (that communication disorder, you know) and wouldn't obey. My anger would grow quickly, my voice harsh and loud to overwhelm him. 

The yelling became a habit, my go-to parenting style. "I just come from a family of yellers," I'd say. I didn't work on changing my behavior, I justified it. Over the past ten years (my boys are 17 and 14 as I write this), I have learned that screaming at kids is not Godly parenting. I know that my kids, generally, will respond to other forms of communication, but I haven't worked too hard to improve. Thanks to maturity in general I do better, but I've never really tried to subdue this behavior intentionally. I haven't really sought God's help through prayer, accountability or Bible study. 

Recently, my kids are quick to point out when I'm overly harsh. This past year, especially, they've often said, "Mom, you don't have to yell. I can hear you just fine." God convicting me through my kids? Maybe.

But I've just let the barnacles build.

Then comes Courtney...

Courtney, from Women Living Well, launched The Gentleness Challenge for "mommies everywhere who struggle with their temper." I wish this wasn't me, but it is. 

Link to The Gentleness Challenge. Join us!

I've got a few years left with kids under my roof (actually a lot, my youngest is only seven). It's about time I stop making excuses and start parenting without anger and yelling. It's time to knock these barnacles off and start living right, God's way!

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, 

kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

How about you? More anger than you'd like at home? Please join us! 

In humility,

Jesus with Skin On

Hey friends,

Ellie, 6, serving at With Love from Jesus

Have you ever heard that phrase, "Being Jesus with skin on?" It's a cute way to say "live out" Jesus' command to love God and love others. That's my challenge to you! These last two weeks before Christmas, won't you show your love for Jesus by loving others the way He would?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Don't complain about the guy holding up the "will work for food" sign. Instead, carry granola bars in your car glovebox to share. 
• Adopt a family! Not sure where to begin? Ask your church secretary. No doubt your church has received many calls from desperate families this Christmas. Why not be Jesus (or Secret Santa) to a family? An easy shopping guide: buy each child a new shirt (right size/favorite color) and a special wish item, and buy mom and dad a bag of non-perishable groceries. It costs only $100 to radically bless a family of 6 this way! :)
• Listen! Many people, especially women, struggle emotionally at Christmas. They know it should be the happiest time of the year, but it's not. Carrying past hurts or dealing with the winter blues, many women struggle to survive the Christmas season. Not you? Offer her a hug and a prayer -- for peace and comfort during this difficult time.
• Remember! Most of us know someone who lost a dear loved one during the year. Take a moment and write a card letting them know that you haven't forgotten. Pray for them, asking God to fill their heart with memories to cherish and comfort this Christmas. Don't forget their loved one or their pain. They haven't forgotten -- and need to know it's okay to be a little sad.
• Have a friend who's been out of work for a while? Offer to pay their December electric bill (or gas or water). If you have a job, you're already blessed! Pass it on.

Love others like Jesus loves. Be Jesus with skin on. Isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Merry Christmas!

Thursdays are satan's playground

My sweet friends,
Thursdays are NOT my favorite day of the week. If I were to rank the days, Thursday would probably get last place. Monday would follow close behind. It's not that I have anything against Thursday. No hangups about Nordic gods (We get Thursday from the Nordic god Thor, god of thunder. Did you think it was Greek or Latin?).

Thursday evenings we have connect group. At our church, in-home Bible study or small groups, are called connect groups. They provide an opportunity to connect with other church members -- and of course, with God -- on a deeper level as we fellowship and study together. I love connect group! I adore the people in our group...

But satan... that old devil...

He doesn't! He hates connect group night. He hates the idea of us growing stronger in our faith. He despises the relationships developing as we meet, relationships God clearly values in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." We pray. We encourage. We laugh. And sometimes, we cry. Satan hates it!

Every Thursday, he tries to knock us down. Seriously! Last week, I was super-grumpy... If they gave out super-hero capes for grumps, I would have gotten one. A couple weeks ago, I was sick. Before that, my husband was home sick. No joke! Today, you wonder? What could possibly go wrong today? The sun is shining (of course, you're not looking out the windows with me this fine, sunny day... trust me. It's gorgeous out there!!!)

One of my children, who shall remain nameless, woke up grumpy. Oh how I want to snap back, "Don't yell at me." Yep! "Go to your room." "Scrub the walls, ceiling to floor!" (Not for any other reason to create misery in this child's life).

But I won't.

I know satan "comes only to steal, kill and destroy." (John 10:10) I'm wise to his ways. He wants to mess with my family and throw us into chaos. Anything to keep us from growing wiser and stronger! He wants me unfocused tonight.

He doesn't think I'll remember the second half of John 10:10, that glorious BUT. (Perhaps my favorite BUT in the entire Bible!) BUT Jesus has come "that we may have life and have it to the full!"

Satan can try to bully my Thursdays, but he's not going to win. Jesus has my back! He'll stand up to the enemy anytime, anywhere.

You know what? If the enemy is bullying you today, Jesus has your back too. In Jesus' name, tell that old bully to hit the road. And then, go enjoy a pumpkin spice latte with your best friend, Jesus!

Blessings,

Rescued... Not exactly.

Ellie's been with us 6.5+ years now, and God is still teaching me lessons I never knew I needed to know. For some reason, the topic of her "rescue" has come up frequently in recent conversations. Going through the adoption process, we heard that all the time, "How sweet that you are going to rescue that precious baby." Or, "She is going to be so thankful that you rescued her from that horrible orphanage." You know, stuff like that. The questions of late have been more along the lines of "What made you decide to rescue a little one anyway?"

First of all, we never decided to rescue her. We were called to bring her home into our family, the missing fifth link. I had trouble wrapping my head around that -- it took me a long time to agree with God to expand our family. But, it wasn't a rescue. It was a blessing. We always saw it that way.

What's the difference, you might ask. Either way, she's here. You brought her out of the orphanage and into your family... yada yada yada.

I disagree. The difference is the key.

Perceiving Ellie's adoption as a rescue suggests some great heroics on our part. It puts the focus on us. We. Are. Not. Heroes. Rescue, the verb, is defined as "to free or deliver from confinement, violence, danger or evil." Granted, growing up in an orphanage is probably not ideal, and to be free from that environment is probably (hopefully) something Ellie will one day appreciate, but we didn't rescue her.

Ellie's rescuer is God. He orchestrated her adoption into our family. He provided the resources and funding. He sustained us all through the crazy preschool/therapy years. He has a remarkable and amazing plan for her life that somehow includes us. We obeyed.

And were blessed.

Abundantly.

To be called her parents. 

To see this smile every day.

To make pig tails.

To dance.

To play.

Blessing, the verb, means to bestow good upon. Most definitely, God has blessed us with our daughter's love. The joy she brings is immeasurable.

We are definitely not rescuers. God rescued us all. And He blesses, abundantly.

Don't you agree?

"But you..."

Last weekend, our Pastor's wife shared the sermon, speaking on pride from 1 Corinthians 13. As is our custom, we shared what we heard (and hopefully learned) over lunch. Hands down, this sermon generated more incredible discussion than any other... ever! (Feel free to listen here (10/9) or watch here (10/9). But come back to discover what we learned!)

Her sermon included a "Pride Test." Let's just say, it left no toes unstomped! We're thankful to have our eyes opened to our prideful tendencies, though. Proverbs 24:3-4 says, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." I can think of no greater treasure than the family God has given me.

Our family was challenged by each of these points. We're speaking and serving one another in love and humility. We've been transformed!

Would you like more love and peace in your family? Maybe you will find yourself in this list. If you do, take steps to change... all it takes is one open discussion at the dinner table and a bit of humility!

The Pride Test:
Do you?
1. Complain against or pass judgment on God (blaming him for everything bad in your life) OR acknowledge that God is God (and trust him, good or bad)?

2. Demonstrate a general lack of gratitude (I deserve all the good things I get) OR thank God and people often?

3. Exhibit anger (outbursts, withdrawal, pouting, or moody) OR seek to live in peace with all people?

4. See yourself as better than others, easily irritated and impatient OR recognize that you are no better than anyone else (BUT FOR the grace of God you could be....)?

5. Think you're more important, more gifted and/or more talented than others (a legend in your own mind) OR genuinely glad for others' successes and blessings?

6. Suffer from perfectionism (concerned with appearances and how others perceive you) OR teachable, recognizing that perfection is not possible?

7. Talk too much (the center of every conversation -- it's all about "ME") OR encouraging, seeking ways to build others up?

8. Fight for independence and control (struggling when you must submit to authority) OR gladly submissive and obedient to those in authority?

9. Shift the blame or act defensively (not willing to ask forgiveness, justifying your behavior -- I'm sorry for ____, BUT YOU....) OR quickly admit when you're wrong and seek forgiveness without justification?

10. Offer your opinions and preferences, even when you aren't asked OR speak the truth in love?

Yep, lots of toe stomping!!!

Our family though has not heard:

• "But you..." once this whole week!!! "But you" was a permanent resident of this home until Sunday.... "But you" has been joyfully evicted! We're thrilled.
• "How can I..." has moved in. "How can I" is a much friendlier resident. "How can I" brings a smile to our faces and a joy to our hearts.

Wisdom, understanding and knowledge are filling our home with beautiful treasures! 

May your home be filled with the same!

God bless!

Time: a generous gift

When my world was falling apart, a dear man invested his time and heart in our family. He offered my husband encouragement and a listening ear. He challenged me to stop wallowing in my pit and turn my eyes to Jesus. His love for our family was the lifeline to Jesus that we needed... and I've never been the same since. (He tends to downplay the impact he made -- he's humble like that -- but I wouldn't be where I am without the time he invested in us.)

Time!

When we invest in others, we offer them the gift of time. We make a choice to give up something we can never get back so that someone else's life might improve. And yet, there is no greater feeling than giving to another. Our hearts fill with joy. How is that possible?

Galatians 5 13-23 says, "You... were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ... So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious:... selfish ambition... and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Did you gloss over God's word just now? If you did, please go back and read it again.

Selfishness looks at time as mine. I don't have time to listen to her problems. I don't have time to cook them a meal. I don't have time to do... whatever.

Love looks at time as a gift. Yes, I'll meet you for coffee and prayer. Sure, I'll cook a meal -- when do they need it? Yes, I'll pick up those school supplies for needy kids.

A friend of mine told me about a little boy who wiggled his way into his heart. This little boy lived with his dad -- mom ran away. Then dad was murdered. Little boy lives with grandma, who works two jobs to provide for him. This man saw an opportunity to make a difference. He meets with the boy once a week, spending six hours with him, sometimes more. Just a friend, investing in a young man -- and his grandma. He shared that some days the little boy wears him out -- he's tempted to take him home early. Then he remembers that grandma gets one six hour break each week. He grins. He listens. He invests... for six hours. Sometimes more. Each week.

That man has a daughter. She recently shared with him that she realizes the value of a loving father. She sees the difference he makes in a little boy's life. And it fills her heart too.

Here's the amazing truth about time. When we give it, in love, our hearts grow full. The love spills over and impacts the world beyond. When we hoard it, selfishly, our hearts grow cold. Nothing spills over. No one is changed.

Time is our most precious gift. It's the cost we "pay" for loving. But, the dividend is immeasurable.

How will you use your time today?