Special blog posts about special kids

This week, I am honored to be sharing two posts over at Encouragement Cafe with Luann and Friends. Please stop by. I hope it's a blessing to you!

Jesus Loves the Little Children

and

Shattered Dreams and New Hope.

God bless!

Grudges

A few weeks ago, I shared my struggle to forgive. I could justify my anger -- mama bears are supposed to protect their young. Right? But, that’s not what God’s word says. God calls us to forgive, 7 times 70! I try to let go. In fact, I’ve actively forgiven several times, but the hurt comes back. So, I pray. I ask God to help me. Again.

God’s doing His part. When Nathan and I visited Belmont, we attended a local church. The sermon topic: Forgiving. This past Sunday at our church, the sermon topic was on favoritism from James 2:1-13: Loving one more than another. At first, I heard the part about not choosing favorites. It was so easy to apply this lesson to “them.” I thought about their favoritism, hurting my child by ignoring him. It was so easy to point the finger. 

Then we got to James 2:8-9, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” The royal law is explained more fully in Leviticus 19:18, “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”

Oh friends, I want to hold on to this grudge so badly. I want to build a wall so tall and sturdy that the people who hurt my son can never, never, never, never get over it. Just shut them out. Completely. 

But how can I do that when God clearly instructs against it? How can I ignore the greatest commandment? That’s exactly what unforgiveness is: Choosing to love myself more than God or others. I don’t hold a grudge against myself. When I forget that my son needs time to think, I don’t hold a grudge against me. When I forget that cleaning his room requires herculean focus that he lacks, I don’t hold a grudge against myself for losing my patience with him. I do ask his forgiveness. He forgives. Easily.

If my son, the one who is truly hurt when he is judged, can forgive, why can’t I? Being a mama bear is no excuse. The Bible doesn’t make exceptions for mama bears. God calls us all to forgive, no matter how deep the hurt. My son understands. Maybe it’s time I do too.

Little bit different, Whole lot of loved

Almost fourteen years ago, our second son was born. He stole my heart. I love him still. More, I admire him for his strength, his perseverance, and his sensitivity.

His life has not been easy. My heart has broken for him so many times, watching him fight to be understood. All too often losing the battle. Yet, he never quits. He goes on. He forgives. Often. More easily than I ever could.

When he was a toddler, he threw a lot of tantrums. Exhausting. I couldn't reason with him like I did with his older brother. They kept on, for years. Sometimes, when he's really tired or overwhelmed, he might still have one. Not too often, just enough to remind me that his life isn't easy.

He talked late. He learned his colors late. He learned to read really, really, really, really late. He's still playing catch-up, but that's okay. Sometimes, he gets frustrated with himself because the words don't make sense. He knows they "should." Those days hurt. I wish I could flip a switch or wave a wand to fix it. But, he never quits.

His spelling is atrocious. In fact, "atrocious' won't make his school paper -- there's just no way to figure that one out! English spelling does not make sense -- in case you haven't noticed. Really! Or as he'd write it: Rilly! Now, his little sister -- in kindergarten and seven years younger -- can spell almost as well as he does. But he does not complain. When she demonstrates her spelling skills at dinner, spelling L-O-V-E forward AND backward, he smiles along with us. He's admires her genuinely. He's quite proud of her. Amazingly, he is not jealous.

As hard as the academic challenges are, it's the social battles that break my heart most. People forget that he has an autism spectrum disorder. They judge him based on their expectations of behavior for kids his age. They set a bar so far over his head that he can't win. That stinks!

They don't know that he had to be taught how to read facial expressions. They don't know that he doesn't understand subtle body language. They forget that his brain switches gears slowly. He needs time to adjust. Backyard games, with ever evolving rules, are hard work for him. Exhausting. Frustrating.

I'm not making excuses for him. He needs to learn how to navigate the world. He needs to learn to face disappointment. He needs to learn to control himself. Oh how I wish, though, that people would remember and help him out. He's hyper? That means he's overwhelmed by the social dynamic. He's angry? That means he doesn't understand the rules -- he just can't follow them. He's loud? That means he's nervous and trying to compensate for his insecurity. Throw him a lifeline. Please, don't shut him out. Please.

That's my mama's plea. But I know other parents don't remember. I know the kids don't remember. It's just the way of the world.

Jesus said,  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) My sweet son, and countless others like him, have enough trouble. I pray for peace. For him. And for me.

If you want to learn more about autism spectrum disorders, read this article: Autism Spectrum Disorders.