I believe in miracles!

Did you read my post on freedom last week? I shared how I sometimes ignore the Holy Spirit's prompting -- on purpose! Really. I've been thinking about that ever since.

Why would I ever ignore God's prompting through the Holy Spirit? Why? Why? Why?

Scripture says:

• "I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)
• "The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." (Psalm 145:9)
• "But as it is written, no eye has seen nor ear has heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those that love him." (1 Corinthians 2:9)
• "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever." (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Now, now.... Go back and read the scriptures. Don't skim over them. See, I might say something amazing, but I'm nowhere near as amazing as God. 

So here I am, little old Karen who knows that God's plan is beyond anything I could ever do on my own. He wants me to live an abundant life, which he prepared just for me. He can do more than I can ask or imagine! And I DREAM BIG!!! And what do I do? I take matters into my own hands. I ignore the Holy Spirit. I. AM. CRAZY!

Can you relate?

I'm so guilty of being the holy spirit to my kids. That's not my job, though. God wants me to guide them, instruct them and correct them. He wants me to encourage and nurture and pray for them. He wants to be the one to convict their hearts. Those rare times when I do my job and stay out of His, He does pretty amazing. Okay, more than pretty amazing -- He is jaw-dropping FANTASTIC at being God!

Maybe your marriage isn't all that you want it to be. Are you trying to fix it? Or will you let God work on you and leave your spouse to His care? Instead of pointing out your spouse's every short-coming, ask God to show you where you need to improve. Do it, God's way.

Do you hate your boss? Your coworkers? Maybe hate is a strong word.... Maybe you just find them clueless? Ignorant? Selfish? You know what, God didn't put you there to judge them. (Yes, I'm stomping on toes -- mine included!) He put you there to shine HIS light -- not your judgment -- into their lives. How? By following him. You don't have to do it! You just need to honor God and do things His way, walking by faith not by sight.

And when we do that, the most amazing thing happens. God moves. He intercedes. Problems we dread "suddenly" evaporate. Situations we fear resolve. Relationships we struggle with improve. God moves in every situation -- "[He] works for the good of those who love him." (Romans 8:28)

We get it backward. Bless me, then I'll follow you. He wants us to follow him, and then the blessings will flow.

What challenge do you face today? Will you commit your situation to God's care? AND ask Him to work on your heart while you're at it? Do you believe in miracles? I do! 

The Mailman

Have you ever had one of those oh-no-I-forgot-to-get-this-in-the-mail mad dashes to the mailbox hoping against hope that you beat the mailman to your box?

That happened to me Saturday. As I ran out the front door, I saw the mail truck just three houses away. Happy dance! I beat the mailman (ours is actually a mail lady). YAY!!!

I waited for her at the end of the driveway. When she got to me, I said, "I thought I had missed you." She chuckled and said, "Christmas season mail always slows me down." Then she handed me three catalogs and the rest of our mail.

Walking toward the house, I flipped through the non-catalog mail. Nathan got a big envelope from Belmont University (big envelopes from colleges are good). I ran.

Sadistically torturing me, Nathan painstakingly opened the envelope. He read the cover letter. Carefully. Slowly. I am certain he's never read a textbook that thoroughly, not even a page of a textbook! Next, he flipped open the folder that came with the letter and vigilantly explored that material. True torture.

Watching and waiting, not so patiently, I realized something profound: every aspect of our lives is shared with the mailman. Or mail lady.

It probably starts with the wedding, mailing our invitations to friends, family, and the people we don't know but mom insists on adding to the list. The mailbox fills with responses: yes, no, maybe. There's no mistaking those small response envelopes, though.

A few years later, birth announcements come and go. The box fills with diaper coupons and children's life insurance offers. Toy catalogs arrive. Christmas card deliveries, with pictures of our growing children tucked proudly inside, swell during the early child rearing years.

And now... college mail. Inquiries from schools across the country started appearing early in Nathan's sophomore year and the volume has grown exponentially with each passing semester. Now, updates from the schools he actually applied to arrive and of course, the big envelopes. 

Next will be high school graduation announcements and then, soon after, care packages, lovingly packed, will be sent from our box to his.

Through it all, the mailman is there... a quiet, essential part of our lives.

"But you..."

Last weekend, our Pastor's wife shared the sermon, speaking on pride from 1 Corinthians 13. As is our custom, we shared what we heard (and hopefully learned) over lunch. Hands down, this sermon generated more incredible discussion than any other... ever! (Feel free to listen here (10/9) or watch here (10/9). But come back to discover what we learned!)

Her sermon included a "Pride Test." Let's just say, it left no toes unstomped! We're thankful to have our eyes opened to our prideful tendencies, though. Proverbs 24:3-4 says, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." I can think of no greater treasure than the family God has given me.

Our family was challenged by each of these points. We're speaking and serving one another in love and humility. We've been transformed!

Would you like more love and peace in your family? Maybe you will find yourself in this list. If you do, take steps to change... all it takes is one open discussion at the dinner table and a bit of humility!

The Pride Test:
Do you?
1. Complain against or pass judgment on God (blaming him for everything bad in your life) OR acknowledge that God is God (and trust him, good or bad)?

2. Demonstrate a general lack of gratitude (I deserve all the good things I get) OR thank God and people often?

3. Exhibit anger (outbursts, withdrawal, pouting, or moody) OR seek to live in peace with all people?

4. See yourself as better than others, easily irritated and impatient OR recognize that you are no better than anyone else (BUT FOR the grace of God you could be....)?

5. Think you're more important, more gifted and/or more talented than others (a legend in your own mind) OR genuinely glad for others' successes and blessings?

6. Suffer from perfectionism (concerned with appearances and how others perceive you) OR teachable, recognizing that perfection is not possible?

7. Talk too much (the center of every conversation -- it's all about "ME") OR encouraging, seeking ways to build others up?

8. Fight for independence and control (struggling when you must submit to authority) OR gladly submissive and obedient to those in authority?

9. Shift the blame or act defensively (not willing to ask forgiveness, justifying your behavior -- I'm sorry for ____, BUT YOU....) OR quickly admit when you're wrong and seek forgiveness without justification?

10. Offer your opinions and preferences, even when you aren't asked OR speak the truth in love?

Yep, lots of toe stomping!!!

Our family though has not heard:

• "But you..." once this whole week!!! "But you" was a permanent resident of this home until Sunday.... "But you" has been joyfully evicted! We're thrilled.
• "How can I..." has moved in. "How can I" is a much friendlier resident. "How can I" brings a smile to our faces and a joy to our hearts.

Wisdom, understanding and knowledge are filling our home with beautiful treasures! 

May your home be filled with the same!

God bless!

The Conundrum I Married

God has this great plan for marriage! He partners couples together to balance each other out. Think about it! If you're out-going, I bet your spouse is quieter. You like to have a balanced checkbook, but your spouse doesn't care one way or the other. You're the playful parent, and your spouse is the disciplinarian. Or vice versa.

I married a doctor.... I hadn't set out on marrying a doctor. Not at all. Since seventh grade, I had my heart set on marrying the kind, red-headed trumpet player who sat in front of me in band... He happens to be the afore-mentioned doctor. ;-)

I told you he's cute!

Here's the thing... doctors take care of sick people. It's their job. Right???

And my doctor-hubby happens to be pretty good at it.

Except.

When.

The.

Kids.

Puke!

Really!!!! Whoever heard of a doctor who couldn't handle a little bit of vomit? Blood. No problem. Infections. Piece of cake. Other horribly disgusting things that he's banned from discussing at the dinner table. Easy-peasy. But puke. Everyday common throwup??? No. He can't do that.

Alas... Our daughter is sick. With -- you guessed it -- an upset tummy. She also hates to throw up. Bad combination!!! She fights it -- runs to the bathroom -- too late. And I'm scrubbing walls, toilet, and the floor. Multiple times.

Why?

Because the doctor can't handle it.

Yep. He's a conundrum.

Good thing he's also a cute red-headed trumpet player!!!

Encouragement for Today: Focus on Love

Hello my friends,
Today, I am guest posting at Encouragement Cafe, sharing my Labor Day story. I hope you'll stop by there to read my story -- and the others that posted this week.

If you missed yesterday's link, I was also featured on the Encouragement Cafe radio program this week. Check it out and meet my sweet friends, Luann and Ramona.

Have a blessed and wonderful weekend with your families.

Love,

A Brand New Year -- In August!

It's a brand new year... day one of year number 22 with my wonderful husband!

We celebrated the milestone with a romantic dinner out last night. Yummy food, relaxed pace of service, and a decadent dessert closed one chapter and opened the next. Our menus even celebrated, personalized with "Happy 21st Anniversary" written at the top. So sweet.... You know it's the little things, right? :D

The coming year is one of our biggest yet!

• We prepare to send kid #1 to college! For the first time ever, our nest will get smaller. Hard to believe!
• My speaking ministry is taking off... a little bit. I'm so excited that it's finally God's time to step forward. My family is 100% behind it, which means the world to me! I couldn't do this if they thought it pulled me away from my first, most important ministry, them!
• Rob and I launch a new small group at our church on -- what else? -- parenting, of course!!! God's brought us through so much, it's about time we give back. We are not perfect. We never will be. We know God is the center and we parent in His confidence. I'm sooooo excited to walk with others -- sometimes encouraging them, sometimes being encouraged. Can't wait!!!

I look back, grateful for all God has done.

I look ahead and marvel at all He still has to do. In me, through me, and around me.

Forever prayerful,

A Wedding Prayer

At our wedding, 21 years ago today,

my sweet friend, Kate, offered this wedding prayer.

Rob sang "Let Me Call You Sweetheart."

Father,

I am so thankful that Rob and Karen

each have a personal relationship with you.

Lord, thank you that you've grown

the friendship that they've had for many years

into a deeper, more intimate relationship.

Bless Rob and Karen as they begin their marriage

and give their vows to each other

in the strength of your steadfast love.

Thank you that as they are committed to you and follow you,

you will sanctify them by your Holy Spirit,

teaching them to love each other sacrificially

the way that you love us.

I pray that from this foundation

they would reach out to serve others.

Through the the power and grace of Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen

Twenty-one years and every request made before God that day

is being lived out in our lives today.

Rob, thank you for leading our family God's way --

loving Jesus, us and others.

Thank you for loving, encouraging and nurturing my dreams.

Thank you for teaching our sons how a Godly man lives.

Thank you for filling our daughter with dreams 

of her "Prince Charming" -- Jesus!

Thank you for living beyond yourself --

sharing your heart in service at church

and offering Jesus' love to broken hearts you meet at work.

Our family, three kids later, this summer at the beach.

I look forward to serving another 21 years with you:

May our kids be blessed by our love -- and Jesus' love -- for them.

May others discover the hope and love of Jesus

as we share God's love with other families.

May others find Jesus because we're willing to ask,

"Have you heard? Jesus loves you!"

I can't wait to see what comes next!

I love you,

Always and Forever!

Closing the Gap - Take Three

Dear friends,

NOTE: If you've already read this post once, please reread it. A dear friend pointed out an important aspect that was missing. I never want to mislead anyone AND I don't always get it right. I'm thankful for friends who will speak to me in love. I'm more grateful for a loving, forgiving Father! God bless!

At my women's Bible study group last night, one of our members asked the tough question: How do I forgive myself when I keep making the same mistakes?

We make mistakes. We lay our sin at the foot of the cross for Jesus. Then, we pick it back up and throw it on our back, carrying it through life. Again and again. It's so hard for us to give it to God and leave it there.

We make mistakes. We ask God to mold us into who we are really meant to be: patient, loving, kind, slow-to-anger, quick-to-forgive, generous... on and on. We ask for wisdom. Help me be an encouraging mom, not a dictator. Help me be a loving wife, not a judgmental nag. Help me be a supportive friend, not a snooty, gossipy, petty woman. (Maybe we're not so honest in our prayers, but we are getting there.)

One of the women responded to the question.... She shared (and gave me permission to share with you) that in her 20+ years of marriage, she spent most of that time focused on her husband, specifically his flaws. She was good at pointing them out, often in a condemning, anything-but-loving way. Eight years ago, she found Jesus. She accepted His love for her, but her attitude toward her marriage didn't seem to change. She still got angry. She still pointed out his mistakes. She focused on what he needed to do better. She used to believe that she'd always be that way, unable to change.

In the past couple years, though, she has discovered an important part of being a Christian. She realizes that while she still "nags" her husband, her marriage actually has changed. She explained that she still finds herself judging him and complaining about him. They still have fights and she hears horrible words tumble from her mouth. But, she realizes that while she isn't the wife God calls her to be, she is closing the gap. She accepts that God forgives her when she blows it. She focuses on her spiritual growth. And she tries again, knowing God is right there by her side, encouraging, rebuking and loving her every step of the way. She explained to the group that while she isn't there, she can look back on the past eight years and see how far she has come. She notices that there are times, lots of times, when she does hold her tongue. She realizes that her first thought isn't always to condemn, but to love. For that, she is thankful.

This dear lady understands that perfection is not ours this side of heaven. Rather, we are to press on, continually striving to become more like Jesus. She is learning to live like Paul in Philippians 3:12, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Dear friends, do you find yourself focusing on everything you do wrong? We all make mistakes. We all have sin in our lives. Why not focus instead on where Jesus is taking you? Celebrate the victories. Rejoice in the progress. Accept His forgiveness. Thank Him for helping you close the gap!

If you struggle to forgive yourself or to understand God's forgiveness, please read this post from Inverted Planet.

With much love,
Karen

Fertilize it!

The weatherman told us that Monday would be warm. It was, a nice warm 83 degrees. He also told us that the rain was coming. It did, about 5:30... and it stuck around for a while too.

Trusting that Greg "O" Fishel knew his weather, I decided to get the early spring fertilizer out on the lawn Monday morning before the rain came. I filled the spreader with the "stuff" and walked the yard, back and forth, in nice neat rows. My goal? To grow the grass of course! And to kill the weeds! Those stinking weeds creep in from everywhere trying to take over the yard. I hate it! Yes, hate is a strong word for weeds, but they really don't look nice.

Anyway, as I was walking back and forth, I began to think, "Why am I doing this?" More accurately, I started thinking, "Why isn't Rob out here doing this?" "Why didn't he get out here yesterday?" You know, bad wife thoughts... condemning my man while I did "his" work.

We've been married a fairly long time, almost 21 years, so I know that when those thoughts creep into my mind like weeds into the yard, I better do something about them. So, I changed my thoughts. Yes. That simple. I chose to change what I thought about my husband.

Instead, I prayed. I told God (nobody else was around, so He -- the ever-present listener would have to do) all the things I love about Rob: that he cleans house, cooks, works hard for our family, cares -- really, truly cares -- about his patients, plays with the kids, reads to Ellie, doesn't complain when I want to go away, encourages me to get out with my friends, and does laundry. Simple. I counted my blessings.

Then I remembered why I was doing the fertilizing in the first place. Saturday, Rob held down the fort (really he was a fully involved dad) so I could attend a women's conference. Sunday, he invested in the kids and me, choosing a day of rest (so Biblical) and play instead of work, work, work. Oh yeah... then God reminded me that we couldn't fertilize on Sunday without seriously inconveniencing ourselves about the dog. She can't exactly go run around in dry fertilizer.

I've been mulling the whole conversation with God over in my head ever since. It seems that maintaining a healthy marriage is a lot like maintaining a beautiful lawn. You've got to:

1. Fertilize it. The lawn gets chemicals (and manure and mulch and limestone). A marriage needs fun, respect and effort.
2. Kill the weeds. Without attention, the weeds creep in and overtake the lawn. Without attention, the bad thoughts about our spouse and frustrations over "bad" habits creep in and overtake the marriage.
3. Invest the time. A lawn doesn't fertilize itself. Rather, it needs dedicated time, focused on the work of fertilizing to help the grass grow. A marriage won't fertilize itself either. It takes dedicated playtime, work time, prayer time and relationship time to grow a healthy marriage. I know to take my negative thoughts captive because I have invested my head and my heart fully in my commitment to Rob. It's a worthwhile investment.

Rob, I am sorry I dared to think bad thoughts. I love you and appreciate everything you do, everything you give and everything you are to our family. We are truly blessed that God put you at the head of this household. I love you! Always and forever.

What a View

Rob and I recently returned from our first annual marriage retreat. We were so blessed by the experience that we know we'll do it again next year, thus the "first annual." The weekend getaway was a recommendation from our pastor and his wife, who do this every year, using Jimmy and Karen Evans marriage workbook, The Mountaintop of Marriage. It's also available at The Source, a Christian bookstore located at C3 Church.

I was skeptical of the homework since Rob and I regularly discuss kids, discipline, finances, work, dinner, chores and vacations. We're in sync most of the time. But, I went along anyway, figuring if the workbook proved lame, at least I'd get a night away with my man at a nice hotel!

How does it work?

First, decide where you'll go and what you'll do. Fun is important too!

We didn't travel far, just an hour from home. Friends kept our kids from Friday morning to Saturday evening, which gave us most of two days alone without burdening the friends too much (at least that's what they say). Once all the kids went to school, we grabbed our overnight bag and headed out.

We treated ourselves to a fancy dinner. You might say we're foodies! When you plan your own getaway, try to incorporate the things you enjoy: skiing, watersports, the beach, shopping, hiking, bowling... Whatever it is, make time to enjoy those things you most enjoy doing together.

Second, jump into that workbook.

The workbook contains four sections to guide thoughts and discussion. We completed session one over lunch at a favorite restaurant. While there were no major revelations, the questions and discussion helped us nail down some things we find most valuable about our family. We gave specific words to our hopes and desires. I could feel the skepticism fading away and an excitement building for the next discussion... but first, we had some shopping to do!

Third, enjoy the quiet moments.
Saturday morning we slept in. Ahhhh. Bliss. Over breakfast in our room, we finished our discussion and made our action plan for the year. Yes, friends, we discussed what we'd love to see happen month by month over the next year. Some goals were very specific. Others were more like a "let's try to... this month." It's impossible to plan an entire year, but it sure is great having goals sketched out.

Fourth, finish strong! Decide your goals and make your plan.
One of our major goals at home is to get organized. In that first week home, we emptied our laundry room, painted it, and installed a shelving system to completely reorganize it. It happens to have been one of our greatest stressors. Even the kids are thrilled with our fresh new space. We got that done in a week, though we gave ourselves a month. Not a bad start.

Another major goal is to be more intentional with family devotional time. We've always prayed with our kids, taught scripture, and reinforced what they learn at church, but we've never had a family plan. Our whole year is now planned and we've begun implementing the changes. It's so significant, it deserves its own post (later this week).

Our third major goal involves my dreams of writing and speaking. We know it's God's plan for me, but it sure is slow to get moving. Husbands, I can't tell you what it means to hear, "I want your dreams to come true, and I'll do whatever I can to help you achieve them." He's putting his words to action, too. He checks in with me almost daily to make sure I've had time to read, pray and write. He is working on our budget and his work schedule so I can take a few days away just to write. And more :)

Since our return, we've encouraged our friends to do it too. We gave the workbook to several couples and offered childcare. Some questions we've been asked:

• How did you get rid of the kids (family lives out of town)? We sent each kid to a friend's house. More logistics, but everyone went someplace they enjoy.
• Did you fight? Absolutely not. There were a couple questions that led to more serious conversation, but if a couple goes into it prayerfully wanting to make the coming year the best it can be, God blesses the time.
• What was your budget? We budgeted $300 and stuck to it. We love to eat good food, so we stayed at a reasonably priced hotel and picked three restaurants that fit the overall budget. No matter what you enjoy doing, you can make it happen on any budget. Staying only one night made it easier. We requested a late checkout which also helped.
• Was the discussion awkward? Not for us. We are fairly open anyway, so there weren't many surprises. The conversation might be a little more challenging for couples who don't regularly discuss finances, work, discipline, etc., but your goals will be different too. Every couple has its unique challenges and issues.
• Will you really do it again? Absolutely! Now that we've planned 2011 together, I can't imagine not doing the same for 2012 and beyond.

If you have questions that I haven't answered, please let me know. When you plan your weekend getaway, let us all know how it goes. Invest in your marriage. It's good for the whole family!

Perfect. NOT!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, 

but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Phil. 3:12

Long ago, I was a criminal prosecutor. People hear that and often ask if it was exciting. I wish I could say it was, but a job is a job is a job. Criminal prosecution is not like Matlock. The truth is prosecutors pursue a number of cases at the same time. Court rules wouldn't allow Matlock's grand displays (that would have made it easier though). Rarely -- virtually never -- did the last second smoking gun materialize. Nope, Matlock is not real life.

Perfection is not real life either. Jesus said we will face troubles in this world. He didn't say the undeserving will face trouble. He didn't say there are a special few who get to go through life unscathed. Every one of us faces trouble. None of us is perfect.

Why do I bring this up?

Too often, I have encountered people who say, "If I had.... my life would be perfect." 


More than once someone has said she wishes for a husband like mine -- one who cooks, helps with homework, knows how to sort and wash laundry. But here's the thing... You'll never hear from me what my husband does to drive me crazy! He's not perfect (I love you, Treds, and hope you don't mind me sharing this...). You'll never hear his mistakes or his "character flaws" from me. I married ALL of him -- the wonderful parts and the not-quite-perfect parts. I CHOOSE to focus on the good parts.

My kids are not perfect either. Inherently, they are kids with selfish desires, anger issues, lazy traits. Don't get me wrong. I am blessed with GREAT kids! I am incredibly proud of what God is doing in their young lives. My heart bursts with pride when I see Nathan minister through music or when someone tells me about Ben's quiet, encouraging ways or Ellie's nurturing soul. This is God's design for my kids. He has a plan for them. I CHOOSE to pray for that plan, every single day. From sun-up to sun-down, my role as their mom is to encourage, instruct, teach, rebuke, or whatever it takes to help them get there. Ephesians 6:4 says, "[Parents], do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." 

Kids become who they are meant to be when God is the center of their lives. See, God's perfect plan for my imperfect family is to train and instruct the kids in God's ways. Beyond that, all I can do is trust that God will be the center. I pray that they will become rooted in His love, His way, His plan for them. Time will tell if that's what they choose. 

Along the way, though, I make mistakes. Don't believe me? Then read through some of the posts on this blog... I'm constantly learning! Most often, from my mistakes. The apostle Paul understood this. He understood that outside of Jesus, there is no perfection. We aren't perfect people. Only Jesus is perfect. Paul understood that dying to his selfish thoughts every moment of every day meant putting Jesus there instead. I can almost hear him saying, "I am really ticked off that I'm here in this prison when I've done nothing to deserve it. Jesus, take that feeling from me. Fill me with your way of doing this. Let me find peace, contentment, and opportunity to share your love even in this horrible moment." 

Focusing on my husband's flaws -- or highlighting those among friends -- is that unconditional love? Is that the way Jesus loves him? Screaming at my kids -- throwing in the towel and giving up -- is that what Jesus did? No. Jesus loves at all times. Jesus forgives at all times. Jesus lived to teach, encourage, and instruct us in the love of God. He never quit -- not even on the cross when he died for my sins.

Perfection. No. Daily walking in the love of Jesus. Constantly asking for forgiveness when I blow it. Choosing to focus on those things which are good and pure when part of me wants to scream about the unfairness of life. Yes.  ...I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

My BFF

Twenty years ago today, I married my best friend. We're still best friends today, for which I am quite thankful.

There have been some tough times. He stood by my side through three separate battles with depression. Through twenty weeks of bedrest. Through all the years Ellie and Ben were in therapy and things were so tough for me. Never judging. Never quitting. Simply loving.

I stood by his side as he hurt for his father who battled cancer. I still remember how my heart ached for him when telling him his dad passed away. I wouldn't have wanted him to have to hear it from anyone else though. When his job situation changed in Ohio, I was there. The same thing when it got hard at his last job. His hurt is my hurt.

Of course, our life is filled with amazing memories too. We have three incredible children. We traveled to many wonderful places. We built our home. We serve together at church, reaching out to the next generation.

Two big kids riding Buzz Lightyear :)

This past weekend we snuck away to Disney World, just the two of us. No kids. People wished us happy anniversary. They'd ask how long we've been married. No one believed us when we said twenty years.

They asked our secret. That saddens me. I wish everyone would simply choose to love. But maybe that's the secret. Marriage isn't always easy. Love isn't pixie dust and magic wands. Love is choosing to honor the commitment we made on our wedding day. In sickness and health, in good times and bad.

Thank you, Rob, for standing by me even in the tough times.
I love you more than I ever thought I could. I always will.
Forever and ever.

Investing in the future

Hello friends,

I know my blog has been quiet the last couple weeks. I had planned to prewrite some posts so they could "magically appear" but obviously that didn't happen. Preparing for a two-week "epic adventure" (as our family now calls it) takes a lot of work!

Even though the blog was quiet, God wasn't and I'm still processing much of it.

I prayed that this vacation would strengthen our family bond. God answered that prayer. We traveled for 16 days, sharing a single hotel room and logging more than 1,400 miles in a minivan (and 2500 miles on a cruise ship). That meant lots of togetherness! Believe it or not, none of us wanted it to end!!!

Even more incredible, we locked up the phone, computer and ipods on the cruise -- seven solid days without electronic communication. And Yosemite doesn't get cell reception (at least not through AT&T), so we had four more days of quiet solitude. You'd think my teens would go crazy without access to the outside world, but they both agreed it was nice to get away. Parents, when you vacation with your family, take the electronics away -- yours too -- for at least some of the time. Enjoy that rare face time with your kids! It's priceless!!!

Of course, time with the kids is important, but quality time with my husband is a gift that will benefit our family for a lifetime. Investing in our marriage prepares us for the future. I love my husband!!!

Without the demands of work and home, we could really focus on what the kids had to say. Rob listened intently as Ellie shared her day's adventures during dinner. She enjoyed her day with the kids, but she enjoyed our focused attention even more! "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from Him." (Psalm 127:3). Take time to enjoy this special blessing.

Nathan and I climbed the rock wall together. There's nothing like meeting your kid where he's at and joining him in his life! Our kids spend so much of their lives following the demands of our hectic adult lives: "I'll join you when I finish the bills," or "Not today, sweetie. I have to work tonight," or (yes, I'm guilty of this), "Can't you see I'm busy?" On vacation we simply enjoyed each other.

We slowed down to watch our son, Ben, do what he loves most to do: explore! He climbed rocks, trees, rock walls, waterfalls, and Hyde Street (in San Francisco) and loved every minute of it. He didn't hear, "Not today, buddy. We have to " He climbed. We celebrated God's creation -- this beautiful world He gave us -- and our adventurous son.

We played. Together. Whenever and wherever we could. God tells us to "forsake not the assembling of yourselves together, as is the habit of some..." (Heb. 10:25). Our family intentionally chose to be together, without phones, internet or computers. We are closer than ever, just as God intended.

For now, laundry, bills and cooking beckon. Real life includes responsibilities... but I think it can include some amazing family time too! How about you? When was the last time you played with your family WITHOUT phone, ipod, or twitter? Why not try it? And let me know how it goes!!!!

Lots of love,

Karen

Memorial Box Monday: Our first fight

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I'm looking far back today, almost twenty years, to the first fight Rob and I ever had as husband and wife. We'd been married about three months and I never imagined we would fight about anything (yes, I was naive).

Then I came home from school one day and got the mail from the box (I love getting mail). Our bank statement had arrived. I opened it, expecting the usual: a little money into the bank and slightly less out. Just enough to stay in the black -- that's what two full-time students do. Live paycheck to paycheck, statement to statement.

Only our account was overdrawn. I freaked. Big time. In all my years, I'd never overdrawn my checking and savings. Never!

My dear husband came home -- no doubt from a long day at the hospital -- and I was waiting. He came in and I pounced. I yelled at him. I screamed. Stamped my feet. Screamed. Slammed doors.... Oooooooh...

He just took the papers, sat down on the floor with a calculator, and back-tracked. He never fought back. He never yelled. He never said a word.

I went to our bedroom -- one last door slam just to make sure he knew how upset I was -- and cried.

Several hours later, long after it was dark, he came to our room. He stayed calm. He explained a few things.

First, he said, "No matter how mad you get, I'll always love you."

Then, he explained what happened. It turns out that we both had used the ATM a few times that month without writing the withdrawals into our checkbook. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't my fault. We both did it.

We talked about our fight -- more importantly, my fears. We decided to cut up the ATM cards, right then. We apologized, both of us, for what we had done. Though, I'm not sure my apology was entirely heartfelt at the time. And we prayed for wisdom.

That argument has come up often with friends and our kids. People ask why we don't have an ATM card -- and I tell them. Our marriage is not worth fighting over money. It was -- and is -- easier to live without the "so-called" convenience than to use the cards and set ourselves up for another argument.

Ever since that first fight, we have taken a similar approach: if it causes us to fight do we really need it? 

As the Bible says in Mark 10:9 (and is often quoted in wedding ceremonies), "What God has joined together, let man not separate." (OR "let man not put asunder.") My husband made sure we both remembered that our marriage is more valuable than any thing, any convenience, or any luxury. He kept his focus on God's priorities and didn't stoop to my level.

There's no question what will go in my memorial box this week! A picture of my husband and me on our wedding day, the day we promised to love each other, in good times and bad. God has truly blessed our relationship. I am thankful.

If you don't know what Memorial Box Monday is, it all started here: "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Twenty years...

More than 20 years ago, my incredible husband asked me to be his wife. Later this summer we'll celebrate 20 amazing years of marriage. We've added three kids to the family... and one fish (and other assorted pets through the years). We've lived in three towns at eight different addresses. We've traveled further than I ever imagined we would -- China, really? But I'm terrified to fly! Make that "WAS."

As our anniversary rolls in, one very important symbol of our love won't make it there with us... My wedding ring. And my engagement ring.

It seems that all that living wore them out and there's just no repairing them. That makes me sadder than you might imagine. After all, I've still got the man. That should be good enough, right?

But I remember when Rob proposed. I remember being newly engaged, playing with my ring during torts class and watching it sparkle. Those rings, picked out so carefully and secretly by my dear husband, meant a lot to me. I never took them off.

Good-bye dear rings. Thanks for sharing 20 years with us.

Relationship, not Religion

Have you heard that phrase before? "It's not religion. It's a relationship." Like WWJD bracelets did a few years back, this phrase has become quite popular among Christians. We don't practice a religion; we have a relationship with Jesus.

When my friend, Mark, died a few weeks ago, this phrase grabbed me. It was like God said, "Think about it, Karen. Really think about this. I have something important for you to understand." And so, I have been thinking. And praying. And reading scripture about Jesus' life here on earth.

It's easy to think about the relationship and focus on our own relationship with Jesus. In fact, a personal relationship with Jesus is vital to Christian growth. But, I think it goes deeper. Jesus certainly did.

Christianity is founded in faith in Christ, a confidence in eternal life that stems from our relationship with Him. Yet, after Jesus' death and resurrection, He asked for more.

In the "Great Commission," Jesus instructed the disciples to... "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matt. 28: 19-20)

I think we can have a relationship with Jesus, a deep, personal relationship with Him. But, if we don't invest in relationships with others, we miss the point of it all. If you are a believer, like me, great. But, if we're not investing in others, are we really living the way Jesus asked? Are we living the way Jesus did? Not really.

When Mark died, I knew him pretty well. I knew the prayer of his heart. I knew his work took him out of town regularly. I knew he had a passion for the people of India (where work travel took him). I knew he had three sons. I knew he was an incredibly gifted, passionate storyteller who loved the kids at our church.

I didn't know he came from California. I didn't know he had an adult daughter with two sons of her own. I didn't know a lot.

His passing was a wake-up call to me. His life - and death - remind me to slow down and take the time to get to know the people in my world. Through Mark, God has given me a new understanding of "relationship, not religion." I want to listen more to my friends. I want to ask more questions and understand better. I want to be willing to invest more than a little in the people that God has placed in my life.

How about you? Are you caught up in your world sometimes, too? Why not join me in this prayer to make a difference through genuine relationships?

Dear Lord,
You are amazing, God. Your Word is complete and perfect. You sent Your Son to show us exactly what a friend is. You sent Him to guide us and take our place on the cross. Please forgive me for not taking my blinders off sometimes. Forgive me for being insensitive to my friends, my family members, and even the store clerks. Thank you for the model You gave us in Jesus. Thank you for the nudge You have given me through my friend, Mark. Help me not to forget this lesson, Lord. Please open my eyes and my heart to my friends. Slow me down when I need it. Remind me to care enough to stop when my friends need it. Open my ears, God, to the needs of people around me. Soften me and let me be willing to draw close to others.
In Jesus' precious name I pray,
Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Hands for Haiti

About 10 days after the earthquake in Haiti, my husband boarded a plane headed there to provide medical relief. He learned of the opportunity to go late Wednesday and left home early Sunday morning. In that time, did some mad shopping for needed supplies: waterproof work boots, cargo pants, and miscellaneous needed medical supplies and packed his bags.

The only hesitation came when he asked that Wednesday, "What about missing eight days of income? Can we handle that?" I replied, "If God wants you to go, don't you think He'll take care of us?" (I just love it when I actually get to be the wise one instead of the doubter... and I love it more that God put together a marriage of incredible faith balance!)

Now back to the story...

While he prepared, our church family stepped in and helped too, providing more than 50 pounds of medical gauze. Gauze is NOT heavy... 50 pounds is a lot of gauze!

One store gave him a 20% discount on everything he needed as soon as they learned of the trip.

The airline waived baggage fees for checked luggage and brought him and the rest of his team meals at no charge. You know how the airlines are these days -- that was totally amazing!

God's little miracles tickle me and make me smile.

This trip, though, God decided to show off a bit. He's God, so He's allowed to be grand whenever He wants! When Rob returned to work, he received a bonus check. The weird thing was he had already received his year end bonus in December. It turns out that the accountant recalculated based on something (I didn't pay too close attention to that detail) and determined that the bonuses needed adjusted. That bonus check was less than $5.00 different than what Rob makes in eight days of work!

Don't you just love it?

Totally and completely thankful for God's provision, I am placing a picture of my husband faithfully serving God by caring for the precious people of Haiti.

PLEASE CONTINUE to pray for Haiti. The rains have come, and the living conditions are deteriorating. This nation needs our love and support. Don't forget Haiti! Check out Praying 4 Haiti to see how you can help. The cool t-shirts are only $20 and all proceeds go directly to relief work in Haiti.

Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it last week, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Little Gifts

Rob left the house long before I woke up today, off to pray with the men at our church (Go, Warriors!!!) and the hospital and work. When he leaves early, I get up early to send Nathan off to high school... before the sun!


Rob set the alarm for me - and selected the sweetest song to wake me.

So let it go and turn it over to

The one who chose to give his life for you

Leave it to me

I'll lead you home.

So let it go and turn it over to 

The one who chose to give his life for you

Just leave it to me

I'll lead you home.

Leave it to me

I'll lead you home.

Jesus suffered and died on that cross for me. For everything I've ever done wrong and ever will do. All I have to do is let go and let him.

He did the same for you.

Marriage is like... PAIRS FIGURE SKATING or LUGE

So, feedback yesterday suggests that perhaps I should look at marriage not from the human point of view, but from the other side - how it's designed :)

Pairs figure skating involves an intricate interaction between two people as they glide across the ice. The sport requires incredible trust - the woman must trust the man's strength and skill as he heaves her up over his head and sails her across the rink. The man must trust that the woman will maintain her focus and balance at the end of his arm so as not to fall and send them both reeling across the ice. They move in sync with one another and with the music executing their moves as they elicit an emotional response from the audience.


One of the most difficult aspects of pairs figure skating is the matching of the pairs. To skate effectively, the pair must blend both skill and style. Their temperaments must mesh. They need some type of skating "chemistry" to succeed on the ice. The pair needs the right choreographer as well, one who understands them and can create a show that highlights the best of the team.

The Christian marriage is much like this beautiful sport. The couple comes together by God's design - not as puppets, but carefully, prayerfully seeking the mate who God wants for them. This couple is sensitive to the qualities of their chosen one, moving forward knowing that the other wants the best for them. The perfect blend of personality, passions and dreams. One of my favorite verses, cited often on this blog, is "For I know the plans I have for you... plans not to harm you, but plans to give you hope and a future." ("My" simplified version of Jer. 29:11). God's plan includes the right mate at the right time!

Proverbs 3:5-6 says also, "Commit your way unto the Lord. Trust in Him and He will make your paths straight." Just like the skating choreographer considers the couple's unique skills when creating a program, God considers the couple's unique strengths and abilities for life. He has a perfect plan for each of us and for each marriage. We must trust in His choreography as life unfolds.

Trusting in God's plan, the married couple skates through life, executing a beautiful dance, built on trust and faith - in one another and in God's purposes. That's gold medal living.

Likewise the double's luge, for those who love the excitement and rush of fast living, provides a similar picture. The luge track is designed by a course developer. The twists, turns and speed of the track challenge the double's lugers down the track. The team, to succeed, must work in perfect harmony, dependent on one another to navigate the track without crashing. These teams, like figure skaters, develop based on the matching of complementary skills - together they are greater than either of them alone.

The Christian couple marries, knowing that life is better, more complete, with their partner than it could ever be alone. This couple recognizes that to succeed in the course of life, they must stick together in close unity to withstand the troubles that might otherwise lead them to crash. They navigate the troubles - and joys - of this world together, not alone. They reach the finish line, and God pronounces, "Well done, my good and faithful servant(s)." (Luke 19:17)

I stand corrected. Marriage is not like downhill skiing. It's a far more beautiful "dance." It is a life of teamwork and dedication and love that my skiing analogy just couldn't touch. May God bless our marriages with the beauty and trust of pairs figure skating and with the unity of the doubles' luge. Thanks for chiming in my friends.

God bless!

Marriage is like.... DOWNHILL SKIING!

Writing today in honor of the Vancouver Winter Olympic Games! I love to watch these talented, young athletes pit themselves against the "elements" (even snow hauled in from 3,000 miles away). Downhill skiing may be my favorite. I have no idea how Lindsey Vonn or Julia Mancuso does it, pitting body against those slopes, charging forward without a single tentative move. Same thing with Bode Miller, pushing the limits to speed hopefully, confidently, down the slope toward victory.

As I marvel at their skill, it dawns on me that marriage is no different than downhill skiing! Well, maybe it's a little warmer. :)

In the starting gate, the skier waits for the signal. Look into their eyes. So intent. So focused.  The entire slope lays before them, full of possibility, promise, and dreams of gold. A couple joins in marriage, at the starting gate of new life together. Watch their eyes: intent, focused on each other. Their entire married life lays before them, filled with promise and dreams.

Soaring down the course, skiers face a variety of challenges that can throw them off course preventing them from finishing the race. Hitting a patch of unforgiving ice, one ski veers hard to the right while the other bounces off to the left. Neither ski going the same direction, the skier crashes head over heels bouncing down the frozen slope before finally coming to a rest, disqualified. Race over. The best skiers with experience, wisdom and strength of mind and body find a way to pull their feet back together and finish the race.

In the downhill, skiers must pass between appropriate flags to stay on course. Sliding wide of the course, skiers with strength and agility pull back in without missing a turn. Others are unable to recover and pass the flag on the wrong side, disqualified.

Course conditions change constantly. After a training run on hard packed snow, the sun might shine, changing the snow to slush by race time. Prepared skiers adjust the wax on their skis or their approach to the race. The unprepared skier hits the slush and slows down losing the race. Some might slip and crash, again disqualified.

Those skiers who prepared best, physically, mentally and emotionally make it to the bottom of the course. They cross the finish line celebrating their achievement with an arm pump in the air. The crowd cheers wildly.

Marriage, of course, offers similar challenges. The couple, once moving in unison through life, hits a rough patch: he heads one direction and she heads another. They grow apart. They veer off course, straying from healthy marital pursuits. Instead one puts another relationship, work, hobby, or self ahead of the marriage.

Family conditions constantly change adding stress: finances get tight when unexpected repairs are needed, kids enter the picture and date nights evaporate, fights ensue over the inlaws or holiday plans, and health problems creep in. Dedication to the marriage can be eclipsed, slowing the couple down. Sadly, the problems throw the couple so off course they call it quits, never making it to the finish line.

To finish strong, a couple must have the commitment and focus of an olympic gold medalist. Focused on Jesus, dedicated to finishing strong, willing to compromise and change to meet needs as they arise, a marriage can flourish. The couple finishes the race, hand in hand, victorious.

Dear God, I pray for marriages today in the words of Hebrews 12:1-2: "Surrounded then as we are by this rank of witnesses, let us strip off everything that hinders us, as well as the sin which dogs our feet, and let us run the race that we have to run with patience, our eyes fixed on Jesus - the source and goal of our faith." Help us finish strong, Lord. Amen.