All you need is love!

Hey friends,
I just read this passage in the Bible, and WOW! It's "kickin' my tail" as my sweet southern friends might say.

In Exodus 5 -- the story of the bricks and straw -- Good old Moses politely asked Pharaoh to let his people, the Israelite slaves, take a three day break to worship God. Pharaoh said no. Then, Pharaoh told his Egyptian henchmen to make the Israelites gather their own straw for brick-making, without lowering the daily brick quota. Dude had a serious attitude problem!

The Israelites couldn't maintain the workload and begged Pharaoh to cut them some slack. Pharaoh refused, calling them "lazy." Then the Israelites blamed Moses and Aaron for getting them into this predicament. The story ultimately ends with God sending plagues on Egypt until Pharaoh finally relents and lets the Israelites go, not just for three days, but forever. (See Exodus 12)

I've read the story of Exodus many times, but I never noticed before how much I am like the Israelites, blaming others for my problems. I wake up in a bad mood -- and instead of praying for deliverance (or at least peace), I treat myself as a helpless slave to my gloom and doom. Not only that, I subject my family to it -- over-reacting to little things because I'm hostage to my mood. I'm disorganized (really!!!!) and instead of asking God to help me become organized, I "freak out" when I can't find the car keys or that important paper that I left somewhere (really, it was here.... FIND IT!!!!).

Can you relate? Does your family endure your mood that "one week of the month?" Do your kids wonder which mom will show up today -- the fun one or the taskmaster?

After seeing how ineffective the Israelites were, I'd like to choose a different course of action!

In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul says, " I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit -- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call -- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

Instead of blaming, God wants us to:

1. Walk in our calling. The Israelites forgot that they were God's chosen people, focusing instead on their circumstances. Instead of blaming others, we should remember that we are God's chosen as well, thanking Him for the plan He has for our lives -- even circumstances we don't particularly like.

2. Be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love. We don't know how different the Israelites' situation would have been if they had whined and complained less and prayed more. I do know that when I praise God, in spite of my problems, they resolve more quickly.

3. Remember we're all on the same team. The Israelites forgot that Moses was on their team. We, the modern church, seem to forget we're on the same team too. Complaining within the church -- whether against our leaders or each other -- gets us nowhere. Complaining wears us down and tears us apart -- pulling our eyes off God's plan.

The same is true for families. Complaining gets us nowhere worth going!

How about if we learn quicker than the Israelites? Let's agree to complain less about circumstances, leaders and each other and live in love instead. Let's stop focusing on the situation and remember God has a plan.

As the Beatles would say, "All "we" need is love..."

Hair bows and happiness

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

When God called us to adopt a baby girl from China, I knew exactly how it would be. After two boys -- and the boring clothes and hair cuts -- my daughter would wear adorable dresses, with matching tights and giant hair bows. She'd snuggle close, baby doll in her arms, as we read books together. She'd be my "little twin," the two of us dressed to match -- or at least coordinate -- each Mother's Day weekend. A sweet little bundle of hearts and flowers.

In steps reality...

Ellie's orphanage, her first "home."

Our daughter was none of the above. After nine months in an orphanage, one of 60+ girls cared for by a staff of six, rarely cuddled and certainly not fussed over, she wanted nothing to do with dresses, hair bows or cuddling. I'd put the hair bow in and 1.3 seconds later it was gone. When she was old enough, she even asked for them. Still, they came out.

Forget the dresses, too. Anything uncomfortable -- seams, the scratchy lining some dresses have, elastic -- bothered her and she'd cry, wiggle and complain. She seemed reasonably comfortable in one-piece outfits and play clothes without tags. Good-bye frilly dreams.

Don't even get me started on the cuddling. I've blogged before about her challenges. We never got to cuddle her. She didn't fall asleep in my arms until long after her second birthday. She just couldn't handle that much closeness -- instead she'd sit on our laps, as close as possible to our knees, back rigid, facing forward -- no eye contact, thank you very much.

My dreams were shattered. My sweet, beautiful girl was not the human baby doll I expected.

Fast forward six years to this morning. Ellie is a first grader, filled with confidence and giggles. After breakfast, she ran upstairs to get ready for school and came back down carrying the basket of hair bows and a brush. She sat in front of me on the floor while I brushed her hair (she's growing it out for locks of love) and pulled it back into a pony tail. I found the biggest hair bow in the basket and finished my work. She jumped up and spun around, "How's it look, Mommy?" Beautiful, baby girl... Absolutely adorable.

My eyes filled with tears.

Then we prayed and I sent her off to begin another day of learning and fun.

Ellie doesn't remember her struggles. She doesn't know my heartbreak at not being able to snuggle her the way I wanted -- loving her meant letting go of my dreams and accepting her right where she was. She has no idea how I grieved and prayed and fought the system on her behalf. That's okay with me.

God knows. He listened. He answered. He provided the care. The wisdom. The ability to love differently.

Today, she's my cuddly girl. We read her books to her baby dolls (and the dog) together. She loves frilly dresses that flare out when she twirls. And hair bows. And nail polish. She's filled to the brim with hair bows and happiness.

Ellie, Dr. Seuss, Daisy and me

Thank you, God, for your faithfulness. Thank you for my sweet baby girl.

Why me?

Friends,
It's one of those days... the kind no one thinks anyone has but them. One kid decided to stay up late last night -- really, really late. Grumpy today. Not my fault, I want to scream. I tucked you in at a reasonable hour. You chose to get up after the house was dark and quiet. Not my fault!

Another one is so excited for school tomorrow that nothing makes sense today. I want to hit the fast forward button and get there, but then I feel guilty for wishing life away.

And the last one procrastinated. Doing things this morning that should have been done last week. Mad. Again, I want to scream, "I'm mad too! I wish you had listened!"

It's the last day of summer. Today should be wrapped in a big giant bow. A gift -- togetherness, fun, one last hurrah before the school year grind begins. Instead, we all are grumpy and frustrated. Why me?

Can you relate? Maybe your kids drive you up a wall? Maybe you set the expectations too high -- wanting perfect, but ending up with blah? Disappointed? Frustrated?

For the longest time, days like this ended as they began. Frustrated. At best, I was thankful we survived. But I don't live that way anymore. I've learned not to define the day by emotions, but instead to choose to take my feelings captive. Yes, captive. In a stranglehold (my feelings, not my kids) if needed.

Today I choose to live differently.
I sent the kids off to the pool (once the dallying one finished up).
I'm headed there soon -- after I shop for food to make a fun dinner for five to celebrate the end of summer.
Most importantly, when they left, I prayed. God, still my heart. Calm my frustration. Show me what's important. Today. Just today.

Gotta run!
A pool chair and three wonderful kids are calling my name!
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Laundry Day

photo © 2007 Renee | more info (via: Wylio)
My dear husband took our little one to the grocery store. The boys were at church. I was, blissfully, home alone... with piles of laundry. Some people love to do the laundry. Seriously, it's their favorite chore. Some people can't stand it. Those dirty clothes seem to reproduce in the basket and the job never ends.

I'm somewhere in between, I guess. I don't love laundry. I mean, really, stinky teenage socks? ICK! I don't hate it either. As the piles of clean clothes stack up, folded and fresh, I can see my accomplishment. Laundry is laundry.

Until yesterday.

I loaded the bathroom towels into the washer and had a little room left. I trotted upstairs to check bathrooms for any towels that might have been left behind. In the kids' bathroom, three washclothes lined up side by side on the towel bar. They looked cute. I know -- washclothes aren't cute.

But they were.

As I pulled them off the bar, I broke out in a huge grin. It suddenly hit me. No one will ever know that I took a couple extra minutes to get those washcloths. They won't notice when the linen closet is restocked with clean towels. They'd notice if we ran out, though. In that moment, my heart changed. I suddenly realized that laundry is a labor of humble love.

FIT Fridays: Effective Exercise!

Good morning (or afternoon or evening) my bloggy friends!

As promised, today's post focuses on exercise. I've shared tips before, but today, it's more concrete. How does exercise work to improve weight and/or health?

Long ago, before dishwashers, electric washing machines, electric dryers, riding lawnmowers and cars, we used our bodies to work. Before grocery stores, women kneaded bread, knelt by the kitchen fireplace and baked it. We chopped wood, scrubbed clothes on a washboard, and walked to the neighbors house. What?! No texting? It's true. Today, the only muscles that get regular exercise are our fingers!

To stay healthy, exercise has to replace what we used to do just to survive. Of course, if you don't want to exercise, you could give up all the electronic goodies and go back to the old-fashioned way of doing things, but I sure would miss you here in bloggy-world.

Effective exercise does two things. It revs up the heart rate and strengthens muscles. The heart is the key to much of our health. It drives the blood through the bloodstream. The blood carries oxygen to the body so it can function well. Efficient bloodflow decreases swelling in the ankles. It speeds digestion and improves our ability to absorb the nutrients we need. Without a strong heart, we don't function well.

We need strong muscles too. The core muscles in our lower abdomen and back, as well as the muscles that wrap around from back to front, give us strength and stability. Strong core muscles improve our posture. Good posture improves our lung capacity. We breathe in stronger, getting more oxygen. The increased oxygen improves the oxygenation of our blood. Better oxygenated blood improves the health of the muscles... and so on and so on. It's one big circle. One intricately created, enormous, delicate circle.

An effective exercise regimen balances cardio work for the heart and strength training for the body.

To maximize your cardio workout:

• Participate in an aerobic exercise (walking, running, elliptical machine, bike),
• Learn your target heart rate (explanation and chart here),
• Warm up at a lower heart rate for five minutes,
• Maintain your target heart rate for half an hour (more details available at the AHA site) 
• When first starting exercise you may not be able to maintain a half hour of strenuous exercise. This is the goal to work toward over the course of a month.
• When you can sustain your workout for thirty minutes at your threshold target heart rate, increase your heart rate for a more vigorous workout.
• Cool down at the end for about five minutes.

Why?

• This workout strengthens the heart muscle to pump more efficiently.
• Cardio workouts that don't push the heart rate up (they aren't uncomfortable, they don't take your breath, they aren't difficult), don't work the heart effectively. When you've completed an effective workout should feel physically weary.
• For instance, strolling through the park for three hours could be called three hours of walking, but it doesn't work the heart. Walking at a brisk pace through the park for thirty minutes, sweating, breathing hard, and feeling the heart pound, is effective exercise.

To maximize muscle strengthening exercises:

• Start with larger muscle groups first (chest, abdominals, thighs, and rear end) because they stabilize the body to improve core strength,
• Crunches and leg lifts work the abdomen,
• Squats and lunges work the thighs and rear end,
• Push ups or knee push ups work the chest.
• Start with a number of repetitions that is challenging but not painful.
• Controlled, steady movement that works the muscle is more effective than quick movement. Quick movements use momentum and work the muscles less. 

Alternating days between cardio and strengthening exercises should provide a healthy workout. Push yourself hard every day, to the limit of what you think you can do. 

As with any exercise or health regimen, be sure to consult your doctor if you have -- or think you might have -- any medical condition that might make exercise harmful!

God bless!

Karen

20/20 Vision

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Yesterday I made my annual trip to the eye doctor... and it finally happened. Ever so gently, the doctor informed me that now is the time for bifocals. Bifocals? But I am only 44 years old! I am not old. I am not old. I am not old.

Okay, temper tantrum done.

Later in the day, I read this verse. I wasn't looking for comfort as I age, but you know how God is. He always has something important to say. Right there in the middle of some "ministry work," God reminded me that my body is just a temporary home.

I can't stop aging any more than I can stop the world from spinning on its axis. And that's okay. God didn't design us to live forever. No matter what we try to stop the aging process, it's going to happen. We will "waste away."


(If I stop here, this would be the most depressing blog post ever!)


Here's the cool part -- from God! He renews our heart day by day. His life plan is for us to look at each new morning as a fresh start. He wants to fill us with hope, energy, and promise. Every single day is a new and precious gift.

So, bring on the bifocals. The depends (really -- I hope not!). Whatever. I don't live for this body. I live for the kingdom of God.


Each day -- brand new and fresh!

Life lessons: The value of work

Hello my bloggy friends!

Recently, Nathan "interviewed" me to learn what it takes to become a lawyer. He's beginning to think about the future. Four years undergrad. LSAT (law school admission test). Three years of law school. Tests. Bar exam. He was quite surprised that most law school courses provide only one opportunity for class grade -- the final exam. It's an all or nothing thing. At first, he liked the sound of that, but then he realized there's no slacking toward the end of the semester.

He asked me about starting salaries. My husband and I caught each other's eye and we burst out laughing. I had absolutely no idea what the average starting salary is! (We did look it up online, and if you're interested it's $110,580).

Then I explained. My starting salary was - gasp! - $19,000. Our office receptionist made more money than I did. I think my salary went up about $2,000 over the course of my five years as a criminal prosecutor. My son was shocked -- why do it if you don't get paid well?

I had his full attention. "Dear God, Don't let me mess this up! Help him understand what's really important." I prayed silently. I knew I had a rare opportunity to teach a valuable life lesson.

As a prosecutor, I didn't function like the others in the office. My role, every hour of every day, was to prosecute only one type of case. Domestic violence. In fact, I was the first in my state to focus 100% on domestic violence cases. At the time (and really still today), domestic violence offenders often "get away with it." They convince their victims no to follow through. Thus, court day comes and no one shows up to testify about the crime except the officer who made the arrest. The offender walks out, completely free. Of course, there are deep psychological issues involved. While it doesn't make sense to "us," the truth is the victims really believe they're better off not testifying.

A bit naively and with no program to model after, I plunged in. I worked with our local hospitals and police departments to educate these professionals about the unique aspects of domestic violence and asked for their support. Both our hospitals and law enforcement officers changed how they documented evidence. I connected victims with the resources available through our battered women's shelter. Over the years, the conviction rate improved dramatically.

I paused. Nathan asked a few more questions specific to the job. He finally asked the big one, "Why?" Why go through all that for no money? Why do all that when it's stressful and heartbreaking?

I smiled. God was holding the door open. Nathan was still listening.

My dear son, no amount of money will make a job worthwhile. Whether you earn $250,000 or nothing, if you do what you are meant to do, it just won't matter. In my job, I knew that I made a difference in a lot of lives. I knew women were in a better position than they would have been if I weren't there. Often, my heart broke for them. But sometimes. Sometimes they actually believed they deserved better and gathered the courage to break away and start a new life.

I keep a small file from my prosecutor days. In it are the thank you notes that women sent. I shared those notes with Nathan. That's what life is all about. Priceless.

Memorial Box Monday: Home sweet home

We moved from Ohio to NC in 2001. We decided to build a house and found the perfect lot, five acres on a cul de sac. It was the best of both worlds -- room to roam and neighborhood all in one. We designed our home with space for everyone and everything. As building moved forward, though, things kept going wrong. The process just didn't go smoothly.

We pushed. And pushed. And pushed. Trying to get it done.

But the more time passed, the worse things got.

Ultimately, we didn't get the house.

We started the process over. Crazy, maybe. The new lot was only 0.5 acres, not wide enough to build the house we first planned. So we downsized. We don't have the same room to roam. But...

God knew.

Had we bought the first house,

• we wouldn't have Ellie. We would not have been able to afford an adoption with that house payment.
• Rob would have had a huge commute to his current job, perhaps not taking it at all.
• we would have lived far from church, definitely limiting our ministry availability.

God knew.

He put roadblocks up to protect us from our greedy, worldly selves. He protected us from a huge financial mistake. It took too many problems for us to finally turn to prayer, but God made it impossible to ignore him!

I look around my comfortable home as I write this, my daughter playing at her "desk" as I write. I am truly thankful that God has a "plan to prosper us and not to harm us, a plan to give us hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11). I am so thankful that I do not have to plan alone. I'd really mess it up!

I'll put a picture of my house in my Memorial Box. I don't want to forget that He's in charge -- and with good reason! :) 

If you don't know what Memorial Box Monday is, it all started at Linny's blog: "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Memorial Box Monday: Contentment

Someone told me recently that what impresses her most about me is my contentment with where life has brought me. (FYI, someone asked her to share that... I wasn't soliciting this at all -- and in fact, didn't believe it to be true!)

I've been mulling it over ever since... Surprisingly, I really am content.

Today, I'd like to remember the journey that brought me to contentment. (My family, if they read this, will shout some loud "amens" at what I'm about to share. Don't be surprised if you hear them!!!)

Most of my life, I've been stubbornly independent, insistent on doing things my way! I did my chores as a kid at 2:00 in the morning. No regular daytime hours for me! After law school, I became a prosecutor. There were no openings, but I suggested that they create a new position and that I'd be the perfect person to fill it. They did! I fought hard for whatever I wanted and never quit till I got there.

I've also suffered from some pridefulness. Okay, a lot of pridefulness. I often found myself in situations where I believed I knew better than everyone else how to do X, Y, or Z. I applied for college and grants without any help from anyone -- not because I'm specially talented. I had some control issues.  It got me in trouble... My pride didn't lead to much respect for authority, especially when coupled with my independent streak.

In all of it, though, God showed me a whole lot of stuff that led me to where I am today. I am thankful for a husband who insists that God is God, not me. I can't have all the answers. My church leaders have an amazing ability to know my strengths and not buy in to my strong-arm tactics to get my way! Nothing like being told "no" 100 times to chip away that pride!!! C. S. Lewis said, "Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense." My struggles chipped away at my pride, softening me over time. It's a process. But, the result is so worth it.

I first experienced true contentment at the ripe old age of 39. I vividly remember the first night I laid my head on my pillow and not one thought swirled through my head. I remember falling asleep that night (well, actually, I remember that I just fell asleep... no tossing and turning... for the first time ever). I remember the sense of joy when I woke up the next morning, just thrilled to be alive.

I am so thankful that God saw me through my trials. I am thankful that He never gives up on us, even when we dig in our heels and demand to have things our way. I am thankful for His Word, which explains how to have healthy, God-honoring relationships here on this side of heaven. I am thankful for the friends who walk alongside me and pick me up when I fall with a word of encouragement -- or rebuke.

What to put in my Memorial Box??? I can think of nothing better than to write the Bible verse that got me through some tough moments. I treasure it as a precious gift, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Phil. 4:11-12, NIV). The secret, of course, is to live for Jesus and not for self. I'm glad I'm getting there. Finally.



If you don't know what Memorial Box Monday is, it all started here: "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).