If you love something

If you love something, set it free. 

If it comes back to you, it's yours. 

If it doesn't, it was never meant to be.

In high school or college, maybe that was true when it came to boys. You know, smother him and he will run. Give him space to be a guy and maybe... or maybe not...

With our kids, it's much the same. Except maybe I'd rewrite it:

If you love something, set it free.

Gradually, over time, with maturity.

Otherwise, you'll smother it to death!

And it will resent you and never come back.

Mine's not nearly as poetic, but it is true.

The trouble with kids is you give them space to grow and sometimes they blow it. Grrrrrrr.... We're supposed to give him (or her) wings to fly -- but he crashed and burned. Now what? That's the tough stuff, the in between stuff, the messy stuff that makes parenting the worst job ever. 

But it's exactly what the job is about. When it gets messy, we don't clip their wings to ground them, though, honestly it's what we might want to do. When they blow it, as they often will, we get the opportunity to parent again. Only now, with big kids, we step in next to them and offer a hand. 

We help them stand back up. We encourage as they brush off the messy stuff. We listen. Listen a lot!

Then, we hold our breath -- or bite our tongue if that's what it takes. We clamp our hands firmly behind our backs. And we watch.

As they clean up the messy stuff. The stuff they look too little for. But yet, as they grow, they are ready. They can clean up the mess.

If you love something, set it free. It's not easy. But it's necessary.