Taking Friendship Further

Yesterday I wrote about how I want to be a better friend, a friend like Jesus. Yet, time is short. Life is busy. How in the world can I become a better friend? I'm already so busy. I imagine you're probably a lot like me -- busy with kids, work, house, husband, church and other activities. How do we squeeze in the time to be better friends?

Friendship is not always easy. We go through hard times. We make mistakes. We hurt each other. We're not perfect. A few years ago, I hurt one of my closest friends so badly that our friendship ended. It broke my heart. Recently, we started rebuilding. I'm thankful that I get a second chance with this wonderful woman. I don't want to make that kind of mistake again, with her or with anyone (not that I won't blow it, but I don't want to!).

Jesus-like friendship is special.

Spend time listening.
When Martha got herself all worked up because Mary chose to spend time with Jesus over hospitality, He reminded her that time with him was more important than matching table settings. (Read the story here) Obviously, time with Jesus is our number one priority. Yet, Christ-honoring friendships require the same attention to togetherness.

Extend patience.
We change over time. When one person grows and the other doesn't keep pace (this is true in families and marriages too), it helps to be patient. In John 14, Jesus answered questions again and again of his disciples. He didn't throw his arms up in frustration at the last question, but answered it patiently. He didn't quit on his friends because they just didn't get it.

Enjoy one another.
Friendship by facebook is not enduring friendship. Shocking, I know. I enjoy facebook. But, real friendship is built on togetherness - face time! Jesus was all about face time with his disciples. One of my favorite verses is Luke 9:10, "When the apostles returned (Jesus had just sent them out to share the good news without him for the first time), they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida..." He took them away to rest and fellowship! They came together to reconnect... Of course, the idea didn't quite work. The people learned where they were and followed, but that's another post for some other day.

Love each other.
Just before He died, Jesus shared the last supper with his friends. He served them in love, even Judas, humbly washing their feet. He didn't demand to be treated like a king. He was their friend, loving and patient. One of the last things He ever told the disciples was, "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)

Isn't that really what friendship is all about? Loving each other with the love of Jesus. I've not always been so loving. I've not always made time for friends who need it. I've not always chosen time with a friend, just for the joy of friendship - instead mulch, laundry, and other things have taken precedence. I'm not always patient with my friends. And I'm way too good at blabbing, not so good at listening.

What about you?

Do you need room for improvement in any of these areas?

Have you overcome some friendship challenges that might help the rest of us out? If so, please share! I'm no expert on this friendship thing.

Dear God,
Thank you for your Son, Jesus. Thank you for his example of friendship. Thank you for the friends you have placed in my life, who love me in spite of my shortcomings. Thank you for the precious gift of forgiveness. Help me see my friends with your eyes. Help each of us become a better friend, a better spouse, a better parent, following Jesus' example. Help me love my friends the way you would. In the precious name of Jesus, I pray.
Amen

Relationship, not Religion

Have you heard that phrase before? "It's not religion. It's a relationship." Like WWJD bracelets did a few years back, this phrase has become quite popular among Christians. We don't practice a religion; we have a relationship with Jesus.

When my friend, Mark, died a few weeks ago, this phrase grabbed me. It was like God said, "Think about it, Karen. Really think about this. I have something important for you to understand." And so, I have been thinking. And praying. And reading scripture about Jesus' life here on earth.

It's easy to think about the relationship and focus on our own relationship with Jesus. In fact, a personal relationship with Jesus is vital to Christian growth. But, I think it goes deeper. Jesus certainly did.

Christianity is founded in faith in Christ, a confidence in eternal life that stems from our relationship with Him. Yet, after Jesus' death and resurrection, He asked for more.

In the "Great Commission," Jesus instructed the disciples to... "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matt. 28: 19-20)

I think we can have a relationship with Jesus, a deep, personal relationship with Him. But, if we don't invest in relationships with others, we miss the point of it all. If you are a believer, like me, great. But, if we're not investing in others, are we really living the way Jesus asked? Are we living the way Jesus did? Not really.

When Mark died, I knew him pretty well. I knew the prayer of his heart. I knew his work took him out of town regularly. I knew he had a passion for the people of India (where work travel took him). I knew he had three sons. I knew he was an incredibly gifted, passionate storyteller who loved the kids at our church.

I didn't know he came from California. I didn't know he had an adult daughter with two sons of her own. I didn't know a lot.

His passing was a wake-up call to me. His life - and death - remind me to slow down and take the time to get to know the people in my world. Through Mark, God has given me a new understanding of "relationship, not religion." I want to listen more to my friends. I want to ask more questions and understand better. I want to be willing to invest more than a little in the people that God has placed in my life.

How about you? Are you caught up in your world sometimes, too? Why not join me in this prayer to make a difference through genuine relationships?

Dear Lord,
You are amazing, God. Your Word is complete and perfect. You sent Your Son to show us exactly what a friend is. You sent Him to guide us and take our place on the cross. Please forgive me for not taking my blinders off sometimes. Forgive me for being insensitive to my friends, my family members, and even the store clerks. Thank you for the model You gave us in Jesus. Thank you for the nudge You have given me through my friend, Mark. Help me not to forget this lesson, Lord. Please open my eyes and my heart to my friends. Slow me down when I need it. Remind me to care enough to stop when my friends need it. Open my ears, God, to the needs of people around me. Soften me and let me be willing to draw close to others.
In Jesus' precious name I pray,
Amen

Memorial Box Monday: Answers

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. 
John 16:33

As another school year draws to a close, I find myself looking back. Again. Trees bud. Flowers bloom. Butterflies flutter. And I reflect.


Three years ago, our son was diagnosed with orthographic processing disorder. We had known something was wrong - he just didn't get spelling or reading or lots of other things not even related to school. He wanted to, but nothing stuck. He wanted friends, but usually playdates and birthday parties ended with him in tears over a misunderstanding and reprimands for his temper on the drive home. The older he got, the worse it was. He got to the point that he labeled himself stupid and even wished he was dead. It broke our hearts. 


Every spring, we asked educational testers to help us figure out what was wrong. No one seemed to have an answer. We prayed for him. Our friends prayed for him. His church leaders prayed for him -- for a breakthrough, for his emotions, and for peace in our house.


Finally, toward the end of fourth grade, God led us to the answer. As we sought care for our daughter (see this Memorial Box post), a therapist noticed some things about my son and recommended testing. Isn't that cool? Our daughter's issues led to our son's relief!


We ended up at a local university educational testing department. These caring professionals spent hours interviewing my husband and me. She had us complete evaluation forms about his educational experience, his friendships, and his experiences in our home. Our son met with her three times for interviews and testing. The process took quite a while.


And then... she put all the pieces together. Struggles we had wondered about his whole life suddenly had an explanation. She gave us strategies for his learning. She recommended testing accommodations to help him succeed. She even suggested how we could discipline him more effectively to curb his outbursts. My husband and I couldn't believe it. We had an answer!


We hurried home to our son, nervous about telling him there was something "different." Yet, we were relieved. Snuggling on the couch, we told him there was a reason reading and spelling are hard, and it's not that he is stupid. We gave him the basic details. And then...


He smiled broadly. Huge grin! "You mean there is something wrong with me?" Uhhh... I was thinking: Wrong, no. Different, yes. Before I had a chance to speak, he added, "I'm not really stupid." Then he was filled with questions about what to do and how to do it.


It gets better! We told the families of his two best friends about the results (they were our prayer warriors through the whole thing anyway). We explained why he has trouble playing with other kids sometimes and what can be done to make it better. These wonderful people listened to it all and helped make playdates more successful for our son. They watched out for him and helped him through the tough stuff.


And better yet! Their boys, my son's friends, cared. These boys wanted to know about his disorder. They wanted to know what would help it get better. They watched out for him. Shortly after his diagnosis, my son learned to spell a second grade type word. These two boys came over to play that afternoon, and the first thing my son did was tell them, "I can spell..." and proceeded to spell it. The boys dive-bombed him and they celebrated like he had just scored the winning touchdown in the Superbowl! Two minutes later they were off playing something normal and boy-like, celebration done.


He still doesn't spell well - but he doesn't worry about it. He knows he'll figure words out over time. He reads slowly - but independently. He participates fully in homeschool group activities, at church, on his sports teams. He has transformed -- blossomed into an incredible young man.


John 16:33 says we will have trouble in this world. My young son has certainly had lots of trouble through the years. Yet Christ came to overcome the world. Through prayer, God helped my son overcome his self-doubt and frustration. God surrounded us with real friends, who love us enough to want to help our son succeed. He provided my son with genuine friendships, even at a young age. 


I am thankful for all He has done in my son's life. I'm thankful he didn't make us go through it alone, but gave us -- and our son -- friends to support us on the journey. We are truly blessed. To remember this season in our life, I will place a picture of my son and his two friends taken about the time he was diagnosed. 


Memorial Box Monday started at "A Place Called Simplicity." A friend of mine introduced me to it, and I love it! love it! love it!!! Memorial Box Monday provides an opportunity to remember all the good things God has done. Huge, gigantic things and little things that might seem insignificant. God's word is clear: "Cast every care on Me, for I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).