Becoming the Mom I was meant to be...

My older son, Nathan, told me that when his U.S. History class discussed 9/11, his teacher had asked the class if anyone's family had been affected by the tragedy, Nathan shared our story. 

We were moving from Ohio to North Carolina when that tragedy struck. Already struggling emotionally with the change and feeling lonely, I splintered apart. I couldn't take my eyes of the television -- afraid that if I looked away, something worse might happen. I was a mess... make that MESS!

It took the loving care of a church to help me heal. Months after 9/11, the real me started to emerge... not the pre-9/11 me, but the me I am today.

Nathan told his class that I became a "Mom" because of 9/11. 

I had always doubted that I could ever be a good mom, so I parented in fear. When the boys were young, I did everything I could to protect them. I obsessed over their meals, their toys, even how I spoke to them. I worried. All the time. As much as I loved them, I didn't really enjoy them.

Then I discovered Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

The horror of 9/11 was intended to destroy us, but God turned it around. From the bottomless pit of despair, I reached up to God. He became my refuge and strength. Trusting in Him, finally, I became the mom I was meant to be.

How about you? Do fears hold you back? Or is God your refuge and strength?

Dear God, I am in awe of You. Thank you for being my source of strength, in times of trouble and in times of peace. Be with us today -- lead us, guide us, protect us and fill us with Your love, Your purpose and Your power. Go before me today -- let everything I do bring praise to You. In Jesus' name, Amen

Feeling Small

When I was a little girl, I would lie in bed at night and feel small. Sometimes, I even felt like I was shrinking as the dark room around me grew. I'm not sure what that was all about... but last night, while I tossed and turned, the memory came back. The room was dark, but at least I didn't feel like I was shrinking!

That childhood memory kept me awake. Why did I feel so small? Do other people ever get that sensation?

Since I couldn't sleep, I asked God why that thought. Why now. Then I laid there and listened... to the air conditioner hum.... Hello? God? Are you there?

Psalm 39:5 popped into my head (I'm not sure it comforted me): You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

My first thought was -- "Ummm, Big Guy, are you warning me?"

Then I asked him to explain himself.... he did.

"Karen," he seemed to whisper (not exactly, but I don't really know how else to explain it), "don't ever forget that your life is short -- no matter how long you live. Make the most of it. Don't shrink back -- nothing happens when you fade away. Grab life, make the most of every moment. Make it count."

Not in so many words.

Oh those days that count for nothing -- when I can't get moving.
When I won't crack open my Bible.
When I dismiss the kids with a casual wave and tell them to entertain themselves.
When my husband comes home tired and I just dump more in his lap.
When I serve out of a sense of obligation and not out of passion...

Life is short. Too short to take for granted.

It's a choice: Would I rather live it passionately or would I rather let it slip by, insignificant and small?

It's not about fame or recognition, but about making it count for God. Like Paul, I guess I'm realizing that life isn't about me -- It's about making God known. Especially now, the hopeless need hope. The unloved need love. The hurting need forgiven. We all need Jesus!

How about you? Which would you rather?

The Cancel Button

My kids: I'm not telling you who this story's about!

For some reason, when I use the microwave, I always mess up. I'll put in the wrong time -- setting the coffee to reheat for 1 second instead of a minute. Or I'll put the chicken in to defrost, but end up setting it to cook instead. Thankfully, the microwave (and lots of other useful gadgets) has a "cancel" button. These machines give me a second chance to get it right!

I wish I had one for my mouth! You know, when hubby comes home from work late and droopy... Instead of "Hey, hurry up. Dinner's on the table," I might actually say "Oh honey, what happened today? You look beat."  Or when the kids shake the house with various crashes and shouts, instead of screaming up the stairs, "Kids. Stop that this instant," I might actually ask, "Hey guys. Whatcha doin' up there?" (My kids actually play together a lot -- why do I always assume the worst?)

Maybe you're not like me... but I know someone out there can relate. Oh please... tell me I'm not alone!!!

Right now, my mouth and I are having a particularly difficult time with one of my kids. This child has always had a hard time understanding "no." I got used to responding to every request loudly, firmly and absolutely. It seemed to be the only thing that sank in. Recently, this kid decided to mature! (Really -- some of you might wonder if it ever happens. Apparently, it does.)

For the most part, this one now thinks before blurting things out, but I still respond loudly, firmly and absolutely. My child, hurt and offended, says, "Mom, you don't have to yell at me. Just say no or later or something nice."

Geesh! When did it get that easy? And why can't I keep up? Seriously, I want a cancel button for my mouth. I want to treat my child with respect and kindness... but I'm not used to the "new and improved" version yet.

Since I don't have a cancel button, I have to settle for "I'm sorry. I'm listening. I'm learning." Then I listen, focus and respond kindly... even when I have to say no. Hopefully I'll catch on soon, but until then, "I'm sorry" will have to do.