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A couple days ago, I shared my Clean Slate approach to 2012.
In general, the junk mail clean-out has been a success. But... (There's always a but.) Some companies require a 10 day processing time. I'm not a techno-whiz, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I wonder what could possibly require 10 days in automated computer email. Anyone out there know what could take so long?
As to the improved diet -- and I don't mean weight-loss, though losing the muffin top is a goal -- that's been a little harder. We got a lot of chocolate for Christmas. It seems only right that I should help my family's overall health and participate somewhat in the reduction of the choco-pile, especially since the majority of it was given to me! Perhaps I should amend that goal to include 10 days to "process" all that chocolate!
As to time with God... well, that's been a quiet, one-sided conversation. Mine. I talk. I listen... so far, I'm hearing crickets. Here's the tough thing when talking with God... sometimes He's quiet. Grrrrr! I like quick fixes, answers, solutions. God likes me to grow, stretch, mature, and trust. I'm not trusting well these days, not God, not others.
How is it that I can know the words, "...that in all things God works for the good of those who love him," (Romans 8:28), and not trust? How can I know that God has a good and pleasing plan for my life (and the lives of those I love) and still struggle to walk in that plan?
The second half of Romans 8:28 concludes with "and have been called according to his purpose." I think the answer to my questions rests in understanding that second half. Not just understanding, but trusting... that God has a purpose. He wastes nothing. He uses everything for our good, when we trust in Him.
My heart is spinning in circles... trust God. Then you'll understand. I don't understand, so how do I trust. I know He's listening, quietly -- oh so quietly. I know those crickets I hear aren't an absence of God. No, those crickets are his ever patient, ever loving self waiting on me to really step into trust.
Looks like I've got some growing to do this year... Please allow 10 days (or 10 months) for processing. I need all the time I can get!
Love,
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Building Barnacles
Barnacles, for those who never thought about them (most of us?), are crustaceans that build up on pier pilings and ship bottoms in shallow salt water. They fight with other crustaceans to survive and use two strategies to win the battle: "swamping" and fast growth. With swamping, a great number of barnacles settle in the same place at once, basically using a "safety in numbers" strategy to survive. Even if some are knocked away and die, others remain to carry on. Fast growth allows them to build a column to reach higher water closer to the surface and to become large enough to resist being knocked away. When I think of anger -- especially mommy anger -- I'm a lot like a barnacle. That's not a pretty picture, is it?
I've got a few years left with kids under my roof (actually a lot, my youngest is only seven). It's about time I stop making excuses and start parenting without anger and yelling. It's time to knock these barnacles off and start living right, God's way!
I remember the first time I got angry with my first son. He kept shoving things into the CD player. I removed his hand, distracted him with a toy (or so I thought), picked him up and moved him away, but he kept going back. Finally, I swatted his hand and firmly said, "No!" Then I cried. Crocodile tears. I never wanted to be the mom who yelled and spanked (or swatted). If that had been the end of my anger, I wouldn't need to think about barnacles.
When our second son came along, he brought tears with him. From two months to about ten months of age, he cried and cried and cried. I tried everything, but he was not one to be soothed. Some days, I'd get so frustrated that I'd just put him in his crib and let him cry. (I'm not blaming him.)
Unfortunately, that season allowed barnacles of anger to grow in me, building up as the day progressed. As he cried, the anger in me would build. (Thankfully, I never took it out on him.) By the time my husband got home from work, I'd be at the end of my rope. Little things would set me off and the screaming began -- mine! Like the swamping barnacle, my anger grew and grew until I finally exploded, perhaps just to be heard over all the tears. We got past that tough season and eventually learned that this little guy had sensory issues and a communication disorder -- there was a reason for all that crying!
As the boys got older, more rambunctious and curious, they got noisy. Two boys can generate a lot of noise. When I'd tell them to settle down, they didn't always respond. Our second son, especially, didn't understand verbal cues (that communication disorder, you know) and wouldn't obey. My anger would grow quickly, my voice harsh and loud to overwhelm him.
The yelling became a habit, my go-to parenting style. "I just come from a family of yellers," I'd say. I didn't work on changing my behavior, I justified it. Over the past ten years (my boys are 17 and 14 as I write this), I have learned that screaming at kids is not Godly parenting. I know that my kids, generally, will respond to other forms of communication, but I haven't worked too hard to improve. Thanks to maturity in general I do better, but I've never really tried to subdue this behavior intentionally. I haven't really sought God's help through prayer, accountability or Bible study.
Recently, my kids are quick to point out when I'm overly harsh. This past year, especially, they've often said, "Mom, you don't have to yell. I can hear you just fine." God convicting me through my kids? Maybe.
But I've just let the barnacles build.
Then comes Courtney...
Courtney, from Women Living Well, launched The Gentleness Challenge for "mommies everywhere who struggle with their temper." I wish this wasn't me, but it is.
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| Link to The Gentleness Challenge. Join us! |
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Against such things there is no law.
How about you? More anger than you'd like at home? Please join us!
In humility,
Monday, January 2, 2012
Clean Slate!
As the new year presents itself, fresh, clean, unblemished, I find myself assessing my life. The 2012 calendar is brand new, full of promise. If only people could throw away last year and start over so easily. Since I can't do that, I will start making a few changes to "clean up" my life. Not resolutions, mind you. Resolutions are made to be broken. And broken resolutions heap mess on us. Who needs more mess?
Instead, I'm implementing a few simple changes to get started right. Hopefully, some will become habits I maintain all year long. Feel free to join me!
First, I decluttered my email! Yep. We can opt out of junk mail in the old fashioned mailbox -- and we can opt out of junk mail in email too! This morning, I went through my email and "unsubscribed" from all the junk that has grown over the past year. Honestly, I don't shop that much so why am I getting sale alerts every day anyway? What a time waster. And a temptation to spend. No thank you!
I'm also watching what I eat... yeah, I know. It sounds like a "resolution," but it's not. A few weeks ago, I was researching healthy eating and discovered a GREAT website: caloriecount.about.com. I played around on it for a few days, then I realized what a gem it is! It serves as a great weight-loss tool, but its greatest benefit (in my humble opinion) is how it teaches healthy food choices. As I use it, I find myself wanting to get an "A" for the day's nutrition -- and I make healthier choices. Our whole family is benefitting from more balanced meals. It doesn't hurt that as I eat healthier, the muffin top is shrinking! The website works for those trying to build muscle (my teen boys) as well. It also tracks activity. Want to indulge in cheesecake without having it live on your hips? The website suggests things you can do to burn the calories BEFORE you eat them. Really!
Most importantly, I'm continuing my trek through the Bible. Sure, I only got through the first two books last year, but I learned so much. So here I go.... hoping to finish a few more books this year. We'll see how far I get. My son, who finds the Bible frustrating because he doesn't understand the timeline, is reading a chronological Bible this year. He's finished the first chapter and already finds it enjoyable to read! The more time I spend with God, the better the day seems to be.
2012: a clean slate. What will you do with it?
Lots of love!
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